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  1. #16
    Prepared To Die Orion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    Just climaxed, then suddenly my step mum starts knocking on the door, before I have time to say anything, she's sliding the door open, so I just pull the covers of my bed right up, and then she sits down and starts talking. Five minutes later, dad walks in, and starts talking too, for around another fifteen minutes.

    The closest I ever came (lol) to being caught.

  2. #17
    The Lone Wolf Lone's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    I have never been caught but have come close.

    I was in one of my classrooms during my lunch period and my walked out of the room so i decided to dare myself and i did it there in the classroom luckly my teacher had tissues or i would have been dead meet because not two minutes after i had pulled everything back my teacher walked in i was lucky i had finnished before that happened.

  3. #18
    Dad
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    I just thought I should point out that despite the title, your masturbation story doesn't necessarily have to involve getting caught.

    To answer Dexter's question: girls are welcome to share their stories as well until one of them diddlys it up, although I think it's widely held as a fact that male masturbation is much more comedic than female masturbation.

    Keep the ball rolling, kids.

    Since the subject of masturbating at school keeps coming up; when I was in eighth grade my English class was doing an assignment in the library, and for whatever reason my teacher flipped out on me and sent me back to wait in the classroom by myself until the end of the hour. I was not about to take that shit without making her pay, so I snatched her lesson plan and blew my load somewhere in November.

  4. #19
    All you need to know. Genocide's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    Mom walked in on me at least 14 times while masturbation.

    4 times during actual intercourse.

    Made reference to what almost was a fifth time. Saying she heard me.

    Dad caught me watching his porn once.

    Roommate almost caught me twice.

    Sister's friend did it for me once. Grandmother almost caught me.

    My first time I ever touched myself, Aunt walked in asked me what I was doing. I replied that I didn't know, because I didn't know what the hell was going on. She didn't believe me and I got a beating.

    There are like 7 other times, but I don't remember the details.

  5. #20
    Dial 'M' for 'Motherdiddlyer' Massive Attack's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Cissy View Post
    The phrases "Knocked Up" and "Getting some Ass" come to mind.

    That and incest.

    I've never masturbated, so naturally I've never been caught. I'll be worrying once my brother hits puberty, though. He seems like the one who'd get caught easily.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dexter View Post
    Does this apply for guys and girls? Though I never jerk off because I really have no urge of it...
    What the hell is wrong with you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Karate View Post
    My first time I ever touched myself, Aunt walked in asked me what I was doing. I replied that I didn't know, because I didn't know what the hell was going on. She didn't believe me and I got a beating.
    Why would your aunt give you a beating (ohoho)? is she from the 19th century or something?

    So my mum used to keep yelling at me, as I used to be in the shower for like 45 minutes and it was wasting all the hot water. At one point she was like "HEY MOST OF THE TIME YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN THE SHOWER, I CAN TELL BY THE SOUND OF THE WATER HITTING THE FLOOR" and I just replied with "uh ... uh ... i was washing my hair c:"

  6. #21
    Forever lurking Reika Noko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    -Vibration toys

    -Humping on corners on chairs...not anymore though

    -Handjob...dry. I could never have the courage to stick my fingers in there. Only taking my shorts off.

    -I also do it in bed a lot after looking at a lot of nice porn

    -Oh yeah, I used to sleep in my sister's room with her until I got my room cleaned, so I did it in her bed too, when she wasn't there

    -I've used my brother's wooden sword twice before when he wasn't home. Had a hard time figuring out which position was the best for best pleasure

    -Whenever I see a sexy moment in those little pictures, my down-there throbs and I cross my legs.

    -I know there was this masturbation site; one male version, one female version. Never got to try the new ideas I learned though. Too complicated and time consuming. I don't want to take a shower while doing myself at the same time. The hot water will run out, something that will piss me off and regret using it up.

    That's as far as I've gotten.

  7. #22
    Silver Member Apollo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    Today me, and my girlfriend were getting ready to play around, and she went upstairs to clean up first.I was sitting downstairs bored so I started to warm myself up, and I thought I heard a door open, footsteps on the stairs, but kept on going. Needless to say she caught me, and made fun of me about it in front of our friends.

  8. #23
    Dad
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Reika Noko View Post
    -Vibration toys
    -Humping on corners on chairs...not anymore though
    -Handjob...dry. I could never have the courage to stick my fingers in there. Only taking my shorts off.
    -I also do it in bed a lot after looking at a lot of nice porn
    -Oh yeah, I used to sleep in my sister's room with her until I got my room cleaned, so I did it in her bed too, when she wasn't there
    -I've used my brother's wooden sword twice before when he wasn't home. Had a hard time figuring out which position was the best for best pleasure
    -Whenever I see a sexy moment in those little pictures, my down-there throbs and I cross my legs.
    -I know there was this masturbation site; one male version, one female version. Never got to try the new ideas I learned though. Too complicated and time consuming. I don't want to take a shower while doing myself at the same time. The hot water will run out, something that will piss me off and regret using it up.

    That's as far as I've gotten.
    Hey, remember how I said that girls were welcome to share their stories until one of them diddlyed it up?

