Coming out as a(n) __________.

[Bangkok Superpussy]

I came out to my parents as an Atheist when I was fourteen.

My mother's reaction was not positive or negative; it was just denial. Her verbatim response to the words "I am an Atheist," would be "No you're not." followed by an abrupt end to the discussion, and it was several years after first coming out that we were even able to have a real conversation about it. To be fair, she grew up in a rabidly religious family; my grandfather was a man of the cloth who preached the gospels all throughout Mexico, expected his family to live by the very word of the Bible, and passed this belief system along to his children. It wasn't an easy revelation for her, and she made it clear that she was concerned about where I'd end up in the afterlife. Realizing that this wasn't just a phase and that I really had abandoned my faith, the questions began rolling in and her curiosity lead to understanding and, I think, a certain respect due to the fact that I had clearly thought this conversion through.

Nowadays both of my parents occasionally tease me for being a sinner/heathen in a lighthearted manner, but since coming out both of them have followed my example to an extent and become sort of Agnostic. Just this morning my mom said something about how the Bible is "misogynistic as hell", which is definitely not something I'd have heard her say a few short years ago, and my dad and I were making fun of a televangelist in our hotel room, so they've lightened up considerably and generally acknowledge that I'm more knowledgeable about this subject than either of them. The rest of my family has not been nearly as accepting of my beliefs (or lack there of) but that is a different story.

Topic: Now it's your turn. What were your experiences coming out to your parents as something other than the faith you were brought up in? How did they react to it? Are you open about your beliefs with your family, or do you live in the closet out of fear?

This thread is primarily going to be targeted towards Atheists and Agnostics who came out to their religious parents, but only because they will make up the majority of people with such experiences. If you grew up in a Episcopalian family and decided that you wanted to be a Muslim or some shit, you're also welcome here.

Discuss.

[Chevalier Sombre]

I don't really think I went about telling my folks the best way.

Like a lot of young people who realize they don't believe in God anymore, I made an awfully bigger deal about it then I should have.

I don't remember exactly when it was that I decided I was agnostic, nor exactly when I came out to them. I think I was around 13.

It ended up becoming the subject of friction between my family and me for quite some time (such as when my parents called me to pray and I refused); often it would seem as if the issue was at least partially resolved, but I usually ended up doing something stupid and screwing everything up. It was to the point where I regretted ever telling them in the first place.

Nowadays it seems that they've at least partially accepted that I don't believe we're all going to some happy land after death; the subject only rarely comes up, and when it does it's never a big deal.

I usually have to go church with them, but it seems that it's a distant priority to them considering we haven't gone in ages.

My father has basically expressed that he does not really mind that I have different ideas then he does about life and death, but rather that he wishes to pass down onto me the church's morals that he grew up with (for the record, my family mostly consists of mormons, so the aforementioned morals include things like not drinking, premarital sex, drug use, etc). I don't know how many of them I will be specifically following, but I acknowledge that at the very least he's much more accepting about me coming out than a lot of other parents surely are.

[Shadow Soldier]

I've stated multiple times to my parents that I don't believe in religion and what not. And their response is always denial. That or they don't believe me. After I say I'm serious and I question a lot about religion, they just leave it at "well when something bad is happening, isn't it nice to believe in something to take care of you or one of your loved ones?"

[Audo]

My parents are Christian, but they made it a point not to force any religion on their children and let them decide themselves, so, it did not surprise them.

[Crimson Crashing]

When I first told my mother that I was gay, the first thing she said was that she was disappointed.
I think it was right before last Christmas, so I was still 15.

After that, she continued to let me know how dis-approving she was. But then she decided to tell me that shee would let my extremely religious grandmother know.
I was like, "Jesus Christ Mom!"

See what I did there?

[Sir Jecht]

I don't have much of a story to tell I just said to her when I was 17 "Mom I don't believe in God, I'm an atheist" and she said "Ok. I don't care though, I don't believe in forcing my religion on you so it's fine"

That was it, when she's mad at me she might make say something about how I don't believe in her God in a negative tone or that I'll pussy out when faced with a life or death situation but besides when she's pissed my lack of faith isn't an issue, just like everything else I do.

My dad on the other hand is very "religious" (I use quotes cause he's more God fearing than religious). I had a big argument with him over the phone over it and pretty much just shut him up about what the bible says and how he and his church are hypocrites and exposed him as the coward he is. I don't really know how he feels about me being atheist but I really don't care either way.

[Lycanthrope]

My mom's a radical Catholic. I'm completely non-religious. Idon't think she would approve of my religious views, since when she found out my cousin was Lutheran, she flipped shit. And still rants about it 3 years after th fact.

So basically, I've been too much of a pussy to tell my mom I'm non-religious.

[PLR]

I've been telling my parents for several years now I'm an atheist. Especially recently. They forced confirmation upon me and the entire time I was stating I didn't believe in this garbage, yet I was told to do it. That meant going to church every sunday, praying, communion, religion tests, and the like. It was pretty ridiculous. The entire time they kept saying, "Yes, you believe in god. Stop talking like that.
Now they don't force anything on me at all except to show respect to the christian agenda around my grandfather. Which means nothing on evolution, gay equal rights, other religions and my jewish friends.

But at least they don't make me go to church, anymore.

[Angel]

I became an atheist shortly after I turned 15, and decided to see if my mother could be eased into letting me out of my Catholic beliefs (btw, my dad doesn't give a shit what I believe, and actually had something to do with my current non-belief). I told her shortly before Christmas that I might be an agnostic, to which she had a sort of anxiety attack, telling me that if I don't believe in Christ I won't get any Christmas presents, and that I will be raised Catholic under her roof.

She did a little selective memory thing that night, and I was still her perfect little Catholic boy.

