Choosing Life.

[Cicero]

So yeah, I've lived in Mexico for the past 4 months, and it has been a blast. =D

However, in 7 days, I'm returning to my country, The Netherlands. And to put it simple...my feelings are mixed. I came here because my brother has lived here as well for a year, and he was so excited about it, it touched me. I went on vacation with my brother for the first time to Mexico last december, and off course I loved it too. So, I got an invite too come living here as well for at least a couple of months. I accepted because I 'wanted to travel', see more of the world. But I've been fooling myself, I know that I will never live anywhere else but in Holland. I know now that I was escaping. Escaping my life in Holland, because I was afraid. Afraid to choose life.

I have no idea. Simply no idea whatsoever what I want to do with this life I recieved. And by that, I mean what I want to do 'when I grow up'. For a job, a carreer...

Well, I have grown up. I've finished my highschool last year, and thus it was time for me to choose, but I couldn't. I don't know what I want.

I said before my feelings where mixed. For on one hand, I would love to return to my country; to see everyone again, return to my normal life, and all that shit. But I know on the other hand, that that normal life is already over. Because when I return, I will again be forced to choose something, and the time I bought by coming to Mexico didn't help out, as I'm still clueless.

I have thought about teaching maybe. I've also thought about joining the army (as that's where you go when you don't know what you want to do...), but eventually, nothing really seems appealing to me. I know I'm going to be a writer, but that isn't something I can really get around with, especially at the beginning of my carreer.

I do know why I can't choose, so maybe that's a start. It is the fact that this world bears no challenges. Nothing I see or hear excites me truly. Every job that exists is just mindless work for money, as far as I know, and money doesn't interest me. God, thinking about how empty this world is already makes me depressed.

Now why I'm posting this here: Again, I have no idea. I just wanted to throw this out in the open, as it is tearing me apart from the inside, and I can't talk to any friends or family as I never allow myself to show weakness. And well, this is internet, so I don't care if I may look weak.

So anyway, does anyone have something too say that might help me? Something to sooth my soul, or maybe suggestions for something that really is challenging? I know there are more people like me in this world, so maybe someone found an answer. And yes, I do realise this is a forum based on a videogame, but I've seen a lot of inteligent people on here, so yeah. And again, I can't really talk about it to someone in real life.

[New2Ya]

Originally Posted by Grimmjow Jaggerjack

So yeah, I've lived in Mexico for the past 4 months, and it has been a blast. =D

However, in 7 days, I'm returning to my country, The Netherlands. And to put it simple...my feelings are mixed. I came here because my brother has lived here as well for a year, and he was so excited about it, it touched me. I went on vacation with my brother for the first time to Mexico last december, and off course I loved it too. So, I got an invite too come living here as well for at least a couple of months. I accepted because I 'wanted to travel', see more of the world. But I've been fooling myself, I know that I will never live anywhere else but in Holland. I know now that I was escaping. Escaping my life in Holland, because I was afraid. Afraid to choose life.

I have no idea. Simply no idea whatsoever what I want to do with this life I recieved. And by that, I mean what I want to do 'when I grow up'. For a job, a carreer...

Well, I have grown up. I've finished my highschool last year, and thus it was time for me to choose, but I couldn't. I don't know what I want.

I said before my feelings where mixed. For on one hand, I would love to return to my country; to see everyone again, return to my normal life, and all that shit. But I know on the other hand, that that normal life is already over. Because when I return, I will again be forced to choose something, and the time I bought by coming to Mexico didn't help out, as I'm still clueless.

I have thought about teaching maybe. I've also thought about joining the army (as that's where you go when you don't know what you want to do...), but eventually, nothing really seems appealing to me. I know I'm going to be a writer, but that isn't something I can really get around with, especially at the beginning of my carreer.

I do know why I can't choose, so maybe that's a start. It is the fact that this world bears no challenges. Nothing I see or hear excites me truly. Every job that exists is just mindless work for money, as far as I know, and money doesn't interest me. God, thinking about how empty this world is already makes me depressed.

