Kingdom Hearts: Another Side [O R I G I N A L]

[Luap]

Roxora
Chapter 0
Prologue

I was falling. I didn't know why or where I was. It was an exhilarating sensation. I felt the air rushing past me and I kept landing in water, but the water disappeared and I continued to fall. I fell into the water every couple of moments. I wondered if there was even water. What if it was just my imagination?

Then I saw the Light. It’s was getting bigger… No, I was getting closer. I realized it was ground. There was a picture. It looked like the ground is stained glass. The Picture though… It was of a boy that I didn't know but he seemed so familiar. A name kept popping up into my head… Sora. I wondered if he was Sora. Around him, in small circles, there was 5 more faces. A girl, a boy and the other 3 resemble a Duck, a Dog, and a Mouse. They all held weapons except for the girl. Sora, if that is his name, holds a blade that looks like a Key, the Mouse too holds a blade that looks like a Key and is almost identical to Sora’s. The Duck holds a staff and the Dog holds a shield. The boy that was not Sora held a held a blade that resembled a Key too but it was different from Sora's and the Mouse's.

I started slowing down! I didn’t know how but I was slowing. I slowly approach the ground of glass. I landed on the glass, on my feet.

“Roxora” I heard my name and I tried to speak back but then realized that more some reason I was mute.

“Calm yourself, Roxora. Just Lis…”

The glass ground disappeared.

…

“Wake up Silly!”

I opened my eyes. I'm laying down on the beach.

“What are you doing, sleeping on the beach?” I looked up and saw Kainame, one of my best friends. She was staring at me like I did something wrong.

I quickly jumped up. “Kainame!” she poked my chest angrily.

“Why are you sleeping? We are supposed to be working on the raft!”

“Uh…” I tried to recall the beginning of the day, and when I fell asleep, but I couldn’t remember. “Well where’s Riku? Is he working on the raft?”

“That’s a good point” She giggled and ran off. “Hurry Up” She called to me. I ran to catch up. I knew that, that day would be a good day on Twilight Islands.

[Dawn Rebirth]

???? Uh ... what was I just reading? Twighlight Islands? You mean the dark beach? Who are the characters are you saying they're a combination of Sora + Roxas and Kairi + Namine?
Enlighten us on what this is supposed to be. (It seems like a reinactment of KH I)

[Luap]

???? Uh ... what was I just reading? Twighlight Islands? You mean the dark beach? Who are the characters are you saying they're a combination of Sora + Roxas and Kairi + Namine?
Enlighten us on what this is supposed to be. (It seems like a reinactment of KH I)

Well the title of the Story is called Another Side: Roxora
A hint to what Another Side is that Ventus is involved.

Where he lives is Twilight Islands (Twilight Town + Destiny Islands)

I forgot to put this is there though. I was gonna hint at this in the next chap. but it takes place between CoM & KH2. And it is important to notice that Riku is just called Riku. It is also important that in his dream, Roxora sees Sora & Co. on the stained glass.

With these hints to what the story is do you like it?

[Dawn Rebirth]

Well the title of the Story is called Another Side: Roxora
A hint to what Another Side is that Ventus is involved.

Where he lives is Twilight Islands (Twilight Town + Destiny Islands)

I forgot to put this is there though. I was gonna hint at this in the next chap. but it takes place between CoM & KH2. And it is important to notice that Riku is just called Riku. It is also important that in his dream, Roxora sees Sora & Co. on the stained glass.

With these hints to what the story is do you like it?

It looks like it could go places. (If that seemed like only a speculation then I'll be more direct, it wasn't bad, it was semi. But don't let that get you discouraged. Keep at it.)

[Aria]

You had some problems with changing tenses (using present tense in the beginning and then past near the end) Just pick one and go with it. It seems like it could be good, but the names bug me.

[Luap]

You had some problems with changing tenses (using present tense in the beginning and then past near the end) Just pick one and go with it. It seems like it could be good, but the names bug me.

I'm almost done with Chapter 1
It will give hints to who Roxora is and it is heavily the reason for the title.

ANd sorry for the Present Tense/Pre Tense thing. It's just a habit that I have when telling a story. I'll go back and edit.

[Lumen et ignem]

How many chapters do you plan on having? It could be pretty good.

[Luap]

How many chapters do you plan on having? It could be pretty good.

I'm not sure. I'm not such a good writer and I don't do good with detail. I think I can get it to maybe between 10 and 20 chapters.

[Dawn Rebirth]

I'm not sure. I'm not such a good writer and I don't do good with detail. I think I can get it to maybe between 10 and 20 chapters.

Best of luck with that, Luap.

