The Angel Of Sacrific

[theblade ofwater]

Ok, so i have my story but i want you to read the first part to see if i have something here. So tell me what you think.


A world of darkness shrouded in mystery, offers extreme power like no other.
A world of light, for the good, righteous and justice.
The decision was mine alone.
My head and heart not knowing which side was to be my true nature, grant me to be the emissary of both light and darkness.
My abilities now know no bounds.
A Great Master, Yen Sid, puts balance to my powers and gives me a mission of truth and justice. I must help Sora defeat the evil of this world.
A Great Keyblade known as The Unknown Fate, chooses me as its Wielder. To cut through the enemies and create my own path and Destiny.
To either become a Weilder who can stop great evil and terror in his path, or bring Destruction, Carnage and Despair to all.
I Am The Angel Of Sacrifice





unknown fate the unknown fate by ~thebladeofwater on deviantART

[The Riddler]

wow, very good introduction to your character. you seem to know what your doing, ill be keeping watch on this.
you seem to have mispelled Sacrifice on your thread name. easy mistake i guess but make sure you dont make them in your story.

[theblade ofwater]

ok, just finished the first chapter tell me how i did. just to remind you this is the first time i did this so im sorry if you dont like it.


chapter one
There he stood, looking at what he became. Wondering what happened he thought back. The voices calling out to him. They said, the choice is up to you. You must now choose your destiny.
He could not choose to go light or dark, so he stood there with a look as if he would never move. Finally the walls started to move in on him. A whirl wind then started around. Screaming and yelling. Until silence. Since he did not choose he was granted the power of both. His mind was racing with the thoughts to destroy all mankind and to save the world from the merciless darkness . Wandering all over holding his head. Trying to hold in all his power. Faster and faster he kept spinning. Until all of a sudden…….. Darkness! He then woke up wondering what happened. A voice from nowhere says “ Have a nice sleep did you?” ,master Yin Sid stood in the door. Waking up he looked around. He was chained to the bed. What is this he raged. I’m holding you for your own protection, he said. I will train you. Put some balance to your powers. You will train me?. Wow wow wow what the hell is going on. What powers are you talking about you crazy old man he asked in a rageing voice. Well when you didn’t choose the side of good or evil you got both he explained. Now you are here so rest up tomorrow you begin your training.
He left the room and locked the door. There he lay on his bed all tied up. But from a glimse of his eye was a light. The sun was going down and the glare was comeing from a mirror in the corner. So he turned his head looking at himself. Thinking “what have I become’’!! looking there half of his body dark other half light. Half of was a demon. The other an angel. Then he let out a yell that broke the mirror. The image haunts him to this day. So he went to bed waiting for the next day to start. Bright and early the next morning he awoke in an dorm area where the was no light. Welcome to the training facility. A robots voice said. Yes welcome indeed. Lights come on. Welcome to my facility were your training will be held.
Ok, old man this is really starting to piss me off. Come now we will begin! Suddenly robots the size of doors came at him. Then BOOM he is hit flying across the room. Now now you can do better than that said yin Sid. Go on go on use your blade. The robots form around him going for the kill. What blade are you talking about I have now weapon. YOU MUST SUMMON IT QUICKLY! OR BE DESTORYED! He flings his arm out in front of him. What is this he said with confustion. I feel a power rageing though my arm like a wild fire. Suddenly a blade come to his hand. WOW what is this. It is your blade yin Sid explained. Now use it to vanquish those that oppose you. In a flash he feels an unknown energy racing though his body. So he jumps in the air with blade in hand. Come down with a force never seen before. The robots are destored with one fatal blow. Now you see that was not so hard was it? asked yin Sid. No I guess not.I think ill name it the Unknown Fate. He then fell to his knees screming in pain. What happening to me!! With darkness filling up the whole place. Owe my word yin Sid exclaims. It is your darker side its is trying to take over. don’t let it my son! Don’t let it!




NEXT CHAPTER…………. THE WAY OF CONTROL!!!!

[Nelo Angelo]

clint that is awesome. just make sure you space em out with paragraphs and make it even more longer.
good job.

[Haku]

Its alright so far just do like Nelo said and then I'll get a full insight of the story.

[theblade ofwater]

Ok, will do ill do it next time when i write chapter 2. but thanks i feel i did good i hope i keep doing well on it

[Ban Mido]

It's good, and as they said, you need to leave spaces between paragraphs.

[Ultima Star]

It's really nice..I'm going to keep reading it

[theblade ofwater]

chapter 2 will come tomorrow. ill add it to this reply. so i have it in my head so it will be on after i study for midterms

[theblade ofwater]

Heres chapter 2 hope you like this one to.





