Heavenly Sword {The Unseen Darkness}

[NazoFire]

Summary: After a catastrophy struck the Christiansen family, twin brothers Alex and Derek are forced into a life of poverty. With nothing but a tattered mattress, dirty clothes, and a small fire hydrant to clean themselves with, they live in misery. Only their faith in God(YES, this is a Christian related Fan-Fic)keeps them hoping for better. One day, Alex can't take his life of the streets any longer and attempts to steal food from a local restaurant. After being chastized by his brother, Alex openly admits to having given up on God. Events being to unfold, and soon Alex realizes he's caught in the middle of spiritual warfare when he suddenly weilds The Sword of The Spirit!

^I made this pic =)

CHAPTER 1

The town of Arlington. An average, peaceful town where life was simple and ordinary. The soft summer wind blew calmly carrying the sweet aroma of Chef Chubb’s restaurant, the most famous restaurant in the town. A line had formed outside because it was lunchtime and Chef Chubb’s restaurant, Le Cuisine De Chubb (Chubb’s Grub), served the best lunch entrees in all of Arlington. The line was growing impatient and wanted to go inside to eat, but Chef Chubb did not open the doors until the great clock tower in the center of the town struck 12 o clock, which to him is when lunch started. The crowd was shouting at him to open the doors.

“Hey! What’s the hold up?”
“Open the doors already!”
“We’re starving over here! Get on with it!” the hungry citizens ranted.

But Chef Chubb ignored they’re comments. He had always opened at exactly 12, and he wasn’t opening earlier than that. The comments of the people continued until finally a dull bonging sound could be heard as the large bell struck, notifying the people that it was 12 o clock. Chef Chubb unlocked the doors and the irritated crowd rushed through the doors. However, there was one particular citizen who planned to get his food to-go.

Down below the restaurant floor, Alex Christensen, 16 years of age with light brown and slightly spiked hair, kind of tattered clothing and blue eyes, listened carefully until he heard the shuffling of people rushing inside the complex. Smiling to himself, he knew it was time. He snuck out of the furnace room, making sure to close the door silently. He walked silently around the dull underground area, which was illuminated only by upper floor vents, which let small beams of light into the lower level. There was a small light bulb hanging from the ceiling, but he dared not to turn it on. He crept over to one of the vents and looked through one of the openings. Through the small, long holes he could make out Chef Chubb. He was a rather plump man, and his name suited him well, was dressed in his white outfit and tall white cap that symbolized he was the chef. He had a thin mustache that drooped slightly down near his mouth.

Chef Chubb, at the moment was busily serving customers. Perfect. Alex traveled over to the door that led to the stairs that went to the second level. Without a sound, he walked up them. He could see the small ray of light under the door that led to the kitchen. He bent down and peered under the door. He could see the well shined dress shoes walking to and fro about the kitchen. Any minute now, they would all have to leave for about 2-3 minutes, because 10 minutes after the restaurant opened, the employees would all wheel out a large buffet cart that had one of Chef Chubb’s famous dishes spread out among the table, free for anyone to enjoy, but only if one made a reservation and came early because this buffet table stays open for 30 minutes and then that dish becomes the Special of the Day, which is often expensive. Alex waited patiently, until a small bell ring was heard and the employees hurried out of the kitchen. Once no sound came from the kitchen, Alex eased the door open and peered into the room. No one in sight, but not for long. The kitchen was a massive room. The floor was modeled like a checker board with a continuous pattern of black and white squares.

