The Exiled

[Mastermind]

Originally Posted by twilight abyss

Yeah, that's good, but if you really don't want to do it, we won't
Also, I thought of how to make it more of a 1-on-1 fight, you said that since Rextanse and Jynx hold him off while he revives him, the rest of the battle will be 3-on-1, well how about if they ask if Ruxel can handle this, and he says yes, and they leave to help Xatsuin a bit more, that's when you use the death part of your powers and kill him automatically with the last of your energy
How does that sound???


Also, we need to just buckle down and start discussing a very detailed chapter 1 outline, and after everyone is satisfied with the outcome, it will be final, nothing can change
Does that sound good???

No, because I'm pretty sure that the writers have already started writing the story. If we make changes now, then they'll have to go back and change it which is very frustrating, especially if the change has a huge effect.

[The Lionheart]

ok guys, i think im gonna post what i have of charxai's prologue, i need to get it finished, but im hitting a little writers block right now. so if you guys could tell me what needs to be worked on, that would be great.
also, if any of you writers out there could help me on yahoo, that would be cool also

15 year olds in an army?!?!

(xP)
“Git back ter work slave!” I heard as a whip cracked over my head. Slave. The only name I had ever known for as long as I could remember. My mother had died during my birth, and my father was nowhere to be found. I was one of the few babies to ever survive birth in a slave complex, especially on such a cold planet as Nordacia. On an icy wasteland such as this, few slaves ever survived past 30. I guess I was one of the lucky ones that survived birth. I was soon put doing simple tasks as soon as I could walk. Somehow I survived my young years, malnourished and worn out by age five. Even with these disabilities, I was soon put to harder tasks, such as moving logs and stones as to build a fortress for my master. I excelled in strength, stamina, and speed, and although it took me awhile to realize it, I was the youngest slave in all of my work groups. At nine years old, I was doing the workload of ten slaves. My life has gone on like this for quite a while, and I had become fed up with this life of servitude. A life of slavery is a fate worse than death, and something had to be done. Freedom was a word that seemed not to even exist in my fellow slaves’ minds. When I asked most of the slaves if they would join the rebellion, they just looked up at me with sad faces. Most stayed silent after the question had been asked, and if I asked again, all I would get was I polite “No.” All that is, except for one. Cedric, one who seemed to think he was better than the rest of the slaves, and seemed to plump for the life we lived. He scorned me, saying, “Why would you do anything as stupid as that? Slavery isn’t a horrible life, and for us who don’t complain about the work we have to do, we are perfectly content with it.” I had honestly had never complained in my life about my work - although I disliked it-, and Cedric, being about a couple of years older than I was, was just a bully who got the easy work cleaning up the kitchens. Nobody liked him, and I had a feeling that this wouldn’t be the last time we would conflict.
Starting up a resistance was going to be harder than I thought, and in the end, I could only get four slaves to help me out, who all seemed to be about the same age as I was. Ray, a very strong and athletic guy, who was great to spar fists with; Chris, who always made light of everything, could use some degree of magic, and had a wide variety of, let’s say, “talents”; Colin, who was very inventive, and always had some crazy scheme he was working on; and last, but not least, David, who could hit a fly with a stone from twenty yards away. We were all very much alike, but there was one thing that they had that I had never experienced. The taste of freedom. They described it as the most amazing thing in the world, free to do whatever you want whenever you want, and no slave master standing over you. This made me long for sweet freedom even more. We all knew that at our current age and size we could do nothing to break free, so we watched, planned and waited. Ray, who worked in the barracks, gathered as many spare weapons as he could, Chris would use his various “talents” to break into store rooms and gather gunpowder and matches, Colin, who would gather up scraps of anything he could find and forge weapons with them, David, who gathered up arrows from the weapons range he worked at, and myself, who stole tools from the quarry at which I was assigned. We decided to hide this stuff in the safest place we knew, the dead center of the slave compound. We dug a hole, put all of our supplies in a sack Chris had stolen, and buried them in the center of the complex, where we could retrieve them as needed.