Now why I'm posting this here: Again, I have no idea. I just wanted to throw this out in the open, as it is tearing me apart from the inside, and I can't talk to any friends or family as I never allow myself to show weakness. And well, this is internet, so I don't care if I may look weak.

So anyway, does anyone have something too say that might help me? Something to sooth my soul, or maybe suggestions for something that really is challenging? I know there are more people like me in this world, so maybe someone found an answer. And yes, I do realise this is a forum based on a videogame, but I've seen a lot of inteligent people on here, so yeah. And again, I can't really talk about it to someone in real life.

Ok, I'm Dutch so I know where youre coming from... in the literal sense.

You say you know you want to be a writer, but it's too early for your career? If joining the army seems the solution, let me give you some more. Take journalism, take Dutch Language, etc. All things that can give you that start for a writing career.

It's definetly a more logical choice for the thing you want to do.

You're looking for challenges, but the thing is life is full of challenges. You just need to search them up. Here's what I did. I took a plane to the South Hemisphere and lived there for months, just seeing the world and surviving on my own strength. Meaning finding jobs, meeting people.

Sounds scary maybe, but it is hardly the case when you're living it. There's no chance to get scared, honestly.

Now this may be the challenge you're looking for. For one, it helped me to persue my future career that I'll be starting soon.

Since you've been living in Mexico and now live in Holland, it could be a wise idea to escape from this tiny place and see the world on your own. It's worth it, trust me.

Army? Pffff...

EDIT: Whether you wrote it wrong or I read it wrong, I now understand you got the invitation to live in Mexico and thus lived there for 4 months, so you kinda did my advice.

However, you did it with your bro.

Do it alone, just by yourself, only you. That's the challenge. Sleep in hostels, bed and breakfasts, farms, etc.

[Cicero]

Originally Posted by New2Ya

Ok, I'm Dutch so I know where youre coming from... in the literal sense.

You say you know you want to be a writer, but it's too early for your career? If joining the army seems the solution, let me give you some more. Take journalism, take Dutch Language, etc. All things that can give you that start for a writing career.

It's definetly a more logical choice for the thing you want to do.

I was actualy planning on going to a university in Belgium to study journalism and all that, with writing in the back, of my head, but...journalism isn't really my thing. :/

And I don't think it is too early for a carreer in writing, I just don't think I'll be able to feed myself with just writing. Especially when I'm just starting.

You're looking for challenges, but the thing is life is full of challenges. You just need to search them up.

Well, thing is that I've become lazy. As a child I already thought of it in this way, that everything was way too boring and all. And well, there is a long story behind it why I eventually gave up, but that's not something I want to talk about, as it might make me look...alsof ik eigendunk heb, lol, don't know how to say it in english, but you'll understand it since you're Dutch. xD

Here's what I did. I took a plane to the South Hemisphere and lived there for months, just seeing the world and surviving on my own strength. Meaning finding jobs, meeting people.

Sounds scary maybe, but it is hardly the case when you're living it. There's no chance to get scared, honestly.

Now this may be the challenge you're looking for. For one, it helped me to persue my future career that I'll be starting soon.

Yeah, I got an offer to go live in another city in Holland togheter with a friend when I'm returning from Mexico. It is not like going to another country or anything, but I'm really looking forward to it as I really want to stand on my own two feet.

Since you've been living in Mexico and now live in Holland, it could be a wise idea to escape from this tiny place and see the world on your own. It's worth it, trust me.

Army? Pffff...

EDIT: Whether you wrote it wrong or I read it wrong, I now understand you got the invitation to live in Mexico and thus lived there for 4 months, so you kinda did my advice.

However, you did it with your bro.

Do it alone, just by yourself, only you. That's the challenge. Sleep in hostels, bed and breakfasts, farms, etc.

Yeah, I've lived here for 4 months now, and alone, not with my brother. I meant he lived here before a year, but he already returned to Holland like last summer. I do live with a host family though.

But yeah, traveling the world just by myself is really something I want to do, but I have the feeling I can't really. Half because it is indeed a bit scary, lol, and half because I have a lot of responsibilities(Or how you write that. xD) with my family and all.