[Luap]

I will have the next chapter up today and a late-ish time or tomorrow.

[Luap]

Roxora
Chapter 1
Who am I & Who Was I?

Kainame, Riku and I were sitting on the Paopu tree. Riku put out his hand and was holding 3 Sea Salt Ice Cream’s.

“Here, I think these will make up for me not helping today.” Kainame and I each took one of the Ice Creams.

“And you are right Riku. I don’t even remember you not showing up.” Kainame smiled at Riku then Me. For a second I thought she looked like the girl on the Stained glass ground from my dream. It was weird, it was the first time I ever could remember a dream like this, and they usually just fade away from my memory.

I could barely remember my past. I showed up in this place not too long ago. I remembered a man and his name was Roxas. That is all I remembered. I saw him fight someone and lose when the enemy used a dark power. I can’t remember anything but this.

I felt a push on my shoulder and looked over to Kainame. “What’s wrong, Roxora? You look worried”

“It’s nothing, just tiered” I didn’t want her to know what was on my mind. It always bothered me. Not knowing anything about myself. When I finally learned who I was and what was rally happening, It was all so hard to believe. “I think I’ll head home.”

Riku jumped off the tree as I did. “We’ll all meet up tomorrow. If we start working in the morning we can have the raft finished by noon and start preparations for our departure.”

“Sure” I ran on home. When I was home I started to feel tiered and I slowly fell asleep.

I was on the Stained Glass again.

“Calm yourself Roxora. Just Listen.” I just stood there. I had to listen. I needed to know what was happening. My past was already a mystery and if there was some kind of magic behind this dream then I wouldn’t care.

I looked down and saw that the picture was different but I knew who it was. It was of me but I was holding 2 of those key shaped blades and wearing a black cloak. There were people around me like there was around Sora’s. A man with Red hair, wearing the same cloak as me, and someone else, I couldn’t tell whether it was a boy or girl, but that person also wore this cloak but had the hood covering their face. These 2 faces attracted to me more than the other 11. It felt like that picture of me wasn’t me.

A door appeared in front of me. “Walk through Roxora” The door opened and I walked through. If I knew what was going to happen because of this I would of stayed put. I know that would be selfish but to give it all up… it just doesn’t seem right.

On the other side of the door it was all black. I could have sworn that I was walking on nothing.

“Your body is gone and the one you used cannot be used by you anymore.” I didn’t know what the voice was talking about. I wanted to ask questions but I couldn’t speak. “You must stay here Roxora until we know that you will not succumb to Darkness you the moment you are in the real world. You became too attached to the lives that were not yours because of the sorrow of your own.” Lives that were not mine? This was all too confusing at the time. “Once you forget about the friends that are not yours and remember your own you will be able to remember.”

“Remember What?!” I was finally able to talk.

“I will answer your question Ve-… Roxora. What is it that you want to know?”

“What are you talking about? What do I need to remember?”

“Who you are. You need to remember who you are.”

“I am Roxora.”

“No. You are not Roxora. You created this life on your own. This whole universe is a fake. You created it with your heart and now it covers your heart.”

“My heart?” I was confused. “What do you mean this universe is fake?”

“The 2 lives you lived. You got to attached to them and when you lost them you created this. Twilight Islands. This world is made by you and is you. It has almost been 11 years sense you weren’t able to continue your original life and now you can and you must. Cast aside this foolish fantasy and become yourself!”

“Foolish fantasy? How can this be a fantasy? I’ve lived here for as long as I can remember.”

“And that’s only a couple of weeks. But if you forget all of this you will realize this is fake and until you do he will sleep because time will not move.”

“He? Who are you talking about? Why don’t you just tell me everything that is happening? Why are you talking to me?”

“Sora. That is who I am talking about.”

“The boy from the picture I saw in my last dream?” This is when I realized this was all real. From the time I remember, even if it is small, I have never kept a dream in my memories, I’ve always forgotten.

“That is exactly who I am talking about. Sora must wake and to do so he must rejoin with his Nobody but that Nobody cannot exist without you.”

“What do you mean by Nobody?”

“To know what a Nobody is you must know what a Heartless is. You see, when the heart becomes corrupted with Darkness it separates from the body and becomes a Heartless. The body and soul left behind make a Nobody.”

“You think I would believe something like that? You’re lying.”

“Tell that to Xehanort. I’m sure he’d convince you otherwise.”

I feel to my knees. That name brought pain to me and I didn’t know why. It also brought another name to my mind. Terra. I lost control of myself and screamed a sentence that made no sense to me. “His name is Terra!” Then the blade Sora was holding appeared in my hand.

