| | #1 |
| Twilight Knight Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In a path of Twighlt fighting the darkness and light side of me Age: 16
Posts: 791
Rep Power: 0 ![]() | This Fan ficts villains are all based on immortal, mortal and undead characters from any game, book/comic and historical documents in mythology any bad guy that I don't have on the list and you want on there tell me and I will add them to the story. Chapter 1: The Immortals Year 1600 As the Carriage moved on the old road a old man shivered as he looked out the window he should have listen to the mayor and waited for the sun to rise before leaving "THUMB" the Carriage stopped moving "Artamos what’s wrong why did we stop Artomas" yelled the old man as he walked out of the Carriage with a lantern "Omg" he said as he saw the torn up body of his servent it had been sucked of all bodily fluids which only meant one thing “Immortals” the old man released one of the horses and started to ride off as he rode he heard laughter turning around he saw two male Werewolfs running right after him they were getting close the bigger one had almost touched him when a figure jumped from the left at the creature tackling it as the werewolf got back up the other landed next to him. "Stupid human I shall us you as a blank....." before he could finish his sentence the figure had pulled out a weird gun at the end of it was a bright orange lens the gun itself had shot out a pure shot of solar energy as the figure watched the werewolf burn to death he quickly changed the frame of the gun which was smaller and slimmer holding the trigger the gun produced a beam sword of solar energy "Taltor you, you Hunter I will kill you" it said as it rushed the Figure "SWISH" as the other werewolfs head fell off the figure took off his cloak revealing a young 16 year old human boy the old man walked up to him with his horse "Oh thank you kind sir a second longer and I.. your a bit young to be a hunter arn't you never mind thank you. You saved my life how can I repay you I know let me take you to my home town we will give you a home during the week of are festival of Cortes by the way whats your name" the old man asked. "Django sir and a festival sounds fun I believe let me fetch my horse" he said as they rode off. “So tell me Sir what do you do during this festival of Cortes" asked Django in question as they got closer to there destination. "Well you see my grandfather her Van Cortes my names Goll Cortes he found a way to make a deal with the Immortals of this area which are Werewolfs not to harm are village" said Goll as he got out a canteen and drank a sip of water. "How did he and you know accomplish this" asked Django in a surprised voice. "We give the there Werewolve Lord Gharm 3 Virgins of the age of 15" he said in a sad voice "It was the only way we could get Gharm agree to not in slave are village as long as we do this he wont harm us" Goll said. "Except for the 3 you give him right" Django asked in a angered voice. "Sadly yes" said Goll as they entered the village. What do ya people think good start or bad |
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| | #2 |
| Keyblade Novice Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 92
Rep Power: 0 ![]() | I like it. Could have been longer though. If I cold have access to internet over the summer I'd tell you I'd check every day for your story. Keep writing I wanna read more. |
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| | #3 |
| Twilight Knight Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In a path of Twighlt fighting the darkness and light side of me Age: 16
Posts: 791
Rep Power: 0 ![]() | thank you and yes it could have been longer but i wanted to save character discription for chapter 2 so dont worr i will continue this story i am working on chapter 2 as we speak but please people continue to post your thoughts also heres the baddy list like i said wantme to add one just tell me Gharm-Werewolf Lord Dracula-Vampire lord Camilla-Banshee Queen Sharm-Golem Lord Hel-Dark Preistess Sabato-Dark Knight The headleess Horse Man-undead Knight and thats it for the baddy list for now |
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| | #4 |
| Falling into darkness... | Not a bad start. And I'm glad to see that you didn't have many spelling and punctuation errors. I'm not saying that to be mean. I'm just telling you the truth. I look forward to reading more. ![]() |
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| | #5 |
| 空間を入れなさい Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: In the heart of all darkness Age: 20
Posts: 1,508
Rep Power: 2 ![]() | ------------------------------------------- Hey man. Pretty good for your beginning! I'll look forward to reading more on it |
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| | #6 |
| Twilight Knight | ummm..yeah..kinda good, but kinda, try to make it longer, im gonna rate it 6/10 |
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| | #7 |
| Twilight Knight Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In a path of Twighlt fighting the darkness and light side of me Age: 16
Posts: 791
Rep Power: 0 ![]() | spyells- Thank you Seph2- thats great i hope you will continue to read PKKzelfar- still better than a zero i will true to make it more interesting Chapter 2: Warriors of the Sun As Django entered the village he noticed many happy go people "How can they be so happy when there safety runs on giving there young to this Werewolf lord Gharm" said Django as he entered his room that Goll had provided. As Django looked at a mirror he say the normal Blondish brown hair, green eyes normal long brown pants and black shirt with a brown coat over it with the red scarf that he always weared it was his fatheres the only thing he had of his fathers besides the Gun-De-Sol weapon he had but he was still missing some extra equipment that belong to it he only had the sun lenses, The Vortex, Fighter, and Knight body frame and the black and red energy handle that stored the guns ammo. "People who can avoid the attacks of the Immortal think that they live a happy life. Django remember people these days aren't alive as they us to before the Immortals came to be" said a Sunflowerish looking creature that came out of Djangos gun this creature was Djangos