The countertops were made of fine granite, and all sorts of fancy food preparation tools were assorted among the kitchen. He searched around, looking for any sort of already prepared food. Then, suddenly, he eyed a small woven basket with a thick white napkin covering the contents. The warm fresh smell of bread made its way to him and he walked over to the basket. He removed the cloth and found 5 large loaves of warm, newly baked bread. He tore off a small piece of a loaf and slipped it into his mouth. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the warm, perfectly salted and lightly seasoned bread. The taste was incredible and soothing. Chef Chubb was famous for his amazing bread recipe.
Chef Chubb enjoyed the pleasant sounds that came from the customers as they expressed their love of the great food. But, suddenly, movements out of the corner of his eye made him turn. Through the kitchen window, he saw a figure standing there eating his bread, for free! Then, he took the entire basket and began to leave! Chef Chubb raised the ladle he was carrying and shouted pointing at Alex,

“THIEF!”

Alex turned around and saw that Chef Chubb was talking about him. In nearly the next second or two, another employee came barging in with a small pot in his hand. He threw the pot and the basket was violently torn from his hands as the pot made contact with it. The bread flew out of the basket, hitting the large floor and scattering small grains of salt and seasoning all over. Quickly, he scooped up the nearest loaf, and sprinted to the door. He quickly opened it and nearly jumped down every stair and hit the ground with a violent thump. The door opened behind him and another pan was thrown down the stairs and almost hit him again. He dashed back into the furnace room and dove into the large vent system and closed the vent cover behind him and scurried through the shaft until he came out on a different side and walked through a small alleyway, and sat down to rest near a dumpster, still clutching the warm bread loaf.

***

Well, after a lot of thought, I've decided to post this up. This story is part of a series of three "books" I thought of myself in the timespan of three years(The second and third story are MUCH longer than the first.

I hope you guys like it and please respond. Both positive and negative critisim is accepted, so fire away.

[*~X~*]

Pretty awesome beginning man. Can't wait for what happens next!

[NazoFire]

Originally Posted by *~X~*

Pretty awesome beginning man. Can't wait for what happens next!

Thanks, man! Glad you like it! I'll post more after more feedback.

[*~X~*]

Originally Posted by NazoFire411

Thanks, man! Glad you like it! I'll post more after more feedback.

Crap, not too many people are posting. I hope you put up Chapter 2 soon!

[NazoFire]

Originally Posted by *~X~*

Crap, not too many people are posting. I hope you put up Chapter 2 soon!

Yeah, well I need more feedback then just you for Chapter 1. When someone else, says something I'll probably put the next one up.

[Leonard]

Gave it a quick read. ;D

I like the story and the way you described the details (especially the part about the fresh bread got me hungry xD). But for the next chapter I recommend splitting it up into more paragraphs, so that it doesn't form such a block of text. Oh and watch out for some spelling mistakes if you want to make it look perfect. ^^

[NazoFire]

Originally Posted by Leonard

Gave it a quick read. ;D

I like the story and the way you described the details (especially the part about the fresh bread got me hungry xD). But for the next chapter I recommend splitting it up into more paragraphs, so that it doesn't form such a block of text. Oh and watch out for some spelling mistakes if you want to make it look perfect. ^^

Okay, thanks. I'll put up Chapter 2 soon and take your advice.

EDIT: Okay, here's Chapter 2.

CHAPTER 2

Alex sat there, panting on the ground. The last few moments still flashing before his eyes. He was so close, but Chef Chubb always was on his guard. Sometimes, Alex had witnessed a customer coming in undercover as a spy for another restaurant trying to either find a recipe or steal some of his dishes to let someone else uncover the ingredients. Chef Chubb always caught them. Alex ripped off some more bread and began eating it when a familiar voice entered his ears.

“Alex! Where did you get that bread?” it said.

Alex looked up. It was his twin brother, Derek. He was the twin that was born 10 minutes ahead of him. They looked different enough to tell the difference between the two, plus Derek’s hair was a shade or two darker than his.

“Um....” he said trying to think of something.

Derek snatched the bread from his hand.

“Alex! Have you been stealing again?” he asked.

Alex sighed. There was no point in lying.

“Yes.” He breathed out.

Derek sighed and looked up.

“Alex, why do you have to do that? You know stealing is wrong and sinful!” Derek scolded.