[Sorrow]

Now I'm only fifteen, but I can still say this. Who's to say that writing won't feed you? There were many writers that were like you and made it big. J.K. Rowling, the author of Harry Potter, was real poor before she started writing the famous books. She's now a millionaire.

There's also Christopher Paolini. He started writing a book at fifteen and published it at nineteen. He's living the life as well. You just don't know until you try.

If it doesn't work out, then I say to listen to New2ya and travel. Go find yourself.

[Ningacom]

Damn it Grimm, you're like me in two years. Stop it >:

You're right, the world's a boring place. Hopefully, you've found some sort of reason for living.

I can't rlly comment on the army thing considering the only sort of Militial knowlage I have is from my study hall (it's in the JROTC room, so I learn a few things ocassionally). But teaching sounds like something you'd like to do (I know it's the only thing I plan to do ). You showed a great intrest in Norse Mythology a week or two ago, perhaps that might be something you might want to look into teaching-wise?

There were many writers that were like you and made it big. J.K. Rowling, the author of Harry Potter, was real poor before she started writing the famous books. She's now a millionaire.

There's also Christopher Paolini. He started writing a book at fifteen and published it at nineteen. He's living the life as well. You just don't know until you try.

If it doesn't work out, then I say to listen to New2ya and travel. Go find yourself.

Umm... you DO realize that takes a genius idea? Those don't come up so often.

As for the writing thing, I'd recommened making that more of a profitable hobby. And then if you're REALLY good, then you can make a living off it.

But if you don't want to teach, you can't live off writing, and you can't find any other job that gives you meaning, then I'd recommened just getting a job you can live with (duh ).

But the traveling thing is probaly a good idea, nice way to find a reason to live.

[Sorrow]

Umm... you DO realize that takes a genius idea? Those don't come up so often.

I happen to think of Grimm as a genius. And if J.K. Rowling was a genius, then how come she was so poor before she wrote Harry Potter?

[Ningacom]

Originally Posted by Shadow Denizen

I happen to think of Grimm as a genius.

I happen to think of myself as a genius, but that doesn't make genius any easier to come upon.

Grimm knows as well as I do how complicated writing is.

And if J.K. Rowling was a genius, then how come she was so poor before she wrote Harry Potter?

Writing=Harry Potter
Harry Potter= Money
Money + Life= lack of poverty

[_Nadie_]

Originally Posted by Grimmjow Jaggerjack

Now why I'm posting this here: Again, I have no idea. I just wanted to throw this out in the open, as it is tearing me apart from the inside, and I can't talk to any friends or family as I never allow myself to show weakness. And well, this is internet, so I don't care if I may look weak.

So anyway, does anyone have something too say that might help me? Something to sooth my soul, or maybe suggestions for something that really is challenging? I know there are more people like me in this world, so maybe someone found an answer. And yes, I do realise this is a forum based on a videogame, but I've seen a lot of inteligent people on here, so yeah. And again, I can't really talk about it to someone in real life.

I know how you feel. Now I'm still in high school, but I have absolutely no clue of what I want to do with my life once I get out. I mean, I want to travel the world and pursue something in photography or journalism, but really, how?

Idk.... my mother is always like, "Nelly, what are you going to do once you get out of school?"
God I can't stand that question!
Lie, I just want to tell her, "I will tell you, when I'm sure of it."

Don't worry about it; by you telling us the truth doesn't make you a weak person, it makes you stronger one cuz you're admitting the truth.

Grimmjow Jaggerjack,
I wish I could give you some advice- but unfortunately as I have said before. I'm stuck in the same situation, so I won't do any help. sorry.

And another thing: the army? are you being f*cking serious?
I'm sorry, I appreciate the fact that we have a military to protect us, but I despise it. probably because every male in the family is in the military. oh well. The point is, don't join. You'll find something better. I know you well. good luck.

[New2Ya]

[quote=Grimmjow Jaggerjack;2977793]I was actualy planning on going to a university in Belgium to study journalism and all that, with writing in the back, of my head, but...journalism isn't really my thing. :/

And I don't think it is too early for a carreer in writing, I just don't think I'll be able to feed myself with just writing. Especially when I'm just starting.

