Indelible Darkness: Part 1- Chains of Fate

[Max/souleater]

Alright, let me start by saying the first chapter is super freaking long! I stopped it as soon as I felt I would be able to, but still be able to give you everything I felt you would need for the first chapter. Now, I promise you, the other chapters will never ever be this long, so just bear with me on it, okay.

Now, there are parts in the first chapter where the script was taken right from kh, but from the way this chapter ends, I probably won't have to do that anymore. But I dont take credit for the parts taken from the script, and if you're on this site, you've more than likely played through the beginning of KH and you'll know what parts they are.

To give you some info on what i'm writing:
It was mentioned in KH about how Riku was supposed to get the keyblade, but since he let his heart fall into darkness, Sora got it instead. Well, this is a first person story from Riku's point of view, and it's about if he actually would have got the keyblade instead. I hope you like it, criticize if you feel necessary so I don't make the same mistakes more than once, and (sorry again for the lengthXD).

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I was... running. I was running from what seemed to be this, giant darkness coming to swallow me. But the problem was... Everything around me was also nothing but darkness.

Chapter 1: A Break In the Chain

After I woke up from what seemed to be a nightmare, I immediately got dressed so I could go to the island and work on our raft. If I didn’t who would, Sora was always sleeping. When I got there, Kairi was already there.

“Morning Riku,” Kairi said to me smiling, as I smiled back, “Ready to get to work today?”

“Yeah, you got the list of supplies we need?”

That was basically what Kairi did when we worked on the raft. She would think of anything and everything she thought we might need, then she would divide it into two lists: one for me, one for Sora.

“Here’s your’s Riku. I’ll give Sora’s list to him when I find him. Well, better get to work.”

I looked over the list as Kairi walked away. It was just a few basic things, more logs and whatnot. I had to go cut a tree down today. It was kinda funny, even though our lists were divided evenly in two, I’m the only one who worked on building the raft. But that’s fine by me, I enjoyed doing it.

We were building the raft, because we were curious. We wanted to go see what else was out there, away from our puny little island. All the different people, places... And maybe some things we would never think of. I thought about this while I worked on the raft. Our parents didn’t know of course. If my mother knew, she would flip out, and I would never leave the house again, and knowing Sora’s mom, he would never leave his room again.

After working for a couple hours, I decided to go over to the beach and see if Sora was here yet. As I was walking over, I found another good looking log we could use, and I picked it up. Then, there they were, just talking away on the beach. Even if they are lazy, I can’t help but love those two.

“Hey, aren’t you guys forgetting about me?” I asked as I walked over to them, “I guess I’m the only one working on the raft.”

I looked over at Sora, who was just sitting there, and I tossed the log over to him.

“And you’re just as lazy as he is,” I jokingly said to Kairi.

She just giggled, and as I started to sit down, she said “So you noticed. Okay, we’ll finish it together. I’ll race you!”

“Huh?” Sora said, sounding confused as ever.

I just looked at her and asked “What, are you kidding?”

“Ready? Go!” Kairi said. With little hesitation after that, both Sora and I were gone like the wind. We did this all the time, we competed with each other like there was know tomorrow. We had a strong bond between us, he was my biggest rival, and my best friend. A lot of times, we competed for Kairi’s attention.

After the race, I went over to the little island, where the paopu tree sat. This is where I usually went when I wasn’t working, or practicing with my wooden sword with some of our other friends, Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie. Then, when the day is done, sometimes Sora and Kairi will come over, and we’ll just talk. And by sunset, sure enough, we were all hanging out by the paopu tree, talking.

“So, Kairi’s home is out there somewhere, right?” Sora asked.

Still watching the sunset, I told him “Could be. We’ll never know by staying here.”

Sora looked over at me and asked another question, “But how far could a raft take us?”

“Who knows? If we have to, we’ll think of something else.”

“So, suppose you get to another world. What would you do there?” Kairi asked.

“Well, I haven’t really thought about it. It’s just, I’ve always wondered why we’re here, on this island. If there are any other worlds out there, why did we end up on this one? And suppose there are other worlds. Then ours is just a little piece of something much greater. So we could’ve just as easily ended up somewhere else, right?”

Sora laid backed down, and kinda quietly answered “I don’t know.”

“That’s why we need to go out there and find out. Just sitting here won’t change a thing. It’s the same old thing. So let’s go.” I said, as I moved away from the tree.

“You’ve been thinking a lot lately, haven’t you?” Kairi asked.

