Kingdom Hearts: The Chosen

[kazukifafner]

This is my first shot at writing a fanfiction. Although, I've been writing my original stories for about six months now. I suppose you could consider this a side-story/sequel to Kingdom Hearts II. What I mean by that is, whenever I think of this story, it seems like an alternative take on what Nomura would make for Kingdom Hearts II (I really hope that doesn't sound conceited, because I really didn't mean it like that). I should warn you that it might be a bit before I post another entry, due to my other stories, my schoolwork, and my extra studies (particularly, Japanese); however, I'll try my best to get it up in a timely manner. With all that said, I new present the Prologue to Kingdom Hearts: The Chosen.

*****



The vibrant light of a distant flame
The subtle meaning of a single name
The pleading cry of worlds undone
The sequence of history is always rerun

As one falls to the ground, another shall rise
As one sword is picked up, another is cast aside
After a time of peace has spread across the land
The darkness shall rise and challenge them again

On The Crossroads shall the battle be fought
Between two sides that the darkness has wrought
What was once a field of beautiful green grass
Will become a wasteland of sand, stone, and ash

Fighting both forces are the warriors of light
Their blades shining with the essence of might
As two struggled in a fight that unfurled
Within the very center of the heart of all worlds

- - - - - - - - - - -

One millennium ago:

A blonde-haired man, dressed head to toe in crimson clothing, walked across a war-torn desert. His black leather boots, the only part of his outfit that wasn't a shade of red, left fleeting remnants behind as the sandstorm raged. He kept the hood of his cloak up to protect his bruised face from the harsh sand. In his right hand, he held a keyblade that was as red as blood. Its form had perfect curvature that gave it the appearance of a fierce fire, ready to incinerate all in its path. It was called the Scarlet Trail, because of how smoothly the enemies' blood slid from the deadly blade. In his left hand, he carried another keyblade. This one was pitch black, with a silver line that ran around its edge and hilt. Near its tip was what looked like a miniature onyx gate. It was intricately designed with golden edges and bars lined with the same silver as the rest of the sword. This one was called Fate's Door, as it led its enemies to their ultimate doom.

As the sandstorm cleared, the beautiful night sky emerged. The stars shone bright around an even brighter moon, casting their pale glow on the plain beneath. As he walked forward, he remembered what a beautiful place the Crossroads had been. The vast plains of rolling grass had been turned into a shadow of its former self, and even that was a gross overstatement. Looking further along the trail he saw the object of his search. The majestic Kingdom Hearts that glowed with a passion that the moon couldn't ever hope to achieve. As he quickened his pace, dark pools of shadow formed on the ground, and out of their depths came the distorted forms of the Neo Shadows. Their long, lanky bodies, lightning antennas, and beady yellow eyes stared at him with a kind of hatred that rarely took shape in the worlds. However, he refused to stop; for at that splendid, figure in the sky, there was something that he had to do. There was no way that he could let anything stop him.

- - - - - - - - - - -


Present:

He was plummeting, plummeting, plummeting into a vast, endless chasm. He couldn't see anything below, above, or anywhere else. Further and further he fell, wondering how long this would last. Then, below, he saw something. A tall tower seemed to be floating towards him. His descent slowed, and his feet came to rest on its glowing surface.

In the center, was a beautiful moon shaped like a heart. Its light spread across the entire surface, growing darker along the edges. Also around those edges were grotesque figures of black and of white that groped for that shining moon. However, it was as if the light was keeping them at bay, for they could go no further than the rim's darkened border.

Looking up, the young man saw stained-glass window panes align themselves in front of him. The many colored pains formed a path before him, and, seeing nowhere else to go, hesitantly took that path. The bottoms of his baggy, blue jeans dragged along as he walked. His gray, long-sleeve shirt with red lines running down the sides of the sleeves and his black jacket swayed with each step. The glass road led him to an identical tower. The only difference was an elegant door that stood in the middle. He walked towards the door and pulled on the handle. All at once, a blinding light took over his vision.

