Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic}

**Xeno Xombie** · 06/10/08, 03:11 AM

Mission 01: The Informer
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The water glistened as the sun rose over the fountain resting in front of the Fotuna Opera House. People were already out and about, walking through the streets, admiring the items in shop windows. No one would have thought that any form of chaos was so near, but that was before he showed up. Standing about 6'2", this man walked briskly through the streets, a determined look upon his face. This man's name was Xeno. The sun burned his head through his thick black hair; his green eyes seemed observant, analytical. His long white coat wafted gently in the breeze as he stopped in front of a run-down pawn shop.

"Welcome, sir!" said a toothless old man when Xeno stepped through the shop's door. The shopkeeper began removing items from boxes as Xeno began scanning the items on the shelves. He raised an eyebrow upon seeing an item near the back of the shop: a pair of identical, hand-crafted pistols. Etched into the handles for both of them were two names, "Ebony & Ivory."

"Ah, you have exquisite taste, sir," said the shopkeeper. Xeno had not noticed that he had been standing right next to where the shopkeeper had been working. Xeno looked at him. "May I examine them?" he asked casually. "Of course, sir," said the shopkeeper. He raised a wrinkled hand and began to unlock the case. Every feature about the shopkeeper was horrid: his hands and arms were horribly skinny and wrinkled; his clothes were patched and frayed; and his skin smelled like it was rotting. When he removed the glass case, Xeno removed the pistols and began analyzing them. "I take it you know the legends behind those pistols, sir?" asked the shopkeeper. "Yes, I do," said Xeno, "these guns were forged by Dante, son of the legendary Dark Knight, Sparda. I also know that Sparda is revered as a God in this city. Why, then, would his son's pistols be in a shop like this?" he asked. "Shouldn't they be in the Opera House with the statue of Sparda?" A look of dark disgust formed upon the shopkeeper's face; Xeno paid no notice to this as he continued to turn the pistols over in his hands.

"10 years ago, Dante invaded Fortuna," said the shopkeeper. "He assassinated our Holy Leader, Sanctus, and destroyed our sacred Hellgate. 5 years later, he died. When I heard, well, I had a feeling his possessions were buried with him. So, I found his grave and I--er, relieved him of his pistols, his sword, and his father's sword. I have sent Sparda's sword to my master to be examined; I have Dante's sword in the back room if you would like to see it, sir." When the shopkeeper had finished, Xeno asked, "What of his brother's sword? What of Yamato?" The shopkeeper sighed. "Yamato currently resides with Nero, Captain of the Holy Knights. They are at Fortuna Castle at the moment."

Xeno put Ebony & Ivory on a small table near the door. "You said you have Dante's sword in the back room. May I see it?" he asked. "Of course, sir," said the shopkeeper with a rather nasty grin. When he left, Xeno quickly put Ebony & Ivory in his back pockets. When the shopkeeper returned, Xeno took the blade from him and stared at it. The skull at the hilt of the blade glowed in the morning sun, its eyes glowed ominously. "Might you be so kind as to tell me who your master is so I can find him and examine Sparda's sword?" asked Xeno. The shopkeeper smirked. "Master Sudnum wouldn't help the likes of you," he said with an evil glint in his eyes. "Now get out of my shop." As Xeno began to walk to the door, the shopkeeper's body began to change: color drained from his face; his skin began to peel away; a scythe appeared in his hands. "Thank you for your time, sir, you've been very helpful," said Xeno as he pulled Ebony out of his back pocket and shot the shopkeeper between the eyes. As his body hit the ground, five demons rose from the floor and swung their blades at Xeno's head. He dodged them easily and kicked one of the demons into the air and juggled it with Ebony & Ivory. He quickly side-stepped to the left as a heavy blade swiped the air where he previously stood. Xeno impaled one of the rotting bodies with Rebellion and sent it flying into another demon behind him. He jumped into the air and brought his blade crashing down, killing the two remaining demons. He re-pocketed Ebony & Ivory and sheathed Rebellion on his back. Xeno felt a strange power deep inside of him. "Dante's demonic blood lies dormant within these weapons. It's only a matter of time before this power reawakens within me," he said. He left the shop and began to walk down the street. "With Sparda's sword, Mundus will soon be unstoppable. I must find him and kill him before he regains enough power and unleashes his hellish army upon the world. I suppose the best place to start would be Fortuna Castle," he said as he headed for the city's port.

