Inner Conflict.

[Axel Fire]

sometimes trying to get someone to be more than a friend leads you into a dark and depressing spiral of dissapointment and misery i know this for a fact so sometimes its better to let go of your feelings for that person to end the chain of misery trust me its better for your physical and mental health, but sometimes its hard to let go of your feelings for someone you love.

[CAB_IV]

Don't you think i've noticed that? WHY DO YOU THINK I'M HERE RIGHT NOW? apperently, that let go button in my brain is broken, and i don't know how to fix it.

[CAB_IV]

yeah... well, i shot this thread down. Yay!

[sorafan1203]

Actually, I know how you feel or maybe not ......I'm sorta of in the same situation except mine's pretty lame.........well, I'm not sure what to say to you, has likeanybody told you: only time will tell? Otherwise, I'm seeing there's no solution from the way you been responding to other people's answer you know, trying to see if there's at least progress in your situation (no offense or anything, just pointing this out) Another question: do you think you're going to get stuck in that situation.....for at least a long time? Not that I know what goes on and all but...just had to ask. And not talking about it, is it because it's hard to talk about it?

[CAB_IV]

to be honest, i really am breaking down. I'm going to have to tell her sometime, since it seems to be the only thing anyone thinks I can do. I have a few peoplei can confide in first that i want to talk to, but now It looks like i'm going to have to start planning some sort of ridiculously good thing to say to her.

I do know that i really shoot down other people's ideas, but i was hoping people would counter my pessimism and come up with a better plan. apperently there isn't but not everyone has spoken yet.

It is immensly difficult to come up with something to say, especially when you know its going to damage your friendship with a good and worthwhile person, and there are so few worthwhile people left in my life right now.

[sorafan1203]

Ahhhh...I see.......Pessism........I have it too. Don't mind me saying that because it's true, I do. I know this sounds lame but back to you, do you think your pessism might be the case or is there something else? So yeah, getting back on topic, are you afraid of what will happen if you tell her? Because I would wait if I were you, but then again, that would be my opinion. For now, oh and I know this sounds totally lame but I think you given me a good idea to post up a problem I have....it's somewhat like yours but then again it's different. Welll I'm sorry I don't have anymore to offer or my advice wasn't good but I can't think at the moment and something's been bugging me. Well good luck with the situation.
P.s. I hope I didn't sound like I was all-knowing cuz I wasn't trying to. Just giving you what I think...

[Leonard]

I think if you really don't want to consider telling her how you feel and you are so afraid of losing her friendship, and you want to try to let go of these feelings, then you should really try to talk to someone close to you. It is no use to keep it to yourself. You can see the result right here: You're depressed, you stress yourself, that's not how it should be man.

And If you will tell her about your feelings and you are afraid of losing her as a friend, then think of this:

If she really is your friend, then she will NOT just dump you if you tell her about what you've been through in the past few years. She might feel a little weird, but at least she knows it. And from that point you can try to build up a "friend"-relationship. I'm sure, if she's such a good friend to you and such a kind person, then she will understand. And if she doesn't return your love then just try to act normal and "friend-like" and I'm sure it will settle again.

If you don't try, you won't find out.

[CAB_IV]

Originally Posted by sorafan1203

Ahhhh...I see.......Pessism........I have it too. Don't mind me saying that because it's true, I do. I know this sounds lame but back to you, do you think your pessism might be the case or is there something else? So yeah, getting back on topic, are you afraid of what will happen if you tell her? Because I would wait if I were you, but then again, that would be my opinion. For now, oh and I know this sounds totally lame but I think you given me a good idea to post up a problem I have....it's somewhat like yours but then again it's different. Welll I'm sorry I don't have anymore to offer or my advice wasn't good but I can't think at the moment and something's been bugging me. Well good luck with the situation.
P.s. I hope I didn't sound like I was all-knowing cuz I wasn't trying to. Just giving you what I think...

Well, the pessimism may have me exagerating alittle bit. In the past, things usually are close to the realistic ( IE sane) outcomes i predict (which is probably alot more optomistic than what i have said, and much closer to everyone's predictions that she won't take it to horribly if she is my friend), but i also tend to worry about the worst possible reasonable outcome and determine if i want to take risks or not based on that. Its just my logic in the end.

giving me what you think is why i posted here.

Originally Posted by Lenny264

I think if you really don't want to consider telling her how you feel and you are so afraid of losing her friendship, and you want to try to let go of these feelings, then you should really try to talk to someone close to you. It is no use to keep it to yourself. You can see the result right here: You're depressed, you stress yourself, that's not how it should be man.