When his sight returned to him, the young man was inside a white room with nothing except a solid mirror as the far wall. He walked towards the mirror, and his reflection followed him. As he approached, he felt a strangeness about his reflection, as though there were some dark presence hidden within it. When he touched the mirror, it shattered into an uncountable number of pieces. His eyes grew wide, not at the shattered mirror, but what he saw in it.

The instant that his hand touched the mirror, his reflection changed for the brief instant that it remained. Despite that, the image was burned into his memory; the image of a dark and hideous version of himself, with those haunting yellow eyes, and the suffocating aura of malevolence. He would have run in terror if there was anywhere to run to.

Where the mirror had once stood, there was now a shadowy veil that covered the wall. The young man tried with all his might to see what was beyond it, but he could only see that ominous veil. The thought of staying in that white room tempted him, but he knew that he couldn't remain there. Summoning up every ounce of his courage, he charged into darkness without another thought.

He had only taken a step into the darkness when he realized that he had already passed through it. He stared at the dark veil behind him before turning to the greater white room in front. He heard the faint sound of clapping in the distance, which drew his attention to a white tower in the middle of the room. Looking up, he saw a man, dressed in crimson, staring down at him.

“Sometimes, one must be willing to brave the darkness before he can find the light.” The crimson man said. “I'm happy you were able to surpass this first test.”

“Test?” replied the young man. “What do you mean 'a test'?”

“I mean it exactly as it sounds: a test. One that is crucial if you are to carry out what you were born to do.”

“What I was born to do?” The young man repeated.

The crimson man held out a chain with a symbol at its end. “Catch this, and your next test will begin: The test to see if you can fight.”

He let the chain drop, and the young man reached for it. As the chain neared his outstretched hand, it turned into a shimmering light, and a blade formed in the young man's palm. The sword looked like a blazing fire had solidified into the perfect weapon. All of a sudden, small, black monsters emerged from the dark veil. The man stared at those miniature reflections.

“Those are called 'shadows'” The crimson man explained. “If you can't fend them off, then this will be the last place you ever see.”

Filled with rage towards the crimson man and those dark figures, he hefted the sword in his hand and charged forward. As he made his first slash with the key-like sword, he was surprised at how natural the blade felt in his grip. It felt like the sword was a part of him, moving as easily as he willed it to. With this sense of power embedded within him, he quickly took care of the small creatures that threatened him. With each monster that he slew, he saw a small heart rise from it and vanish.

After he had eliminated them all, the man clapped once more and said, “I think you'll do well.”

Without skipping a beat, the young man replied, “Is this the end of your little tests?”

“No, but don't worry; for now, you can rest easy. Remember what you learned here. You may not realize it now, but I promise that your existence will have a lasting impact in the worlds. Enough of that though, it is time for you to return home for now. May I ask you your name?”

All of a sudden, the young man began to feel weak, and his knees buckled under him. As consciousness slowly slipped away from him, he was able to answer the man's question with his own crimson-colored eyes.

“My name is Kurenai.”

*****

And so ends the Prologue. Please, tell me what you think, and feel free to share and constructive comments that might help improve this, or my overall writing style. Thanks for reading!

[All-Star Gamer]

Good work. Very proffesional and exceedingly well done for a first attempt. Just keep this level up and you'll be fine.

[kazukifafner]

Thanks! That means a lot! I'll try and focus on getting the first chapter done right now (I don't like leaving things hanging from the Prologue).

Also, on a side note to any who would like to see the rest of the stuff that I've written, I'll just provide the link here (if this goes against the spamming rules, then please tell me so that I can remove it if need be)

Writing.Com: Matt A. Sandvig's (kazukifafner) Item List

[kazukifafner]

Any more feedback / advice? If there is anything specific I should focus on, please tell me. I'd like to know before I finish the next chapter. Thanks in advance!

[Sorrow]

You have talent, I'll give you that. I can always tell the difference between talent and hard work. Keep it up and I'm looking forward to further chapters.

And as a side note, it's window panes, not pains.