“Thanks to you. If you hadn’t come here, I probably never would’ve thought of any of this. Kairi, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Kairi said to me, and then we all stopped talking for awhile.

When we were getting ready to leave, I waited for Kairi to get a little ahead of us, the I grabbed a paopu fruit from the tree. I thought it would be funny to tease Sora a little bit before we went home, so I called over to him, “Sora.”
When he turned around, I threw the paopu fruit to him, and he caught it, and just kinda looked at it.

“You wanted one, didn’t you?” I asked him.

“A paopu fruit...” he kinda muttered.

“If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They’ll remain a part of each others lives no matter what. C’mon, I know you want to try it.”

“What are you talking-“ Sora stopped when he heard me laughing, and just kind of threw the paopu fruit to the side.

When we got to the boats, we all got in our own and began rowing home. They talked to each other a little bit as we went, because our boats were pretty close together. I didn’t really say anything though. I was off in my own world, thinking again. That’s all I really seemed to do lately, but now I had more on my mind... Other worlds... Was that really possible?

When we got back to the main island, I told them both goodnight, and we all headed in different directions. I went home, and went straight to bed.

~~~

I had another one of those dreams again. There was darkness everywhere, and no one was around. I just walked, deeper into this endless darkness. In each of these endless dreams, I walked alone.

The next day at the island, I was just kinda chilling out by the ocean. The raft was basically done, we just had some last minute things to get, like food and stuff. Haha, I was just leaving that part to Sora and Kairi.

As some time went by, Sora ended come coming over to me.

“Hey, we still haven’t decided on a name for the raft yet. I think we should call it Highwind. How about you?” I asked him.

“Excalibur,” Sora said.

I got a grin on my face, “Hey you wanna?”

“The usual,” Sora said.

Kairi saw us, and came on over. “You guys at it again?” She asked, “All right, I’ll be the judge. The usual rules apply: Take any route you want... First one to tag that tree and make it back here wins.

We both got in our positions, and Sora looked over at me and said “If I win, I’m captain! And if you win...”

“I get to share the paopu with Kairi,” I said.

“Huh?’

“Deal? The winner gets to share a paopu with Kairi.”

“Wha... Wait a minute...” Sora started to say.

“Okay, on my count!” Kairi said.

She counted down from 3, and then we sprinted off! As we ran across the bridge, I jumped over the gap, and a board broke under Sora, and he fell into the water. I saw him coming back around, but I climbed up the ladder of the watchtower, and rode down the line to the other side of the beach. I was way ahead. I ran up the hill, jumped across some trees to the tree with the star, tagged it, and quickly made my way back. Easy!

After Sora made it back, I just looked at him, and told him “Okay, we’re naming the raft Highwind.”

He looked at me, upset, and then he and Kairi headed over toward the raft, talking about the last few supplies we needed. I sat back down, and looked into the ocean. Tomorrow was our big day, the day our lives would change forever.

~~~

I was laying in bed, almost afraid to go to sleep. I didn’t want to dream the dream again, but I knew I couldn’t stay awake forever. All of a sudden, I heard loud thunder outside! We couldn’t have a storm now, what if the raft drifted away! I ran out to my balcony, and looked outside. The storm was really bad, I had to go over to the other island and get the raft onto the beach.

I got dressed really fast, and ran out the door. I took the boat over, and when I got there, Kairi’s boat was there too.

“(She must’ve thought the same thing... Maybe she already moved the raft.)” I thought to myself, when suddenly this small dark creature attacked me!

“What the-“ I said out loud as I dodged over to the side. Suddenly there were a bunch of them coming at me. I tried to hit one of them, but it didn’t do anything, they were fast, and there was simply I could do with a wooden sword.

I tried to think of something fast, and I ran over to the shack, went inside, and slammed the door shut. I couldn’t contemplate what was going on, so I tried to catch my breath and calm down. I walked up the stairs, and went through the exit that lead to the bridge that would take me to the small island. When I stepped outside, none of those creatures were up on the bridge, so I began to cross. As I walked across, I looked up in the sky, and there was this giant black... thing, swallowing everything up. I had a feeling this thing was taking away our island home. This thing was the darkness that haunted me. Were my dreams foreshadowing this darkness? What happened to the things this darkness destroyed? Maybe, it took them... to other worlds. So what should I do now I thought to myself. Should I sit here and see what happens? There was this feeling inside me... telling me I needed to just... accept the dark. I stared out into my ocean one last time before my destiny would take where it would, suddenly-

“Where’s Kairi? I thought she was with you!” Sora exclaimed worriedly.

