Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin)

R-K · 07/05/08, 08:39 AM

This is the third oneshot from my 'Pairings from a Hat' oneshot challenge. I would post the other two but they aren't appropriate according to KHI's guidelines so if you liked this and wouldn't mind to read some more check my sig or PM me. =] Also, the idea is that the oneshots would be able to take place within the games, so keep that in mind.

- - -

Marluxia dragged his hand across the pearl white walls lightly, smiling as he did so as he so commonly did. It was his. Xemnas had given him leadership of Castle Oblivion – a place they, the Organization, had discovered not too long ago. He, himself, was only a new member of the Organization and to be given such an important job so early gave him the impression that he had garnered the Superior’s trust.

He was ecstatic, working his way up the ladder of ruler-ship was something that many of the elder members were striving to obtain and he had accomplished it in such a short time. In not time at all, Marluxia could see himself as the Superior’s right hand man, and if everything went well here – possibly even the Superior himself. The thought was like candy to the pink-haired man, his lips quirking up every time he thought of it.

He moved over to the large, white, throne-like chair that was situated in the room. His hand smoothed along the groove of chair and sat down, smiling. It was as it should be, with him in control of the Organization. It was what he had desired for the longest time – if he could feel desire that is.

“It’s to your liking?”

Marluxia looked over his shoulder to find Xaldin standing behind him. His arms were behind his back and when he spoke, it was in a serious tone – but that’s how it always was with Xaldin.

“Yes…,” Marluxia said, carefully.

‘Good,” Xaldin replied, stepping forward, “The Superior will be pleased. Soon the Castle will be ready.”

Marluxia nodded.

“What of the girl?” Xaldin said.

Marluxia got up from his chair, walking slowly towards the crystal orb that was settled in the middle of the room. He placed his hand on it. It glowed for a moment, before displaying a small blonde teenager. She was crestfallen, dropping in her chair – head looking at the ground. Her face was emotionless as she sat there. In her hand was a small sketchbook.

“We don’t know much about her at this point,” Marluxia said, looking down at the girl. “Vexen believes she may be like us - a Nobody. But it’s too soon to tell.”

Xaldin stepped closer, lightly touching the younger man, something which the man noticed. “I’d like to do some tests on her before I leave,” Xaldin said, staring the girl down. “That girl was here when we found the castle, who knows how long she has been here.”

“Vexen beat you to it if that’s what you were hoping to find out,” Marluxia said, looking up at the man with a smile. “She’s as old as Roxas.”

“What?” Xaldin said, a tone in his voice being heightened. “She’s only been here for a few weeks?” Marluxia nodded, his smile not fading.

“Yes,” he said simply, looking down at the girl again. “There is something – special – about her.”

“Special? You should be careful then,” Xaldin said, “There’s a lot of special people messing with the Organization lately. If she is anything like Sora, we may have a problem.”

“Are you worried about me?” Marluxia said – coyly – looking up at the elder man. The grin on his face was more apparent now than ever as he leaned in closer to the man.

“No.” Xaldin stared into his eyes a feeling of unforgiving apparent in the atmosphere. “Do you want to end up like number fourteen?”

“Her?” Marluxia scoffed, “She was no one.”

“As will you be if you don’t stop,” Xaldin said coldly. “Focus on your goals and nothing else. If you want to please the Superior, you should take what I say seriously.”

“Fine,” Marluxia said as Xaldin disappeared into the Dark Corridor. Marluxia rolled his eyes as he went back to his chair. He sat annoyed, watching the girl through the orb. Maybe she could be of some use to him? He wanted to show him, show all of the Organization that he meant business. Xaldin and the others treated him like a child, one who knew nothing of the world and its inhabitants.

He would show him, oh yes, he would show him. When Marluxia became the Superior, Xaldin would beg to serve under him, to be with him. That’s when he would be desperate for him, Marluxia. It wasn’t too far away, he thought. He knew the girl would be crucial. If he wanted to get anything done he would need the girl. And the boy. Together, he could throw over the Organization. It was only a matter of time.

“Xaldin will see,” Marluxia reassured himself. “I’ll make him see. He will wish that he never did that.”

A portal of darkness appeared in the room, and out stepped a fiery redhead. “Sora is at the crossroads,” he said, his arms crossed, “Aren’t you going to go greet him?”

Oh yes, it had begun.

