Nevermore's Poetry

[Kaos6]

Definitely some good work I'm seeing ^.^ Keep em coming ^.^

[Nevermore]

Alright, here is one of the two rhyming poems that I've been working on. The other one is done as well, but that's being used in KSX's Poetry Contest, so I won't post it here until that round is over, lol. I think this one might be more direct than usual, but we'll see :D

*****

Tell Me Why

So please let the rain fall
From the sadness of it all
And the lightning will rend
As these trails of tears blend
For the blood on my hand
That was spilled on this land
Is blood that I know
How I wish it wasn't so

The way her hand fit in mine
I thought everything was fine
And when I kissed her lips
Thought her pain had been eclipsed
And when we slept in our bed
On my chest she'd lay her head
She would whisper to me
All the things she'd like to see

How could I be so blind
That I couldn't see her mind
Was so lost and alone
With no hope to call her own
And as hard as I tried
I couldn't be by her side
On the day she awoke
And her heart had all but broke

Now I clasp her hand tight
Holding on with all my might
As my tears are now free
And her pain is all I see
While the knife on the ground
That never made a sound
Was covered in her blood
As if there'd been a flood

Oh please tell me why!
What could I have done?
Oh please tell me why!
Don't say there were none!
Oh please tell me why!
My tears are now spent!
Oh please tell me why!
You felt such lament!

I am so sorry!
But what could I do?
I am so sorry!
I won't forget you!
I am so sorry!
Though your life is gone!
I am so sorry!
My love still lives on!

[TeeRs]

That's deep.

[Kaos6]

I love this one. Maybe because it seems like it could work as a song as well, lol. But as always your words put me in the story and make me feel like it's happening as I read it, or I can at least picture it very clearly. It is more direct but that doesn't make it any less brilliant imo. ^.^

[Nevermore]

^ Thanks, it means a lot that people like what I write, lol

Here's the second poem that I was entered into KSX's contest.

*****

The Sheep of the World

I see the sheep all lining up
On the outskirts of the town
Led by a stranger with a smirk
And a lie beneath his crown

While in the center of the town
The King laid his head to rest
For his followers had left him
Forced a knife into his chest

All of his people he had blessed
Gave them all the things they need
But then they took him for granted
And found someone else to lead

Well this man swept them up with speed
But they came upon two roads
One was narrow, the other wide
He talked fast lest he explode

“The narrow path it just corrodes
Everything you've ever known
So take this path here to the right
To the place you'll call your own”

And they marched like a thousand clones
Then they came before a pit
Where the fire and the ashes
Stretch their tongues to them and spit

They were knocked in with just a hit
They are the Sheep of this world
The hymens of their minds were pierced
And to the depths they were hurled

[Nevermore]

Here's another one that I recently finished. Enjoy!

*****

Kindly Old Man

Hello, Kindly Old Man
How are you today?
Ready to get up
With nothing to say

You head off to work now
Your job at the bar
Where all the sad people
Go to in their car

And when you get home
There's no food on your plate
Your wife was mad at you
And you were irate

Hello, Kindly Old Man
How are you today?
Your wife's on the porch
You said she would pay

The bag ion the porch now
Holds the mess that you made
Still there's blood on the wood
And the knife's in the shade

So you take a machine gun
With you to your job
And gunned them all down
Like you were in the mob

Once all their bodies
Fell to the floor
You turned on yourself
And became no more

Hello, Kindly Old Man
How are you today?
I guess it doesn't matter
Your dead either way

EDIT: And here's one more

*****

Winter Bell

Let it ring
Let it ring
Said the old Winter Bell

Let it chime
Let it chime
As the Bell gently tells

Of a time
Of a time
When the world didn't cry

And we all
And we all
Didn't tell a single lie

But for now
But for now
Fire falls from the clouds

And the night
And the night
Casts its eternal shroud

And the Bell
And the Bell
Is left alone to rust

Until when
Until when
It turns into dust

Now the tale
Now the tale
Has spread through the air

And is known
And is known
As the Devil's Flare

EDIT: And another! It started as a rap, so it has the kind of flow, lol.

Mocking Mockery

What's with this hatred I'm hearing
What's with these lies you keep spewing
It's all so empty and so pointless
And devoid of all meaning

Want me to jump through your hoops
And hold me down in your coops
While the battles just rage on
In their eternal loops

But I won't fall to your level
Won't be a part of your drivel
Because when you try to change me
Your attempts will be futile

For writing is a reflection
The ultimate in expression
And while your fighting in the streets
I will be shouting progression

You can't believe I don't swear
With words you expect to hear?
Well I don't need to cuss to make
You hold these words dear

And if I can't make you feel it
Without the words you expected
Then everything I had to say
Just would not be worth it

But I have something to say
And it will not go away
So the message will live on
In these pages today

Because the things that I see
Makes me fall to my knees
And I will look up to the heavens
And ask "What does it mean?"

