My dad doesn't love me

[Ecstasy]

Originally Posted by Time

I can say the same with you. There is the security of family of always having someone there to help, and a child, naturally, needs their parents to grow mentally, in a healthy way.

Maybe you not her, should step back and look at why you don't care. There may be something that's hidden with that midst of lack of caring.

I agree completely with Dan. There's only security in family because that's how Western society dictates it should be. A child needs nurturing to develop through their early years, but as they grow older they lose that dependency. I don't feel like I need to share a connection with my family simply because we share DNA. I don't view or care about my family members any differently than I would with someone I'm not related to.

[AndyCloseEyes]

________

Originally Posted by Ecstasy

I agree completely with Dan. There's only security in family because that's how Western society dictates it should be. A child needs nurturing to develop through their early years, but as they grow older they lose that dependency. I don't feel like I need to share a connection with my family simply because we share DNA. I don't view or care about my family members any differently than I would with someone I'm not related to.

Obviously. ^_____^

[Fantasizes]

It's hard seeing and thinking about people who go through these kind of things.
Life is rough. :/

[Sam]

Originally Posted by Dan

I honestly don't understand what's so important about having your family members love you. It's such a load of crap. I couldn't give two shits if my family hated me, honest to God.

Honestly, I can't see why this is so important to you, and I can see less why you would kill yourself over it. Try growing up, and thinking a little more maturely.

I have to completely disagree with this, actually. At this point in my life I'm an extremely independent individual and my parents' opinions of me don't really mean anything, but I'm assuming that Dantez of Divinity is much younger than us. And at a young age nothing is shittier than growing up without parental support.

When I almost committed suicide a few months ago my mom and Dimitry were sad and understanding but my dad just looked disappointed.

I don't think its fair that my brother should have to be the father figure in my life.

How do I get him to love me?

I'm going to give you some advice you really aren't going to want to accept:

You do nothing. You deal with the fact that your father's issues with you are in no way your own fault and move on. Honestly, from the sound of it you've done nothing to prompt him to dislike you so I can't say that I think it's your fault that he's a shitty, unloving father. The fact that you strive to make him proud should really be enough to make him proud. You've got nothing to prove to him even as it stands.

Of course you're probably not going to take that to heart. You're going to spend a great deal of your life asking yourself what's wrong with you as a human being until you realize that he is the one who is flawed and not you, because that's the way these situations always play out. But I wish you good luck.

[Fantasizes]

I totally agree with you. ^

[Dantés de Divinity]

I'm 16 and the only female child in my entire family including cousins. I thought the natural way to get attention and affection was to be a tomboy.

That didn't work out to well.

I'm starting to think the second I'm done with college I'll move away. He doesn't seem to care anyway.

Maybe let him live his life and die thinking he out lived me. Maybe in the next life things will be diffrent.

[dr.korytco]

Originally Posted by Dantez of Divinity

He really doesn't. My Mom loved me but only like a friend or something and my oldest brother doesn't want anything to do with our family. My other brother Dimitry is the only person in my family that loves me like he should.

I'm positive my dad never wanted a daughter. He loves my mom and brothers like he should but he just ignores me. Even when I do something wrong he doesn't pay to much mind to it.

When I almost committed suicide a few months ago my mom and Dimitry were sad and understanding but my dad just looked disappointed.

I don't think its fair that my brother should have to be the father figure in my life.

How do I get him to love me?

It's ok, welcome to my world. That is the way both my step father and father basically treat me.

A few questions though

How often do you talk to your dad just about anything?

How often do you see your dad?

When you talk to your dad are you comfortable ?

Sometimes people just get the wrong impression on how you feel about them, so you can think that he just hates you but in reality he may think that you want nothing to do with him.

[Dantés de Divinity]

Originally Posted by dr.korytco

It's ok, welcome to my world. That is the way both my step father and father basically treat me.

A few questions though

How often do you talk to your dad just about anything?

How often do you see your dad?

When you talk to your dad are you comfortable ?

Sometimes people just get the wrong impression on how you feel about them, so you can think that he just hates you but in reality he may think that you want nothing to do with him.

