Goodnight

**snowdog** · 12/02/07, 09:01 PM

Oneshot. I’ve needed to post some writing for soooo long…

“Goodnight.”

Her breaths whispered into his ear as they lay there. Gently pressing her lips to his, she smiled softly to him before rolling over, curling up in the sheets.

Eyes wandering the darkened room, a long sigh fell from his chest in a single heave, drowning the ticking of the clock for a brief moment. Seconds, minutes, hours, all passing slowly in time with the constant ticking. He placed one hand upon his stomach, and rested the other behind his head to toy with his thick black locks, as if somehow attempting to release his pent up tension. To put it bluntly, he simply did not know how he would put up with these feelings for any longer.

As if somehow responding to his thoughts, he felt her fingers brush his arm. Her warm touch was cold upon his skin. Just like the cold of the room, and the cold of these familiar - perhaps, over familiar - bed sheets.

His gaze moved to her as she lay there sleeping, swathed in her blazing curls. Her skin was paled by the night, lost of its usual glow. A quiver started within him.

At one time, he could simply lie there and watch her as she slept. He would delight in every soft breath, relish every moment he could look upon her moonlit beauty. Now, looking at her prompted a swirl of emotion within; not the warmth of adoration and joy it once sparked - but a quivering, stuttering pain.

He did not know how it had happened. He wished with all of his heart that his feelings for her were still there - but after weeks, and months of hoping, it seemed that his wishes would go unfulfilled. Another sigh dropped from his still lips as he propped himself up with one elbow, looking at her for a few moments.

They had spent such wonderful times together. Looking upon her seemed to fire up his memory, letting past times long forgotten leak back into his consciousness. Happy times. Times when all that mattered was her. Times when his days and nights were filled with insatiable, irreplaceable love. Times when all was right with the world, and they, truly, were content with all that surrounded them.

But now, apparently for no reason, these feelings had lost him. Or, rather, he had lost these feelings.

A cold sweat laced his body as he dared to reach out to touch her. He forced himself to embrace her, drawing her peaceful, sleeping form closer into his strong arms. He held her closely for a few moments, noticing the somehow knowing smile upon her slumbering face. Perhaps simply holding her this way would rekindle his attraction to her, and the neediness within his soul to be this close to another being.

This feeling wasn’t the one he remembered. She used to be so warm, the touch of her skin so comforting. Yet, now she felt cold, and simply…fleshy. Bony. Simply another body, with no emotional attachment or affection.

What made him feel all the worse was the fact that she continued to feel the warmth of love. She continued to adore him, not noticing the strange, empty way he felt inside. Then again, he had been hiding his feelings for all this time. Being so sensitive, he simply could not bear to see her hurt so badly. He would never have the guts to tell her that it was over.

This thought always started a circular motion of thought in his head.

Surely, if he did not love her, then he would not care if he had hurt her? What would matter most was making himself feel better; by allowing himself to move on. Though, he wondered if this was cowardice on his part.

No, it couldn’t be. He simply couldn’t imagine the thought of living without her by his side. The thought of her being gone did not bear thinking about. It scared him. They had been together for so long that living without her was, well, unthinkable.

Though, that was just it. They had been together so long. Perhaps it was the fear of the unknown that kept him from revealing himself to her. Perhaps he was too scared to be alone that he forced himself to stay with her, simply to avoid having to live a life of solitude.

He hoped not. This was a selfish thought, one he prayed was not true of him. If he loved her, he rationalised, he would let her go. If he truly loved her, he would not have held her down and pretended to love her for his own sense of security. He would have wanted her to be happy at all costs - even if that meant finding another man to settle down with.

Still, if he did love her, he wouldn’t have been thinking this way in the first place. He withheld a exasperated grunt at his own ineptitude at deciphering his emotions.

Many nights were spent this way these days. Lying there in the shafts of moonlight and city glow from the window, thinking of a way to figure out just what his heart was telling him. Though, he doubted his heart could tell him anything anymore. It felt weak, and broken. He carefully released his grip upon her, shifting to the bedside. He sat up, his feet on the cold tile of the floor.