“You summoned his Keyblade. It’s funny how many people have used that Keyblade. Sora, Roxas, Riku, The Puppet, I slowly forget it, and now you. The Kingdom Key is the only Keyblade I know of that has had more than one wielder.”

“The Keyblade? Is that what this blade is called?”

“Yes. The Keyblade. Whoever wields it will either bring Destruction or Peace to the world. Which will you bring? I wonder. I’ll never know though until Sora wakes so I can get you back and that’s what I’ll do. But I wonder why you didn’t summon your own blade. Maybe your heart is becoming Sora’s or shaping into Roxas’s own.”

“Roxas?”

“The one who you lived in before you made this world. Well that’s what you were called. You were still in Sora’s body, I thought you would of returned then. Outdone by Sora’s soul. How pitiful.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I wonder if I say your name. Will you wake?... Let’s try V-” The dream ended and I thought “Who Am I, Who was I” I opened my eyes and woke to see Riku.

“Riku, What are you doing here?” I got up and that was when he lifted a Wooden Sword up to my head.

“Shut Up” He swung and I dodged but he swung again and hit me in the back. I fell on the ground.

[Luap]

Roxora
Chapter 2
Ansem

Riku stood over me. I jumped back up and reached for my wooden sword that leaned against the wall. Riku swung his sword at me but I was able to dodge and grab mine. Or swords clashed and they both broke in half.

“Wow,” Riku said stunned. “You hit pretty hard.”

I dropped my now broken sword. “You can’t just come out of nowhere, Especially when I am sleeping.”

“You understand nothing,”

“Don’t understand what?”

Riku looked at me confused. “What?”

“You just said ‘You understand nothing’”

“I didn’t say anything,” He laughed. “You need some sleep.”

“You’re the one who woke me up.”

“So,” He turned and walked toward the door. He stopped. “Get to the island. We have to finish today.”

“Right”

A dark energy came up from the floor between Riku and covered Riku

“Riku!” The darkness disappeared but who stood there was not Riku,

“Submit!” A man wearing a silver coat stood in front of me. A creature stood behind him. He spoke, “All worlds begin in darkness, and all so end. The heart is no different…”

“Who are you!?”

He continued, “Darkness sprouts within it, grows, consumes it. Such is it’s nature. In the end, every hearts returns to darkness from whence it came!”

A pain exploded from my chest. A black energy came out and formed another person appeared. The person wore a red suit and a mask. The man in the silver coat spoke again, “You see,”

Then the man in the red suit spoke, “Darkness is the hearts true essence.”

The man in the silver coat looked at the other person then at me. “You failed me.” I couldn’t tell who he was talking to. It was almost as if he was speaking to both of us.

The man in the red suit disappear and the pain in my chest faded.

“Who are You!?”

He looked at me curiously. “I am Ansem, Seeker of Darkness!” Darkness exploded from him. Everything went black.

I saw the boy from my dream, Sora, floating, along with the Dog and Duck from the dream. Ansem’s voice echoed, “Welcome to the dark abyss. Within lies the Heart of all Worlds: Kingdom Hearts.” I saw a giant silver door , that was opened partially with a heart outline around it. “Look as hard as you are able. You won’t find a single glimmer of light,” This event seemed so familiar to me. “You from those dark depths all heart are born,” Ansem stared at Sora then shot a quick glance on me “Even Yours” Sora stopped floating and fell into the abyss and I lost sight of him.

Ansem looked at me. “Darkness puts all to Sleep”

I heard another voice. It sounded like Riku’s, “Gonna give up, Sora? I thought you were better than that.” Sora shot up from the abyss and summoned his Keyblade.

I knew the words Sora spoke before they were said, “The heart may be weak, and sometimes it may even give in. But I’ve learned that deep down there’s a light that never goes out!” Sora flew at Ansem and struck him with the Keyblade.

A second Ansem appeared next to me. “This is what happened Roxora.”

“It’s Hopeless,” The Ansem fighting Sora looked toward the Silver Door and back at Sora, “The Keyblade alone cannot seal the Door to Darkness,” He reached toward the door with his hand, “Kingdom Hearts, fill me With the Power of Darkness!”

The Ansem standing next to me put out a hand and a blue Orb appeared in it.

Darkness flooded out the Silver Door. Sora looked at Ansem, “No,” He yelled, “I know now, Without a doubt, that Kingdom Hearts, is Light!”

The Door shot open and Light flooded out and destroyed the Ansem who fought Sora. The one standing next to me asked, “Will you be reborn?”, and then he disappeared.

I reappeared in my room. I heard a Knock at the door and Kainame's voice call me for Help, “Roxora, Roxora! Help!”