Alex couldn’t say anything at the moment.

“Why don’t you just ask? Some restaurants will give us some.” Derek explained.

“But, it’s never enough to even last the day and then that restaurant can’t give us anymore for free. Chef Chubb’s samples are enough to last us a week at least! But he never gives up anything for free!” Alex complained.

“He’d lose a lot of money giving away some of his bread away for free. And plus, you know how many scavengers are out there trying to uncover his recipes. Imagine if they caught us! They’d have a chance to get his recipe instantly and it would be our fault. Chef Chubb can’t sacrifice his recipe in our care.” Derek said.

Alex sighed.

“I know. It’s just...hard.” Alex said.

Derek put his arm around Alex to comfort him.

“I know, buddy. It’s been like this since the cruise incident.” Derek said.

Alex’s mind sank at the mention of the incident which had happened almost 2 months ago. It had caused their mother, father, and baby sister to die. He recalled it very clearly.


FLASHBACK

The deck was colder than usual. The wind chilled the air as it swept down on the cruise members. The massive cruise ship sliced through the icy water. Alex was very chilly. He walked over to his mom.

“Why’s it so cold? What happened to all that sun we had yesterday?” Alex asked.

“We got intercepted by a cold front, apparently. It’s going to be like this for at least 2 days. The captain said a storm is coming in soon. You can see it on the horizon.” she said.

Alex saw the dark grey mass that loomed closer every minute as the boat sped through the water. It didn’t look too bad at the moment. He walked back inside his cabin. The inside was a litter warmer, but still cold. Alex walked through the long hall, swaying slightly as the boat did too. He entered his room and pulled some covers over him to warm up. He turned the TV on, but drifted back to sleep.

½ Hour Later

Alex was violently thrown out of his bed and tossed to the floor. The boat was rocking and shaking very hard and Alex couldn’t even stand up. He could only see splashing water out the window. He looked around, but his family wasn’t there. He crawled to the door trying not to crash into anything when the boat tipped. He reached up and opened the door. The boat tipped again and he rolled out of the room and slammed into the wall across from him. There were red alarm lights flashing and a siren beeping, but his family was nowhere to be seen and that scared him, so he ignored their message. Making his way to the stairs, he tripped trying to get up, but grabbed onto the hand rail and pulled himself up. His feet barely even touched the stairs as he pulled himself up with his hands, while his feet just slipped and tripped as the boat rocked him every which way.

When he was almost to the top, a violent shake knocked his grip loose and he began to fall down the flight of stairs. He reached out and hooked his hands on to the third to last stair. He climbed up the last three and rolled away from the stairs. There was no one anywhere. They were all probably hiding. He half crawled; half bear walked his way to the main deck entrance. No one anywhere. Where was everyone? Suddenly, he heard a scream. He looked out a window trying to stay where he was without tripping and falling. Out the window, he saw Derek banging hard on the door and yelling at him to get to where he was. Alex fumbled over to the door and opened it quickly allowing Derek to splash in along with a small pool of salt water. Derek was pale white, soaked completely and panting horribly. Alex bent down gripping to the floor.

“Derek! What happened to you? Where is everyone?” Alex said horrified.

Derek looked, half conscious at him.

“Mom, Dad, Lily. On deck. Need help. Can’t get back inside. Go quickly.” Derek said almost in a whisper.

Alex looked out the door. He opened it and eased his way out. Instantly, violent winds carrying fast salt water whipped at his body painfully. He was soaked in a matter of seconds and the wind and water continued to sting him all over. He walked slowly grabbing on to anything that would help him stand up enough to move forward. He shouted out for his family, but the wind carried his voice away. He walked to the front end of the ship, and then he saw it. His mom, dad, and sister, who was not even 3 years old, were struggling to stay on board. An entire support crew had come to help, but they were scattered among the ground, unconscious from the waves. Alex jumped over the side of the railing he was gripping and slipped his way to help them. There was nothing he could hang onto to grab them.