Frustrated, even feeling a single crystal tear slip from his eye, he ran his hands over his face and into his hair. He really couldn’t keep up this charade for much longer. His heart was hanging by mere threads now, barely able to pulse. It was lost of all the love it once swelled with, reduced to a simple, shuddering shell.

His crumpled form perched on the bedside like some sort of twisted, corroded gargoyle, he rested his elbows upon his knees.

“What can I do?” his mind asked, his eyes staring blankly to the maze of shining buildings beyond the glass. His microcosm was being shattered. He looked to the world outside for guidance, as if expecting these beacons of light to aid him with his inner struggle. “I can’t bear to leave her, I can’t do it…” He looked over his shoulder, biting his lip. “But I can’t keep going with this. I need to tell her.”

He heard raindrops smattering upon the windowpane. Tears rolled from his eyes.

It wasn’t as though she had done anything to make him feel this way. She was so sweet, kind, and gentle. Her heart was filled with nothing but love. She held no hate for anyone, or anything. If anything, she was a woman to be sought after. She was beautiful inside and out. Any man would die for an opportunity to be with her. He didn’t understand his feelings. The guilt at knowing she had done nothing to remove the love from his heart made him feel even worse. She had no idea how he felt at that moment.

But she had to know.

He made a decision, standing up, and staring out of the window. He reached out blindly, picking up the clothes that had been carelessly draped over the dresser.

Looking at her once more with a lingering gaze, he dressed himself further.

This was it. He didn’t want to hurt her any longer. Nor did he want to hurt himself. He moved around the bed, lifting the sheet so that it covered her warmly. Leaning down for one last time, his fingers tenderly sweeping the curls of red from her beautiful face, his lips met hers in a warm caress. This last kiss would remain with him forever. With this kiss he released her to find love once more. It released him from his hurt, knowing that he would lie to her no longer. He would no longer keep up the charade. He just hoped she would understand him.

Perhaps she would understand him more than he understood himself.

“Goodnight.”

Wrote in one go, in about 20-30 minutes. I didn’t go back and change anything, I just wrote. And now I’m posting. So the lack of editing and clarification probably shows. I’m a bit rusty, as you can probably tell. n_n; I just needed to write something before I stopped writing entirely.

Criticism plz. I was going for emotion; there‘s no real focus on character, per se. I knew the feeling I wanted to express but it was quite difficult to do. I need some practise…

<3

I · 12/02/07, 09:46 PM

First post!

It's nicely written, dear, just in some places, the description drags it down and makes it slow to read. But it's really good for all in one go, no editing or anything.

Livi · 12/02/07, 09:48 PM

Snow, it's beautiful. I swear I missed reading your writing soo much. This made me sad for some reason, though. D:

And no you don't need practice, you're still as beautiful a writer as you were with TFF and all that jazz. <3

Luff you!

**snowdog** · 12/02/07, 09:51 PM

ah lerv yew both

Thanks a lot! =3 It felt good to just let the ideas run out of my head instead of rattling around in there.

Hopefully I'm gonna do a few more in this style over the next few weeks or so. I liked this way of working. <3

**Ban Mido** · 12/02/07, 10:26 PM

A little too poetic for my tastes, but it is good. Very well written. Some places were a little difficult to pay attention to, But over all it's very well done.

**snowdog** · 12/02/07, 10:31 PM

Thanks, ASG. =D

Yeah, I need to stop being so... I dunno what the word is. DX Like, too figurative with language. If that makes sense...

<3

**Haku** · 12/02/07, 10:41 PM

I thought it was wonderful the style of writing to me was great.

**Nelo Angelo** · 12/03/07, 12:02 AM

that was......beautiful. i actually could feel the guys feelings. that was amazing snow...loved it.

**snowdog** · 12/03/07, 12:41 AM

Thankyou Nelo! =3 That was the main focus. <3

Thanks Haku. =D I always think my style's too heavy though. I need to lighten it up.

<3

**Nelo Angelo** · 12/03/07, 12:48 AM

no way keep goin the way you do, i love your style.