Master and the Messenger of the Sun unlike other sun creatures though he had a physical form. "I know Master Otenko but still to sacrifice three girls at such a young age is wrong to sacrifice any one for others safety is wrong" said Django as he sat down on the bed in the room thinking for a second "Otenko i want my first Purification technique to be on the Immortal Lord Gharm" he said looking at Otenko to see his reaction. "You want your first Purification to be a Immortal werewolf well if you wish but first we need to learn a bit about this Gharm so for now lets get some info first" he said as he was absorbed back into the gun. Django was happy Otenko agreed to the idea and got up a left the room walking down he saw Goll at the table eating some breakfest with his family who seemed happy to see he was okay also everyone else seem to be happy he was okay Django looked around he was in the village church. "Grampa i heard you were attacked by the undead i am so glade your okay" said a three year old girl "Dad what were you thinking leaving at night without a guard or hunter you could have been killed like Artomas was" said a older women of what looked like the age of 30 "Goll ya crazy old cuot dont ever scare us like that again" said a younger man about 25 he must be the other women’s husband thought Django "Your lucky Old Goll not many live through undead attacks" said someone else in the crowd "Your right and I am sorry Airis and Mark and everyone else I didn’t mean to scare you" he said as he noticed Django walking down "And if it wouldn’t have been for this young hunter Django I wouldn’t be here, heres to you my friend" Goll said raising a class to Django everyone else followed raising there glasses to the young hunter after that a bunch of kid got near him throwing questions at him “How does it feel to have such a big job” asked a young girl “how many immortals have you killed” asked a boy “Come on children leave him alone he needs to get some rest” said a girl about Djangos age she had on a blue maid dress and green gloves on with normal type shoes for a maid as the kids left she looked at Django “Sorry there just interested in your job Hi my names Lilly Gaea” she said bowing down. “Nice to meet lilly” said Django as she got back to work looking around he notice that there weren’t many teenaged females in this town or males “So many reckless killings here for everyone’s else’s peace” said Django as Goll came up to him “Goll I want to talk with you for a minute” Goll looked at Django for a minute then listened “Goll I want to purificate your Immortal I have the equipment to do the job I have the gun and a sun creature who can summon a Pile Driver I can get rid of Gharm” said Django giving Goll a serious look. "Okay what do you want me to do to help" asked Goll listening fully now that some one agreed to help get rid of Gharm. "For now continue the festival for tonight if what i heard was true Gharm comes to choose the 3 new wives by himself and three others of his kind so i will plan the rest" said Django as he got ready to Fight his first Immortal Lord. "Dad your really going to put are fate in the hands of a 16 year old" said Airis as she stepped out of the shadows she had heard the whole thing "Yes my daughter we must end this curse so that all can live not just a few of us the time is now to fight" said Goll as he left for the village center for the final act of the Festival the sacrifices. 9:00 p.m. "We have gathered here all to give a treasure to or lord Gharm may his choices of wives be free" said Goll as a loud roar could be heard as a huge creature could be seen landing right next to Goll with 3 other werewolfs "Good choice of words Cortes Goll" said Gharm in a monstoures voice Gharm was a big werewolf besides the others he looked like a true monster with huge fangs, Silver fur, and big yellow eyes which could burn holes into a normal person Gharm wore close which resembled his element Ice he had a ice blue robe 2 gauntlets on each hand and purple shorts(tee hee) he stood at 8 ft tall looking around he chose his first wife it was a farmer daughter one of the wolfs jumped next to her and picked her up "NO NO let me go father help me" she screamed as Gharm smiled as the farmer cried then gharm chosed the mayors daughter "please no not my daughter" he yelled as a wolf grabed his daughter then Gharms last choice was a maid "Keep away you ugly bas****" Lilly yelled hitting the werewolf that came to grab her but she lost the second round "You child will be a fun one" Gharm said "Now i lay peace on this village" said Gharm as he started to turn around he heard a yell turning around he say one of his soldiers head fall off as Django cut it off with the knight frame which was the sword beam "Ah a hunter you villagers think you can win with a pint sized warrior you two finish him off" said Gharm as the two wolf closed in on Django at the same time they jumped him but in vain Django dodged both of them and equiped the vortex frame swing in a tornado way killing both of them at the same time "Hm your better then you look now its my turn" said Gharm throwing off his robe "Now Solar warrior show me what you can do" he said shotting a block of ice out of his mouth at Django. "Ice well thats interesting" said Django melting the ice block with a spread attack from his gun then running as fast as he could Django swung the spread beam at Gharm who blocked it with the gauntlets on his arms deflecting the attack Gharm grabbed Django and threw him into the air at the church Django doing a acrobatic flip landed safely on the building and shot a bullet at Gharm who blocked it again "If i wont to win this fight i have to get rid of those gauntlets" said Django getting back on the ground as Gharm ran right at him. "Die solar child" yelled Gharm as he swung his arms at Django who ducked as gharm took off a 1/3 of the church with one swing reacting quickly django swung the spread attack at Gharm getting a direct hit on Gharm witch sent the wolf flying back into the town center getting up Gharm noticed that one gauntlet one each of his hands had been destroyed "How dare you destroy my armor you sorry little ingrat" said Gharm as he shot a beam of light at Django who jumpped out of the way in time to turn around and see that the ground