The End

CRITIQUES?! THOUGHTS?! HATE IT?@ LOVE IT?@

gotegenks · 07/05/08, 11:39 PM

pretty good! i like how you put his emotions and exitement at being put in charge, and the little revenge hints at the end, i could see the point where he turns on the organization,

lol @ "fiery redhead" xD

R-K · 07/05/08, 11:42 PM

Yayy! Thanks for the comments, they make me feel like I'm not that much of a loser. xD

)-(The Anomaly)-( · 07/05/08, 11:58 PM

You've got a pretty decent way of writing. I like the over all concept and you descriptions are better than quite a few I've seen. Also, I do enjoy your dialog between the characters. some people use over the top communication that makes the character seem much hard to relate to or read about. So Props there. As a One shot, I'd give it an 7.0 out of 10.

i mean, there's really nothing wrong with the fic, it's just not anything outstanding. I enjoyed it though and will look to see your next piece of writing when it comes. So, keep it up, and strive for something crazy..! :D

R-K · 07/07/08, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikep

You've got a pretty decent way of writing. I like the over all concept and you descriptions are better than quite a few I've seen. Also, I do enjoy your dialog between the characters. some people use over the top communication that makes the character seem much hard to relate to or read about. So Props there. As a One shot, I'd give it an 7.0 out of 10.

i mean, there's really nothing wrong with the fic, it's just not anything outstanding. I enjoyed it though and will look to see your next piece of writing when it comes. So, keep it up, and strive for something crazy..! :D

lol thanks for the comments. They are, of course, greatly appreciated. =]

Anonymous · 07/08/08, 01:50 AM

Although I like your writing, I don't think that was Marluxia's sentiment at all...
I don't see him striving for acceptance, I just see him as power hungry.
(That's just my opinion though)

But good job though, the interaction seems plausible otherwise.

R-K · 07/08/08, 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Although I like your writing, I don't think that was Marluxia's sentiment at all...
I don't see him striving for acceptance, I just see him as power hungry.
(That's just my opinion though)

But good job though, the interaction seems plausible otherwise.

xD. Thanks for your comments.
I don't know, I just thought i'd give a reason beyond power for Marluxia's actions. And I ended up tying that in with Xaldin =/
lol, it's kind of odd.

Anonymous · 07/08/08, 04:40 AM

It is odd, but I liked the way you worked it in. =D
I mean, I see why Marluxia has that mind frame in this one-shot, but in the game, I got this feeling that he just really wanted to be the one in charge.

Who knows? And what does it matter? =D
Nice work, [bottom line] xD

R-K · 07/08/08, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anonymous

It is odd, but I liked the way you worked it in. =D
I mean, I see why Marluxia has that mind frame in this one-shot, but in the game, I got this feeling that he just really wanted to be the one in charge.

Who knows? And what does it matter? =D
Nice work, [bottom line] xD

lol, yeah I guess that's all it comes down to, and, again, thanks. ^______^

Sora788 · 07/09/08, 03:40 AM

I liked it

I think that the dialog was good as well as Marluxia's reactions/behavior. I love Marluxia, so, yeah, I do hope he shows him, lolz. Marluxia's so awesome. To add a little bit more character to him, I think you should add things like his roses and such, because that is a big part of who he is. I think that if you add that Namine was wearing her white gown/dress thing, then that would sort of symbolize her innocence. You know what I mean? Just a few things here and there could add a little bit more depth to the story. But, that's just what I think.

Write more about Marluxia, soon. :]

DarkMarblinc18 · 07/09/08, 03:54 AM

wow im impressed ^^ very good scripting

kinda inspiring, cause i'm working on a story too.. urs is wayy better though.
keep it up!

Sora788 · 07/09/08, 04:09 AM

^ I'm sure your idea isn't that bad as you think it is. Is your story about Marluxia? I'd like to read it one day

R-K · 07/09/08, 04:26 AM

O.o lots of comments in a short period of time, lol.

@Sora, Thanks a lot, and thanks for the suggestions. I'll definitely keep those in mind.

@Dark, What's it about, i'd love to give it a read when you're finished.