[kazukifafner]

Thanks! I swear, I'm gonna find whoever came up with homophones, lol

[kazukifafner]

Alright, I had a lot of free time, so I was able to finish Chapter One (I couldn't believe it myself, lol). Also, before you read any further, I should warn you: This is my attempt at creating a more mature Kingdom Hearts tale that fleshes out more of the original story (plus my own ideas, of course). I doubt any would be upset by this, but I need to make clear that part of this effort included the removal of all Disney and Square Cameos (yes, that includes King Mickey; you'll see what replaces his role at the end of this chapter). Now, with all that said, I present Chapter One of Kingdom Hearts: The Chosen!

*****



"Seventeen years have passed since Sora, the legendary Chosen of the Keyblade, destroyed Organization XIII. Since then, a period of peace has been seen across our world as well as many others. Unfortunately, it seems as though this peace wasn't meant to last forever. Sightings of the human-hunting creatures known as “Heartless” have become numerous. We have dispatched a letter to The Committee, the council that is comprised of the strongest Chosen who were willing and able to except the position, asking them to send a group of Chosen to help clear out some, if not all, of the infestation. However, it seems that our hopes were answered before the request reached its destination. A local teenager has been revealed to be a member of the Chosen, a young eighteen-year-old called Kurenai, and has started to take care of the problem. While the need for an official team is still needed, we can only be thankful for the help that this new Chosen has given us."

- - - - - - - - - -

Kurenai flipped through the rest of the day's newspaper before setting back down on his dining room table. The early morning light streamed through the windows to his small apartment. It had been a month since he encountered the man in crimson, and since his last contact. Afterwards, he remembered waking up in his bedroom, like nothing had even happened; but ever since then, those strange shadowy creatures had begun showing up all over the place. The least he could do was use what he learned to fend them off.

He walked out of his apartment and down the nearby stairwell. The old, musty carpet made a tacking sound whenever he picked up his feet. He slid by a furious man who was pounding on the door with closed fists.

“Come on out!” he shouted, “I know your cheating on me with that guy from the post office!”

Outside in his city of Senisen, gray clouds rolled in from the East. Kurenai hated the rain. It always seemed to come before something bad. Unable to do anything about it, he continued his stroll along the street. Usually, the streets were busy with people hustling from place to place, but the recent influx of the Heartless kept most inside now.

To be honest, he was getting sick of Shimmering Creek, his homeworld. It was a small planet, consisting mostly of plains and lakes. Its only defining feature was the river that ran along the circumference of world, meeting and encircling the only mountain on Shimmering Creek. The only reason people came here was for the relaxation that it provided, but Kurenai was fed up with this boring place. However, as the only Chosen on the world, he had no choice but to stay.

A few blocks ahead, he came to a local pub. After people saw that he was taking care of the local Heartless, they began posting wanted signs on the bulletin board. It was the easiest way for him to make money, so he had no complaints. The smell of cheap liquor punched his nose as soon as he walked in. Fortunately, the ventilation helped clear out the smoke.

Before he even reached the board, a woman approached him. Her face was pale, and beads of sweat ran down her face. She looked as if she was about to burst into tears at any moment. With a slight nod of his head, they sat down at one of the open tables. Putting his chin on the back of his left hand, Kurenai listened to what the woman had to say.

“My-my name is- Mirin,” she started; her voice was shaky and weak. I live in a small house on the edge of town. My husband came back from his hunting trip, and said those creatures were heading this way! We ran all the way here, but my husband forgot something important and ran back to get it, even though those monsters were coming!

“How long ago did this happen?” Kurenai asked.

“He left about an hour and a half ago, but he still hasn't come back.” She grabbed Kurenai by the collar and shouted, “Please! You've got to get him! I'm begging you!”

Without batting an eye, he gently removed her hand from his shirt, stood up, and left. There was only one place close enough that would cause someone to worry after less than two hours, and that was the small town of Neldir. Quickening his pace, he pulled out leather gloves from his pockets, and slipped them over his hand. He just hoped that he could make it there in time.