Well, thing is that I've become lazy. As a child I already thought of it in this way, that everything was way too boring and all. And well, there is a long story behind it why I eventually gave up, but that's not something I want to talk about, as it might make me look...alsof ik eigendunk heb, lol, don't know how to say it in english, but you'll understand it since you're Dutch. xD

It's funny because I see myself few years back. I made the decision not to choose a study when I graduated high school, because I simply didn't know what to study afterwards. Which direction I wanted to go in.

Now I did and still do know my qualities, so it wasn't that really, I just needed and still need to feel that with the qualities I have I can have a satisfying career. And until a few months back, I didnt feel like my qualities would help me satisfy myself.

Anyways, I took the advice I just gave you, and travelled, and somehow I found myself. I came in contact with a lot of people and spoke with them about many things, as that is what you do, frankly. And thus, the subject of a future career comes up easily too. When you learn about other people from Wales to India, Canada to Korea, Brazil to Japan, you can understand a bit more about them, and thus learn more about yourself.

This may all sound too mature coming from an 18-year-old, but thats just the way it is. Surviving on your own for a long time asks you to mature.

And stop being lazy. Hell you don't want to know how lazy I was.

As for the word, eigendunk comes close to being arrogant or to say it in a more... ahem positive way: you're Mr. Bombastic.
YouTube - Mr. Bombastic

Yeah, I got an offer to go live in another city in Holland togheter with a friend when I'm returning from Mexico. It is not like going to another country or anything, but I'm really looking forward to it as I really want to stand on my own two feet.

Sounds like a good idea. However, will this be the challenge you're looking for? Sounds more like you're gonna continue being lazy, only now in an appartment. Think about it.

But yeah, traveling the world just by myself is really something I want to do, but I have the feeling I can't really. Half because it is indeed a bit scary, lol, and half because I have a lot of responsibilities(Or how you write that. xD) with my family and all.

Most of the times, and don't get me wrong on this, people that say it's only half of it being scary, most part is because it's scary. Your responsibilities, were they a problem 4 months ago?

Fear is the most logic reason why you don't dare to take that plane. The fear of being alone, not knowing where to turn to.

The thing is, every day, hundreds of people your age take that plane. Every single day. I'm not kidding here. From all over the world, yes. However, they all come together.

Now the best place probably to take that plane would be to Australia. It seems like that is the hotspot for people that decide to travel. For Asians because it's close-by, for Americans because it's English-speaking, for British because of its connections and ties, for most other countries to escape their own, learn more English and see a beautiful country at the same time.

If you realise how many people there are on the other side of the planet, you'd be kidding yourself when you'd say you're scared.

The only time I felt fear was when I stepped on that plane. After that, fear was insignificant.

Take that chance buddy. Just make sure that before you go, you got some money on ya. NOt just for the plane, but also to spend it a little. Find a job/sidejob right now (means STOP being lazy) and live a life.

[Cicero]

Originally Posted by Shadow Denizen

There's also Christopher Paolini. He started writing a book at fifteen and published it at nineteen. He's living the life as well. You just don't know until you try.

Christopher Paolini sucks. He's just a lucky bastard. (Sorry, I just don't like his books. xD)

Originally Posted by Ningacom

Damn it Grimm, you're like me in two years. Stop it >:

I lol'd. xD

Originally Posted by Ningacom

Umm... you DO realize that takes a genius idea? Those don't come up so often.

As for the writing thing, I'd recommened making that more of a profitable hobby. And then if you're REALLY good, then you can make a living off it.

Indeed, it takes a genius idea. But its not just that, I could re-write a whole story but give an entirely different dimension too it, and if its good, people will also buy it. What I'm trying to say it it takes more than just ideas, but yeah.

And that is what I'm planning on doing. Just a profitable hobby.

Originally Posted by Shadow Denizen

I happen to think of Grimm as a genius.

