Kingdom Hearts: Chaos Veil

Dragonix-Blader · February 14th, 2005, 03:15 AM

Its good to be back. I like the new design of the forums too.
Now let's get started. This is Kingdom Hearts: Chaos Veil a story in between KH:COM and KH2. Those of you whom have read this before will need to reread everything because there are so very important changes in the story.
Oh Yeah! There will no longer be a KH: Chaotic Quest, that will combined with this story. Also I own Hiro and Sakura. My friend owns Ryo, Hikari, and Ronin.

Prologue:

I sat quietly at my desk in my bedroom, gradually completing the grueling task known as...homework. I felt myself falling deeper and deeper in to the land of sleep. I resisted only to be overcome with sudden fatigue. My eyes slowly blinked and...

I opened my eyes to see a dark city. It was raining. Hard. Within seconds I was soaked. I wore a red hoody with the Japanese sign for fire on it, with black jeans, and black and red boots. I lifted the hood over my head casting a shadow over my face. The pitter patter of footsteps surrounded me. The street fell silent before black creature of many types materialize. Then the voice came.

"Keyblade Master!"

I looked around, searching for the origin of the voice, "What are you talking about?!"

"Take it! Take the keyblade!"

A blood red sword appeared in my hand. On the end was dragon wing. There was a dragon head keychain.

The creatures attacked. I sliced through them with amazing ease. Then the ground began to shake. A giant creature appeared out of the ground with a hooded man in a leather jacket on its shoulder.

"Heartless! Attack!" shouted the man.

At once the creatures...err "Heartless" dashed at me then...

I hope you enjoyed this. I may post tommorrow.

March 10th, 2005, 12:13 AM

its sorta good. try not to space sentences as much as the last part, put more detail in the sentences or make it longer.

King Of The Dark · March 10th, 2005, 10:13 PM

A word of advice. Detail, it has potential, describe things a little more, it was easy to follow, and the battle (sorry about this) was dissapointing. Work on it more and you'll do fine.

DaRkNeSs2LiGhT · March 11th, 2005, 12:06 AM

yeh, more describing. but i liked it! it is only the prologue tho...so, ya. lol~ ^^;

King Of The Dark · March 13th, 2005, 01:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaRkNeSs2LiGhT

yeh, more describing. but i liked it! it is only the prologue tho...so, ya. lol~ ^^;

Yea good point add more detail, it has the potential to be good by the sounds of it.

sorasecondcoming · March 27th, 2005, 06:29 AM

i like it alot

moomoomoo · March 27th, 2005, 08:00 AM

bwahaha, i have finaly gotten around to reading this again!

eh, Dragonix-Blader, you didnt change your name? KH: Chaotic Quest got posted againg and not by you... wha? *has become extremly confuzzeled*

eh, looking foward to more Dragonix-sama! *bows*

February 14th, 2005, 03:15 AM	#1
Dragonix-Blader Disney Soldier Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Bessemer, AL Age: 19 Posts: 17 Rep Power: 6 Level: EXP:	Kingdom Hearts: Chaos Veil Its good to be back. I like the new design of the forums too. Now let's get started. This is Kingdom Hearts: Chaos Veil a story in between KH:COM and KH2. Those of you whom have read this before will need to reread everything because there are so very important changes in the story. Oh Yeah! There will no longer be a KH: Chaotic Quest, that will combined with this story. Also I own Hiro and Sakura. My friend owns Ryo, Hikari, and Ronin. Prologue: I sat quietly at my desk in my bedroom, gradually completing the grueling task known as...homework. I felt myself falling deeper and deeper in to the land of sleep. I resisted only to be overcome with sudden fatigue. My eyes slowly blinked and... I opened my eyes to see a dark city. It was raining. Hard. Within seconds I was soaked. I wore a red hoody with the Japanese sign for fire on it, with black jeans, and black and red boots. I lifted the hood over my head casting a shadow over my face. The pitter patter of footsteps surrounded me. The street fell silent before black creature of many types materialize. Then the voice came. "Keyblade Master!" I looked around, searching for the origin of the voice, "What are you talking about?!" "Take it! Take the keyblade!" A blood red sword appeared in my hand. On the end was dragon wing. There was a dragon head keychain. The creatures attacked. I sliced through them with amazing ease. Then the ground began to shake. A giant creature appeared out of the ground with a hooded man in a leather jacket on its shoulder. "Heartless! Attack!" shouted the man. At once the creatures...err "Heartless" dashed at me then... I hope you enjoyed this. I may post tommorrow.

March 10th, 2005, 12:13 AM	#2
caboose369 Guest Posts: n/a Level: EXP:	Re: Kingdom Hearts: Chaos Veil its sorta good. try not to space sentences as much as the last part, put more detail in the sentences or make it longer.

March 10th, 2005, 10:13 PM	#3
King Of The Dark Ruler of Darkness Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Im not sure and I don't care. Age: 19 Posts: 174 Rep Power: 6 Level: EXP:	Re: Kingdom Hearts: Chaos Veil A word of advice. Detail, it has potential, describe things a little more, it was easy to follow, and the battle (sorry about this) was dissapointing. Work on it more and you'll do fine.

March 11th, 2005, 12:06 AM	#4
DaRkNeSs2LiGhT Keyblade Weilder Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: forks Age: 18 Posts: 298 Rep Power: 5 Level: EXP:	Re: Kingdom Hearts: Chaos Veil yeh, more describing. but i liked it! it is only the prologue tho...so, ya. lol~ ^^;

March 27th, 2005, 06:29 AM	#6
sorasecondcoming Ruler of Darkness Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: ok Age: 17 Posts: 156 Rep Power: 6 Level: EXP:	Re: Kingdom Hearts: Chaos Veil i like it alot

March 27th, 2005, 08:00 AM	#7
moomoomoo Keyblade Weilder Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: in the school library talking to FBI agents... O_o my stupid friends dared me! X_X Age: 17 Posts: 247 Rep Power: 6 Level: EXP:	Re: Kingdom Hearts: Chaos Veil bwahaha, i have finaly gotten around to reading this again! eh, Dragonix-Blader, you didnt change your name? KH: Chaotic Quest got posted againg and not by you... wha? has become extremly confuzzeled eh, looking foward to more Dragonix-sama! bows

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