“The door has opened...”

“What?” Sora asked.

“The door has opened Sora! Now we can go to the outside world!” I tried to explain to him.

“What are you talking about? We’ve gotta find Kairi!”

“Kairi’s coming with us! Once we step through, we might not be able to come back. We may never see our parents again. There’s no turning back. But this may be our only chance. We can’t let fear stop us! I’m not afraid of the darkness!” I don’t know what I was saying... I’d been in the dreams. I did fear this darkness. But I wanted to conquer my fear. I wanted to wield my fear, and yet... I wasn’t sure. This decision to accept the darkness, was a total teeter-totter in my heart. I felt like I knew it was wrong, but then again... I felt like I wanted it so much. I knew I didn’t have much time to decide...

“Riku!” Sora screamed.

I was holding out my hand. I was curious as to where this journey into darkness might take me, and yet... I didn’t want to walk it alone. Big black shadowy circles surrounded Sora and I. I could feel it... I could feel myself being engulfed by the darkness, and I could see it in sora, as he stretched out his arm, trying to reach me. When I saw the look in his, I knew this wasn’t the path he wanted to walk. I wanted both... It was a split- second decision: To go into darkness or not...

“Dammit, Sora.” I reached out my arm further, and grabbed his hand. Suddenly, he fell out of the darkness, and my body was pulled out with him.

“Riku? What-“

“I wanted to face my inner darkness Sora. It’s been calling out to me. I want to know where it leads.”

“Riku, I don’t understand...” Sora said softly.

“I’m not completely sure I do either, Sora... But something deep inside me has been calling out to me, and I want to know what. But you know Sora, when you called out to me right then, I realized, it can wait. You’re more important than some darkness.”

“Riku... Right, well, whatever it is Riku, I’m sure you’ll figure it out, you always figure something out. But right now, we have to find Kairi!” Sora said.

“Yeah we do, lets hurry-“

Suddenly, a bunch of those creatures surrounded us.

“Its those things!” Sora exclaimed.

“Ugh, what are they?!”

Then, out of nowhere, this giant... Key, appeared in my hand, “What in the?”

~Keyblade...~

“Huh?!”

“Riku, what is it?!”

~Keyblade...~

“Who’s saying that?” I asked.

“Saying what? Riku?” Sora turned and looked at me, and saw this... Key in my hand, “Riku, what is that?”

One of the dark creatures jumped toward Sora, and I swung the key at it. It was defeated in an instant, and I hurried and started slashing like crazy at the rest of them, until there were none left around us.

“Sora, I heard a voice. It was saying... Keyblade. Well, whatever this is, It can hurt these creatures!” I told him.

“Okay, then we can use it while we try and find Kairi! On my way over here, I saw this weird... door, in front of the secret place! Lets look there first!” Sora said.

Without another word, we both headed toward the secret place, and I destroyed every dark creature that got in our way. I just wished I could know what was going to happen next...

To be continued...

~You are free to break the chains of fate that bind you~

[Shinkirō]

Well I would say that you've written this in a rather good manner, even though majority of it is more or less a recount through Riku. All the same, it's something I look forward to seeing the rest of

[Max/souleater]

Thanks Cal^^

Yeah, the beginning was kinda supposed to be a recount, because it gave me the chance to add to the depth of Riku's character, and what he was feeling.

[Silent Avera]

>X3 Yay Max!

The part at the end really got me hooked in, I'm sure this will be an interesting read ^_^

[Nelo Angelo]

Great job Max! This is gonna be very interesting ;) How it would've been if Riku was the one. I like it ;) Nicely written too, look forward to the rest. You best let me know when you update though lol.

[Lectori Salutem]

Nice chapter, Max! It's nice to see you've written something again! Not much new has happened yet, but I like it. It has a lot of potential. Keep it going like that!

[Max/souleater]

Chapter 2: A Familiar Beginning to a New Journey

We’d finally made it to the secret place. Though it wasn’t far from where we were, it felt so distant as we reached out for it hoping Kairi was there, and safe.

“What in the world is up with these weird freaking doors?!” Sora exclaimed loudly as he grabbed the handles of these two giant doors blocking the secret place. He pulled, and in no time at all, he had them open, and rushed inside.

I followed him in, and once we reached the end of the path, Kairi was standing there, in front of this big wooden door that had been there as long as I can remember.

