Whirlwind Lances-Chapter 2

[ZetsubouBilly]

i thought i'd add chapter 2, for those of you that wanna read it:

Chapter 2: The Meeting

In silence, Xaldin waited for the remaining members of Organization XIII to arrive. One by one, they appeared and sat at their seats, which were risen or lowered depending on their stats.

Their leader Xemnas commenced the meeting. "As most of you may know, there are some unwelcome guests wandering around Castle Oblivion," he announced in a resolute tone.

Xaldin already knew this. He was more curious as to why two other members, aside from his three former colleagues, were absent. Obviously another member, Axel, was wondering the same.

"Uh, sorry to interrupt, but I was sorta wonderin' why Larxene and Marluxia are tardy," he asked.

"Unfortunately, 12 has recently become a casualty," Xemnas stated, with no sympathy whatsoever.

Xaldin smiled grimly. That little witch was finally gone. She must have gotten pre-occupied along the way and lost her life.

"As for 11," Xemnas went on, "he is currently in the midst of battle with the intruder."

Xaldin knew that Larxene was just as powerful as Marluxia, therefore he would die as well.

After a tedious briefing of each of their duties, they all vanished to perform them. All except for Xaldin. He had been put in charge of some castle far away, but he had other plans.

Should he try to stop this intruder? He deeply longed to avenge his comrades, but he was smarter than that. He knew he'd end up like the others; after all, this person had already put an end to almost half the Organization.

No, he'd wait, because now he had the perfect plan. He knew that Xemnas would soon use the Organization's secret weapon: Namine.

End of Chapter 2; Next Chapter: Death to Petals

Dum...Dum.....DUMMMM!!!!! please comment!

btw, all of these stories are supposed to somewhat correspond to the actual story.

[Angelsinflight]

its good so far. the only 2 things i critique are:

1. make your chapters longer. the longer, the more info and the better.
2. keep your chapters on 1 thread. its easier to keep up with and you don't have to keep making threads for every chapter you write.

^^

[Ryuuku]

yeah, i really like it; shaping up to be a good story. i also like the cliffhanger
*gives props*
good job!

[ZetsubouBilly]

Originally Posted by Angelsinflight

its good so far. the only 2 things i critique are:

1. make your chapters longer. the longer, the more info and the better.
2. keep your chapters on 1 thread. its easier to keep up with and you don't have to keep making threads for every chapter you write.

^^

1. yeah, this was the shortest chapter anyway, but i'll try to add some more details in later chapters.
2. kk, i'll transfer this to the other thread.

thnx for the input!

[Takushi Rena]

LilShiro, please keep all of your chapters in one thread for your story. I'm closing this one and you can put the rest of the chapters in your other thread. I can also change the title [though i might not be able to do that...] for that thread, if you want!

Otherwise, closed!