Gullwing Yunie · 12/03/07, 01:23 AM

Aw, I loved it!

Like Livi, I too missed your writing. Seriously, everything you write, this included, is always well-written. =]

Suzaku · 12/03/07, 01:48 AM

Wow, that was amazing...... I didn't think it was to heavy at all, I loved the amount of description in there.
And as always, you make my own lack of skill so apparent.... if you have a secret, please impart it! xD
But seriously, I loved it. And Nelo was right about the emotion. Struck a chord here, anyway. ^_^

Ultima Star · 12/06/07, 04:15 AM

kinda late to read this but really..it was so beautiful all those feelings you xpressed there really touched my heart it was so beautiful.
All the words you used..you're an awesome writer snowy :cry:
keep that up!

Darkness Princess · 12/06/07, 05:08 AM

This is really good. The way you managed to portray his emotions so much that I could actually feel them as I read is amazing.
I love your style of writing.

**snowdog** · 12/06/07, 10:25 PM

Wow, thanks everyone! =3 It means a lot you guys commented and let me know what you thought. <3

I might post something new by this weekend depending on how much work I have to do.

<3

12/02/07, 09:01 PM	#1
snowdog is a girl Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: n. 1. a place of settlement, activity, or residence; 2. a place or situation occupied Age: 18 Posts: 6,279 Rep Power: 12	Goodnight Oneshot. I’ve needed to post some writing for soooo long… “Goodnight.” Her breaths whispered into his ear as they lay there. Gently pressing her lips to his, she smiled softly to him before rolling over, curling up in the sheets. Eyes wandering the darkened room, a long sigh fell from his chest in a single heave, drowning the ticking of the clock for a brief moment. Seconds, minutes, hours, all passing slowly in time with the constant ticking. He placed one hand upon his stomach, and rested the other behind his head to toy with his thick black locks, as if somehow attempting to release his pent up tension. To put it bluntly, he simply did not know how he would put up with these feelings for any longer. As if somehow responding to his thoughts, he felt her fingers brush his arm. Her warm touch was cold upon his skin. Just like the cold of the room, and the cold of these familiar - perhaps, over familiar - bed sheets. His gaze moved to her as she lay there sleeping, swathed in her blazing curls. Her skin was paled by the night, lost of its usual glow. A quiver started within him. At one time, he could simply lie there and watch her as she slept. He would delight in every soft breath, relish every moment he could look upon her moonlit beauty. Now, looking at her prompted a swirl of emotion within; not the warmth of adoration and joy it once sparked - but a quivering, stuttering pain. He did not know how it had happened. He wished with all of his heart that his feelings for her were still there - but after weeks, and months of hoping, it seemed that his wishes would go unfulfilled. Another sigh dropped from his still lips as he propped himself up with one elbow, looking at her for a few moments. They had spent such wonderful times together. Looking upon her seemed to fire up his memory, letting past times long forgotten leak back into his consciousness. Happy times. Times when all that mattered was her. Times when his days and nights were filled with insatiable, irreplaceable love. Times when all was right with the world, and they, truly, were content with all that surrounded them. But now, apparently for no reason, these feelings had lost him. Or, rather, he had lost these feelings. A cold sweat laced his body as he dared to reach out to touch her. He forced himself to embrace her, drawing her peaceful, sleeping form closer into his strong arms. He held her closely for a few moments, noticing the somehow knowing smile upon her slumbering face. Perhaps simply holding her this way would rekindle his attraction to her, and the neediness within his soul to be this close to another being. This feeling wasn’t the one he remembered. She used to be so warm, the touch of her skin so comforting. Yet, now she felt cold, and simply…fleshy. Bony. Simply another body, with no emotional attachment or affection. What made him feel all the worse was the fact that she continued to feel the warmth of love. She continued to adore him, not noticing the strange, empty way he felt inside. Then again, he had been hiding his feelings for all this time. Being so sensitive, he simply could not bear to see her hurt so badly. He would never have the guts to tell her that it was over. This thought always started a circular motion of thought in his head. Surely, if he did not love her, then he would not care if he had hurt her? What would matter most was making himself feel better; by allowing himself to move on. Though, he wondered if this was cowardice on his part. No, it couldn’t