Any comments? What needs work? I know I should probably lengthen it a bit more, but is there anything else I should work on?

Star Light · 07/11/08, 11:29 PM

It's great!! I saw the post at the group page. Definatly continue! It helps brinin people if you post a link in your sig. I must know what happens next.

kazukifafner · 07/12/08, 05:34 AM

Very well done! Your descriptions are nice, and your sentences are varied, so it never feels too dull. I like the way you've introduced a new character in a way that doesn't rely to heavily on the old ones; makes it easier to make it your own.

One thing I should mention. Dialog needs to be given a separate paragraph for each speaker. I'll use your piece as an example:

"Ah, you have exquisite taste, sir," said the shopkeeper. Xeno had not noticed that he had been standing right next to where the shopkeeper had been working.

Xeno looked at him. "May I examine them?" he asked casually.

"Of course, sir," said the shopkeeper.

Also, one last thing, try not to rely to heavily on -ly adverbs. It's okay to use them, just do it sparingly. Using them to often can give the writing a sing-song effect, which can kill a mood (especially if it is supposed to be tense or sad).

1-up salesman · 07/12/08, 05:40 AM

That was awesome! I haven't even played DMC, and I love it!!
Edit: In fact, I'll give you a Rep Point for every Chapter!

**Xeno Xombie** · 07/12/08, 06:27 AM

Thanks guys. =)

Mission 02: Awakening

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WEAPONS OBTAINED**
Ebony & Ivory: Twin handguns forged by Dante, the son of the legendary Dark Knight, Sparda. Capable of rapid fire, these guns are most effective at mid- to long-range.

Rebellion: The blade handed down from Sparda to Dante. This blade houses Dante's dormant demonic blood and is most effective at mid- to close-range combat.

It's 12:30 and I'm tired; I'll edit tomorrow.

risingfalls · 07/12/08, 06:52 AM

Quote:

It's 12:30 and I'm tired; I'll edit tomorrow.

D=
Meeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaan. I want to read some now.
Anyway, I love what I've read so far.
And b/c this is DMC, I'm expecting sick action scenes. Don't disappoint =]

**Xeno Xombie** · 07/12/08, 07:00 AM

Okay, I'm not really tired, I'm just too lazy to think.

lol.

**Stavros** · 07/12/08, 05:07 PM

The only thing I say is MAKE THEM LONGER.

I'd say about a page and a half, to 2 and 1/2, size 12, or 10, font.

Other than that, it was pretty good. Expecting the same now.

**Xeno Xombie** · 07/12/08, 05:15 PM

But I can't do that. I lack Microsoft Word. D:

**Stavros** · 07/12/08, 05:20 PM

. . .So. . .What are you using? Notepad?

Takuya · 07/19/08, 04:59 AM

Or better yet. Jarte D: Your story is beautiful. Action and detail, as well as back story are carried in efficient flow.

**Xeno Xombie** · 07/19/08, 05:06 AM

Shit, I keep forgetting about this. ._.

I'll work on it now. Promise~

1-up salesman · 07/19/08, 11:29 PM

Please!!.......................................... ........ those periods were just so I'll have 25 characters

**Stavros** · 07/20/08, 12:49 AM

Funny, because the writing you did afterwords made up for the ". . .".