“Kairi,” Sora called out to her.

“Sora...” Kairi quietly muttered as she reached her hand to him.

“Kairi, come with us, we have to get out of here, the island, its-“ I was cut off when that huge door burst open, with a heavy darkness that... felt like it was tugging at me. It forced Kairi through the air toward Sora, and he opened his arms to catch her, and once she was right against his chest, she vanished.

All of a sudden, Sora came flying back and his body slammed into me, and we were both forced out of the secret place by this huge gust of wind.

I opened my eyes, and I was just on this small piece of island. When I looked over the edge, the rest was all gone. Sora was on the ground beside me, unconscious. There was a big black hole of darkness in the sky, eating everything around me, and this little piece of island couldn’t be far off. Then I saw it... This huge black creature... It stood before me, as if to challenge me. I took this... Keyblade, and I charged at it.

It slammed it’s fist to the ground in an attempt to strike at me, and I swiftly dodged it, jumped on it’s arm, and ran up to it’s shoulder, where I began to pummel on it’s head. As it stood up, I grabbed onto what seemed to be it’s hair so I wouldn’t fall, and I continued slashing at it’s head until it seemed to move no longer. Then, It started floating... It was being lifted towards the hole of darkness eating our island skies, and I was being taken in too.

“No! Sora!!!!” I screamed as I reached my hand out toward him. He began floating too, but before his body got to me, everything turned dark.

~~~

Darkness... It was pitch black, I could see nothing. I reached my hand up, and I could feel it just fine, but I couldn’t see it. That’s when I opened my eyes to see my hand reaching towards a twilight sky.

I began to stand up, and I was in a town I had never seen before... No, everything was destroyed. I was in another world.

“Welcome, to Twilight Town,” a mysterious voice said from behind me.

I turned around, and looked at the man.

“Who are you?” I asked him.

“You should really present your own name before asking another’s,” he said to me, “Haha, no, it matters not. I already know your name, Riku, keybearer.”

“Who in the-“

“My name is... Well, you can just call me DIZ.”

To be continued...

~You are free to break the chains of fate that bind you~

[LadyofShadow]

I quite like this story (mainly cause Riku's my favorite character) but I do have a bit of critique.

The story doesn't flow all that well. Its a bit choppy with a lot of "thens". Adding descriptions smoothens these out such as this:

After the race, I went over to the little island, where the paopu tree sat. This is where I usually went when I wasn’t working, or practicing with my wooden sword with some of our other friends, Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie. Then, when the day is done, sometimes Sora and Kairi will come over, and we’ll just talk. And by sunset, sure enough, we were all hanging out by the paopu tree, talking.

Add a bit more descriptions. Let us get into Riku's head. Yes we know what the island looks like but adding descriptions of the island gives a better picture such as, [b] "where the light coloured Paopu Tree sat with its green leaves swaying in the warm island breeze." [/BOLD] You've just expanded the sentence and painted a picture for you audience.

Also in Chapter 2

Darkness... It was pitch black, I could see nothing. I reached my hand up, and I could feel it just fine, but I couldn’t see it. That’s when I opened my eyes to see my hand reaching towards a twilight sky.

Add a little more description of the darkness. Was it hot or cold. Describe the darkness's feel (since you mentioned he could feel it) Was rough or smooth? Stuff like that.

Other than, this story is brilliant and I can't want to read more!
Good luck dude! Hope this helps a bit.

[Max/souleater]

I appreciate the criticism^^ I see what you mean, and i'm going to try to make it a point to add more detail, and I will describe the darkness in the next chapter for sureXD

[Silent Avera]

>X3 Very nice! It flowed nice for me, I dunno if you edited or not, but I can't wait for the next part, very nice Max! X3

[Aqua.]

nice title. xD

[Nelo Angelo]

Max me old mukka that was very nicely done ;) Its cool to read it as Riku's story than Sora's I must say. Keep at it man and take aboard Lady of Shadows advice, you'll get much better than you already are man.

[Lectori Salutem]

A little short, but very nice! I hadn't expected he would meet DiZ. Really cool!

[Chaos]

awesome story max its cool so is sora going to be the bad guy

[Max/souleater]

Originally Posted by Way To Twilight

awesome story max its cool so is sora going to be the bad guy

I don't want to give much of the story away, but as far ahead as I've thought of what will happen, no ^^

Also, Chapter 3 will be up soon everybody, sorry for the delay