Bitter-sweet = Normal?

[InfiniteTwilight]

Here I am again. A few months ago, I think it was March, I came home from school and my mom had something important to tell me. Apparently, my dad had passed on the 1st of February and she had just gotten a call from Child Services that day. We started talking about him a little bit and my mom said she'd try and get more information about him.

A few weeks later, my mom tells me that we're getting Security Benefits for his death, about 700 something $ each month. This is good cause my mom needs the money to pay bills and so that me and my family can get the things that we want (I gotta a DS!^^).

The thing is, I've never seen or met my dad before while my older sister and cousins have. He's never tried to meet me, and he has several other children somehwhere that I've also never met. So I'm sorta wondering if it's normal to feel happy even though he's dead and okay not to cry or anything like that? Am I being sorta cold?

Opinions, ideas, pancakes are pretty much welcomed.

[Cicero]

It isn't cold to not cry about the death of someone you've never met, even thought it was your father. You wouldn't cry about the death of some random person on the other side of world you suddenly came to know of either.

Feeling happy is the other end...happy about someone's death is never good, even though you get money or anything else. Death is not something to be happy about, at all. (Or did you mean you still feel happy in the sentence of, you don't feel sad or anything? xD That would be normal, considering you never met him and he wasn't a part of your life.)

[InfiniteTwilight]

I can see your point, that's pretty close to what my mom said. And yes, in the sentence that I don't feel sad, I just sorta found it a little awkward about it. I didn't even break when I got the news.

[Cicero]

Well, off course it is your father instead of a random person like I said, so its a bit different. But if you never met a person, and he never took any part in your life...than it is hard to be real sad about that. You can find it sad, off course, as you now really wil never meet him, but real pain is hard to feel...I can imagine, that is...

[InfiniteTwilight]

It pretty much is. I never really did find it weird growing up without a real father because I had a stepfather, but he just turned out to be a real jerk later on in life. I only had descriptions to go on him and never really what he was like (though I can guess with all that I've learned from my mom) and now that he's gone, it's like some of that stuff doesn't really matter anymore. I didn't even go to his funeral, not that I really could though. Never took him into consideration everyday of my life.

Now I see other people with their dads and my little brother and sister with their dad, it's just...I don't want to see it.