DarkMarblinc18 · 07/09/08, 04:40 AM

Haha thanks :D
it about org.13 in general, I added a few twists to the story ^^
but its no where near done yet, I have a longg way to go ;)

Castle Oblivion · 07/13/08, 12:13 AM

:D I liked it!! You have a nice style of writting!
The problem with me when I write stories is that they are always so long!! I have no idea how to make a story short....>__<

07/05/08, 08:39 AM	#1
R-K the world is damaged ♥ Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: BC \| Canada Age: 16 Posts: 10,191 Rep Power: 20	Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) This is the third oneshot from my 'Pairings from a Hat' oneshot challenge. I would post the other two but they aren't appropriate according to KHI's guidelines so if you liked this and wouldn't mind to read some more check my sig or PM me. =] Also, the idea is that the oneshots would be able to take place within the games, so keep that in mind. - - - Marluxia dragged his hand across the pearl white walls lightly, smiling as he did so as he so commonly did. It was his. Xemnas had given him leadership of Castle Oblivion – a place they, the Organization, had discovered not too long ago. He, himself, was only a new member of the Organization and to be given such an important job so early gave him the impression that he had garnered the Superior’s trust. He was ecstatic, working his way up the ladder of ruler-ship was something that many of the elder members were striving to obtain and he had accomplished it in such a short time. In not time at all, Marluxia could see himself as the Superior’s right hand man, and if everything went well here – possibly even the Superior himself. The thought was like candy to the pink-haired man, his lips quirking up every time he thought of it. He moved over to the large, white, throne-like chair that was situated in the room. His hand smoothed along the groove of chair and sat down, smiling. It was as it should be, with him in control of the Organization. It was what he had desired for the longest time – if he could feel desire that is. “It’s to your liking?” Marluxia looked over his shoulder to find Xaldin standing behind him. His arms were behind his back and when he spoke, it was in a serious tone – but that’s how it always was with Xaldin. “Yes…,” Marluxia said, carefully. ‘Good,” Xaldin replied, stepping forward, “The Superior will be pleased. Soon the Castle will be ready.” Marluxia nodded. “What of the girl?” Xaldin said. Marluxia got up from his chair, walking slowly towards the crystal orb that was settled in the middle of the room. He placed his hand on it. It glowed for a moment, before displaying a small blonde teenager. She was crestfallen, dropping in her chair – head looking at the ground. Her face was emotionless as she sat there. In her hand was a small sketchbook. “We don’t know much about her at this point,” Marluxia said, looking down at the girl. “Vexen believes she may be like us - a Nobody. But it’s too soon to tell.” Xaldin stepped closer, lightly touching the younger man, something which the man noticed. “I’d like to do some tests on her before I leave,” Xaldin said, staring the girl down. “That girl was here when we found the castle, who knows how long she has been here.” “Vexen beat you to it if that’s what you were hoping to find out,” Marluxia said, looking up at the man with a smile. “She’s as old as Roxas.” “What?” Xaldin said, a tone in his voice being heightened. “She’s only been here for a few weeks?” Marluxia nodded, his smile not fading. “Yes,” he said simply, looking down at the girl again. “There is something – special – about her.” “Special? You should be careful then,” Xaldin said, “There’s a lot of special people messing with the Organization lately. If she is anything like Sora, we may have a problem.” “Are you worried about me?” Marluxia said – coyly – looking up at the elder man. The grin on his face was more apparent now than ever as he leaned in closer to the man. “No.” Xaldin stared into his eyes a feeling of unforgiving apparent in the atmosphere. “Do you want to end up like number fourteen?” “Her?” Marluxia scoffed, “She was no one.” “As will you be if you don’t stop,” Xaldin said coldly. “Focus on your goals and nothing else. If you want to please the Superior, you should take what I say seriously.” “Fine,” Marluxia said as Xaldin disappeared into the Dark Corridor. Marluxia rolled his eyes as he went back to his chair. He sat annoyed, watching the girl through the orb. Maybe she could be of some use to him? He wanted to show him, show all of the Organization that he meant business. Xaldin and the others treated him like a child, one who knew nothing of the world and its inhabitants. He would show him, oh yes, he would show him. When Marluxia became the Superior, Xaldin would beg to serve under him, to be with him. That’s when he would be desperate for him, Marluxia. It wasn’t too far away, he thought. He knew the girl would be crucial. If he wanted to get anything done he would need the girl. And the boy. Together, he could throw over the Organization. It was only a matter of time. “Xaldin will see,” Marluxia reassured himself. “I’ll make him see. He will wish that he never did that.” A portal of darkness appeared in the room, and out stepped a fiery redhead. “Sora is at the crossroads,” he said, his arms crossed, “Aren’t you going to go greet him?” Oh yes, it had begun. The End CRITIQUES?! THOUGHTS?! HATE IT?@ LOVE IT?@