You make me blush. Quoted for the sake of me wanted to look good. =D Thanks. :3

Originally Posted by Ningacom

I happen to think of myself as a genius, but that doesn't make genius any easier to come upon.

Grimm knows as well as I do how complicated writing is.

Lol, as arrogant as ever, ninga. xD And yeah, as I tried to explain too, writing is really difficult when you want to create something on book/novel level.

Originally Posted by _Nadie_

I know how you feel. Now I'm still in high school, but I have absolutely no clue of what I want to do with my life once I get out. I mean, I want to travel the world and pursue something in photography or journalism, but really, how?

Go to school? I don't know where you live exactly, and if there are some good universities, but there is a great one near where I live. Just go to school, study, and yeah. Travel the world once you are done with your study, maybe just for a year or so, it doesn't matter. Work can come later. That is one thing though: Always go travel the world BEFORE you get a good job, as it is friggin hard to do it afterwards.

Originally Posted by _Nadie_

Idk.... my mother is always like, "Nelly, what are you going to do once you get out of school?"
God I can't stand that question!

That is the most hated question of all time. Srsly.

Originally Posted by _Nadie_

And another thing: the army? are you being f*cking serious?
I'm sorry, I appreciate the fact that we have a military to protect us, but I despise it. probably because every male in the family is in the military. oh well. The point is, don't join. You'll find something better. I know you well. good luck.

You know me well enough to know where my ambitions and such lay? =P Well, anyway, again i don't know where you live exactly, but if its America...the Dutch army is ten times better for a job than the overrated American army. I think I'll like it there, but I wouldn't plan on joining forever. Just a contract of about 5 years.

Originally Posted by New2Ya

It's funny because I see myself few years back. I made the decision not to choose a study when I graduated high school, because I simply didn't know what to study afterwards. Which direction I wanted to go in.

Now I did and still do know my qualities, so it wasn't that really, I just needed and still need to feel that with the qualities I have I can have a satisfying career. And until a few months back, I didnt feel like my qualities would help me satisfy myself.

Anyways, I took the advice I just gave you, and travelled, and somehow I found myself. I came in contact with a lot of people and spoke with them about many things, as that is what you do, frankly. And thus, the subject of a future career comes up easily too. When you learn about other people from Wales to India, Canada to Korea, Brazil to Japan, you can understand a bit more about them, and thus learn more about yourself.

This may all sound too mature coming from an 18-year-old, but thats just the way it is. Surviving on your own for a long time asks you to mature.

And stop being lazy. Hell you don't want to know how lazy I was.

Yeah, I pretty much found myself again lately. Must say it feels rather good. I envy your life though.

Originally Posted by New2Ya

As for the word, eigendunk comes close to being arrogant or to say it in a more... ahem positive way: you're Mr. Bombastic.
YouTube - Mr. Bombastic

Lol.

Originally Posted by New2Ya

Sounds like a good idea. However, will this be the challenge you're looking for? Sounds more like you're gonna continue being lazy, only now in an appartment. Think about it.

That's the question...I honestly don't know how it will turn out.

Originally Posted by New2Ya

Most of the times, and don't get me wrong on this, people that say it's only half of it being scary, most part is because it's scary. Your responsibilities, were they a problem 4 months ago?

Fear is the most logic reason why you don't dare to take that plane. The fear of being alone, not knowing where to turn to.

The thing is, every day, hundreds of people your age take that plane. Every single day. I'm not kidding here. From all over the world, yes. However, they all come together.

Now the best place probably to take that plane would be to Australia. It seems like that is the hotspot for people that decide to travel. For Asians because it's close-by, for Americans because it's English-speaking, for British because of its connections and ties, for most other countries to escape their own, learn more English and see a beautiful country at the same time.

If you realise how many people there are on the other side of the planet, you'd be kidding yourself when you'd say you're scared.

The only time I felt fear was when I stepped on that plane. After that, fear was insignificant.

Take that chance buddy. Just make sure that before you go, you got some money on ya. NOt just for the plane, but also to spend it a little. Find a job/sidejob right now (means STOP being lazy) and live a life.