be. He simply couldn’t imagine the thought of living without her by his side. The thought of her being gone did not bear thinking about. It scared him. They had been together for so long that living without her was, well, unthinkable. Though, that was just it. They had been together so long. Perhaps it was the fear of the unknown that kept him from revealing himself to her. Perhaps he was too scared to be alone that he forced himself to stay with her, simply to avoid having to live a life of solitude. He hoped not. This was a selfish thought, one he prayed was not true of him. If he loved her, he rationalised, he would let her go. If he truly loved her, he would not have held her down and pretended to love her for his own sense of security. He would have wanted her to be happy at all costs - even if that meant finding another man to settle down with. Still, if he did love her, he wouldn’t have been thinking this way in the first place. He withheld a exasperated grunt at his own ineptitude at deciphering his emotions. Many nights were spent this way these days. Lying there in the shafts of moonlight and city glow from the window, thinking of a way to figure out just what his heart was telling him. Though, he doubted his heart could tell him anything anymore. It felt weak, and broken. He carefully released his grip upon her, shifting to the bedside. He sat up, his feet on the cold tile of the floor. Frustrated, even feeling a single crystal tear slip from his eye, he ran his hands over his face and into his hair. He really couldn’t keep up this charade for much longer. His heart was hanging by mere threads now, barely able to pulse. It was lost of all the love it once swelled with, reduced to a simple, shuddering shell. His crumpled form perched on the bedside like some sort of twisted, corroded gargoyle, he rested his elbows upon his knees. “What can I do?” his mind asked, his eyes staring blankly to the maze of shining buildings beyond the glass. His microcosm was being shattered. He looked to the world outside for guidance, as if expecting these beacons of light to aid him with his inner struggle. “I can’t bear to leave her, I can’t do it…” He looked over his shoulder, biting his lip. “But I can’t keep going with this. I need to tell her.” He heard raindrops smattering upon the windowpane. Tears rolled from his eyes. It wasn’t as though she had done anything to make him feel this way. She was so sweet, kind, and gentle. Her heart was filled with nothing but love. She held no hate for anyone, or anything. If anything, she was a woman to be sought after. She was beautiful inside and out. Any man would die for an opportunity to be with her. He didn’t understand his feelings. The guilt at knowing she had done nothing to remove the love from his heart made him feel even worse. She had no idea how he felt at that moment. But she had to know. He made a decision, standing up, and staring out of the window. He reached out blindly, picking up the clothes that had been carelessly draped over the dresser. Looking at her once more with a lingering gaze, he dressed himself further. This was it. He didn’t want to hurt her any longer. Nor did he want to hurt himself. He moved around the bed, lifting the sheet so that it covered her warmly. Leaning down for one last time, his fingers tenderly sweeping the curls of red from her beautiful face, his lips met hers in a warm caress. This last kiss would remain with him forever. With this kiss he released her to find love once more. It released him from his hurt, knowing that he would lie to her no longer. He would no longer keep up the charade. He just hoped she would understand him. Perhaps she would understand him more than he understood himself. “Goodnight.” Wrote in one go, in about 20-30 minutes. I didn’t go back and change anything, I just wrote. And now I’m posting. So the lack of editing and clarification probably shows. I’m a bit rusty, as you can probably tell. n_n; I just needed to write something before I stopped writing entirely. Criticism plz. I was going for emotion; there‘s no real focus on character, per se. I knew the feeling I wanted to express but it was quite difficult to do. I need some practise… <3

12/02/07, 09:46 PM	#2
I Not Dead Yet. Join Date: May 2006 Location: Elsewhere Posts: 1,299 Rep Power: 4	Re: Goodnight First post! It's nicely written, dear, just in some places, the description drags it down and makes it slow to read. But it's really good for all in one go, no editing or anything.

12/02/07, 09:48 PM	#3
Livi Such a Dangerous Life. Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: ♥ Posts: 1,554 Rep Power: 10	Re: Goodnight Snow, it's beautiful. I swear I missed reading your writing soo much. This made me sad for some reason, though. D: And no you don't need practice, you're still as beautiful a writer as you were with TFF and all that jazz. <3 Luff you!