I told my cousin that I was a full fledged atheist, and he handled it slightly better. He sent me a pro-religion email, but after that, we've kept the subject alone.

[Alaude Drenxta]

I said things in retaliation when people approached me with the concept of religion, things almost nihilistic. People got the message, and it wasn't until I was older that they were willing to admit I did it out of intelligent conquest instead of spiteful rage. My parents didn't care less. They classify themselves as Christians, but never would have deterred me from doing as I wish. I was raised Christian, told the Gospel, and left to choose my own path, though they weren't very willing to help me shed the religion, but to some degree that is understandable.

People at my school were much more curious about my choice than my family.

[Grace Assassin]

I don't have a coming out story to tell. I'll probably never tell my elder family members how I'm non-religious.

Looking at my grandmother, I know that this fact would break her heart. At her age, I don't want her thinking about how I don't believe in a state of being once you pass on. She's a pious, accepting woman, and it's people like her that let me see how having a belief can be an inherently good thing. It sounds arrogant, but, I feel as though I'm protecting her from what I think. Sometimes people deserve better than the truth. And even if what she believes is a lie, I can still tell that the feeling it gives her is very genuine.

My family definitely notices how I'm much, much more lax with religious practice though. The only one who knows I don't believe right now is my older sister, who has a similar lack of beliefs. We never really told each other at one instance (and haven't even explicitly said so, come to think of it). It was a gradual process for both of us that we mutually understood. Then there's my older brother, who I actually just found out tonight at dinner was at least agnostic. My cousin of the same age also is agnostic. When my dad learned of this, he took it like it was the daily news and said it was fine. I'd bet that it upsets him to some extent, but he has on many occasions told us how he is fine with whatever we are (atheist, gay, liberals [har har], etc).

I've been told that this is a "phase" and that it's our generation. I wouldn't deny this as a possibility, and yet I can see there's definitely more to it than that.

Then there's my younger brother. He still believes, but he is clinging to the faith because I think he can see the lack of it in his older siblings. I was like that at his age. Scared about the idea of atheism, about nothing happening when you die and a state of non-existence. It gave me actual panic attacks, and I don't want to induce those in him (because I see me in him all the time). It's something he needs to find out about on his own and something he must at least come to terms with as a possibility.

So yeah. I'll probably wait for years and, until then, I really have no problem living in a lie.

[Forever Atlas]

This isn't about me personally, but I thought I'd share the story. It's a bit different from what's been talked about so far. I have several friends that have had similar experiences but one just sticks out in mind right now.

My friend was brought up in a family with a Christian background. The family wasn't too religious but they still had their core beliefs. Anyway, sometime while he was a teen he started studying with Jehovah's Witnesses. His mother hated the idea and forbid him from even having them in the house or at the door talking with him. Well he had to listen to his mom after all it was her house. But that didn't stop him from studying. He kept studying with them at another location and eventually he made his mind up that he wanted to join.

He eventually mustered up courage to tell his mom that he was going to join and her reaction was pretty much this, "this is the last time we will talk." Pretty much disowned him right then and there over the phone. It was hard for him, but he felt that his beliefs were too important. So he got his own place and right now he has very little contact with any of his family because of his converting to one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

I have quite a few other friends that had to go through some extreme conditions from their family, parents, and friends because of wanting to convert to one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Many of them their parents kicked them out or disowned them.

I guess for any parent that brings their kid up in a certain way that they feel is right, it will be hard for them to see their child go another way. As a matter of fact, I was just at a religious event recently that had a theatrical drama that followed the life of a guy that was brought up in the religion, but eventually he just didn't really want to be part of it anymore. It was quite interesting.

[Trag]

I come from a very catholic family, so you can imagine my parents dismay when I came out about not believing in God. My mom flipped out and my dad was sort of mad, but my other family, my cousins and aunts and uncles, they were disappointed. My mom was the worst, she gave me all this bullshit about how she made an oathe when she was married under the catholic church that she would raise her kids to be catholic and I told her that was the stupidest shit I've ever heard and that I had no respect for people who force religion on people. My mom still is angry with me over it, and I guess my aunts are in denial that I'm this way. It's whatever, they'll figure it out in the end.

[Watson]

I have a few stories to tell here.

I always loved meat, seriously. It just tasted so good... until I figured out what it was made of at a young age. I flipped out, and told my parents I would never eat meat again. They denied it, and punished me if I didn't eat it. I didn't eat it. Eventually, they just gave up and decided they would just remind me every once and a while how good it tasted by gloating a bit...

And now here's story number two.

I was raised anglican, prayed often, got baptised, went to church, went to preschool in a church, and was given an easy to read children's bible. Of course, they noted how I was quite intelligent for my young age, but I'll get to that later. Anyways, eventually my dog died. So I looked through my little bible, and prayed for him to come back. He didn't. I then decided to find out why god didn't listen, so I searched all around the bible, the internet, and eventually... I noticed how stupid what I was doing was. I was telling some huge guy in space to bring my dead pet back from being cremated. I realised how futile that was, and stopped praying for good, although I still held onto a bit of faith that there was a god. I was so frightened by the possibility of there being nothing after death, I listened to most of what was told to me concerning christianity. Eventually though, it didn't scare me anymore. I could take what I percieved as the truth. So I decided that there was no god. Next time religion came up, I told my parents of my decision. They didn't care much, save my father, who tried to convert me back by telling me all the good things in christianity, not adressing whether or not there was a god at all, just telling me how great and peaceful Jesus had been. Of course, my beliefs didn't waver, and I've been Athiestic since. My father still tries to convert me every once and a while, but for the most part he doesn't really care.

[Phoenix]

I've never actually come out as an atheist. It's sort of unspoken within my close family. I've never actually had the need to deal with that grief since I don't actually live with them anymore.