Well, I must say I really aint afraid. I thought about it a whole lot, and I'm not afraid for the whole trip itsself. What I'm afraid of are rather the people around me, I know they will cheer me on and respect me for it if I do it, but I've always been the shoulder to lean on and such, and I don't really want to leave my family and friends all alone.

Well, all togther, this thread has somehow been a major relieve. I think that just saying this out loud already helped a lot. Thanks everyone who took the time to talk with me about it, I appreciate it.

I think I will go and talk to my dad first when I get back home in a couple of days. I tried it a couple of times before, but I just couldn't eventually. But yeah, I've been more myself this last few weeks than I have been since a very long time, and talking about this stuff made my future just that bit more clear.

Again thanks. =D

Oh, and, New2Ya, just out of curiosity. What part are you from?

[_Nadie_]

Go to school? I don't know where you live exactly, and if there are some good universities, but there is a great one near where I live. Just go to school, study, and yeah. Travel the world once you are done with your study, maybe just for a year or so, it doesn't matter. Work can come later. That is one thing though: Always go travel the world BEFORE you get a good job, as it is friggin hard to do it afterwards.

God I can't stand that question!
That is the most hated question of all time. Srsly.


You know me well enough to know where my ambitions and such lay? =P Well, anyway, again i don't know where you live exactly, but if its America...the Dutch army is ten times better for a job than the overrated American army. I think I'll like it there, but I wouldn't plan on joining forever. Just a contract of about 5 years

yah.. I will be going to school.. but... i hate it.
and yes, they are some very good universities here in California.
but I was thinking (also) to travle the world before going to school... but everyone seems to disagree.
but then I'm like... wtf would i want to spend another 4 yrs of school, right after i finished these 4 yrs of HS.

... now you know how i feel.
it's torture when they ask me.

.... uhh, is that not the point of joining the army?
5 yrs seems like a lifetime. and yes, i live in America, and not that our army is crap.
it's just of the situation we're in right now. it's crap.
well, if you do choose to join, good luck with that. (you'll need it)

[New2Ya]

Originally Posted by Grimmjow Jaggerjack

Yeah, I pretty much found myself again lately. Must say it feels rather good.

Good for you!

I envy your life though.

I guess we all envy each others life in the end, right? After all, we all have our own issues and problems. I envy the lazy.

That's the question...I honestly don't know how it will turn out.

Well, to make it a bit more positive, it can always turn out positive. So you should try it.

Well, I must say I really aint afraid. I thought about it a whole lot, and I'm not afraid for the whole trip itsself. What I'm afraid of are rather the people around me, I know they will cheer me on and respect me for it if I do it, but I've always been the shoulder to lean on and such, and I don't really want to leave my family and friends all alone.

I see. That's good, though you're gonna have to think about yourself as well. When I was really little, all I did was care for others, and what I got in return was a lot of pain. I didn't have the most memorable childhood I could wish for. Never understood it either, as I tried to be nice to everyone.

That of course doesnt have anything to do with your story, but it is to show how helping others all the time isn't the answer either.

Oh, and, New2Ya, just out of curiosity. What part are you from?

Amsterdam.

[_Nadie_]

So, while you were in Mexico, did you learn any Spanish?

ehh, I miss Mexico, I haven't been there in a while. :(

[Cicero]

Originally Posted by New2Ya

Amsterdam.

Nice. <3 I'm from Hoorn, just half an hour to the North. =D

Again thanks for the help, mate.

Originally Posted by _Nadie_

So, while you were in Mexico, did you learn any Spanish?

ehh, I miss Mexico, I haven't been there in a while. :(

Yeah, I speak Spanish by now. =D I just miss some vocabulary with specific things, out of what I need in daily life and such.

[Krateroi]

Originally Posted by Grimmjow Jaggerjack

Nice. <3 I'm from Hoorn, just half an hour to the North. =D

Again thanks for the help, mate.



Yeah, I speak Spanish by now. =D I just miss some vocabulary with specific things, out of what I need in daily life and such.

Did you enjoy Mexico? What did you like about it?