[padlock]

~padlock's Requested Critique~
Chapter 0

Bold = Critique
Bold + Italic = Comment
Disclaimer: I speak Australian English, I write Australian english

Pro's: Well you certainly have an interesting story, for one :3. I read a bit of the thread that this is set between Days and KH2 so i am intruigued as to where this would head ^.^ I'm thinking something to do with Roxas' "heart" >.>. I dunno :p

Con's: You have lots and lots and lots of tense issues! And this is only a short chapter >.<. I didn't point them all out; i suggest you go and read through the chaper thoroughly to find and fix them all. Umm, I only saw a couple of spelling mistakes, mostly capital's where they didn't need to be :) Lots of incoherent passages. The just didn't make much sense >.<. You don't have to use the examples I put up, In fact i encourage to re-write them in your own way :p.

Overall: Well it seems like a decent story that has to happen in a very short amount of time. But i think it could work :D You just need to work a little harder, and this could turn out to be a really good fanfic!

[Luap]

~padlock's Requested Critique~
Chapter 0

Bold = Critique
Bold + Italic = Comment
Disclaimer: I speak Australian English, I write Australian english

Pro's: Well you certainly have an interesting story, for one :3. I read a bit of the thread that this is set between Days and KH2 so i am intruigued as to where this would head ^.^ I'm thinking something to do with Roxas' "heart" >.>. I dunno :p

Con's: You have lots and lots and lots of tense issues! And this is only a short chapter >.<. I didn't point them all out; i suggest you go and read through the chaper thoroughly to find and fix them all. Umm, I only saw a couple of spelling mistakes, mostly capital's where they didn't need to be :) Lots of incoherent passages. The just didn't make much sense >.<. You don't have to use the examples I put up, In fact i encourage to re-write them in your own way :p.

Overall: Well it seems like a decent story that has to happen in a very short amount of time. But i think it could work :D You just need to work a little harder, and this could turn out to be a really good fanfic!

I know about the wrong use of Tense. I'll fix it.

But thanks for saying it's good! :D

[Luap]

Roxora
Chapter 3
Battle

Kainame called louder as I ran to the front door. I opened it and Kainame ran inside behind me. Outside I saw creatures all with an Emblem on them.

“Roxora,” Kainame said scared, “What are those?”

“I think…” I shut the door and looked out the peep hole.

“What is it?”

“Nothing,” The creatures slammed into the door, trying to break it down. “Go upstairs!” I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a Knife.

“You’re going to fight those things?!”

“I have to protect Namine!”

“Namine?” A louder noise came from the creatures hitting the door. I looked outside to see a bigger one.

“Kainame, Go!”

“Okay…” She ran up the stairs and the door broke open.

I heard Ansem’s voice in my head, “There is so much to learn, you understand so little. A meaningless effort.”

I swung the knife at the creature, but nothing happened. “A Heartless?” A small flying creature shot a fire ball at me. I fire ball hit me and I fell to the ground.

“Sora!” A voice went inside my head. I saw a green magic go in a circle around me. I suddenly regained all my strength. I summoned the Keyblade.

Knowledge flowed through my brain. I thought of who this person could be that I heard, I thought of name, “Donald.” More knowledge went through my brain on how to fight, “Goofy,” Then a knowledge that made no sense to me came to me. No, not a knowledge, a Wisdom. The Keyblade glowed and I struck down the big Heartless.

“Blizzard!” I destroyed the Heartless that hit me with the fireball. I fought more Heartless and soon they were small in numbers. I saw Riku running over with a small black blade. He was fighting the Heartless too. A giant Heartless appeared.

It was huge. Fifty feet tall maybe. It had a hole in its chest in the shape of a heart. “Thundaga!” Thunder rained down on the Heartless but it remained unfazed. It shot purple balls of energy out of its chest. I deflected them back at the Heartless but it did nothing. It swung it’s fist at he and I was hit into the air. It smashed me back into the ground. Darkness started to swirl around me and I became lost. Everything disappeared and I felt different. The light I felt went out and knew my name. I was Vanitas.
The darkness cleared and I saw Riku destroy the Heartless in one swipe of the blade. He walked to he and helped me up.

“Riku,”

“I am not the Riku you know.”

“What?”

“This world is fake, you must know that.”

“Uh… Wait, are you the one who talked to me?”

“No.”

“Do you know who it is?”

“I know Sora needs Roxas and Roxas needs you… Roxora,”

“Roxora? Who’s that?” That name was now gone from my memory.

“What?”

“My name is Vanitas.” Riku looked at me strangely.

“Then Goodbye, Vanitas” Riku faded away. I looked around at the now destroyed island. I am still unsure if that as even Riku.