I pick a petal and pray it's the one I wanted.

[Aly-chan]

Oh hay guys.

I am troubled...by something physical.

My weight.

Rewinding back to the 6th grade:

I moved to anew school and everything. So I dressed nice and noticed this boy. I was really attached to him. You could say it'd be love at first sight, but I didn't know at the time. So the second day he gave me a tour of the school. Best time of my life. Because of him I was friending everyone, he introdued me to everyone. He had this ambience of just friending people.

But one day, I was walking to his house and i over-heard him talking to his 'home doggs'.

"What kinda girl you want?"
"Oh I want one that is fine and divine; with a good size too."
"Ah. I see. "

So I stopped before getting to his house ad went by the nearby lake. I looked at myself and my refletion was everything but what he wanted. He expected me over and called my cellphone and asked where I was. I said I didn't know if I wanted to come over that day. He asked me why, I lied and told him that I was feeling to well. It wasn't a lie, just a white lie. I really wasn't doing well.

Skipping into time:

When we got ou pictures for the yearbook. I was devasted. Everyone adored it as i sat there despising it with every muscle in my body. I couldn't bust into tears at school, that's not my style. So I ran home and sat on the couch and stared at the packet with hate. I threw it to the wall and my eyes welled with tears. I ran to my room and threw everything I saw at the wall. My clothes,a nd even the basket it was in. I was cursing to myself, I hated myself, I actually thought of dying. The hurt I felt because I didn't look thin was urging me to do these things.

It's a side of Aly you NEVER want to see.

My little brother came running into the house and heard me screaming and the BANG! of the things being thrown into the wall. I turned to him with my face screwed and saw tears falling down his eyes.

He was scared of his older sister.

He screamed 'STOP!' and called me mother, 'Sissy is throwing things, she thinks she is a beast. Mommy please tell her to stop!' I took the phone and mom told me some things and I calmed down.

Moving to the present,

I got better, but I still have that feeling in my gut that I really am fat and ugly, and not good enough for ANY guy.

Is there a way to get rid of that 'in the gutter' feeling? Or am I just too into to it to get out?

lolaly

[snowdog]

Aly-chan, why would any guy not want to be with you?

You're sweet, funny, friendly, and everything that any guy could ask for.

If you want to feel better, there's only one person who can do that, and it sure ain't anyone else. I know from experience that you need to help yourself before you can let others help you.

If your weight really bugs you, then set yourself to a diet. Nothing extreme, just eating right, and doing some exercise every now and then. You'll feel better in yourself (thanks to natural goodness, and endorphins released from exercise) Not only will you be happier, but you'll have more energy, and you'll be healthier.

Next off? Getting yourself happy!

Do stuff you like to do, as often as you can. Or, alternatively, is there anything you've always wanted to take up as a hobby, but never had the chance? Do it. It'll be a lot of fun - and a great confidence boost - to do more in your spare time. Fill up your days with fun stuff.

I really hope this helps, you don't deserve to feel this way at all. We're here for you. <3 <3

[Aly-chan]

Aly-chan, why would any guy not want to be with you?

uh i dunno

You're sweet, funny, friendly, and everything that any guy could ask for.

-heart warms- One secret about this whole thing. My friends think I am doing this all for HIM. But I have been feeling this way for years.

If you want to feel better, there's only one person who can do that, and it sure ain't anyone else. I know from experience that you need to help yourself before you can let others help you.

If your weight really bugs you, then set yourself to a diet. Nothing extreme, just eating right, and doing some exercise every now and then. You'll feel better in yourself (thanks to natural goodness, and endorphins released from exercise) Not only will you be happier, but you'll have more energy, and you'll be healthier.

Next off? Getting yourself happy!

Do stuff you like to do, as often as you can. Or, alternatively, is there anything you've always wanted to take up as a hobby, but never had the chance? Do it. It'll be a lot of fun - and a great confidence boost - to do more in your spare time. Fill up your days with fun stuff.

I do that! W00t! But it's mentally stuck in my head. "Aly j00 shall be fat for the rest of your life!" All my friends have said if you don't get that thing out of your head, we will. And I love them for trying but they said that 2 years ago and they are still trying. wtf is wrong with me. I am deeply surprised they haven;t just given up already.

Back in grade school, I got really messed. I was bullied until I beat the insults out of this kid. And they still bullied.

It's hard to get happy once your mind says you can't.

I will try it though. I just have to, i guess, wish away my fear and doing something new?

[snowdog]

I know how you feel, I know it's hard, Aly.

It sounds like you have very supportive friends, so if you explain to them, then they'll understand that you're feeling particularly low at the moment. They sound like they really want to help you. They might even stick to the same thing as you to help. It's always easier with other people ^_^

You have to keep trying, as hard as it seems. Don't give up. <3 <3

[Lycanthrope]

Aly, don't feel bad. Most of the time when my friends that are girls are pissed, it is due to their looks. trust me, they are just self-conscious.

Anyway, as snowy said, you do sound like you have good friends. Maybe in secrecy you could talk to maybe one or two of them and ask for help.

Also, get your mind away from thoughts about your looks. That is a road I have seen plenty of good looking girls go through in the past few months. They just give up or something.

Anyway, I know this really isn't great help, but, its all I got at the momento. If I can think of anything else, I will let you know. And, I wish ya the best of luck.