1-up salesman · 07/20/08, 01:44 AM

........ oh.....well....I just...wanted to let everyone....know....... = I

06/10/08, 03:11 AM	#1
Xeno Xombie kill it with fire Join Date: May 2006 Location: Shawnee, OK Age: 17 Posts: 8,712 Rep Power: 14	Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} Mission 01: The Informer -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The water glistened as the sun rose over the fountain resting in front of the Fotuna Opera House. People were already out and about, walking through the streets, admiring the items in shop windows. No one would have thought that any form of chaos was so near, but that was before he showed up. Standing about 6'2", this man walked briskly through the streets, a determined look upon his face. This man's name was Xeno. The sun burned his head through his thick black hair; his green eyes seemed observant, analytical. His long white coat wafted gently in the breeze as he stopped in front of a run-down pawn shop. "Welcome, sir!" said a toothless old man when Xeno stepped through the shop's door. The shopkeeper began removing items from boxes as Xeno began scanning the items on the shelves. He raised an eyebrow upon seeing an item near the back of the shop: a pair of identical, hand-crafted pistols. Etched into the handles for both of them were two names, "Ebony & Ivory." "Ah, you have exquisite taste, sir," said the shopkeeper. Xeno had not noticed that he had been standing right next to where the shopkeeper had been working. Xeno looked at him. "May I examine them?" he asked casually. "Of course, sir," said the shopkeeper. He raised a wrinkled hand and began to unlock the case. Every feature about the shopkeeper was horrid: his hands and arms were horribly skinny and wrinkled; his clothes were patched and frayed; and his skin smelled like it was rotting. When he removed the glass case, Xeno removed the pistols and began analyzing them. "I take it you know the legends behind those pistols, sir?" asked the shopkeeper. "Yes, I do," said Xeno, "these guns were forged by Dante, son of the legendary Dark Knight, Sparda. I also know that Sparda is revered as a God in this city. Why, then, would his son's pistols be in a shop like this?" he asked. "Shouldn't they be in the Opera House with the statue of Sparda?" A look of dark disgust formed upon the shopkeeper's face; Xeno paid no notice to this as he continued to turn the pistols over in his hands. "10 years ago, Dante invaded Fortuna," said the shopkeeper. "He assassinated our Holy Leader, Sanctus, and destroyed our sacred Hellgate. 5 years later, he died. When I heard, well, I had a feeling his possessions were buried with him. So, I found his grave and I--er, relieved him of his pistols, his sword, and his father's sword. I have sent Sparda's sword to my master to be examined; I have Dante's sword in the back room if you would like to see it, sir." When the shopkeeper had finished, Xeno asked, "What of his brother's sword? What of Yamato?" The shopkeeper sighed. "Yamato currently resides with Nero, Captain of the Holy Knights. They are at Fortuna Castle at the moment." Xeno put Ebony & Ivory on a small table near the door. "You said you have Dante's sword in the back room. May I see it?" he asked. "Of course, sir," said the shopkeeper with a rather nasty grin. When he left, Xeno quickly put Ebony & Ivory in his back pockets. When the shopkeeper returned, Xeno took the blade from him and stared at it. The skull at the hilt of the blade glowed in the morning sun, its eyes glowed ominously. "Might you be so kind as to tell me who your master is so I can find him and examine Sparda's sword?" asked Xeno. The shopkeeper smirked. "Master Sudnum wouldn't help the likes of you," he said with an evil glint in his eyes. "Now get out of my shop." As Xeno began to walk to the door, the shopkeeper's body began to change: color drained from his face; his skin began to peel away; a scythe appeared in his hands. "Thank you for your time, sir, you've been very helpful," said Xeno as he pulled Ebony out of his back pocket and shot the shopkeeper between the eyes. As his body hit the ground, five demons rose from the floor and swung their blades at Xeno's head. He dodged them easily and kicked one of the demons into the air and juggled it with Ebony & Ivory. He quickly side-stepped to the left as a heavy blade swiped the air where he previously stood. Xeno impaled one of the rotting bodies with Rebellion and sent it flying into another demon behind him. He jumped into the air and brought his blade crashing down, killing the two remaining demons. He re-pocketed Ebony & Ivory and sheathed Rebellion on his back. Xeno felt a strange power deep inside of him. "Dante's demonic blood lies dormant within these weapons. It's only a matter of time before this power reawakens within me," he said. He left the shop and began to walk down the street. "With Sparda's sword, Mundus will soon be unstoppable. I must find him and kill him before he regains enough power and unleashes his hellish army upon the world. I suppose the best place to start would be Fortuna Castle," he said as he headed for the city's port. Any comments? What needs work? I know I should probably lengthen it a bit more, but is there anything else I should work on? Last edited by Xeno Xombie; 06/10/08 at 05:41 AM. Reason: Added more.

07/11/08, 11:29 PM	#2
Star Light Twilight Knight Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In the Sky... in your Dreams Age: 14 Posts: 923 Rep Power: 1	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} It's great!! I saw the post at the group page. Definatly continue! It helps brinin people if you post a link in your sig. I must know what happens next.

