kingdom hearts, a new journey.

[blendedhearts]

hi, here's my first fan fic attempt, so feel free to comment, but please go lightly on the criticism.

Prologue.

The endless abyss: an aptly named void, where there is only darkness, and a place called Kingdom Hearts. But Kingdom Hearts is more than just a place. It is the heart of all, the heart of existence. For it to be lost would be chaos. But that is not to be worried about, for there is a key, and a keybearer to wield it. That key protects all hearts from being taken by darkness, it protects kingdom hearts from being taken by darkness, and it protects the worlds from being destroyed. At least, it usually does.

A portal appeared suddenly, and a man emerged from it. The man looked old and hunched. He had no hair on his head except for a small beard, his ears were pointed, he wore black boots, white gloves, a white shirt, and a black cloak. But his most noticeable feature was his eyes. Cold, yellow, and soulless, they were very unpleasant. The man had appeared in front of a very large door. He then came closer, with a hungry look in his eye, and as he approached the door, he summoned a sword that looked very much like a giant key. Once he had reached the door, he pointed the key-blade upward and a strange thread of light connected itself with the door. Then there was a click to signify the door being unlocked.

Another portal appeared along with another man. The new man wore only black gloves, black boots, and a black robe with a hood that hid his face from view.

“Get away from the door!” said the second man. “Now, Xehanort!”

“Heh heh heh… And how did you find me, exactly?” said the man called Xehanort.

“The dark scent of course,” said the second man. “It’s so strong on you, there was no way it was mistakable.” He then summoned a keyblade of his own, and charged. But Xehanort was ready for him.

“Stop!” was all he had to say, and at once, the second man froze. “Now… it’s about time to reveal the identity of my stalker.” He pulled down the second mans hood to show his face. He had brown hair, with brown eyes to match, and looked like he was in his mid twenty’s. “Ah, Relzark. I should have known. Well, I believe a nice memory wipe should suffice…” he backed away slightly from Relzark, and held up his free hand. In his hand, a ball of dark energy seemed to be forming. He then fired it, and it hit Relzark, square in the head. Xehanort opened yet another portal, and threw Relzark in. “Now, back to business…”

End of prologue.

hope you liked this, and will like the rest of it when it comes out.

[All-Star Gamer]

Very good. You really took those tips to heart, didn't you?

[blendedhearts]

lol yeah, i spent a while working on it to check for problems. i was really trying to follow them cause i didn't want to mess up. after all, first fic.

[All-Star Gamer]

Well, you did good. Now, lets hope it takes off.

[Sora788]

Interesting

Hope you post Chapter 1 soon!!!

[Merlin326]

Originally Posted by blendedhearts

Prologue.

The endless abyss: an aptly named void, where there is only darkness, and a place called, Kingdom Hearts. But Kingdom Hearts is more than just a place. It is the heart of all, the heart of existence. For it to be lost would be chaos. But that is not be worried about, for there is a key, and a keybearer to wield it. That key protects all hearts from being taken by darkness, it protects kingdom hearts from being taken by darkness, and it protects the worlds from being destroyed. At least, it usually does.

some small grammer errors, but good start. the parts in bold are the ones i noticed here.

...and a place called, Kingdom Hearts should actually be ... and a place called Kingdom Hearts, minus the eciplis(the ...). there is no need for a comma there.

but that is not be worried about, there is a more major grammer error here. i would suggest either but that is not to be worried about or just rephrase sentence entirely.

EDIT: one final note. this is a prologue, so it is fine here (the prologue and epilogue are often shorter than the main chapters). but be sure your chapters are longer. i'd say about 2 pages of Microsoft Word would be a good goal, and work from there

again, the errors are small, but you should work on changing them. spell check (and especially the grammer part) work wonders when i'm writing Destati.

still, for your first fanfic, this is off to a good start. if you are unsure about something for your fic, whether plot or any other thing, do not hesitate to ask me. if i can, i will assist. i await more of your story.

with all due respect,
Merlin326

[All-Star Gamer]

You can ask me as well.
............................

[Merlin326]

between me and Allstar (and anyone else with the experiance and willingness to help), we can answer most any question you care to think of as far as writing goes.

with all due respect,
Merlin326

[All-Star Gamer]

^True dat. True dat.
.......................

[blendedhearts]

Originally Posted by Merlin326

some small grammer errors, but good start. the parts in bold are the ones i noticed here.

...and a place called, Kingdom Hearts should actually be ... and a place called Kingdom Hearts, minus the eciplis(the ...). there is no need for a comma there.

but that is not be worried about, there is a more major grammer error here. i would suggest either but that is not to be worried about or just rephrase sentence entirely.

EDIT: one final note. this is a prologue, so it is fine here (the prologue and epilogue are often shorter than the main chapters). but be sure your chapters are longer. i'd say about 2 pages of Microsoft Word would be a good goal, and work from there

again, the errors are small, but you should work on changing them. spell check (and especially the grammer part) work wonders when i'm writing Destati.

still, for your first fanfic, this is off to a good start. if you are unsure about something for your fic, whether plot or any other thing, do not hesitate to ask me. if i can, i will assist. i await more of your story.

with all due respect,
Merlin326

well, i fixed them. and, thanks. it's nice to know some great fic writers think i'm doing a good job. (even though those writers are the ones who gave me the advice. lol.)

