BPD.

[stephaknee]

A couple of years ago, a therapist diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. I've seen a therapist only a few times, as being there makes me uncomfortable, and for a while I felt like I was getting better. It's been steadily getting worse, however, and it's gotten to the point where I'll suddenly forget where I am/not be able to recognize things/feel very distant from myself and everything. My boyfriend has been pretty supportive, but it's gotten to the point where I find something to get mad at him for everyday. I'll ignore him, say things to hurt him, etcetc. It's definitely taking its toll on him, as he admitted yesterday he's terrified to say the wrong thing because my mood switches almost instantaneously. He says it's like I'm a completely different person/he misses how happy I was/etc. Again, he's extremely supportive and he never gets mad at me for it. I won't really get into it, but in the past, I have done very manipulative and damaging things to myself and previous boyfriends. I've learned to control some of this, but I feel insane a good portion of the time.

But! It's getting harder to deal with on my own, and we've discussed the possibilities of medications. My dilemma, then, is that he is very very against it. I don't want to make both of us miserable because of this, though. I'm not sure what I can say to him to convince him or whether maybe it will be best to just start going to regular visits with a psychologist. So yea. I'm not really expecting any definitive advice, but any support would be appreciated! <3

[Gildragon]

I typically don't recommend medication for behavioral problems.


for crying out loud there are drugs for depression that can lead to thoughts of suicide. who knows what a drug could do to you? I think the more you relate whats going on your life to your peers the less you will come to be affected by it. Many counselers and therapists, get the degree but don't very often actually, you know, counsel you. so I'd relate how you are doing to friends. the less you let a problem affect you usually the weaker it gets. I speak from experience here.

[stephaknee]

Originally Posted by Gildragon

I typically don't recommend medication for behavioral problems.


for crying out loud there are drugs for depression that can lead to thoughts of suicide. who knows what a drug could do to you? I think the more you relate whats going on your life to your peers the less you will come to be affected by it. Many counselers and therapists, get the degree but don't very often actually, you know, counsel you. so I'd relate how you are doing to friends. the less you let a problem affect you usually the weaker it gets. I speak from experience here.

I don't mean to sound pessimistic/cynical but talking to friends and even my boyfriend only goes so far. I also speak from experience.

[edit] I'd like to clarify more. It's not like there are specific things bothering me. It varies. Sometimes my boyfriend takes too long in the shower. I'll ignore him for the rest of the night. Sometimes he passingly glances at another girl, I'll be extremely rude to him. Sometimes none of this bothers me. It's pretty unpredictable. Whenever he gets upset about me acting this way, I'll break down immediately and apologize and blahblah. Like I said, instant mood change. It gets very tiring.

[Chris]

Originally Posted by Lifeline

Well... this is depressing.

Why the fuck do people even reply to these topics just to say this?

Anyway, you seem almost entirely focused on your friends and boyfriend's opinion on your condition, but what about your family? What have they suggested? The advice that you'll find here (inb4 lol Kingdom Hearts forum) will probably be limited to things you know may be the right decision, but decided against for other reasons.

I can picture therapy being slightly uncomfortable for obvious reasons, but was it really enough to compel you to stop going? That leads me to believe it wasn't helping you enough for you to think it was worth the uncomfortableness. Before you decide to start using a medication, you could at least attempt to see a therapist again first. Maybe see if they suggest you start using a medication. The medication decision would seem plausible if you weren't benefiting from therapy, but you aren't even going to it anymore to be able to judge that. There isn't much more I can think to suggest, but yeah.

[stephaknee]

Well, I don't have a very close relationship with my family, tbh. I see my mom a few times a week, my dad maybe twice a month. They were also part of the reason I felt uncomfortable going to therapy as they believed nothing was wrong with me in the first place. I guess now I'm sort of afraid to go back for whatever reason and just making excuses.

Forget to say, thank you for the suggestion! And, yea, I think you're right. The best thing I could do right now is probably go back.

[Chris]

I guess now I'm sort of afraid to go back for whatever reason and just making excuses.

In that case, I think you've answered your own question. Judging by the last sentence of your original post, I feel as if you are just waiting for someone to convince you to do something that you already know you should do. Just talk to your boyfriend about his opinions on seeing a psychologist. I can't think of any reason he would strongly be against that.