I try to talk to him but its a often a one sided conversation. I bring up stuff that happened at school, fencing, with friends, you know the normal conversations that kids have with their parents. He just kinda dismisses me.

I see my dad everyday.

I feel comfortable only when nothing else is going on. Just me and him in a room. No TV, radio, or other people.

[dr.korytco]

Well, I would not get too worked up over it. In your case the father and son relationship could simply be over rated. Jut move on to womens !


A little more serious, but STILL serious , are you a really good kid? He may just have higher discipline and expectations for you to meet . How much older are your other family members? Being the youngest may have something to do with this, if you are the youngest.

Also to look at this closer, he may just be getting tired of having to be the parent that he is. Nothing truly personal just a mid life crisis or feeling old being a father to yet another young man.

Whatever it is, it is not your fault as long as you have tried. Whatever reasons he has are his reasons. Do not get so uptight , he is just a person. Sure you can have feelings of kindred love , but there is more to life than father and son. Consider your future wife and your son.

[Dantés de Divinity]

My brothers are 22 and 20. I am the youngest
I think I'm a nice person. I help when I can, I try my best not to make fun of people, I get good grades on tests, I help around the house.

And I'm a girl. I think that's part of the problem.

I think I really do want to leave. He won't even have to think about it anymore. Get through school than just go.

I'm just not to be there ya know.

[Sam]

Originally Posted by Dantez of Divinity

I'm 16 and the only female child in my entire family including cousins. I thought the natural way to get attention and affection was to be a tomboy.

That didn't work out to well.

I'm starting to think the second I'm done with college I'll move away. He doesn't seem to care anyway.

Maybe let him live his life and die thinking he out lived me. Maybe in the next life things will be diffrent.

The more I think about it and the more I read about you it seems like your dad's issues with you are more gender-oriented; i.e. he would've preferred it if you had been a boy. He's from Russia, isn't he? Hope I don't offend you by saying this (frankly I know essentially nothing about Russian customs and how women are perceived in that society, so this is kind of a stab in the dark) but it could be a cultural thing. Or maybe he's just a sexist asshole.

For whatever reasons, I stand by what I said originally; you can't change your father. He can either accept you and love you for who you are because you are his child or he can be a failure as a parent. He's the one who ought to be making you proud, not the other way around.

Originally Posted by Dantez of Divinity

I think I really do want to leave. He won't even have to think about it anymore. Get through school than just go.

I'm just not to be there ya know.

Doesn't seem like he thinks about it a whole lot as it is. The thing is, you deserve to have a family even if he doesn't want to be a part of it. He can choose not to love you, but he can't make the same decision on behalf of your mother and brothers. It just doesn't work that way.

[dr.korytco]

Originally Posted by Dantez of Divinity

My brothers are 22 and 20. I am the youngest
I think I'm a nice person. I help when I can, I try my best not to make fun of people, I get good grades on tests, I help around the house.

And I'm a girl. I think that's part of the problem.

I think I really do want to leave. He won't even have to think about it anymore. Get through school than just go.

I'm just not to be there ya know.

Well just keep your head held up high. Women who have a good heart find love quickly. Men are not as shy usually , wish I wasn't.

It is prob not entirely about you, as you say yourself you are a good person . It is prob about his life as a whole. I would not take it personally just be happy to be under a roof at the time, and that you have a place to eat and sleep.

It's ok. Life could be a lot worse and you know that.

[Dantés de Divinity]

No! Children make their parents proud, children pick up where they left off, children make their parents smile.
All they need to do is say 3 simple words ''I love you.''
I'm the failure not him! He's a great man. I just want for him to see that I'm a great daughter.

[*Demyx*]

wel now you know how 2 be when you have kids someday.

and i know how you feel and it sucks.... but you gotta move on....

srry that i'm kinda harsh on you, but the world needs to be like that sometimes

[dr.korytco]

Originally Posted by Dantez of Divinity

No! Children make their parents proud, children pick up where they left off, children make their parents smile.
All they need to do is say 3 simple words ''I love you.''
I'm the failure not him! He's a great man. I just want for him to see that I'm a great daughter.

Parents are over rated. Sorry.

You have done anything , everything to make any real father proud, sorry.

HE is a failure, I do not care how great he is.