Poetry ► ♫Grimoire of Rhymes♪

[Ðari]

I couldn't tell you where things have really landed in the last couple
of months turned to years living inside this Covid Time-bubble
Didn't get a furlough or a lay off, just a job without hazard pay off
fuck a break from social face-offs, stayed irate even on days off
I'm livid, my blood is boiling, market crashed my entire portfolio
my temperment is set to overflow and i'm about to go socio'

Pray for me, God got a play for me
Patiently waiting for that innermost change in me

Except it never came, relationship stagnated and she never changed
Stupidly standing here in the pouring rain before pullout the whip and link the chains
So im switching lanes, these fucking wheels left pavement and I hydroplaned
Spun outta control with these emotions they potently full of pain

 

[Ðari]

[REDACTED] trying to beat life into a dead message board
this nigga going overboard, catching L for takes filled with sword
they clipping his body with stab wounds
lyrically violent based off his bad moves

diction leaves him, common sense is a demonstration of treason
your thread count is atrocious, these flames don't need another reason
To scorch you to embers, sitting pretty white ashes like the December snow
I'll remember you though, as they put your body down to rest with stones

I'll step on them stones just for you
Fuck you, I'll break your bones (no stick required)

You as unhinged as the masses kicking down our institutions in outrage
Drowning in inflation, crippled by depression, talks of recession and getting outplayed
Still breathing but dead inside ain't the same as being alive and thriving still
This guy is alive (and still) can't swallow his pride and die be stilled.

 

[Ðari]

It started out as a light at the end of the tunnel
I heard you fight across the hall with a loud rumble
You were tossing fists and getting tumbled
Young Erebos and Maxwell dropping hearts like cardio bumbles
We ran it up and painted the town red just for the arcana nanny
I love to reminiscence on times better than this, it comes in handy
But I cried for you, health bar critical taking a hit, "Its Super Effective!"
Fucking devastated at the state of this bullshit "Natural Selection"
You weren't the best because you were the most sincere
you were the best because you retained everyone's ears
Downfall prayers came flooding in for you when it was tea time
Couldn't hang with the best whilst ascended to your peak prime
This is surreal right now, I mean are you forreal right now
My mind cannot grasp in time that you ain't here...like how?
Display picture is all but appropriate, these tear falling slow for him
A curse upon the souls of men, that revel in the sins opposed on them

 

[Ðari]

Wrote this when I woke up

Pressure Presence Panzer-Soldat

I sold part of my soul going five years back
Bold be the goals I've set down on the track
I'm set to run it up at full-speed carrying all the weight
Doing push-ups on my opponents who do nothing but wait
My presence is a veritable threat one might even debate
My essence set to overthrow the death throes of fate
I don't dance around the topic of loving those close-to-the-vest
I don't advance without the logic to unburden woes off their chest
Quickly reflect on the message, my aura is emanating and vast
No excuses 'round me, reconstructing the pieces from first to last
I was built to last, a shotty builder and architect of trades
I'm plenty trained, get petty when i see niggas lie in spades

Think I don't see you?
That confidence fragile like the ego that feed you
Them walls are collapsing with how you been actin' fool
Another joker for the deck to remove and thats the first rule
Duplicitous bastards get no reprieve once I roll them on a whim
Avoiding an answer to the Panzer-Soldat once I apply pressure on him
I'm relentless on every motherfuckin battlefield I step on
If you hang with me, my darkness like a veiled soft compress-son

For the record, it was never about love and hate
but it was always about niggas who be lovin late

You actin' funny aye, clutchin' tight to the ego and self-preservin' aye?
Pick up your phone and answer that text, a baby I'm servin aye?
missing shots and throwing chances away how you set the stage?
i'm taking shots, hitting lay-ups, while you set yourself to play safe