behind him and been turned into pure ice. "Need to avoid that attack for sure" said Django as he looked at his gun "Otenko nows the time" Django said as the sunflower came out of the gun. "Okay as you wish" Otenko said as he floated above Gharm and said in a loud voice "TAIOOOOO" the moment he said that on the ground a huge circle appeaere covering everything that was there befor the circle had four minuture circles in it that made a X symbol out of the four circles came out four green colored Generatures which all pointed at Gharm who was in the Middle "Pile Driver is ready Django finish Gharm off" said Otenko as Gharm turned around to see Django jump at him with the spread attack "Swish" Gharms gauntlets fell right off as the generaters reacted and short four beams of light at Gharm that in tangled him to the spot Django jumping up in the air yelled. "Vortex Style Pile Driver" he said as the gun shot out a tornado beam of huge Solar power which riped Gharm to shreads of dark matter as he screamed in pain Gharm was gone "Wow that was amazing" said Django to himself as he stood up the Pile Driver disappeared as everything turned back to normal looking at the dead werewolf bodys Django notice that they were turning human Gharms curse was gone. Next day Django but his stuff on his horse as he village thanked him "Django we wish you could stay but we know you cant so please come back one day" said Goll as he handed a bag of rations that his daughter had made for Django Otenko looked at the man and said "May the sun be in your heart everyone" he said as he went back into the gun Django looked at the town they were all smiling they were finally free from the Immortals "I hope one day I can come back your all great people" said Django as he got on his horse he waved as he disappeared from site one day he would come back he promised. well ch 3 wont be for another week so now i am just listening to your thoughts on my story |
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| | #8 |
| Falling into darkness... | That was pretty good. I can understand your writing because I've role played with you for so long, but for others that haven't it might be difficult for them to read if you don't include periods and commas in their appropriate places. I really enjoyed reading this chapter and I expect you to write more soon. You're a good writer. Keep it up! |
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| | #9 |
| Twilight Knight Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In a path of Twighlt fighting the darkness and light side of me Age: 16
Posts: 791
Rep Power: 0 ![]() | ya i kind of noticed that so lately I have been watching my typing better. The next chapter I put up will be more bad spelling free. |
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| | #10 |
| Twilight Knight Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: In a path of Twighlt fighting the darkness and light side of me Age: 16
Posts: 791
Rep Power: 0 ![]() | well sorry to keep you all waiting heres the next chapter Chapter 3 iratesDjango looked up at the buildings at the harbour they had enter if Django and Otenko wanted to keep going straight they would have to ride a ship "Excuss me Mam whens the next ship voyage to Sleep Hollow" he asked a lady in a ticket booth hoping soon. "The next voyage is in a hour there are still sometickets left sonny" the lady said taking them out as Django took out some money. "Make it 2 mam" said a female voice behind Django turning around Django say that Lily was pulling out money "Dont worry I am not following you I just have some business in Sleepy Hollow" she said grabbing her ticket. "I see well at least theres someone to talk to for the 28 hour ride" Django said as Lily and him walked to the ship DEFERN. "So what business do you have in Sleepy Hollow" Lily asked loading her baggage as Django did the same. "Well lately I have heard some storys about a knight chopping of peoples heads the way the attacks were made grabbed my suspicion so I thought I would investigate" Django said Feeling better now that the ship had taken off and that he had company. "Wow well good thing I am going right back then" Lily said in surprise after 10 hours of pure water travel Django looked at the ship it was mostly oak besides the helm and the cabins the ship(lookes like the dauntless for those who have seen pirates of the carribean 1) was really nice in design just then Django thought he say another ship coming from behind them. "Captain Pirates coming fast Sir its the Deppresson" the look outsaid getting down quickly to help the crew get the ship in movement the captain was barking out orders when the ship shaked badly they had been borded and wee now locked in battle as everyone else panicked and was being tied up. "Well this ride just got interesting" said Django as he switched the sun lens with the lunar lens on his gun the only differense the lunar len cant cut through anything Django used this lens on people he wasnt planning to kill. "Aye boy what do you think your doing" a pirate said running at him to find out django was stronger than he looked with one swing oh the solar gun the pirate went down. "Stuid pirate always thinking there the strongest" Django said knocking out to more pirates as he say someone walking straight to the tied captain most likely the the leader as Django got closer he notice the pirate Captain was a female about his age and height she had tanned skin, black shorts and a tight black shirt that showed she was defenently a female as Django got closer he knocked out a few more pirates. "So tell me captain were the gold and we will leave without harming anyone" the female asked as she walked around the captain as one of her men wispered something into her ear "Never mind yu wont have to tell me my men have already found it" she said walkng back to her ship before being stopped by django. "Sorry mam your not going any where with this ships cargo" he said raising the solar gun at her. "Really well I hope your read to defend your self kid fom Black Rose" she said pulling out her sabier "Lets see what you got Solar child" Rose said rushing Django. ooc: and thats were I am stopping for now hope you liked it chapter for will be up next week |
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