[Nevermore]

Bump + New Poem!!! This one is extremely experimental for me (more like song lyrics than anything else), to the point where I think I'm really stretching what I can do with this style. I have no idea if this'll work or not, lol. But hey, I'm giving it a try :D

*****

Take a Bow, This Stage is Ours

So take a bow
It's over now
The curtain's been closed
And the lights are out

Maybe when
We're here again
This visage of sorrow
Will come to an end

The bright lights cast upon the stage
Was enough to set us free from the cage
Of a world that looked down on us and spat
And told us we would only ever be where we sat

The ground that we thought would be our graves
The ground that we worked like unpaid slaves
Turned around and gave us a new place of hope
Where the words that we wanted to speak were cut from their rope.

And so
Can you
Realize
That these words of mine
Are just
Another
Fragment
Of the people's mind

When we
Tell you
All these
Words from our heart
You will
Have to
Take them
Lest they fall apart

So hear the sounds
They sound so loud
They resonate strongly
Throughout the crowd

Let you cry
Reach to the sky
Let it be the keeper
Of you reply

People come by with pitchforks raised
With their torches lifted up, covered in flames
The shadows of demons sat on their backs
As they burned our precious stage and forced us back in our shacks

Well we were done with all of that
And felled some trees with a rusty axe
And used the wood to build the stage anew
And now I ask all of you people, "What are you gonna do?"

And so
Can you
Realize
That these words of mine
Are just
Another
Fragment
Of the people's mind

When we
Tell you
All these
Words from our heart
You will
Have to
Take them
Lest they fall apart

So take a bow
It's over now
The curtain's been closed
And the lights are out

Maybe when
We're here again
This visage of sorrow
Will come to an end

So hear the sounds
They sound so loud
They resonate strongly
Throughout the crowd

Let you cry
Reach to the sky
Let it be the keeper
Of you reply

[Aqua-Sea-987]

All of your poems are good but Forward March and Orchestra from the Warground have the best flow.

[Almagest]

Wow, I'm glad I stumbled across this gem of a thread =)

Dove and Crow

As the snow fell down from up above
A dark ash rose from far down below

"up" and "far down" seem unnecessary.


Luminance

Yet still, its immense light shook

Awkward


Existence of a Nobody

The struggles of a Nobody.

Is this supposed to have a period? Because none of the others do.


Something Lurks

For that was where the Blood Flowers lie

confusion—past with present tense

The monster that still yet lurks

I guess I don’t like the combination of “still” and “yet”. It just sounds weird to me.

I fell to knees on the floor

I fell to my knees

And this is what I say

saw


The Rhythm of Loss

But in the end there wasn't enough to even calm of dove

What?

But was it worth these

I think “this” would work better.


Cleansing Rain

Restoring piece the newly cleansed plain

peace to


Frostbitten Clocks

We spend all out time thinking

our


Road to Reality

Eleventh step reading a tome

Eleventh step, reading a tome


Subtle Combustion

Looking up it with widened eyes

Looking up at it with widened eyes


Flower in the Graveyard

I felt as though I was being blinded by light

I think “had been” would work better than “was being”.


Swirling Red Wine

Felt as if it had flown from my body

Too wordy.


The Hand from the Hole in the Wall

I said that I thought that was wrong as well

Too wordy.

I stared at the sky, so bright and blue
His shadow below was a small, black dot

Is it supposed to be “my shadow”?


Five Petals

With the first petal was swept away

When?

That was just like a misfired bullet

Wordy/awkward.


Orchestra from the Wargrounds

Becoming another part of
The “Fallen Harmonic”

Becoming another part
Of the “Fallen Harmonic”
sounds better to me.

That always plays throughout the night

Cut out “always”.


Lone Wolf

Dreaming of his most favorite world

Cut out “most”.


The Librarian

And stretched in each direction

“each” sounds weird to me. “either direction” sounds better.

And try as you might to look

Awkward.


The Sheep of the World

Gave them all the things they need

needed

The narrow path it just corrodes

Either “the narrow path, it just corrodes” or “the narrow path just corrodes”.

Stretch their tongues to them and spit

Huh?

The hymens of their minds were pierced

?


Kindly Old Man (needs a comma between "kindly" and "old")

The bag ion the porch now

?

Your dead either way

You’re

You switch between past and present tense quite a lot in this one, and it sounds strange to me.


Take a Bow, This Stage is Ours

And told us we would only ever be where we sat

Too wordy.

The ground that we thought would be our graves
The ground that we worked like unpaid slaves
Turned around and gave us a new place of hope
Where the words that we wanted to speak were cut from their rope.

You can remove the “that”s, and I think the "where" can be removed as well.

Of you reply

your?

People come by with pitchforks raised

Remove “by”.


My favorites:
Dove and Crow
Sophisticated Simplicity
Lone Wolf
The Librarian
Winter Bell

You can't believe I don't swear
With words you expect to hear?
Well I don't need to cuss to make
You hold these words dear

Love this =) But "to make" seems like it should be on the following line.
"Well, I don't need to cuss
To make these words dear"

Overall, I really enjoy reading your poetry. I like your style and the themes you use. I agree with everyone else--you should get these published.

[Nevermore]

lol, I just now realized all these little mistakes. I usually copies these over after writing them on paper, so I guess I slip up with the typos.

Thanks for the feedback!