- - - - - - - - - -

Kurenai stood just outside the town, surrounded by a group of Soldiers. He outstretched his hand, and his Keyblade quickly filled his palm. It was different than the fiery blade he held one month ago, and it didn't seem as in-tune with him. Nonetheless, it served its purpose well. The blade was silver, hooked forward on the end. At the top, on the dull side, was a large, albeit narrow, diamond. Even without the sun it still gleamed brightly. He named it Diamond’s Bond, due to its impressive rigidity, despite its light weight.

The first Shadow lunged at him, but was killed with one motion of his blade. Then, one of the Soldiers lunged with its claws ready. They ground against his blade before he ducked beneath and ran the Heartless through the chest. It fell on its stomach before disappearing into the darkness. Kurenai dashed towards another Soldier and severed it in two, spinning and slicing a Shadow's head. Then, cleaving off an attacking Soldier's arm, he wiped out the rest of the pitiful group that had assaulted him.

After watching the hearts rise to the sky, he walked into the small town. The place looked deserted, with not a single creature moving in or out of the various wooden cabins. Walking a bit further, he saw a man backed into the far corner by a group of Shadows, with a bracelet clutched in his hand.

In a flash, Kurenai drew back his arm and flung the Keyblade at the Heartless. He darted after it, as it sailed through half of the Shadows. Extending his hand, the Keyblade returned, and he destroyed the rest with one quick follow-up.

“Thank you so much!” The man cried, “I thought I was gonna be killed by those things.”

“Why did you come back here?” Kurenai shouted, very upset, “What was so important that you did something as stupid as wandering into this death trap?”

The man held out the bracelet to him and said, “This was my father's. It's a tradition in my family to pass it down from father to son. So, I- I wanted to-”

“Don't say anything else,” Kurenai replied, feeling a bit ashamed for yelling at him. “Let's just get out of here before more come.

- - - - - - - - - -

The man's wife was waiting at the entrance to the pub. As soon as she saw them, she ran into her husband weeping uncontrollably. As he held her, she began to beat against his chest with her trembling fists.

“Why did you go back?!” she screamed. “Don't you dare do that to me again.”

“I'm sorry, Mirin. I promise, I won't do it again.”

“You better not, or I'll kill you myself!”

The husband turned towards Kurenai and smiled. “Thank you for all your help!” He said, pulling out a small bag from his pocket. “Here, please accept this.”

Kurenai took the bag of munny from him and said, “Thank you, if you need anything else, don't hesitate.” He had practiced that day and night to make sure that it sounded as professional as possible. The cleaner it was, the better the pay next time.

Kurenai turned to leave, but a powerful arm lifted him into the air by the neck. He grabbed the arm and turned his eyes toward his assailant. An oblong, white being stared back at him. Its arms were lanky and seemed to have feathers on them. Kurenai lifted his feet and planted them in the chest of the new enemy. The creature released his grip and stumbled backwards. When Kurenai got up, he saw that there was more than just the one. Multiple creatures stood in front of him. Some looked like what had grabbed him, but most were smaller and had handless arms and footless legs.

“Our master wants you!” They said, in their snake-like, echo voices.

He summoned Diamond's Bond and got into his fighting stance. Two of the smaller bodies attacked him at once. He put up his sword to defend, but was surprised at how much stronger these creatures were. He pushed the first off, only to be blind sighted by the second. Kurenai tumbled to the ground but quickly recovered, ready to go on the offensive; but just then, a bright flash stunned his eyes, and a sharp crackle pierced his ears.

When his senses cleared, he saw all of those white bodies on the ground, strands of electricity jumping from their limp forms. After a moment, they returned to the darkness that spawned them. Kurenai looked up at the sky, but didn't see a single lightning bolt. A footstep from behind alerted his attention, and he spun around.