They were only hanging on to a railing, Alex’s mom clutching Lily in her arms and hanging on with one hand. Alex found a black chord that one of the men had been using and tied himself to a nearby pole. He trudged his way over and called out their names. His dad heard him and reached out a hand. Alex slid forward and reached forward almost grabbing his hand, but then the boat tipped and he slid backwards and grabbed on to the pole he was tied to. Then, he saw it. A huge tsunami sized wave was about to sweep over the boat. He heard his sister scream in sheer horror. Then, it hit. Hundreds of gallons of water spilled on to the boat. It filled up waist deep and then a huge force slammed into him and he was thrown backwards again, and slammed his head into a large iron bar. The water then began pouring off the boat in large amounts. He began to blackout, but the last thing he saw before he did was that where his family had once stood, nothing remained.

END FLASHBACK

Alex shuddered and his eyes teamed up slightly with tears. He had been so close. If he wouldn’t have slipped, he might have saved them. Now, they were living on the streets, because Arlington had no orphanage and his parent’s wills had been sabotaged by an unknown identity theft after he failed to obtain his father’s identity. Derek patted him on the shoulder.

“Hey, let’s get back to the church alley. I’m tired and I want to rest for a bit and I don’t want you wandering off again. And since you’ve managed to already take bites out of this bread I guess we’ll keep it.” Derek said.

“Uh, no thanks, Derek. Think I’ll pass on going to the alley.” Alex said.

“What’s with you? You never go there or sleep there. I know you sneak out of the alley when I’m asleep and sleep somewhere else. Why?” Derek asked.

“Because, I don’t like that place.” Alex said.

“Why not? It’s a church. It’s more religious friendly for us.” Derek said.

“I know. That’s the problem.” Alex said.

“What do you mean? You don’t want to live in a place of God?” Derek asked, confused.

Alex shook his head.

“What!? Why not? This doesn’t have anything to do with the incident does it?” Derek asked.

“Will you stop bringing that up?” Alex yelled angrily.

“It is isn’t it? Alex.....are you blaming God for what happened?” Derek asked.

Alex didn’t reply. He just stared at the ground with an angry expression.

“You are! You’re mad at him, because you think he let our family die!” Derek said.

“And that’s why you refuse to sleep or go near the church and why you never talk about him or to him anymore! That necklace around your neck means something Alex!” Derek said.

Alex still didn’t say anything, but he looked at his shirt. He had completely forgotten about the sterling silver cross necklace that his father had gotten for him. It was the only thing of his family he had left, which was the only reason he kept it.

“Alex, you know God loves us and he cares about us. Do you really think he did this to us?” Derek asked.

Alex was still silent.

“Alex how can you say that? You know...” Derek started.

Alex shrugged his arm off.

“Shut up! If God loves us and wants to protect us, then why the heck did he give us this!? A life of prowling the streets for our next meal and living without a family. Why would he do that to us? We gave him our love, trust, and hope and we get nothing good in return!” Alex shouted almost making a public episode.

Derek said nothing trying to cope with Alex’s anger.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Alex said and walked away. But before he did, he removed the necklace from his neck and threw it at Derek’s feet.

[*~X~*]

Sweet. I'm definitely liking this story so far. Oh and may I just say " DUN DUN DUN!" in response to the end of Chapt. 2. Also, I forgot to say I love that pic you put on the first post!

[NazoFire]

Originally Posted by *~X~*

Sweet. I'm definitely liking this story so far. Oh and may I just say " DUN DUN DUN!" in response to the end of Chapt. 2. Also, I forgot to say I love that pic you put on the first post!

Lol, thanks. Yeah, I found that pic on photobucket and figured it was a perfect looking sword for my story so I slammed the title on there and bam!

[Prashanth]

Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi

[NazoFire]

Originally Posted by Prashanth

Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi

Dude, you can't just spam up the forums like that.