07/05/08, 11:39 PM	#2
gotegenks Organization Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Could you tell me that? Posts: 363 Rep Power: 1	Re: Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) pretty good! i like how you put his emotions and exitement at being put in charge, and the little revenge hints at the end, i could see the point where he turns on the organization, lol @ "fiery redhead" xD

07/05/08, 11:42 PM	#3
R-K the world is damaged ♥ Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: BC \| Canada Age: 16 Posts: 10,191 Rep Power: 20	Re: Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) Yayy! Thanks for the comments, they make me feel like I'm not that much of a loser. xD

07/05/08, 11:58 PM	#4
)-(The Anomaly)-( Ruler of Light Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Somewhere on this planet... Posts: 596 Rep Power: 3	Re: Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) You've got a pretty decent way of writing. I like the over all concept and you descriptions are better than quite a few I've seen. Also, I do enjoy your dialog between the characters. some people use over the top communication that makes the character seem much hard to relate to or read about. So Props there. As a One shot, I'd give it an 7.0 out of 10. i mean, there's really nothing wrong with the fic, it's just not anything outstanding. I enjoyed it though and will look to see your next piece of writing when it comes. So, keep it up, and strive for something crazy..! :D Last edited by )-(The Anomaly)-(; 07/06/08 at 12:07 AM.

07/08/08, 01:50 AM	#6
Anonymous The Unknowing Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Amongst others Age: 15 Posts: 1,555 Rep Power: 5	Re: Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) Although I like your writing, I don't think that was Marluxia's sentiment at all... I don't see him striving for acceptance, I just see him as power hungry. (That's just my opinion though) But good job though, the interaction seems plausible otherwise.

07/08/08, 04:40 AM	#8
Anonymous The Unknowing Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Amongst others Age: 15 Posts: 1,555 Rep Power: 5	Re: Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) It is odd, but I liked the way you worked it in. =D I mean, I see why Marluxia has that mind frame in this one-shot, but in the game, I got this feeling that he just really wanted to be the one in charge. Who knows? And what does it matter? =D Nice work, [bottom line] xD

07/09/08, 03:40 AM	#10
Sora788 Ruler of Light Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Chaos Empire. Posts: 613 Rep Power: 2	Re: Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) I liked it I think that the dialog was good as well as Marluxia's reactions/behavior. I love Marluxia, so, yeah, I do hope he shows him, lolz. Marluxia's so awesome. To add a little bit more character to him, I think you should add things like his roses and such, because that is a big part of who he is. I think that if you add that Namine was wearing her white gown/dress thing, then that would sort of symbolize her innocence. You know what I mean? Just a few things here and there could add a little bit more depth to the story. But, that's just what I think. Write more about Marluxia, soon. :]

07/09/08, 03:54 AM	#11
DarkMarblinc18 Keyblade Novice Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: With Sokka, drinking cactus juice and staring at circle birds xD Posts: 94 Rep Power: 1	Re: Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) wow im impressed ^^ very good scripting kinda inspiring, cause i'm working on a story too.. urs is wayy better though. keep it up!

07/09/08, 04:09 AM	#12
Sora788 Ruler of Light Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Chaos Empire. Posts: 613 Rep Power: 2	Re: Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) ^ I'm sure your idea isn't that bad as you think it is. Is your story about Marluxia? I'd like to read it one day

07/09/08, 04:26 AM	#13
R-K the world is damaged ♥ Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: BC \| Canada Age: 16 Posts: 10,191 Rep Power: 20	Re: Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) O.o lots of comments in a short period of time, lol. @Sora, Thanks a lot, and thanks for the suggestions. I'll definitely keep those in mind. @Dark, What's it about, i'd love to give it a read when you're finished.

07/09/08, 04:40 AM	#14
DarkMarblinc18 Keyblade Novice Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: With Sokka, drinking cactus juice and staring at circle birds xD Posts: 94 Rep Power: 1	Re: Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) Haha thanks :D it about org.13 in general, I added a few twists to the story ^^ but its no where near done yet, I have a longg way to go ;)

07/13/08, 12:13 AM	#15
Castle Oblivion Disney Soldier Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Destiny Islands Age: 14 Posts: 18 Rep Power: 0	Re: Petals on the Floor (Marluxia/Xaldin) :D I liked it!! You have a nice style of writting! The problem with me when I write stories is that they are always so long!! I have no idea how to make a story short....>__<

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