In front of him, was a grinning man with hair down to his neck, and stubble on his cheeks and chin. He wore a blue overcoat over his plain shirt and khakis. He held a Keyblade in his hand, which rested on his shoulder. The blade looked like it was made out of brass, but the most interesting feature was what was attached to the end. A clock with ticking hands running around his face ticked on and on with the steady flow of time. The man must have seen where he was staring.

“Yep, she's a real beauty, isn't she? Pretty handy with thunder arts too.” The man brandished his sword to display it. He looked around the area a bit, and then set his gaze on Kurenai out of the corner of his eyes. “You know, it isn't often that Nobodies gather around a single person like that. No wonder the Committee wants to see you.”

“The Committee?” Kurenai replied, still unsure of what was happening.

“Yeah, I don't know the details myself, but orders are orders.”

Regaining his composure, Kurenai stood up. “Hey! Wait a minute! These creatures attack me, you pop out of nowhere to save the day, and now you want me to come with you to the Committee?! I don't even know who you are!” He pointed an accusing finger at the man.

He took Kurenai's finger, and shook it. “My name's Shin. I'm the captain of the interstellar ship, Ichiyasen, and the leader for the support party here. Now that that's out of the way, let's go!” Still gripping Kurenai's finger, Shin dragged him along behind.

“What are you doing? Aren't you even gonna ask me my name?”

“I don't really care.”

Kurenai dug his feet into the ground. “Look! Even if I wanted to leave, I can't. The people here need me! Who would protect them from the Heartless? It took you guys almost a month to get here!”

Shin thumped him on the forehead with his thumb. “Look, runt, I'm glad you want to help, but there is somewhere else you need to be right now. As for this city, I brought people to replace you while you're away.”

“But-” Kurenai hesitated and kicked the dirt at his feet.

Shin placed a hand on his shoulder. “Alright, I'll ask you. What's your name?”

He looked up and said, “Kurenai.”

“Well, Kurenai, let's get going. My ship is just a few miles away. Don't worry; by the end of the trip, I'll have a nickname for you that'll make you feel right at home.” Shin laughed as he walked away. With Kurenai, and his annoyed expression, following closely behind.

- - - - - - - - - -

A collection of hidden figures were gathered around a conference table. In the center was the insignia: The light realm and dark realm Keyblade crossed, with the Ultima Keyblade cutting down the center. Underneath, the word “Committee” was decorated in gold. The group was discussing the new Chosen that just appeared.

“So, what do we think about this 'Kurenai' person?” one of the members spoke.

“He IS the son of Denjin after all. There are few who could match his expertise, and his son shows promise. We've needed a replacement for him for quite a while now, since he died eighteen years ago,” said another.

“True, I would think that he would be willing to come to us, being an orphan,” said a third.

“Now, now, let's not be too hasty. Kazaru, did you sense his Soul Link? I know he is a great distance away, but with your natural ability to sense these things, I should think that you are able to feel something,” said the head of the Committee.

Kazaru spoke, “Indeed, I did sense it, and it is a powerful one. Unless I've gotten rusty, that young man's Soul Link is Kamishi.”

“Kamishi?!” the entire Committee exclaimed.

Once again, the leader spoke. “Kamishi, the Crimson Trailblazer. Indeed, the hero who fought Kagero under Kingdom Hearts, during the Armageddon one thousand years ago, and prevented the destruction of the worlds. He would be a powerful Soul Link, but also one that would be tough to use, given the age of the boy. I am sure he cannot use it at his current ability.” The leader let out a heavy sigh and added, “I wonder if this means that the Armageddon will occur again. I'm sure it falls into the plan of the new organization of Nobodies, XV.”

“I have a feeling, that this young boy will serve a far greater purpose than any that we have been called to.”

*****

And so ends Chapter One. Tell me what you think, and don't be afraid to leave any constructive criticism either (not that I mind compliments, lol).

[Sorrow]

Originally Posted by kazukifafner

“I have a feeling, that this young boy will serve a far greater purpose then any that we have been called to.”

than

Originally Posted by kazukifafner

“Thank you for all your help!” He said, pulling out a small bag from his pocket. “Here, please except this.”

accept

Other than that, no spelling or grammar mistakes. Also, the plot needs to be worked on a bit more. For example, the name of the town where Kurenai lives and maybe its geography and other things. You could even write a brief paragraph about it.