07/12/08, 05:34 AM	#3
kazukifafner Ruler of Light Join Date: May 2007 Location: Somewhere Age: 17 Posts: 513 Rep Power: 2	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} Very well done! Your descriptions are nice, and your sentences are varied, so it never feels too dull. I like the way you've introduced a new character in a way that doesn't rely to heavily on the old ones; makes it easier to make it your own. One thing I should mention. Dialog needs to be given a separate paragraph for each speaker. I'll use your piece as an example: "Ah, you have exquisite taste, sir," said the shopkeeper. Xeno had not noticed that he had been standing right next to where the shopkeeper had been working. Xeno looked at him. "May I examine them?" he asked casually. "Of course, sir," said the shopkeeper. Also, one last thing, try not to rely to heavily on -ly adverbs. It's okay to use them, just do it sparingly. Using them to often can give the writing a sing-song effect, which can kill a mood (especially if it is supposed to be tense or sad).

07/12/08, 05:40 AM	#4
1-up salesman Organization Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Poot Posts: 421 Rep Power: 1	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} That was awesome! I haven't even played DMC, and I love it!! Edit: In fact, I'll give you a Rep Point for every Chapter!

07/12/08, 06:27 AM	#5
Xeno Xombie kill it with fire Join Date: May 2006 Location: Shawnee, OK Age: 17 Posts: 8,712 Rep Power: 14	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} Thanks guys. =) Mission 02: Awakening -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WEAPONS OBTAINED** Ebony & Ivory: Twin handguns forged by Dante, the son of the legendary Dark Knight, Sparda. Capable of rapid fire, these guns are most effective at mid- to long-range. Rebellion: The blade handed down from Sparda to Dante. This blade houses Dante's dormant demonic blood and is most effective at mid- to close-range combat. It's 12:30 and I'm tired; I'll edit tomorrow.

07/12/08, 07:00 AM	#7
Xeno Xombie kill it with fire Join Date: May 2006 Location: Shawnee, OK Age: 17 Posts: 8,712 Rep Power: 14	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} Okay, I'm not really tired, I'm just too lazy to think. lol.

07/12/08, 05:07 PM	#8
Stavros A Synonym for Acquiesce Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: . . .To Suffer. . . Age: 16 Posts: 8,684 Rep Power: 13	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} The only thing I say is MAKE THEM LONGER. I'd say about a page and a half, to 2 and 1/2, size 12, or 10, font. Other than that, it was pretty good. Expecting the same now.

07/12/08, 05:15 PM	#9
Xeno Xombie kill it with fire Join Date: May 2006 Location: Shawnee, OK Age: 17 Posts: 8,712 Rep Power: 14	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} But I can't do that. I lack Microsoft Word. D:

07/12/08, 05:20 PM	#10
Stavros A Synonym for Acquiesce Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: . . .To Suffer. . . Age: 16 Posts: 8,684 Rep Power: 13	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} . . .So. . .What are you using? Notepad?

07/19/08, 04:59 AM	#11
Takuya Ruler of Light Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: West. Ooh~ Age: 16 Posts: 606 Rep Power: 1	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} Or better yet. Jarte D: Your story is beautiful. Action and detail, as well as back story are carried in efficient flow.

07/19/08, 05:06 AM	#12
Xeno Xombie kill it with fire Join Date: May 2006 Location: Shawnee, OK Age: 17 Posts: 8,712 Rep Power: 14	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} Shit, I keep forgetting about this. ._. I'll work on it now. Promise~

07/19/08, 11:29 PM	#13
1-up salesman Organization Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Poot Posts: 421 Rep Power: 1	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} Please!!.......................................... ........ those periods were just so I'll have 25 characters

07/20/08, 12:49 AM	#14
Stavros A Synonym for Acquiesce Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: . . .To Suffer. . . Age: 16 Posts: 8,684 Rep Power: 13	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} Funny, because the writing you did afterwords made up for the ". . .".

07/20/08, 01:44 AM	#15
1-up salesman Organization Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Poot Posts: 421 Rep Power: 1	Re: Chaotic Reign {A Devil May Cry Fic} ........ oh.....well....I just...wanted to let everyone....know....... = I

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