    I thought it would be obvious based on the context thus far, but these stories are supposed to be FUNNY. Listing all of the many ways in which you get off is not humorous in the slightest; you would be better off in the sex thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by Reika Noko View Post
    -I've used my brother's wooden sword twice before when he wasn't home. Had a hard time figuring out which position was the best for best pleasure
    Okay, admittedly I laughed out loud at this but I don't think the comedy was intentional.

  9. #24
    Banned scubasteve's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    Funny masturbation story of my own:

    I was sitting at home, alone of course, and I came all over my couch. No one has cleaned it up yet. I'm currently sitting in said couch.

    Also, I was at my friend's house, and he and his mom were in the kitchen doing dishes or some shit, and I had the whole basement to myself. I was also really horny because there was this hot as balls chick on the screen, and I was like shit my penis needs to calm down. So I flopped it out and came all over his couch. No one has cleaned it up yet. He's currently sitting in said couch.

    And lastly, I was at my grandmother's house once. All of the other family members were in the kitchen, and I had the whole living room to myself. I was also really horny because I watching House and this one patient was pretty hot (I should also mention that I had gone 5 or 6 days prior to this without masturbating), so I just thought, hey what the hell. So I flopped it out and came all over the couch. No one has cleaned it up yet. The next day, grandma passed away on said couch.
    Last edited by scubasteve; December 7, 2008 at 08:54 PM.

  10. #25
    Prepared To Die Orion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    You have a thing for couches, don't you?

  11. #26
    A boy nobody owns blinkboy211's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    Age: 14
    -Vibration toys

    -Humping on corners on chairs...not anymore though

    -Handjob...dry. I could never have the courage to stick my fingers in there. Only taking my shorts off.

    -I also do it in bed a lot after looking at a lot of nice porn

    -Oh yeah, I used to sleep in my sister's room with her until I got my room cleaned, so I did it in her bed too, when she wasn't there

    -I've used my brother's wooden sword twice before when he wasn't home. Had a hard time figuring out which position was the best for best pleasure

    -Whenever I see a sexy moment in those little pictures, my down-there throbs and I cross my legs.

    -I know there was this masturbation site; one male version, one female version. Never got to try the new ideas I learned though. Too complicated and time consuming. I don't want to take a shower while doing myself at the same time. The hot water will run out, something that will piss me off and regret using it up.

    That's as far as I've gotten.
    For some reason I see a preganacy in her future....

    Anyway never really been caught in the act by my parents. Been caught by my gf, but really was just trying to get a hard on so she could finish it off.
    I do remember though at school one time in art that this kid all a sudden disappeared under his desk. Next thing we all know this girl that sits at his table is yelling cause something wet seemed to hit her leg. Teacher started yelling and the student is trying to run from the room pulling up his pants. God I laughed like crazy espectially when the girl threw something at him . Great times.

  12. #27
    BDQ
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    Organization Member BDQ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    never been caught bv my mom yelled at my brother cause he was doing it while i was in the room with( i was on the computer and he was behind me so i didnt realize it) I lol'd so hard

  13. #28
    Banned Hokage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    One of my older stories was when I first moved to my dads house in Texas, and we didn't have any internet because the cheesegots at AT&T hadn't set it up yet. So I had to resort to soft-core porn on HBO. Now I'm not sure if you guys know, but it's hard going from hardcore Lela Star to some no-name bitch who dry humps some cheesegot on some HBO sex special.

    But anyways, I tried my best and proceeded to climax when my step mom stepped into my room to turn the TV off. I immediately turned my head and acted like I was asleep while I blew my shit underneath the sheets (I masturbate underneath my sheets for some odd reason but I pull it out when I climax..yeah i know weird). Only thing is I had a huge tent poking up from the blanket and she just stared.. and walked away without turning the TV off. Needless to say it was awkward the next day.

    Also, more recent story. I was coming back to my dorm room from class about a month ago when I unlocked my door and noticed some resistance while opening it. I figured my roomate just left some shit at the foot of the door so I pushed my way in.. and saw my roomate furiously jacking his shit. He hopped up and looked at me, and I looked at him.. and walked over to my desk, picked up my shit for my next class and walked out as he tried to explain. I just looked forward and said "I don't judge" and proceeded to tell anyone within distance as I lol'd on my way to class haha.

  14. #29
    cameo lover Wehrmacht's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    Since the subject of masturbating at school keeps coming up; when I was in eighth grade my English class was doing an assignment in the library, and for whatever reason my teacher flipped out on me and sent me back to wait in the classroom by myself until the end of the hour. I was not about to take that shit without making her pay, so I snatched her lesson plan and blew my load somewhere in November.
    How'd your teacher take it?

  15. #30
    Bronze Member Trag's Avatar
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    Default Re: Caught White-Handed: The Awesome Masturbation Stories Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by blinkboy211 View Post
    For some reason I see a preganacy in her future....

    Was that meant as an insulting thing to say, because people like to masturbate they're going to get knocked up what?

    Anyway, I was watching some brazzers when all of a sudden I hear my dad come out of a room and i was like wtf and it froze, and he looks at my computer screen, walks away, and in the backround i can hear him singing 'my sons not gay" and i was like :/ awkward sheeeeet

 

 
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