Farewell, Lord of Chaos.

[Rainfire]

Now, before someone says something or points a finger, yes, I am Kegan . However, over the past few hours, I've been doing quite a bit of thinking... thanks in part to reminiscing over old threads. I've come to the conclusion that, starting today, I'm no longer the entity known as Lord of Chaos. (all current rp's and/or battles I've created shall be ended immediately and I apologize to the participants. All others that I'm merely participating in, I shall try to continue as my new identity)

For those of you who don't know me (hard to imagine there are that many), I've been under that account name for four years essentially. I created a legacy... and created enemies. While I did plenty of good under that name, I also did my share of bad things. I was egotistical, brash, and something of an elitist. On the other hand, I was also helpful, respectful, and loyal. It was a road that was hard paved... I had plenty of chances to take easier options, but I did make those choices because I felt it was my way, regardless.

For those of you over the years I may have offended, I apologize. For those of you who were just assholes, I don't. You should all know who you are.

I feel now though, that LoC as he was commonly known, is, respectfully, finally due to retire. It was fun, particularly back in the first year or two, when the KHI RP forum was undergoing so many new changes, it was hard to keep up really. Part of that was my responsibility, and regardless of what else, I kind of like the thought of knowing that I helped contribute... kind of humbling and yet satisfying. It is time, however, for a new page in my book.

LoC was the creation of a young teenager who found a new home. At a time when I really was a curious person; well-traveled, yet still naive in many ways. I felt kind of lost though, in the end, and Kingdom Hearts -- and as a result, this entire forum, became a new home, and I quickly fell in fast with people, gathering them as a family, of sorts. Not a close family, but people who could share, or in the least, notice my ideas. Ideas that in the real world... would never gain notice, but maybe laughter. There were those like cloud_strife, NeoSora, A.J., Ultima Keyblade, and others (you all know who you are). Even though I would have my... quarrels with most of them, in the end we were friends, and I think that was all that really counted. LoC, or at the time ZtM, was my mask, and yet, my real connection. It represented that side of me that needed exploration.

However, over the years those ideas changed... and well, as much as I hated to admit it (so I never did until now really) Lord of Chaos felt old. I tried leaving several times, and would sometimes come back under a different name, but in the end I would fall back to LoC... because it seemed that, even though it was a blessing, it was a curse as well. I slowly started making less friends... and more enemies. My ideas went from being "ingenious", to ridiculed, mocked, and argued over. Role-Playing was aging, and so was I.

Then, I thought of it one day. All the meanwhile, I had been a role-player on the messenger systems (namely Yahoo). We would have battles. There were nothing really of that sort on here... and so I decided, I should have one. The necessary conditions never came up though... until a cocky young start named Oni appeared one day. He was an idiot, honestly, and quite rude... but gave way to a new idea I felt would redeem my wandering thoughts, and redeem role-playing for me, and hopefully for others. I'm sure, in retrospect, that others were probably playing around with the same sorts of ideas (like lionheart06 for example) but no one ever voiced them! So I did... and with an old, kind of shady character, I debuted it all.

Zay Makai. Soon, I won, establishing RP battling as a new idea that was doable. It was then that I introduced a character that... I think until this RP forum finally dies (if it does), will always draw attention and controversy:

Valyon Lightstar. He was always an idea to me, especially when I was only like 4 or 5, until my uncle introduced me to what people refer to now as "Table-Top Role-Play", though it was the first souce or Role-Play on a major scale: Dungeons & Dragons. I built him then, and over the past decade and a half really, took him from a mage that had no clue about his past, to a power in itself that all would either fear or respect (and eventually, even hate).

Yes, I had fun, but then, it started again. I finished it with the ushering in of something I did not create, of the Omniverse, a concept that, for the most part, is even older than myself (though only in the past decade or so has found a solid home, with places such as Ayenee). At first the Omniverse was a fun concept that many people got caught-up in... and then I, along with others, started to introduce more advanced concepts, particularly dealing with RP Battling, and that's where the fun started to slowly disappear. Do I blame myself? Partially, but I also blame others for not taking the initiative of learning... KHI RP was not the first RP forum, nor shall it be the last.

It was there though, that people started taking these advanced concepts and it turned into a whole battle of "Insane Nonsense v. Psuedoscience v. Imagination". People were caught on both sides, and in the meantime, the general RP forum itself started to suffer. I do here and now, for the record, take up my part of the blame. It was something I should have thought over better before dropping it on everyone.

At any rate, it was at that point that many of the people I originally role-played with here had left (or been gone for a while in that matter) and many new people were showing up. Some of the newer RP'ers caught on quickly (in retrospect, I would say that Mitsukai and Zetsumi were probably the fastest learners I ever met... I was kind of jealous in a way. I only wish I had caught on that fast), while others just really didn't care, which was fine. I on the other hand, was worried that maybe, I was really losing my grasp on the entire idea -- the reason why I started RPing in the first place.

And that's where I would remain, in a kind of limbo, stuck between thoughts of this and that, of new ideas that would, for the most part, fail eventually. It only built as a grave sign that... all my suspicions were being confirmed.

In the meantime, in real life, my own ideas were being changed. I fell in love (not puppy love either, I had passed that stage), and thought I had found my way, but that was all slowly ripped away from me, and I regretted it... I got so angry, and so depressed... I found my only "naive and innocent" perceptions that I had had left were being shattered easier than Michael Jackson's plastic body parts.