We worked at this for three years, and remarkably, our slave-masters noticed nothing amiss. By this time, we had collected enough materials to supply a small army. David had found himself a bow and two throwing-knives, and Ray had somehow managed to get three excellent quality swords, and the same amount of somewhat dented shields. Ray had also found a strange sword, which none of us had ever seen before. It was a large sword, meant to be wielded with two hands, about six feet long, and about a foot in width. Ray, Chris, and Colin seemed to think the sword was bulky and slow, but I decided I give using it a shot. Using the few hours we had to sleep at night, we would spar with each other until our legs were sore and our arms were numb, and David would make arrows with the few scrap materials we had. As it turned out, I had some sort of skill with the sword, and could disarm the others with ease. Ray seemed to be the only one who could challenge me whatsoever, and we soon grew to be close friends. We had no idea, however, that we were being watched.
After an especially long day of hard work, and an even longer night of sparring, we were called to the center of the fortress, the very headquarters we had spent the last three years planning to destroy, the very heart of our enemy, the Overlord himself, Igor. The hatred I had for this man could not be conceived, since I had a feeling he had something to do with my father’s disappearance.
“Hello boys, sit down, please.”
“No thanks.” I replied, with the others nodding their heads behind me.
“No, I insist.” He said, as guards came up behind us and pushed us into chairs.
“Champagne anyone?” He casually inquired. With a nod to my friends, we took the champagne, but were careful not to drink any, as much as our parched throats wanted us to. I had no idea the purpose of this meeting, but I had every intent of finding out. No beating around the bush here. No longer scared of the whip, I posed the question.
“What do you want?”
“ How quaint, an attitude. I’ll have to remember that when you’re in my army.” He replied with a smirk.
“What!?” we all exclaimed.
“A storm is brewing, as ignorant as you slaves are, I’m not surprised you didn’t notice. Every warlord in the land is gathering his forces, and this is one thing I’m not sitting out. I honestly don’t have a choice. You four have been watched, and from what I’ve heard from my source, you all have remarkable skills. So now you have two choices, join my forces, or die.” The coolness with which he said these words was chilling. “Of course, you would all be promoted to second lieutenant, and would be in command of my finest troops, would have comfortable beds to sleep in, and the finest of food.”
“Who’s your source?” Chris suddenly asked.
“Excuse me?” the Overlord questioned.
“Who’s your source? How do you even know it’s us your looking for? You seem to believe this source, but how do you know if he’s telling the truth? If what you say is true, we will gracefully decline your offer and die by whatever gruesome means you have picked out.”
“Sigh, you slaves are so annoying to deal with, but if it will speed up the process, here he is . . . ” Just then, a face we all knew and loathed was standing before us. Cedric.
“Yes milord?” he asked.
“Well Cedric, I’m in the middle of the sticky business of recruiting these slaves to my army, they have just declined my generous offer, and they don’t believe I have a valid source. Well, here’s my source, slaves, Cedric, just to satisfy them, is there anything physical that you can use to prove they’re really traitors?” The Overlord inquired.
“Oh yes milord, I have just the thing. I have cold, hard evidence that can put them right on the gallows.” He snobbily replied.
“Good, good. Then guards, make sure that these four are locked up in the highest security
cell we have, and post four shifts of four of the best guards we have, and post two at every escape to make sure that they are ‘comfortable.’ Tomorrow, we will make a demonstration, at dawn, in front of all of the slaves of the weapons we have, and then at sunset, if I’m right, which I will be, we will make these four pincushions for our armies weapons. If I’m wrong, which I definitely will not be, I’ll let you four go back to your miserable little lives as my slaves, if you can survive the torture I put you through.” With that word, we departed to our dark cell, to await our final judgement.
“I can’t take this!” Ray yelled as he slammed his body against the cell wall. We had spent all night looking for any way out of our cell, but to no avail. Igor hadn’t been lying when he said that this was the most secure cell in the fortress. There was no way we could get out of here, with four guards posted outside of the cell, and two extra guards posted at each escape route. It looked like we were just going to have to wait until morning to see what was going to happen.
None of us had gotten any sleep that night, and if we dosed off, it was only for a few minutes and it was very fitful sleep. We had all been sitting there, silently looking at each other, none of us saying a word. Igor came in as soon as the first ray of light started to show through our bleak cell.