CHAPTER 2


There he laid on the floor in pain. Wondering what’s happing, I don’t understand. He could here a faint voice in the background. But mostly he here an evil laugh.

Suddenly he sprang up. With a dark smile on his face. No yelled yin Sid, I must do something. So he starts to press a few buttons on the panel in front of him.

Some doors down below fling open and more powerful robots come out. My son if you can here me use up as much energy as you can.

No one tells me what to do old man. He said in a disfigured and dark voice. But for the fun of it I will destroy these toys of yours.

He then go around and around. Weaving though the robot like a needle though thread. Robot parts going everywhere. This power I love it. He thought to himself. He then stopped and finished of the final robot. With a slice to the head. The robot fell with a big explosion. The darkness cleared the room. Then he fell to his knees. Then went unconches.

{ 2 days later} He wakes in his room but he is not chained up. He was walking though the room a little dizzy. Opens the door and see yin Sid down the hall. He yell “old man wait for me!’’ he chases after him and turns the corner. There is darkness in the hall. A mysterious voice tells him “ you are the one I have summoned. A dark hand reaches for him. He yells. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

Then back in his room in his bed in a cold sweat. It was only a dream he sighed with relief. Yin Sid comes in. good morning my apprentice. Yeah what’s so good about it. Everything my son. Come we will get something to eat you need it for tonight. Wait what’s tonight he asks yin Sid. You will know in do time.

Later that night they are out side. Wait man last time I did training with you I went crazy. That was then this is now my son. Last time you used only one of you powers. The trick with you is you have to use both at the same time. You must focus on them both said yin Sid. Are you ready you try it? I guess.

Ok, now summon your blade. He summons his blade. I think I could get use to this. He laughs in delight. Now these targets will come at you. Focus both light and dark energy’s in your blade and strike.

So he tries both sides of him start to glow white and dark. The first wooden enemy startes toured him. He dodges it then rebounds with a nice split to his head. But nothing happens.
What’s going on old man its not working.

Your not focusing enough. Use all the energy you have on the attack says yin Sid. What ever old man.

So he tries again. He gets a running start. Jumps and hits his target going though it this time. WOW he yells. You did it my son. Yin Sid starts running toward him but then stops. What is it? asks angel I have a feeling I don’t know what it is. He turns around there in the trees was a dark shadow.

The figure then jumps thought the air. HE IS COMEING TOWARD YOU MY SON RUN!! .yell yin Sid. But angel doesn’t move. Yin Sid then starts running toward angel. The shadow starts to descend.

The master then pushes angel out of the way and takes the blow meant for angel. They fight and fight while angel watches from the side. Then go to the ground with yin Sid on bottom. A blade then come from the shadow and goes to yin Sid’s neck. You are a fool! Trying to train this being says the shadow. He is half mine so I should get him! You will get him over my dead body! Says master yin Sid. He kicks him of and sends him in the air. Master uses magic to open a portal. Master jumps in the air and kicks the figure in it. He is gone for now says yin Sid. that’s is enough training for today.

The next morning angel wakes up early and makes breakfast. Then brings it to Yin Sid in bed. Yin Sid wakes up and eats. Angel asks will there be anything else I can get you MASTER? No my son he says. Later that day angel goes into yin Sid’s study where he was to ask a question. Master may I ask you something. Of course my son ask away. What did that guy want from me? That question will revel itself to you in time. But go on now have fun I am giving you the day off. For what? asks angel. One my son I am tired. Two I am not going to train you day after day you need rest. Go have some fun. Ill be here if you need me.

So angel leave to have fun. He walks out of the castle to go into town to see what’s there.

I wonder what’s in town today? he asks himself. Walking down an abandoned road. He whistles a tune to himself. Out of now where comes a clod of dirt. Ha ha ha ha ha
I told you I would be back the shaded figure was back. This time yin Sid is not here to defend you. You and me face of right here and now!!





Chapter 3

The show down! Use what you have learned or be consumed by darkness.

[nojerom_14]

whoa. sweet action, Clint, it's awesome.

[theblade ofwater]

Originally Posted by nojerom_14

whoa. sweet action, Clint, it's awesome.

thanks i have the whole story in my head. i just need to have time to write it out

[nojerom_14]

oh, boy do i know where you're coming from there. =]

[theblade ofwater]

Originally Posted by nojerom_14

oh, boy do i know where you're coming from there. =]

lol....................im bored

[Nelo Angelo]

hmm...that was definetly interesting, you got good somthin good goin on here.
you need to remeber to put speech marks and seperate the speeches with paragraphs so we know who is talking. And take your time. dont rush the story. use punctuation in the right places too. clint you are gonna get beter. keep at it my friend. good job.