Think I ain't tell you that my presence a threat? it really isn't
You out-thinking yourself assuming my essence, not even dissin'
I hope you read it, listen, and understand I'm a pylon and you a piston
I power supply my loved ones world while you barely moving an inch and
I can feel it now, your hold is waning away
over there wasting away while you catching this fade
Pronged attacks that are unrelenting and constant, please don't get bodied bro
I'm spitting facts that are preventing your conscious from making this free throw
The bars are set to free flow, I teach those, how to be present when the beat slows
Promises we keep those, you better be here in the trenches with me or get deposed

 

[Ðari]

6.15.2025


I let another one go, too many questions laid down on the table
My body's labeled and ready to hold my child soon as I'm able
It's father's day for me, grinning and filled with teeth I'm fuckin thirty-five
I looked alive trying to find my child's mother once upon a time
For you i'd give what's left of my soul to see you grow
Watch over you like Uncle Jared's already been doin' so
God, release from me all the evils that plague my mind daily
And keep the truth ever present while raising these babies
I'll teach them humility, respect, discipline, and grace
to name a few I'm overjoyed whenever I see their face
baby girl got me sprung, them naps her mother sorting out
baby boy dogging me on the couch, he trying to stomp me out
I'm humbled by the life I created, finally given yet another life to fight for
In this life I'm father figure to the family that I'd both live and die for

These deadbeat fathers, running from responsibility and turning on children
Don't play with life like a tab you running up and their paying your bill then
Boy ain't a man you should build them, but your commitment is lacking
I better not catch you on the same grounds or my hands get to crackin'
I just use you as practice, for moral fiber and to teach my son self-defense
To show my daughter there's fathers of an even greater offense
And that's bullshit behavior, who tryna be the savior?
Odd looks when I beat his ass? Man I did his family a favor
Can even hear my neighbors kids bike riding and chalking the sidewalk
I'm giving baby girl a pep talk while all the other mommies side-talk
About men being less, a lesson learned they are no longer necessary
While raising boys, a blessing, why their perspective's just legendary

That was sarcasm, lets not get it twisted, my sons will be men of the next wave
If I ever manage to find someone that even wants to keep a vow to eternally save

 

[Ðari]

I Abhor Liars


I've got a collective of thoughts thats been on mind again
I go through stress i've fought and worry time and time again
But I just go undermined again, avoiding the things you wanna say
Two hands that never clasp to pray, extending, telling me another day

You parked it early and called it quits, you got surly and avoided me
I'm up early and putting every piece of my life together that you barely see
Writing like I'm a retired veteran thats tired of war, but really i'm just tired of fighting sure
But that don't apply to family, that don't apply to close friends, I got plenty worth fighting for

I found myself waking up in the middle of the night
Must've dreamed this perfect alternate version of life
You were there and that was all I needed not to stereotype
Played your favorite song or three knowing you know not the "stereo"-type

These songs were bumping through Dolby surround sound speakers
Had your ass shaking, your booty was poppin definitely yo main feature

I remember movie nights, sorry for the times when I fell asleep
Complained more than my share of lines when shit got deep
Knew you were stressing despite your blessings and love from me
You did an awful job at avoiding lessons but i'll shut up and let you be

I can't be rid of the memories and I can't forget the weakened,
state I was in every time that we hung out on the weekends
I was shitty, my mood foul, I was just tired of bleeding out**
When the fuck where you gonna do anything that you said now?

The day never seemed to come in the days that follow
Pussy out and and try to escape the empty feeling of hollow
Won't cry, don't care, when the crisis hits you're the last to come
I just don't die, i survive without, I don't know yet what's next hun

**references Bleed it out - Linkin Park

 

[Ðari]

[Persona 0] Exit Wounds


I don't know, when am I supposed to run out of rope
I keep pulling without end, again and again but nope
I'm tired of being tired, i'm lazy, even call me slow
Struck the iron so many times I reaped what i've sown

I've been on fire, combusting all around me as I'm walking down
Not partial to liars, but lie for protection, the rest is burning truth town
The trauma response is awful, the number of faces i've already lost count
I have a vague idea of how I remember, yet here I am still spacing out

You don't understand, no it's better if you never understand me
I wouldn't want to burn the edges, though thats a sight to see
You'd have to be insane to stand by me inside of the fire's center
Turns into self immolation as they become ash before they enter

I mean it's cool I guess
Got me heating up round someone new acting a fool at best
I'm fucking up left and right burning apart until theirs nothing left
Please don't get the rope to pull me out I'd rather feel bereft

empty of meaning I never had to begin with
there goes another one for the pile i've been with

fuck...fuck...fuck...