[Door to Light]

Read chapter 1, I'll read 2 later ;)
Well yeah it was a good read, I'll probably enjoy reading 2 later

[NazoFire]

Originally Posted by Doortolight024

Read chapter 1, I'll read 2 later ;)
Well yeah it was a good read, I'll probably enjoy reading 2 later

Thanks for reading, Craig!

[NazoFire]

Chapter 3

Alex walked away trying to find a way to get his mind off of what had just happened. He wanted another bite of bread, but realized that Derek had it. He walked along the streets until a familiar duo of voices were heard. He looked around until he eyed two other friends of his. A girl with dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, with a white fleece shirt and blue jeans along with a boy who was a bit taller than her, wearing a grey undershirt, sweatpants, and black and red Nike shoes were the ones Alex saw. They were Brooke Heifer and Jarred Duran, Alex’s closest friends. Brooke was a Christian too, although many people in Arlington were as well, but not all of them. Although, Jared could be kind of a jerk and seemed to be a little too interested in strength or whatever, but he was always there when Alex was down. Brooke noticed him coming towards them.

“Oh, hey Alex!” Brooke said, cheery as usual.

“Hey.” Alex said back to the two, nodding slightly towards Jarred.

“Hey, dude.” Jared said back.

“We’re about to go to the Go Kart track. Want to come?” Brooke asked.

“Um, I didn’t bring any money.” Alex said.

Alex had been pretending he lived normally like the people here to stay friends with them, but sooner or later he knew they’d figure it out. He always found excuses to not pay whenever they went to places that required money.

“That’s okay. I can pay for you, Alex” Brooke said.

“Really? Thanks, Brooke!” Alex said.

“Don’t mention it! Now c’mon, let’s go!” Brooke said.

The trio strolled down block after block, talking and laughing. Alex was beginning to blow off some steam and relax a little. When they arrived, they were stunned. A massive line had formed, literally a 2 hour wait. The group sighed and shrugged, disappointingly.

“Well, I guess we can go to the gym now!” Jared said.

“Oh, alright.” Brooke said.

Alex was confused. What did he mean ‘now’? Jared’s first idea of going somewhere with Brooke was the gym? Talk about inconsiderate! What girl would want to stand around and watch some other guy show off all day? Alex thought. Brooke and Jared were somewhat of a couple. Not exactly one, but not just friends either.

Brooke and Alex were the same age, but Jared was a year older. It used to be just Alex, Derek, and Brooke, but when Jared and Brooke met and began to get closer Derek was sort of left the group and Alex had to literally go find them to hang out with them. They left the huge line and went down to the large brick complex. The door rang lightly as a bell attached to it swung back and forth. They walked in, Brooke and Alex both feeling very awkward. The gym was filled with tall, muscular, sweaty guys who were lifted weights the likes of which Alex never could.

They all acknowledged Jared’s entrance and went immediately back to what they were doing. Brooke turned to the right and grabbed a small towel and draped it over her neck and joined all the other girls who had come to watch. That made Alex feel even weirder. He watched Jared sit down on a weight lifting bench. He turned on the iPod in his pocket, turning on ‘Don’t Hold Back’ and went to work. Alex feeling stupid already for coming here didn’t want to look even more stupid and picked up two 20lb weights. Suddenly, the manager, who was huge, came over.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” he said with a low, somewhat raspy voice.

Alex didn’t know what to say so he spoke the truth.

“Just here with my friends, sir.” He said cautiously.

“No, you’re not. You’re too scrawny for my gym. Now, ether you go wait with the girls or get out of here!” the man bellowed.

Jared heard the commotion and stopped.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“This guy doesn’t belong here.” The man said.

“What? I brought him here. Why can’t he stay?” Jared argued.

“He’s too puny. Anyone in here is at least two times as strong as he is!” he chuckled.