[kairigirl]

Don't get worried about your looks. I've heard this from tons of guys actually, especially the mature ones. No offense to your friend, but some immature boys are mainly focused on the people that are extremely thin. I'm in the 12th grade and I've heard from boys I know are smart and mature say that they like a girl when she's not slim. They actually like a girl that's a little chubby. 1) It shows that they're fit and eating instead of starving themselves. 2) It also proves that not all girls are thin and slim and skin and bones.

If I were you, I would keep working out. If you're worried still, also watch what you eat. If you have a choice between say, the Doritos or apple slices, go for the apple. Watch the calories and if the school offers fatty stuff, bring your own lunch. My friend eats graham crackers and a banana. Healthy eating and working out go hand in hand.

Also, if you do begin to lose weight, that first week you'll lose a lot, but that's all water. In order to really lose fat and gain the muscle you'll want, you'll hav eto keep working.

My best suggestion is to not let people's comments get to you. Those are the worst.

[Milky]

Ahh, the adolescent female "IM TOO FATTT" topic. . .
Did you know that over 50% of 10 year olds are on a diet?


Your overly self conscience. And your self esteem isnt helping it obviously. Do things that make you feel proud about yourself, Strive to do better. Try not to do stressful things, think stressful thoughts..etc

What i find helpful when i feel a bit on the fat side (which is liek every week). i just bust out my gym membership and go work out. And as soon as im done my workout, i feel like a brand new person. Ready to take on anything.


Look, The guy you like wouldn't even be talking to you if he diddnt like "fit" girls. Heck, all guys your age are gonna be like that. They like girls that are in rap-videos, get my drift? But they only say that to fit in with other guys.


Have you ever heard a group of guys conversation that looks like this:

guy1: i like skinny girls
guy2: me too
guy3: ditto
guy4: i like chubby girls
guys 1 2 3: lol loser.

It's a game to fit in. Im sure this friend of yours has feelings for you.

Give it a shot.

[Electropop]

Aly?!

You a very gorugues person =O one Wonderful smile and beutiful eyes.

Be happy of not what you look like, but what you act like.

Men are all for the "Superz skinzy pukeing typez." And we all know the guy that you like and who likes you likes you for your mind >:D

This is weird. Almost all of the guys at my school hate the skinny/ 'anorexic' girls. We'd rather NOT break our girlfriend in half, thank you very much.

but I'm sorry to see that you feel this way.

And this is random, but what 'petal' are you picking?

[SORA RULEZ!!!!]

I mostly look at girls that are smart, pretty and hot. Dont worry just get in a diet and exercise. A girl did that and she whent to fat to total hotness. Fallow this and you will have guys looking at you a lot.

[Honky Sam]

Sora. Get the hell out of here. You are NOT helping. No one wants you here. Get the picture? GTFO. With a name like that, I doubt you can even get a girlfriend.


Alyy. You are fine the way you are. You shouldn't have to feel this way about yourself. Kairigirl gave excellent advice. Don't worry.

[Aly-chan]

Originally Posted by Dawning Kensei

This is weird. Almost all of the guys at my school hate the skinny/ 'anorexic' girls. We'd rather NOT break our girlfriend in half, thank you very much.

but I'm sorry to see that you feel this way.

And this is random, but what 'petal' are you picking?

Eh, the title was saying I was wishing to be something else. I was wishing upon a flower. You know the cliche petal picking to: He loves me; He loves me not?

I mostly look at girls that are smart, pretty and hot. Dont worry just get in a diet and exercise. A girl did that and she whent to fat to total hotness. Fallow this and you will have guys looking at you a lot.

I didn't want to have an appearance to where guys would look at me. :\ I wanted to have a feeling to where I would like me. I hate my self-appearance right now.

[Henskie]

ok I will throw my 2 cents in. My sister has the same problem (the weight and random despising herself because of her weight). I may not know you very well but you seem like a really great person. In my opinion physical appearance is not that important. I am sure you are not as fat as you think you are. For starters people in general are hypercritical about themselves and if they see the slightest detail they dont like about themselves they freak. Everyone has insecurities and thats a fact, the key thing is how you deal with them. If you let what you dont like about yourself consume you then your life will never reach its full potential. They key thing to do when you feel bad about something about yourself is to point out things good about yourself. It may be hard but it will make you feel better. I myself have had those kind of moments and thinking about the good things makes me feel better... I could right more but you prolly wont read all of this anyway. If I can help any more just PM me or iM me (Henskie is my sn)

[Ayumi]

Aly -huggles-

I know how you feel. I'm still having problems with it,but I learned that I should love me for how I am,not how I look. Your an awesome person :D Looks mean nothing when it comes to making friends or falling in love. I learned that the hard way. Everyone in the world is beautiful. The only thing ugly is how someone would act.

I know I'm not the best with advice ^^; but Your a very dear friend of mine and I care about you like a sister. I'll sit and listen to anything you'd have to say =]. I know it can be hard when it comes to loving yourself. Most guys in my old school care only for looks. I'm sure if they sat down and talked to someone they normally wouldn't,I'm sure they'd fine some intrests?

Like I said; Your awesome! You are a very sweet person and your a very talented writer and your a very poetic person; The title of this thread shows it.

Well I did my best ^^; If you ever wanna talk to me just PM me =]
I hope I helped~♥

[Axel Owns]

i dont really know who you are, but i dont think you should worry about your weight. a real boyfriend wouldnt care what you looked like anyways, so really, just be yourself, and make the best of it