Nevermore's Poetry

[Thor.]

Originally Posted by kazukifafner

Hey, I finished a new poem! See, I work on stuff, it's proven fact now :P

*****

Reflection in the Shattered Ice

As winter's bell softly tolls
And gossimer flakes begin to fall
As the wind's whisper slowly rolls
Across the faces of lifeless dolls

These large dolls dropped, one by one
Like omens from the overcast sky
At a pace slower than a snail's run
While the singing sparrows flew right on by

Down below, a floor of ice
That shimmered in a place without light
Waited not once, not twice, but thrice
For these cryptic creatures to escape its sight

Yet one by one their faces met
Before their ragdoll bodies broke through
So the broken pieces followed and set
Reflecting more than just the water's blue

They mirrored a far-off, distant past
A time when these dolls were once something more
The image burned into their hollow cast
As they made their way through fate's humble door

*****

Hope you all liked it!

This one is so very promising. You are truly talented.

[Nevermore]

Well, since there seems to be a relative influx in romance poetry, I thought I'd take a stab at it. It's a little different then most of the romance poems here (at least, I think it is, lol). I'm using my rhyming style this time :)

*****

The Hand from the Hole in the Wall

I sat with my back against a wall
That stretched forever from East to West
As far as it was wide, it was just as tall
With a small, round hole that was level with my chest

Through it poked a pale, fragile hand
And it searched the wall with nary a fear
Those small, weak fingers touched my hair's strands
And a girl's voice flowed into my ear

"What is love?" She asked me on that day
"I've heard it often from those that pass
"All of its meanings make a blurry gray
"Which ones are right and which ones are crass?"

"So is love only physical?
"Just a writhing mass of bodies
"Mixing in a multi-colored fold?"
I said, "Surely that can't be reality"

"Then is it just an emotion?
"Feelings blindly following themselves
"Hoping for just a fleeting elation?"
I said that I thought that was wrong as well

"So is it love for the sake of love?
"People with nothing but the desire
"To talk about angels, hearts, and doves?"
"I don't believe that it's a fuel-less fire"

"Is it all just another lie then?
"It's just a fabrication of mine?
"Just the weepings of lonely men?"
I said, "It must be something more fine"

"Then what is love?" She asked once more
"I ask and ask, but I'm never told
"Do you have the key that opens the door?"
I got to my feet, hand in pockets, and strolled

I stared at the sky, so bright and blue
His shadow below was a small, black dot
"Sorry, I don't have an answer for you
"But 'til I do, I'll return to this spot."

*****

BTW, even though I talk about being unsure of what love is, I definitely have a definition for it that I'm trying to reflect. Hope you liked it!

[Azia]

I really like it kazu-kun. That's one I think I'm gonna print out and keep. You'll get the credit of course, though, lol. I really like it, like alot. Please keep 'em coming!!!

[Kaos6]

Honestly, I didn't like the last one as much as your others, but maybe it's just me. *shrug* There were some parts I enjoyed of it, but the overall emotion didn't feel the same to me somehow.

I still look forward to more ^.^

[Azia]

I personally loved it, but I haven't honestly read anything of yours, kazu-kun, that I haven't like, lol.

You are way too , lol.

[Nevermore]

Thanks for the feedback!

This was definitely a style experiment for me. I tried to take a more subtle approach like what is found in shows like Mushi-shi and movies like Sky Crawlers. It lead to a very different conclusion than what I usually put out, but I'm really happy with how it did.

Though, I do have something in the works that fits my "usual" style.

[Azia]

YAY!!!! More from kazu-kun!!!!!

[Nevermore]

Okay, this wasn't the one that I was talking about, but I was bored so I threw this one together. It's spur of the moment, so I don't know how good it will be. Anyway, here it is.

*****

Five Petals

The flower in my hand is red
Like the deep, vivid red of a rose
I stand before your lonely marker
And with each petal, recall times as those

With the first petal was swept away
I recall how it was that we first met
Of the fireworks' clap and crackle
Such a time I can never forget

The whispers of love we used to share
Not but a couple months there after
Were carried away with the next petal
As well as your soft and beautiful laughter

As the third fell, so too did our wedding
With such lovely music and flowers
Matched only by the softness of your lips
When we made our vows to stay together

Then the fourth petal fell in procession
Taking the next Fourth of July with it
And the stray rocket that struck you down
That was just like a misfired bullet

The fifth petal and stem, I leave to you
As you lie here and cannot make breath
For this flower that I place on your grave
Is here to bear witness to your death

*****

And there you have it, lol.

[Azia]

OOH!!! I really liked how you compared life to a flower. I'd have to say, that's definitely one of my favorites. I wasn't sure about it at first, but it picked up and I really enjoyed it.

(Why'd you change you name???)

[Nevermore]

Originally Posted by dragonrider932

OOH!!! I really liked how you compared life to a flower. I'd have to say, that's definitely one of my favorites. I wasn't sure about it at first, but it picked up and I really enjoyed it.

(Why'd you change you name???)

Thanks for the input!

I changed it because I'd wanted to change it for a bit, and I really like the name Raven. That word holds a lot of meaning to me, and I just love the way it sounds.

[Azia]

It does sound pretty wicked, lol.

I feel proud to be the first one to give you input on you latest great poem.

[forget-me-not]

Okay, so I thought they were alright
But they may be a bit too wordy. Poetry is about saying as much with as few words as you can. It's like with haikus, especially the ones from ancient china. Most were a grand total of around seventeen words, and still they convey so much emotion. I think you should try to cut back on words, it might make your poems flow a bit better, even if the imagery is very nice. Also, I found some of them to be a little cliche. Some just didn't seem very original.
But, I also don't enjoy most rhyming poems, so maybe that's why.
However, I did really like the Dove and Crow. Some of the lines seemed slightly off, but other than that, I loved what you were saying. Really nice.

[Kaos6]

I honestly thought a poem could be as long as the poet wishes, but I'm no expert on poems so I'm not going to say anything.

But I did enjoy this last one very much. I can never really give you proper feedback, because as I said, I'm no expert. But I do know what I feel when I read your poems, and this one felt more like you. I look forward to more, as always.

And the new name is awesome btw. ^.^

[Nevermore]

Actually, I've always felt poetry to be the representation of ideas in a rhythmic manner. I've also noticed that, at least for me, using otherwise unrelated imagery to represent said idea has a tendency to make it all the better.

Also, I suppose the length is a bit subjective. I mean, take a look at Paradise Lost, The Illiad, Beowulf. These were all extremely long poems and are regarded as classics. The same can be said for shorter poems, like those of E. E. Cummings and some from T. S. Eliot.

I'm sure that my originality is varied throughout my poetry. Hopefully, I'm getting more original. Thanks for the great input, forget-me-not.

Don't worry Kaos. I've learned that if you can evoke emotion with your poetry than you are doing at least something right, lol. The knowledge that I'm consistent helps a lot.

[forget-me-not]

Ok, sorry, that wasn't what I meant. I wasn't talking about the general length of the poems, it just seemed to me that sometimes a few of them got a little wordy, and it threw of the rhythm of the poems for me. Sometimes I thought you could have chosen better words, not necesarily because you needed more emotion, but just so that the rhythm went better. I mean, I liked them a lot, it was a just a few lines in some of them that seemed a little off, or a little wordy