He probably hates me now, all I wanted was an answer to my question
still problems on the horizon I just don't have patience for every lesson
I want a love so sure and true that I don't have to bend dovers
Never do I want to live like how they did or else it's fucking over

Loser, but don't pity me, I'm an itty bitty bitch not worth riddling
These men were posers, some were cool, but kid diddling?
My pockets are deep and my rope seemingly doesn't have an end
So I cry myself to sleep, go work with a mask on and play pretend

I'm fine, I'm ok, thats just what everyone says...right?
I lied, I'm not ok, thats just what I really fucking feel like.

I don't know...I don't know...I don't know...

 

[Ðari]

[Persona 1] Wrathbearer


I am the behemoth swishing around inside of a glass ready to crack
I harbor a demon's rage upon those wishing I would recant my attack
There is no pity here that even exist for the threshold of harm stacked
Once I'm on you, someone's pulling me off well after I got my licks back

Everyone's a killer aren't they under the circumstances that I'm sure you think make sense
Dangle the knife's edge any closer and we'll soon discover that if theory's on the fence
Sometimes this rage is more alive than I am, sometimes I hit with a strength that's immense
My fist have gotten dense from just balling them enraged, but when I hit that shit's intense

The room seems to shrink when I release all that energy outta-me
Pissed me off that one time he said trust him and he outted me

Thought to protect yourself in the end, always selfish fucks right?
Not like I'm any better, but I'll stand on principle, knuckle down in stride
I'm strapped in, committed, we're fighting today without damaged pride
Even if everything else goes to shit it's fine long as I beat yo ass in time
Why the fuck did I do that, why the fuck did I...fuck!
Every other one of you is screaming at me too? where the fuck where you fucks!
This fucking war is trash, you fuckers don't help me worth a fuck neither
If I could throw hands on you intangibles I'd be the last one standing in the ether

Just get out of the way, just everyone fucking move away from me
My blood's burning hot, i'm heating up like a moving portable bakery

But if I was sweet as they it wouldn't taste like I burned it all
burn it all? Sounds like I just want stop being burned by all
Then maybe I can stop burning at all
so I wont be burned at all

anymore

 

[Ðari]

[Persona 2] Little Submissive Mommy


Come here you, why are you standing so far away
I want to hold you in my arms like the kids today
In fact let me hold all of you at the same time, that sounds great
I've wanted this for so long, felt like I would never see the day

You look tired, are you tired? Shouldn't you be getting some rest?
Your constant yawning inspired me to draw your head into my chest
I love you, you're safe here, I will always protect you and thats the truth
No amalgamation of malice mixed with reality changes my hold on you

my caress is the proof
my love for you is true

Even if I will protect you, even if I will do the most and then some
I need to be protected, I want to feel your arms hold onto me hun
Because even if I know me, it's because I know me and I have doubts
Doubts that will persist but if I can borrow your strength I won't pout

At least not nearly as much, it will seem surmountable, it will suck a whole lot less
I just...you know...want you to know how much I appreciate all that you have blessed
You've blessed me with your time, you've blessed me with your energy midst the chaos
You've blessed me with the warm touch of guidance as I spun around in circles feeling lost


I know I'm fucked up, I know i've fucked up, but I selfishly want certain things, is that wrong?
I know I would never be selfish for their sake, but I hope to spare them from my series of song
I get down bad when I think about it, I feel vulnerable and apprehensive, so please support me kay?
As I shuffle through the masks I wear, which one is it this time, I hope this one is here to stay

Even without speaking when you look me in the eyes, can you read my mind?
I'm struggling with something and I need you to do your best to peer inside
It's difficult, I'm asking for a lot, but I really need you to do this for me
I get impatient, but I can't say it, please don't buckle and be here for me


I don't deserve it, but I don't deserve be without the future I'm looking forward to
Please stay by me, I know it's extremely hard, but I want a family to look forward to, do you?