And after it all, I slowly let it fall, and built a new idea... one that I had wondered over for the past third/half of a year now. And after today, after reminiscing, I figured it out:

Lord of Chaos just doesn't exist anymore. I am not that person and I never will be that person again. To some, role-play is just a fun past-time. For others, like myself, it's a way to express your ideas that you never would actually address otherwise. To escape from reality for a little while, to keep that imagination that people told you as a kid, you should bury because it was "time to grow up". And for those of you out there who are in this situation, I urge you... never give up that dream. It's one thing to dress in animal pajamas half your life and act like a kid, but the imagination... it's a device that only humans really possess, and it's something you should never give up.

So, now, I've created a new identity... one that I've actually been thinking of for a while now. And with this new identity... I bury the old. I bury Lord of Chaos, and everything associated with him -- even the likes of Valyon. They will always be remembered, I hope, for the good memories and not the bad. Those characters that I created as Lord of Chaos shall no more be seen -- and this time, I'm quite serious.

And so, with that, I wave to that former RP'er in the mirror, that former representation of myself, and bid it a farewell that it probably deserved a long time ago. I am a new Role-Player, and with it, I shall bring new ideas and concepts. That of a 19 year old college boy who is currently working on his second degree and has a new perspective on the world. No longer refer to me as LoC, but as Kegan, or Rainfire, because LoC is retired, and currently somewhere else. Some of you may sit there and think "he's taking this way too seriously"... but when you've done what I've done, you'll realize too, that there's more to it than you realize.


Farewell, Lord of Chaos.

[Azanulbizare]

Dude, you changed your name.

Jesus christ. How many paragraphs is that.

[Infinite Nova]

I read that, and felt better for it.

I came in back when the RP battle scene wasn't big, and wasn't small. I still remember sitting at my computer, reading you and Morphs battle with excitement. It was pretty fun to read.

I'm still an idiotic kid, and a "newbie" on the whole to RPing itself, but I think I'm gonna grow.

Truth be told, a lot of it was just because I read one of those battles, didn't understand practically any of it, and decided I wanted to be as good as you guys at weaving your words.

I dunno where this has really come from. I guess I just felt like saying it.

But thanks, and I hope your new identity serves you well.

[Azanulbizare]

Originally Posted by Infinite Nova

good as you guys at weaving your words

Inspiration. Music. Whatever makes you comfortable.

[Mono Morsa]

You, as LoC have been my idol since I came here. After a another user pointed me towards this section, I emersed myself in everything I could find that you had written. You were amazing.

From you I developed into a better rp-er. I am looking forward to rp-ing alongside Rainfire.

Oh, and Azanul, didn't you leave?

[Miss Murder]

I genuinely appreciate your posting this.

Looking at this whole situation on a smaller perspective, I relish the fact and opportunity to delve oncemore into something that I have almost entirely grown out of for one reason or another - RPing. It is a way for me to express my ideas, not only through graphics or writing or drawing. I can extend my ideas and imaginative wanderings to new lengths through it, and I look forward to the possibility of RPing alongside people like you once again. Perhaps not as a teacher, as LoC would have been, but maybe as an equal.

Equals who assist each other through the creative process, give each other good ideas and filter through the bad ones. Perhaps there is no true levels of RPing as I have been led to believe throughout my relatively short time on KHI. Then again, perhaps there is. Perception, I suppose.

Either way, I look forward to this new start of yours. Maybe both the new RPers and the old, if they would only find the imagination and creativity they know they hold in their minds and express it through here for others to share and experience, can revive this dying tablet. A tablet where many have left their pieces of work, and many more have yet to inscribe upon.

I'm feeling sentimental. Yeah.

Originally Posted by MasterofTerraOblivion

Oh, and Azanul, didn't you leave?

About seven months ago. <3

[Azanulbizare]

There a problem, Moto ?

[Mono Morsa]

No sir, just thought you left from the thread you revived in the challenge forum. It was my own fault for not reading the thread all the way through. It was a legit question, not a spiteful comment. I don't wanna pick a fight.

[Ulti]

Damn it. You scared me. Thought you were actually leaving. Guess Rainfire will be just as good as LoC. But he better not disappoint. Though I doubt it, knowing you. Can't say much more though. Just this. Here's to even greater role-playing under a new legacy!

And, the week that I was going to do the same thing, you pull the rug from under my feet. =(

See you around.

[Rainfire]

Look, I'm not trying to steal anyone's thunder, copy anything, or start a trend. DK, if you were going to do something similar, go ahead. You wouldn't be copying me. I just feel that I can no longer be that identity without just getting stale and losing my creativity.

However, I do feel that perhaps, some people may try the same thing, and hopefully, reach the same result. I think it's time that this Role-Play Forum undergo a revision.

[Azanulbizare]

Originally Posted by Rainfire

I think it's time that this Role-Play Forum undergo a revision.

Get in line .

[Jack London]

Ah, this really made my day =)

The summer will be off to a good start, hopefully.

[Faint_Remnant]

Originally Posted by Rainfire

Look, I'm not trying to steal anyone's thunder, copy anything, or start a trend. DK, if you were going to do something similar, go ahead. You wouldn't be copying me. I just feel that I can no longer be that identity without just getting stale and losing my creativity.

However, I do feel that perhaps, some people may try the same thing, and hopefully, reach the same result. I think it's time that this Role-Play Forum undergo a revision.

We've been trying to do this for how long now?

Well hope it works well this time around.

We ?