Loyalty Runs in These Veins

[KitKat]

I am yours to command

To do with as you please

Fulfilling your every desire and wish

Until you are satisfied


Never can I rise against you

Even if I desire it


I am your puppet

To manipulate

I am your weapon

To use and protect you

I am your friend

To lean and count on

I am expendable

If you desire it


Loyal to you and you alone

There is no greater loyalty then this

That runs thicker than blood


Forever at your side

Following your every footstep

Until the day you die

[Gram]

:3 i really like it it seems to speak from the heart, great job especially it being just your 3rd one.

[Lanydx reborn]

My God...this really speaks to me and yet scares me.

[KitKat]

My God...this really speaks to me and yet scares me.

If you don't mind me asking, why do you find it scary?

[Gram]

o,0 actually i'm curious to, why the fear ?

[Lanydx reborn]

Well loyality can be a good thing but used in the wrong hands it could spell out your doom....Trusth me I know.

[Gram]

i see >.> you have a good point. sorry to hear that you do sir.

[Auron0521]

I like the way it was written, however, I think this person has low self confidence. I'm all for loyalty, but using words such as "manipulate" and "expendable" in reference to yourself... well, a person has more rights than that, and they shouldn't just be thrown away for any one person, group, or idea. I'm also wondering, they say they'll follow this person/group/idea "until the day they die". What happens after that? To give yourself to one thing so much, and then it's suddenly gone, what does the speaker do?

[Gram]

>.> damn dude your taking it all pretty literally arent you?
its not like their actually throwing their rights away or that they lack confidence....

[Auron0521]

I'm merely stating my take on the poetry. I'm a pretty literal person, though, so yes.

[Corvette623]

I love how, near the end, there is the reallyu dark sense of, what seems to be, anger. Almost as if this person is just waiting for the right time to strike, knowing that loyalty will allow them to get close enough to deal the final blow ;)

[king_mickey rule]

I like it, it shows the darker side of loyalty. I can even sense a bit of sarcasm in it.

All in all, you've written it in a way that it can be interpreted in many different ways so job well done!

Also: "Following you're every footstep"

Shouldn't "you're" be "your" in this sentence?