There was also too much fighting in this chapter. Don't get me wrong; I love a good fight scene. But if there's too much fighting, the story becomes dull. Try and work more on central storyline, like how Soul Links work.

Keep it up!

[kazukifafner]

Thanks for the advice! I'll work in a paragraph on Kurenai's homeworld and add it in later today. Also, don't worry about the plot, I've got it pretty worked out. I just like to have my stories start off with a cryptic feel to it (like how you don't know everything just from watching the first episode of a show). I guess whether or not you like it is just personal preference. Though, I will do a better job in keeping the interest up.

Again, thanks!

EDIT: Chapter One UPDATED!

[Sorrow]

Now that's much better .

[giuocob]

I've got a new reviewing technique that I'm going to start trying out here. After a bit of thought, I've come up with GIUOCOB'S LADDER OF LITERARY MASTERY, based on the order in which most people develop these skills:

I. Grammar
II. Plot depth
III. Basic lengual techniques
IV. Character depth
V. Integration and Mastery

Your number of grammatical mistakes are negligible enough to attribute them to typos. I haven't seen much plot yet, but your depth of language makes me believe it'll be a blast. You've got great vocabulary and wonderful description (fitting in the third category). In short, the basic story is great, and certainly better than average on this site. Now, moving to number four: character depth. You've made some good attempts at trying to inject emotion into the story, but things instances are purely situational for each character. You need to give your characters some DEPTH, some coherency to their emotions. Give all of your main characters a backstory, even if you don't include it in the actual text. It's really helpful to fill out a character sheet for your main players: either make one yourself or google for one.

A very good story, and I hope you continue it!

[kazukifafner]

Thanks for the advice, I'll be sure to work on the depth

[Snow Candy]

Wow, great fanfic! I like the way you set your story and all. Can't wait to see more of great adventure in your first fanfic! :D

[kazukifafner]

Thanks, and don't worry, this is just the beginning! I should have chapter 2 up no later than this weekend (got final exams right now, so I haven't been able to write as much as usual).

EDIT: Well, while you wait, I'll just post a sneak peek at the titles of the first ten chapters, lol.

Prologue: Awakening / The Road Forgotten
One: Shin's Arrival / The Captain of the Ichiyasen!
Two: The Frightening Committee / A Critical Mission Begins
Three: Daughter / The Home of a Legend
Four: Riku / Recluse with a Tearful Past
Five: Twilight Town / To Find a Nobody
Six: Roxas' Decision / Between a Nobody and a Somebody
Seven: XV Approaches! / The Nobody who Commands Lightning
Eight: New Lead / In Search of a Heart
Nine: Shadow Embassy / The Dark Storage World
Ten: Heartling / The Results of a Torn Heart

Also, these titles are subject to change, depending on how the chapters end.

[Sorrow]

Originally Posted by kazukifafner

Thanks, and don't worry, this is just the beginning! I should have chapter 2 up no later than this weekend (got final exams right now, so I haven't been able to write as much as usual).

EDIT: Well, while you wait, I'll just post a sneak peek at the titles of the first ten chapters, lol.

Prologue: Awakening / The Road Forgotten
One: Shin's Arrival / The Captain of the Ichiyasen!
Two: The Frightening Committee / A Critical Mission Begins
Three: Daughter / The Home of a Legend
Four: Riku / Recluse with a Tearful Past
Five: Twilight Town / To Find a Nobody
Six: Roxas' Decision / Between a Nobody and a Somebody
Seven: XV Approaches! / The Nobody who Commands Lightning
Eight: New Lead / In Search of a Heart
Nine: Shadow Embassy / The Dark Storage World
Ten: Heartling / The Results of a Torn Heart

Also, these titles are subject to change, depending on how the chapters end.

Ugh, I also have finals. And the titles remind me of anime episodes lol.