I've been talking, and to be honest, i really don't have to many people who want to be close to me in such a way that i can explain and get these problems out these days, except of course for the very girl these emotions are directed towards ! I can laugh at the irony. whats the point of being stuck in a onesided love interest if can't take a minute to laugh at the situation?

It sucks to. You girls are all crazy ! when most guys are concerned about how you're feeling, they usually like you. When you females talk about these things, its so normal that you don't even figure as an indication of deeper caring. Hooray poor male to female communications.

And If you will tell her about your feelings and you are afraid of losing her as a friend, then think of this:

If she really is your friend, then she will NOT just dump you if you tell her about what you've been through in the past few years. She might feel a little weird, but at least she knows it. And from that point you can try to build up a "friend"-relationship. I'm sure, if she's such a good friend to you and such a kind person, then she will understand. And if she doesn't return your love then just try to act normal and "friend-like" and I'm sure it will settle again.

well realistically thats what would happen. She probably would avoid talking to me for a while though, or atleast that is what she has done in the past, but a month and a half later we invariably get back to speaking terms. I just don't like the distance it would create if i would likely fail. I think i've kept myself at a safe distance from her so that i'm not totally engulfed in the friend zone. Also, When I put more thought into the situation, now is NOT an oppertune time to be trying to make any moves.

Considering that trying ANY of this kind or relationships stuff entirely through the phone or the internet while simultaneously not having seen her physically in almost a year would be almost suicide, its bound to not get anywhere even unless she has been harboring some feelings for me, which i doubt exist in any substantial supply as far as close relationships go.

Maybe being depressed every once in a while sucks, and maybe it is really hurting me on the inside, but why sink it if their is a glimmer? There is obviously not going to be any immeadiate solution. I think that as long as i still have feelings for her, I should just let them run and try to get them dormant again, until I have a chance to really be close to her (as in person, not just some IM box). In the future, I might get that chance.

I suppose i can falll behind that saying "good things come to those who wait". Things might improove later. depending on where she goes to college or where ever else they might move if she does again, my chances could be better. I think it is strategically important that i can actually physically see her, and i think most of you will agree. from then on, I can try and build up again, rather than trying to go with these crazy risky One shot or nothing internet talks.

If you don't try, you won't find out.

Why do i need to find out anything? finding out wether or not she has feelings for me has been a curiosity, but its not the stress. I don't expect her to. I'm much more concerned with her opinion of me as a possible relationship in the future, which is something that would never come up in a conversation between the two of us. Its not like she can give me "target date June 2008".

Rather, I figure that if i can actually hang out with her, and let things take their course, i might be able to get a few dates in (which is still a huge major step that i have shit expierience with), since its foolish to think any girl or person will just fall into your arms. And maybe, if she likes what she sees, and i can be closer to her, then i might just be able capture her heart's attention.

I just need to see how things will go. I really think that being seperated from her for so long may have actually helped me until recently since our conversations have become more common. I don't want to loose the ground gained.

[Leonard]

Originally Posted by CAB_IV

I suppose i can falll behind that saying "good things come to those who wait".

Yeah, from what I can see, this is the best thing to do for now. I didn't consider that you only have the opportunity to talk to her via the phone or Net, my mistake XP.

Well, I hope my post helped you at least a little bit.^^

[sorafan1203]

I guess I was right about being pesstimistic then. Meaning: myself. :(

Anyway, GOOD LUCK!

That's all I can say to you at the moment.

This is probably one of the few hardest problems, I've ever looked at.

Oh well, at least I tried. :D

[CAB_IV]

Yeah, its just my luck to get stuck with a problem as impossible as a rubiks cube (which i have actually solved one! maybe there is hope yet....)

why do you feel pessimistic?

[KHFanatic4565]

I have only made ONE post in this section. Yet, your problem intrigues me. So, I've decided I'm going help you out. From all that I have read, one word automatically came to mind:

Obsession.

You are obsessed with her. For some reason, you can't let go of your feelings towards her/that is destroying you from the inside. You're afraid to tell her because you have a feeling that she will reject you. So let me ask you this: If she is the nicest person in the world, do you think she will actually abandon you as a friend for this?

[CAB_IV]

Originally Posted by KHFanatic4565

I have only made ONE post in this section. Yet, your problem intrigues me. So, I've decided I'm going help you out. From all that I have read, one word automatically came to mind:

Obsession.

ouch. I suppose that does apply, but I can't say that feels right, and i haven't really thought of it in thost terms. This is the exact kind of thing i don't want though. Like i have said, i focus alot of my energy around being good person, and being an obsessed nut-job is not where i want to be.