Whats with that look on your face, was it something I said?
So intense, wait what are you doing to the bed?
You wanna hold my hand, and stroke my sides
Don't look at the fat, what are you doing this time?

my breath is escaping, I don't think that I have the strength for this
I can feel you breathing deep, your warm embrace has felt like a wish
for you to stop, but I won't lie I feel like I can't stop myself neither
you knew where the line was drawn and you pushed but didn't cross it either

Fuck

Why couldn't I get this where I really wanted it from the most
Is it me? I don't even know, but he still stood by me in the post
Why are you so weird, why won't you just...i don't know, make like the rest of them
Sometimes I asked myself the same question about them both before my mouth hits send

 

[Ðari]

[Persona 3] Altruist Abandoned Agony


Think about this for a second, what does it mean to be human
Does it mean we're all capable of turning a silhouette with lumen
I ask myself this often, I question many things just as often
I drift along aloft while staving off the course i'd soon soften

How long do I have left, is this the limit to what I was never meant to achieve
I know despair is tragedy, I know hope itself is just as difficult to believe
There is harmony in the dystopia, play the song again on repeat
As I dance in this hell on earth i'll cry with a smile waiting for me

Suffering isn't something I'm after, but I can't avoid it no matter how far away I run
Mindless self-indulgence isn't even a band-aid at this point, but my sanity's one
I need these things before I self-destruct, I don't care about the risks involved
If what i've given isn't enough, then changes are the way that I must evolve

Why not make this personal hell a little more palatable while standing tall
I find the irony in it all as I dance to my favorite song before I risk it all
No feeling is enough, I'll bury no more will and soul and thats my call
Even if i'm right...I need to see it through and through before the fall

Again
and again

But I need to resolve for myself right now
Because I need me to be ok right now

If I'm not ok for me, then those that will need me won't have that version I'm stepping into
What an awful feeling, it's terrifying, maybe I don't have the energy even as I review
But these fires still burn, I feel like I'm Touya in an inferno hellscape set
So i'll burn away my dread instead, the dye is cast, theres not escaping yet

I can feel the wind on my back, must be you then yeah
the breeze feels nice today, so let me stare at you, heh
You goof, It's bad enough I'm already like this as is even before we met
Now I worry about you on top of my own shit, it's a lot and yet

A controlled burn is all I need
push me forward through this sea
your wind to back is all I need
so please don't abandon me

I'm doing all that is within me to keep it together and the pain is real
A revolution inside is catching on fire and you'll see how I feel

 

[Ðari]

Distractions Don't Exempt Your Promise 06.15.2025


I got it wrong again
lovely to be wrong (again)
wrong wasn't my intent
but it billowed out (again)

I can see it emanating off me, wrapped like a veil
the darkness is thick and my desires manifest without fail
my hunger for connection is blessed with carnage and discontent
so eager reconnect to an emotion I full-passed at the intersect

My head is splitting, writing letters to this brick-wall
I speak to friends so often but that's just a front from it all
Don't run from it all, embrace reality of the hell you've invited
That avoidant shit just gets me pissed, cheap tactic to keep us divided

To say that I love deeply and love vastly is grossly underestimated
Hesitate, play the waiting game, because it's pressure's left others devastated
I'm overwhelming, overflowing, but I suppress that shit and compress it tight
We're men aren't we, but even I know better because I don't always get it right