“Good morning gentlemen.” Igor’s cold voice seemed to rush over us like an icy river. “I hope you are all ready to die. It’s a nice day, so thank whatever gods there are that you can die on a day like this.” He said in the same toneless voice. Shivering, we walked out under the pale, heatless sun we had all grown so used to. On such a day as this, even that cold sun seemed to be something we would all miss. As we were escorted into the slave grounds, I thought I would burst from all of the tension put on me. I could only imagine the others were feeling the same. I could see the faces of all of the slaves around me, some sad, some surprised, some stricken, but the most faces I saw were the ones of disheartened slaves. I had a horrible feeling in my gut that I had somehow let them all down. We finally arrived at our destination, surrounded by guards and Igor in front of us. “Here before you are five slaves that have decided to refute my generous hospitality and gracious law by trying to start a rebellion. Here is physical proof that will forever brand these slaves as traitors, and sentence them to execution.” Cedric and a few guards then entered the complex, all of them holding shovels. Suddenly, I realized what the “evidence” was, and almost let out a sigh of relief. Luckily, I caught myself in the act, and no sigh escaped my lips. A mistake here could prove fatal. I looked at the others, and sure enough, their eyes sparkling with recognition. I quickly put a finger to my lips to signal them to be quiet, understanding, they nodded back.
It finally seemed that luck had gone our way. For about a week ago, we had decided that out movements had come predictable, and we didn’t want anybody to stumble, accidentally or purposefully, onto our supplies. We decided to move a little bit of our supplies each night, and make sure to do it discretely just in case we were being watched. After a while, the only thing that was buried there was our weapons, and the night before our capture, we dug our original hole, then filled it up, nothing being put in it. We moved our weapons to where the rest of our supplies lay, a place so obvious, nobody would even think to look there. We had buried our supplies right under our sleeping mats. As I saw Cedric walk down a column of glaring slaves, it was hard for me to suppress a shout of joy for life, and an outburst of laughter at the fool Cedric was going to make of himself.
“Let me be the one to unearth these traitors!” Cedric enthusiastically yelled. Obviously, it didn’t have the effect he had hoped, because he was met with absolute silence. Cedric then
cleared his throat, and said, “Okay then, lets get started.” For about the next half hour, all that could be heard was just the grunts of soldiers working, and the heavy breathing of Cedric, who was quite obviously not in enough shape to “unearth” anything. Then, after the hole was too deep for any of them to climb out of, Igor finally stepped in.
“Stop.” he said in that cruel voice, the strain in his voice giving away his anger. “There is obviously nothing down there.” Shock slowly spread over Cedric’s face, now less worried about the fate of his , and more worried about his own fate. “Help these guards out of the tunnel,” The Overlord ordered a few slaves, “ but leave this pathetic wretch in there, see how long it takes for him to get himself out.” The slaves faces brightened at this statement, with joy both for our survival and for Cedric’s punishment. Igor then continued, “As for you four, you will go back to your cell until I’ve decided your torture. Now we will find out my way if you are rebels or not.” On the outside we had faces of despair, but these masks were just ruses to cover what we were feeling on the inside. With our plan of freedom not derailed, we were as joyful as could be. As we were escorted into our cell, we could hardly contain our excitement, and as soon as we were shut in Chris, enthusiastic as always, shouted out a cry of excitement, but was quickly muffled by the ever “assuring” hand of Ray. We all knew that we couldn’t shout out how happy we were, when we should be scared out of our minds at the torture we are about to be put through.
I cannot remember the torture we had been put through, only flashes of intense pain. None of the others seemed to remember either, but we all knew one thing. We were free. All of us had been escorted back to the slave compounds, and the one time we had seen Igor since the day of our torture, he had a sour look on his face, as if he couldn’t stand the very sight of us. That night, we did nothing with any of our supplies, knowing that we were now being watched closely. We all knew that we had only one option. To escape. That night, we perfected the plan that we painstakingly worked out for the past four years, and could only wait until the time was right. Little did we know, that time would come sooner than any of us could have ever expected.

