Sonic and the Legend of Zelda!

[KH Birth By Keep]

Part 1:
One beatiful day at sea kid Link, kid Tetra, and their crew was riding threw the ocean.
Tetra: Isn't it beautiful Link? Back with our crew and friends reunited?
Link: Uh.....
Suddenly the sky was filled with dark clouds, rain, and lighting. Whirlwinds and cyclones rised and the Ghost ship from Phantom Hourglass appeared, and a portal appeared. The ship rised into the portal Link and Tetra went in it and their ship broke apart.
When they woke up they were in a forest.
Link: What happened?
Tetra: I don't know.......... Hey we were crusing at sea then we entered a portal.
Link and Tetra saw someone coming at their, and fast!
It was a blue hedgehog! Sonic!
Sonic: Hey, what are you two kids doing out here by yourselves?
Link: HEY WE WERE CRUSING AT SEA AND THEN A PORTAL ASORBED US!!! Don't believe us, this, this, is the PHANTOM HOURGLASS I KEPT!
Sonic: The Phantom Hourglass? This is the object Eggman and this spooky plant thing called Bellum is looking for!
Link and Tetra: Bellum?!
TO BE CONTUIED!

[Ban Mido]

Ooooooooookay, Let's see:

First of all, if it's going to be a proper fan fic, you need to convert it into paragraph format. Only comedies are allowed in script style in KHI.

Second, it's too short. Don't be affraid to go into details. Details help make the story.

Third, when you start paragraphs, be sure to leave spaces between them. Same goes with dialog. Start a new line whenever someone different starts to speak.

lastly, you started from Link's and Tetra's point of view, and then you just threw in sonic as if Link and tetra would know who he is. These characaters have never met before, so you have to be sure to give them a proper introduction.

There is more that needs fixing, but those are the most prominant in my opinion. Be sure to read the Fan fic rules later. here is the link.

http://forums.khinsider.com/fan-fict...ion-forum.html


You've got an original idea, though. One that you can work with. I like the premise very much. But you have a lot to work on before you can attract readers.