[Dragonstar1715]

It's always hard to start fanfic writing, you worry about if it's good enough, have you written enough, have you written too much, it can be a challenge. All I can probably say is make a storyline and stick with it and don't try to make it up as you go along, know what you want to write and write it. The hardest part is Writer's Block, dreaded writer's block, to help cure this just watch, read, listen to things that helped you to make the story.

Like for me I read another guys fic, because mine is a sequel to a his fic (making reference to Frozen Fate's Hearts of Twilight) and also playing KH a bit since it is a KH fic, whatever inspired you to write the story, keep using to help continue, that's what I do.

Sometimes another thing is to visualise your fic being played out, yes even though it's only a word document, visualise it as if you could see the story being acted out as you write it. Other than that, just use your imagination as much as you can so you can think of new ideas and storyline to put in your story

[blendedhearts]

okay, here's chapter one. hope you like it.

***************

Chapter one: No news is good news.

It was a normal day in the tropical paradise of destiny islands. Two boys were sitting on one of the smaller islands, connected to a larger island by a small bridge. One of the boy’s names was Riku. He was sixteen, had silver hair, and blue eyes. The other boy’s name was Sora. He was fifteen had spiky brown hair, and blue eyes.

“Nothing’s changed, huh?” asked Riku.

“Nope. Nothing will,” said Sora.

“What a small world,” said Riku.

“But part of one that’s much bigger,” said Sora.

“Yeah,” said Riku.

“Hey Riku… what do you think it was- the door to the light?” asked Sora.

“This,” said Riku, pointing at Sora’s chest, indicating his heart.

“This?” said Sora holding his hand up to his chest, also indicating his heart.

“Yeah. It’s always closer than you think,” said Riku. At that moment, their other friend, Kairi, approached them. She was a girl at the age of fifteen, who had red hair, and blue eyes. She currently held a bottle in her hand.

“Sora! Riku!” she yelled, as she walked up to them.

“Hey, what’s up?” said Sora.

“Look,” she said as she held up the bottle. Inside was a small rolled up piece of paper, with three circles in a special seal put on it.

“From the king?” asked Sora. He uncorked the bottle and took out the letter.

Dear Sora, Kairi, and Riku,

Something is terribly wrong. The darkness is growing, and heartless are popping up like mad. I’m not completely sure, but I think I know what’s going on. Donald and Goofy should be coming with the gummi ship by tomorrow. I would come two, but I have other matters to attend to. You’ll be heading to Radiant Garden. Pack your bags and get ready, ‘cause if I’m right, I think we have a giant problem on our hands.

King Mickey.

“Maleficent!” said Sora. “We never got rid of her. She and Pete must be behind this.”

“I’m not so sure Sora,” said Riku. “I’ve been feeling some sort of new darkness. I started feeling it not long after we got back. And it isn’t Maleficent.”

“Well then, what do we do?” asked Kairi.

“I guess we wait for Donald and Goofy,” said Riku. “Not much else we can do right now, is there?”

--------------

“Are you ready Sora?” asked Riku.

“Yeah,” said Sora.

“Okay, here I come!” said Riku. It was the day Donald and Goofy were supposed to come, and Sora and Riku had decided to do some sparing. Kairi sat and watched. But just as they finished their fifth round, (with Riku winning), all three of them heard something. They looked up as something flashed in the sky, and that something was hurtling towards them.

“It’s going to crash!” screamed Kairi, and she was right. Sending sand, water, and small plants everywhere, the gummi ship crashed into the shore. They had to dive to avoid it. As Sora was spiting out a tiny crab that had tried to pinch his tongue, he saw two people getting out of the gummi ship. The first was a tall dog like man, who carried a shield as his weapon. The second was a humanoid duck, who carried a small mages staff.

“What is wrong with you?” yelled the duck.

“Sorry, Donald,” said the dog man. “But you’re the one who let me drive. Ahuck!”

“Well that was the first and last time!” said Donald.

“Donald! Goofy!” said Sora. They both looked over.

“Sora!” they said in unison. They then ran up to meet each other.

“How’ve you been?” asked Sora.

“We’ve been fine,” said Goofy. “What about you?”

“Um, can we save the chit chat for later?” said Riku. “Right now I think we need to get to radiant garden.”

“Okay…” sighed Sora. “Lets go.”

“But I’m driving!” said Donald.

***************

well, there's chapter one. hopefully, it wont take too long until chapter two.

Originally Posted by Dragonstar1715

Sometimes another thing is to visualise your fic being played out, yes even though it's only a word document, visualise it as if you could see the story being acted out as you write it. Other than that, just use your imagination as much as you can so you can think of new ideas and storyline to put in your story

i actually do that anyway, lol.

[All-Star Gamer]

lol, I'd be more Scared if Donald was behind the wheel! Great Chapter!

and another rule: Don't rush! your work suffers when you rush it!

[blendedhearts]

Originally Posted by Allstargamer

and another rule: Don't rush! your work suffers when you rush it!

that's funny, 'cause earlier i figured out my story had points where it crashed into itself, lol. but i fixed it.

[All-Star Gamer]

You're rereading. That's good. That always helps.