To me, it seems more like this is periodic. For example, the holidays are ALWAYS a bad time for me in this respect, it always drags my attention towards the feelings i have for my loved ones (be it family, freinds, or whatever), and also she is usually one alot more and we talked alot over this break, so it doesn't take long for my heart to start longing. usually though, it will go down (for instance, its not bothering me nearly as much now as it was when i posted this thread), and i'll end up living life as usual with no particular care or concern about it. I usually go months without feeling any particular sadness as a result of her, although i do often feel loney and so depressed in that way, but that is kind of a seperate issue, since I also suck at meeting people, and even when i do, I don't find that spark that would signal a possible match anymore. no one is appealing to me anymore.

You are obsessed with her. For some reason, you can't let go of your feelings towards her/that is destroying you from the inside.

Yeah, how do i fix that? It is certainly putting a dent in my energy for the day. it stabs very deeply into me, and i don't like being this way, because then no one else wants to talk to me either.

I just wish I could let go of these feelings, yet at the same time, it almost feels worse. It doesn't feel right, and even if i try, they always come back. I'm just running out of options, and its making me nuts. I can't seem to release these emotions anywhere, i can't seem to release these feelings, and i've tried. I've tried logically coming to the conclusion that realistically, its kind of over, and that my chances now are so slim that it is probably not going to happen.

Yet that has only served to make me more depressed, since i can't dislodge these feelings.

Whats more, I'm already really hurting because no one is close to me. I don't have anyone outside my family and some friends. I've never ever been successful at finding anyone i have any real feelings for (other than this girl of course), and i've legitmately tried to find someone else, and yet there is never that spark. I never feel anything towards these other girls i meet. there is nothing there. Only this one girl ever stirs up my heart, and i can't figure it out. Why? Its not like she does anything that special for me. True, she is a very sweet and kind person, and she does seem to care alot more about the things that are bothering me than most, but its not like she is interested in me. I don't say that pessimistically either. she never has been, thats been a fact for ages, and little has changed.

I suppose thats the other thing that hurts. Few care about me anymore. I've always been a quiet kid, and i've kept to myself other than my small groups of friends. Ironically, after the girl that i've liked moved away, it seem that all of the friends i had kida seperated and went their own ways as well (it was as if she held them all together), and so i lost lots of my friends after i just couldn't see them anymore out of practicality (busy lives on both sides). And no one else is going to give a shit about me. why would they? no one knows who i am, and the only time i stand out is when i do something retarded or embarrassing. I have no value to people outside of my family and some of my friends. (not that i don't value myself.) I'm not so far down the hole as to think that i am worthless. I know I still have alot more to me to grow and develop, and so i remain optomistic that things will improve as i grow and develop in a positive direction, if thats possible with this shit that plaguing me right now).

You're afraid to tell her because you have a feeling that she will reject you. So let me ask you this: If she is the nicest person in the world, do you think she will actually abandon you as a friend for this?

Ironically, i don't fear rejection, because right now, its inevitable. Thats why i don't want to talk to her about it now. All it will do is push me furthe from my goal of atleast having one more chance, and god forbid i need to endure more years and months of this ridiculous nonsense then i have to.

I don't think she would abandon me, but i don't think she'd be happy with me, and it would take a lot of work to rebuild that friendship if she takes it the wrong way, and i fear that. alot of her friends didn't feel she was mature enough to handle these kinds of things when she first left two years ago, and i have no way of really knowing how she is today. Sadly, if any of her recent conversations are any indication, i think she still doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of being with someone. Its as if she fears she'll loose the halo over her head, if that makes any sense to you.


and so conversations about things that jeapordize her "halo" seem to make her uneasy. Even though i'm probably world's nicest and mushiest guy, and god knows i'd never cross her boundries, she just seems to assume that relationships lead to things she doesn't feel are good.

I just really wish i knew why i still have feelings for her. i mean, i know why i care about her, but still, With all the pain and anguish that gets caused by all of this greatly overpowers any positive feelings i've felt in a while, yet somewhere in my heart i still find that drive to continue to probable failure anyway.

I guess this is where the inner conflict is

I really wish i knew whats wrong with me.

[sorafan1203]

Because I can't seem to think positively when something negative comes out.

And well, that's great I guess...

[CAB_IV]

Originally Posted by sorafan1203

Because I can't seem to think positively when something negative comes out.

And well, that's great I guess...

well, the trick is to always be ahead of the game. As long as you don't end up in any bizarre situations like mine, most negative things can be overcome.