But I'm an owner, parallel me to a loner
This love isn't a loan, but goddamn i'd loan her
A line or three, maybe six, I don't really know the limit
I'm tap dancing tapped out of reality and that's whats given

me so much damn trouble right now, I need to realign
back to the friend zone bitch, you've deviated from the pre-assign
I don't know what else to be other than this machination
that you met at this point in time shaped by mine and your imagination

I will be there for you, I keep promises, I'm still working on a long one
Time to get out of my own way and remember their still work to be done
So let me sit wrapped up in my veil and find that balance I'm seeking
Letting that part of me fail is what I genuinely needed before repeating
mistakes I try to let go of, but built up because I compromised on conviction
it's out of season for me to double back, that decisions not my jurisdiction

But you should know this much from me, I think if the circumstances were different
In spite of the problems, trauma, and flaws that I've witnessed I was never indifferent
I would give ample times more than what I already do if allowed to
I truly do want a family, an unbridled love, still ever the proud fool

Never forget your position, don't get the objectives twisted
I can't apologize enough, next time I'll ask for permission

 

[Ðari]

these lil niggas ain't "like that"


Everyone says their supportive, but they aren't
Everyone tells you to be supportive, but lets be honest
It's ok to define the problem by it's outline, until it isn't
It's never ok to lie about the timeline, but that ain't my business
you see expectations have shifted and burned inside out
I need you to really consider how things have come about
there is no putting it all inside boxes anymore waiting to be sorted
we exist here and now and the problems go on and unreported
you've become absorbed in them, soaked in like moisture to the skin
stationary, overthinking, but what have you done about the sins
you've committed, regret for a second, forget and become restless
never well rested, stress placing your heart under arrest while being bested
by the bullshit you been dealing with ever since you were a kid getting bullied
by niggas who worth shit less than your self-destruction but never fully
stepping into your best version we seem to miss you season after season
too busy losing battles you never wanted to even fight without a reason
to live by a code not filtered by morals, religion or even discipline to shoulder
the burden of the self-consciousness never correlates to self-control over
I'm over it, you're over it, yet never enough to be over yourself before we start dancing
to the beat of this beaten down track of life, heart palpitations we're presently facing
the faces so many in number I can't remember the last that told me that they'd be here
but maybe I blurred it out as I've bled enough and then some for anyone to even care
because I'm selfish and I reject the logic that your life is bereft of meaning and purpose
Live with a purpose, don't be self-serving, live in the light and the hell away from service

Am I rambling or are you scrambling
Doubled down on your choice of gambling
with a nigga life that you got hanging in the wayside
fucked them twice while banging at the same time
Oh shit was that a fake smile
bro already bust and it's face-time
Outta control when limits are released
sperm count roll out, one victor, and rest deceased
If ain't registering in the first wave maybe it wasn't supposed to
I can feel it rising again, so save the day and prepare for round two

 

[Ðari]

Try


Theirs a million reasons to want to throw
Hands in rapid succession, for me, their stowed
away from harms way hands clasped to pray
and reclaim my patience lost with a "not today!"

Sometimes I hate the way that things played out
I'm tired of repeat offenders my mind's grayed out
Got no energy for the lame shit that we hear about
that negativity breeds nothing but a ray of doubt

Stop

Regroup on the first square, we've squared up
This two-piece ready to body shot niggas as they paring up
Thats weakened energy, I'm gonna need you to try harder
So sacrifice some empathy or lay down and die the martyr

I need you to try
I want you to dry
both of your eyes
prepared to cannibalize

your lust is also a hunger fed by the impulsive driven beast within
So try and train harder for when it is finally upon that time again
It takes suffering, it takes hardship, and it definitely takes sacrifice
If you're not compelled to face it in the face of these things, then what's the point life?

so if not me, then listen to what Charles Bukowski said
"Don't Try" his final words written on his death bed

If the sacrifice, suffering, pain, and crisis are not worth it, then don't try
But if a life without it is utterly impossible, you better go all out and try

Don't lie to yourself, don't diminish your ability
Build into yourself, you are all of your energy