Trouble with emotions.

[PostMentalFerocity]

I'm usually not the kind of person who actually likes girls emotionally. Truthfully, when it comes to relationships, I'm told that I'm cruel, cold, and heartless. I just don't put forth the emotion to care. Anyway, there is this girl Iactually like. It's actually the first time since my fiancee cheated on me a few years back.

From what I can tell, we both like each other. Today I found out this detail about her that personally I SHOULD like. It SHOULD make me smile. Instead, I snapped at her like "WTF? That's some bullshit!" Those were my words exactly. Currently, we're not dating. She's already in a relationship with someone else. I was talking with her to see where that's going.

Now, the point of this thread is this. What emotion is this that I'm feeling and how do I make it go away. I don't like this and I just wish everything would die. I'm not to the point of suicide, nor will I be, but I just need help with this.

I don't even know how I feel about her now. In my mind, my mental image of her has changed, and that other image is who I liked. What's going on?
~

And this is totally unrelated to the lesbian thing btw. If anyone wants to know how that ended, pm me.

[Rixam]

The problems with all feelings and emotions is that you can't controlthem as you like.. Yhey come and they go as they like... I wish it was that easy that we could control our emotions, but it's not:(

[PostMentalFerocity]

Okay, but what is this damn feeling? I hate it. What should I do?

[Rixam]

hmmm... I don't really know to be honest.. I have also problems with feelings I can't control and stuff so I know how it is :/ Are there some others out there that can help?

[Time]

Originally Posted by PostMentalFerocity

Okay, but what is this damn feeling? I hate it. What should I do?

Why do you hate it ?

[bamak93]

subconciously, you were probably looking for a way to make her unaccessable, and this detail made you fall head over heels instead. it's your minds way of convincing yourself that you can't like her.

[PostMentalFerocity]

Originally Posted by Time

Why do you hate it ?

Because it doesn't feel good.

subconciously, you were probably looking for a way to make her unaccessable, and this detail made you fall head over heels instead. it's your minds way of convincing yourself that you can't like her.

It's because of the detail that I no longer like her? Are you right or am I? I honestly don't know. THIS is the very reason I choose not to emote for girls. My head gets all twisted up and my soul feels like it got punched.

All of a sudden, I'm thinking of Kingdom Hearts in a more literal context, but that's neither here nor there.

[Time]

Originally Posted by PostMentalFerocity

Because it doesn't feel good.

It doesn't feel good to have a small form of dependancy, hmm?

It's because of the detail that I no longer like her? Are you right or am I? I honestly don't know. THIS is the very reason I choose not to emote for girls. My head gets all twisted up and my soul feels like it got punched.

Yes, well, I'm sorry to tell you PMF. But this is life. And if you're going to end up hating because it hurts to like, than you really need to rethink your life. Hiding yourself from everyone is not the answer.

[Divine Light]

you could be in denial and you still have feelings for her.........maybe if you stopped swearing so much and started being alittle less socially awkward she would like you instead.

[PostMentalFerocity]

Originally Posted by Time

It doesn't feel good to have a small form of dependancy, hmm?

Don't antagonize me.

Yes, well, I'm sorry to tell you PMF. But this is life. And if you're going to end up hating because it hurts to like, than you really need to rethink your life. Hiding yourself from everyone is not the answer.

I know. That's the part that annoys me the most. I know the answer. I was just hoping that there was someone with an answer around the answer "life". [insert obscenity here]

you could be in denial and you still have feelings for her

Okay?

maybe if you stopped swearing so much and started being alittle less socially awkward she would like you instead.

She actually already does. See first post. There is a whole nother sub story that I didn't post because it wasn't really relevant to the overall conversation. The only reason we weren't dating before Tuesday, which is when this happened, is because she is already in a relationship.

[Time]

Originally Posted by PostMentalFerocity

Don't antagonize me.

I"m not, the truth is. You're scared of being dependant. So you shut yourself off.

I know. That's the part that annoys me the most. I know the answer. I was just hoping that there was someone with an answer around the answer "life". [insert obscenity here]

Sometimes, when it hurts, it's good.

[Tyler Durden]

OH BABY MAKE IT HURT

MAKE IT HURT SO GOOD

Anyway, I'm pretty sure you just have what I like to call the 'House' syndrome. You push people away from you and don't take any responsibility for your own actions, and then martyr yourself after the fact.

The cure? Stop worrying about what other people think of you. Or, just stop pushing everyone away.

[Tobuoi]

I...think perhaps you're putting a little too much thought into this. If you like her and you're attracted to her, react in a positive way. If not, just be honest and responsible and make the best out of the situation that you can without using her.

Aside from that, from what I can tell, I believe that your apprehensions towards empathizing with others is what's got you so confused about yourself. I'm not saying that you should seek out "drama," by any means, but the only way that emotions are really developed is by exchanging them with other people. And I don't mean "sharing your feelings," I mean actually interacting socially. And don't bother blaming your twisted head and your beat-up soul on girls. It probably just means that you need more of it. Like Time said, "When it hurts, sometimes, it's good."

[PostMentalFerocity]

Alright. This is going to be my last post for a while. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I know this, it won't be anytime soon. I doubt I'll be back before the release of the new games.

Here is what it is.

It's not just the girl, it's my life. I'm dissatisfied with my life. So much to the point, that I hate myself. I will not kill myself for two reasons:

1. I am no emo ***** who fails at life. [Although I am being emo right now]
2. Suicide is the easy way out of problems. I do not take the easy way out, though it's tempting.

So don't worry about me trying to comit suicide.

Even before the girl problems arose, I was depressed. I have no driving force to ake up in the morning. For the past 2 weeks, I wanted to see Maggie, but I, in my despair, have actually convinced myself I don't like her. Don't ask. Now there is really no reason for my awakening.

You could say that there are people who are looking to me for leadership, but when I look in the mirror, all I see is a failure. A scared little boy who refuses to grow up and live the life he wants. How can I lead those people, when I doubt myself? The answer is I can't.

I actually asked myself a few questions that would make anyone just stop and think. "What would happen if I just stop?" and "I wonder what would happen if I just left and became a bum. Would I be free?" This actually hurt me. Why would I think such things about myself? Because I hate what I've become, that's why.

The girl problem is so insignificant when I think about it. It's actually quite sad. A girl I like isn't quite the person I though she was so I convince myself I don't like her to make my pain go away; when in all actuality, since my ex-fiancee, she is the first girl I actually liked beyond the reason of sex. I can't stand myself sometimes.

It's even to the point that I literally shake. I shake with rage, and fear and anticipation. There is nothing for me to look forward to. Nothing for me to wake up for. No reason at all to get up. I need to re-establish that reason. I can't do that by staying here all of the time. My life is a mess and it's time for clean up.

So to everyone, I bid you adeiu. Thank you for your help, and thank you for the memories and fun times here at KHI. I will return one day. And on that day, I'll be sure to be happy for each and every one of you.

~purified_riku155
~PostMentalFerocity
~Screaming Oblivion
~Kawaii_Kuien

[Sam]

How to kill yourself like a man.