[yoyoj06]

its good story, but why would he want 13year olds in an army?

[Xodyc]

that is a loooong story, good though and i pose the same question as yoyo

[yoyoj06]

its kind of stretch of what your having the characters go through(meaning what they are capable of doing). i hope you know what i mean by this. i dont mean it in a bad way

[NobodyImportant]

Originally Posted by twilight abyss

Yeah, that's good, but if you really don't want to do it, we won't
Also, I thought of how to make it more of a 1-on-1 fight, you said that since Rextanse and Jynx hold him off while he revives him, the rest of the battle will be 3-on-1, well how about if they ask if Ruxel can handle this, and he says yes, and they leave to help Xatsuin a bit more, that's when you use the death part of your powers and kill him automatically with the last of your energy
How does that sound???


Also, we need to just buckle down and start discussing a very detailed chapter 1 outline, and after everyone is satisfied with the outcome, it will be final, nothing can change
Does that sound good???

We already did discuss a detailed chapter 1 outline. A while ago. At least, to the point that we all agreed on it.

And yeah, AO...maybe cut that down to half?

[Dawning Twilight]

Originally Posted by NobodyImportant

Geez, I go out of town for one day and Ojike leaves?!

Ehh. Just hang around once in awhile, Ojike.

And ok, I'll work on Salix's robe.

thanks sorry to trouble you ><;;;

btw are we just going to do an Exiled 1 or will we also do an Exiled 2? i'm pretty lost at this point.

[twilight abyss]

Well, i get what you're saying NI and MM, and you're right we don't need it, because there isn't much to disscuss, not too much happens, it's more of the backstory =D
But then we do need to disscuss chapter 2, and i mean detailed, as in what characters are doing what at what time, or we could just wait, or whatever, i just joined, so i'm just making suggestions

Also, DT, they are working on chapter 1 now, they just aren't that far

AO- reading part 2 now, isn't "slave no more" Zixan's chapter title???

[Knightflare]

Originally Posted by Dawning Twilight

thanks sorry to trouble you ><;;;

btw are we just going to do an Exiled 1 or will we also do an Exiled 2? i'm pretty lost at this point.

I think right now there's only going to be an Exiled 1.
That's pretty much my best guess.

[twilight abyss]

okay, RPG and me were talking, and i told her she needs to make a template soon, so she made it and posted it on yahoo, but was to lazy to post it on here, so i'll do it

Name: Xana
Former Name: Ana (Ananome)
Alias: The Fallen Angel
Age: 14
Weight: 115
Height: 5'3
Eyes: green
Dominant Hand: left
Weapon: Staff
Element: Time
Sex: Female
Hair: long, dark red hair
Outfit: Exiled Organization Robe
Number: 4
Attitude: quiet, shy and kind hearted; looks sad most of the time
Hometown: Gardenia
Location: ???
Fighting Style: Stays in the back casting magic, priority to healing
Quote: "I see the same memory, over and over...and each time, it hurts even more..."
Background: Recruited at a young age, seeks to help out her teacher and mentors, ever seeking out someone that haunts her past...

[rpgangel]

Originally Posted by twilight abyss

okay, RPG and me were talking, and i told her she needs to make a template soon, so she made it and posted it on yahoo, but was to lazy to post it on here, so i'll do it

Name: Xana
Former Name: Ana (Ananome)
Alias: The Fallen Angel
Age: 14
Weight: 115
Height: 5'3
Eyes: green
Dominant Hand: left
Weapon: Staff
Element: Time
Sex: Female
Hair: long, dark red hair
Outfit: Exiled Organization Robe (?)
Number: 4
Attitude: quiet, shy and kind hearted; looks sad most of the time
Hometown: Gardenia
Location: ???
Fighting Style: Stays in the back casting magic, priority to healing
Quote: "I see the same memory, over and over...and each time, it hurts even more..."
Background: Recruited at a young age, seeks to help out her teacher and mentors, ever seeking out someone that haunts her past...

mentioning others' laziness isnt nice >_< even if it is true... >>

anyways i had no idea what location meant, and as for the Outfit I'm still working on it and working on fixing my scanner, so yeah... ^_^ something's better than nothing, ne?

[gene chaos]

so what sould our actions be men and women?

hmmmm..... i guess i could what either AO or TA said and start working on xenge relationships so ya

50 cents for freind ship
and... does anyone watch HEROES??

second rpg you sure been active these past could of days.... but you do have the eement of time...sooo
this could be the future you contribing to the present....hmmmmm....., nyaa

[╬ProperArtist╬]

Originally Posted by twilight abyss

okay, RPG and me were talking, and i told her she needs to make a template soon, so she made it and posted it on yahoo, but was to lazy to post it on here, so i'll do it

Name: Xana
Former Name: Ana (Ananome)
Alias: The Fallen Angel
Age: 14
Weight: 115
Height: 5'3
Eyes: green
Dominant Hand: left
Weapon: Staff
Element: Time
Sex: Female
Hair: long, dark red hair
Outfit: Exiled Organization Robe
Number: 4
Attitude: quiet, shy and kind hearted; looks sad most of the time
Hometown: Gardenia
Location: ???
Fighting Style: Stays in the back casting magic, priority to healing
Quote: "I see the same memory, over and over...and each time, it hurts even more..."
Background: Recruited at a young age, seeks to help out her teacher and mentors, ever seeking out someone that haunts her past...

so you calling my woman lazy?

[twilight abyss]

^Yup xD...JK

*pays gene 50 cents
there's you're charge lol

I love heroes xD

[NobodyImportant]

Let's cut down on the spam, people.

I'm all for not having an Exiled 2 for now, but we can always decide to have it later on if we ever do finish Exiled 1.