Alex fought back a stirring anger inside him. He wanted to beat the crap out of that guy, but he knew any violent move against him would result in him probably getting knocked unconscious.

“Hey, man cut the guy a break! He has just as much right to be here as any of us!” Jared shot back.

Alex nodded appreciatively at him.

“Not in my gym. Tell ya’ what kid. If you can lift 100lbs 5 times, I’ll let you stay.” he challenged.

Alex glared him in the eyes.

“Fine.” he said.

The other guys who were on other equipment became very interested, and stopped what they were doing and came closer to watch. The girls edged closer too. Great, Alex thought, more to add to the pressure.

The bar he had to lift weighed 60lbs alone, and then a 20lb weight was added to each side. He laid down and grabbed the bar. He took a deep breath and then tensed himself as the sudden weight bared down on his arms. He brought it down to his chest.

“Ready...Go!” the manager shouted.

Alex lifted it up once struggling not to let his arms give up and let the whole bar slam into himself. He brought it down and stopped before it touched his shirt. He strained not to bring it down all the way.

“1.” he said.

Alex brought it up again. He hands began to swivel against the bar which almost made him lose control. He brought it back down.

“2.” The manager said.

Alex could feel his muscles straining. Sweat began to pour out his forehead and seeped slightly into his eyes. It stung and he almost gave up, but he concentrated and brought it back down.

“3.”

Alex could barely bring himself to lift it again. His muscles begged him to give up, but he ignored and brought it to the top. But, suddenly, he couldn’t hold it any longer. He felt his strength give up and he did exactly what he tried not to do. He gave up all at once, the bar coming back down at a dangerously fast pace, ready to puncture his jaw. Seeing this, Jared reached out and grabbed the bar before it sent him into unconsciousness.

“Stop. He gave up and you interfered. He loses. Get out of here, kid.” The manager scolded.

Alex would have obeyed, but he felt numb after that and sat there. He was violently jerked out of the seat and thrown across the room.

“Get out of my gym!” he yelled.

He hit an exercise mat severely hard. His head rang and throbbed. Jared couldn’t hold himself back. He ran forward at the chubby, yet strong gym manager.

“You jerk!” he yelled.

He jumped forward and kicked the man sharply in the gut. The man groaned as the wind was knocked out of him. Jared followed up with a side hook to the side of his face, then tried to finish it with a knee kick, but the man stopped his leg and grabbed it. He grabbed Jared’s waist and threw him as well.

“You get the hell out of here too!” he yelled.

Jared landed near Alex. He groaned at the impact of the slam. Brooke ran over to the two of them.

“Are you guys all right?” Brooke asked.

“Honestly, no.” Jared replied.

Alex said nothing. He had a look of pure fury in his eyes. He found one of the smaller metal poles on the ground, used for those in training, and picked it up. He looked up at the top of the entrance. A neon ,and incredibly stupid, sign saying “McGee’s Rock Hard Gym” (the name is stupid on purpose, k?) on it glowed an eerie purple. Some of the letters had faded so it actually said “M Gee Ro Har Gym.” He raised the bar and slammed the bar against it. The neon lights exploded and a small shower of sparks rained down around Alex. He dropped the pole, took one last furious look at the manager, and stormed out of the gym. He really wished the Go Karts would have been open.

Here's Chapter 3! Oh and sorry for the double post!

[kazukifafner]

Wow, that was pretty interesting! You don't see too many Christian themed stories on this site, lol. Your description is excellent, and you've done a decent job with the characters so far. I thought the pacing snagged at the beginning of chapter three, but you made up for it by the end.

While I noticed a few minor errors here and there, the only real problem that I noticed was your overuse of words like "almost", "about", "nearly", etc. It's find to use these words in the right situations, like "It was nearly 8 am, and he was running late for school,"but you've put them in places where precise info should have been given. It makes your readers think, "Aren't you the writer? Shouldn't you know this?"

All and all, a very good start!