12/02/07, 09:51 PM	#4
snowdog is a girl Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: n. 1. a place of settlement, activity, or residence; 2. a place or situation occupied Age: 18 Posts: 6,279 Rep Power: 12	Re: Goodnight ah lerv yew both Thanks a lot! =3 It felt good to just let the ideas run out of my head instead of rattling around in there. Hopefully I'm gonna do a few more in this style over the next few weeks or so. I liked this way of working. <3

12/02/07, 10:26 PM	#5
Ban Mido I Support President Elect Obama.* Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: *Don't Like it? Then SUCK IT!! Posts: 4,229 Rep Power: 12	Re: Goodnight A little too poetic for my tastes, but it is good. Very well written. Some places were a little difficult to pay attention to, But over all it's very well done.

12/02/07, 10:31 PM	#6
snowdog is a girl Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: n. 1. a place of settlement, activity, or residence; 2. a place or situation occupied Age: 18 Posts: 6,279 Rep Power: 12	Re: Goodnight Thanks, ASG. =D Yeah, I need to stop being so... I dunno what the word is. DX Like, too figurative with language. If that makes sense... <3

12/02/07, 10:41 PM	#7
Haku ハレ晴レユカイ Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Tokyo, Japan Age: 19 Posts: 10,178 Rep Power: 18	Re: Goodnight I thought it was wonderful the style of writing to me was great.

12/03/07, 12:02 AM	#8
Nelo Angelo Nevermore... Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: The Forgotten City Posts: 3,326 Rep Power: 14	Re: Goodnight that was......beautiful. i actually could feel the guys feelings. that was amazing snow...loved it.

12/03/07, 12:41 AM	#9
snowdog is a girl Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: n. 1. a place of settlement, activity, or residence; 2. a place or situation occupied Age: 18 Posts: 6,279 Rep Power: 12	Re: Goodnight Thankyou Nelo! =3 That was the main focus. <3 Thanks Haku. =D I always think my style's too heavy though. I need to lighten it up. <3

12/03/07, 12:48 AM	#10
Nelo Angelo Nevermore... Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: The Forgotten City Posts: 3,326 Rep Power: 14	Re: Goodnight no way keep goin the way you do, i love your style.

12/03/07, 01:23 AM	#11
Gullwing Yunie perfectFIT// Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Australia Age: 16 Posts: 2,610 Rep Power: 6	Re: Goodnight Aw, I loved it! Like Livi, I too missed your writing. Seriously, everything you write, this included, is always well-written. =]

12/03/07, 01:48 AM	#12
Suzaku Keyblade Wielder Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Finding peace in a twisted world. Age: 16 Posts: 257 Rep Power: 2	Re: Goodnight Wow, that was amazing...... I didn't think it was to heavy at all, I loved the amount of description in there. And as always, you make my own lack of skill so apparent.... if you have a secret, please impart it! xD But seriously, I loved it. And Nelo was right about the emotion. Struck a chord here, anyway. ^_^

12/06/07, 04:15 AM	#13
Ultima Star Love Jejung <3 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In front of my comp XD Age: 17 Posts: 2,314 Rep Power: 8	Re: Goodnight kinda late to read this but really..it was so beautiful all those feelings you xpressed there really touched my heart it was so beautiful. All the words you used..you're an awesome writer snowy :cry: keep that up!

12/06/07, 05:08 AM	#14
Darkness Princess Daydreamer Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: In a bag of pickle chips. Age: 18 Posts: 2,904 Rep Power: 8	Re: Goodnight This is really good. The way you managed to portray his emotions so much that I could actually feel them as I read is amazing. I love your style of writing.

12/06/07, 10:25 PM	#15
snowdog is a girl Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: n. 1. a place of settlement, activity, or residence; 2. a place or situation occupied Age: 18 Posts: 6,279 Rep Power: 12	Re: Goodnight Wow, thanks everyone! =3 It means a lot you guys commented and let me know what you thought. <3 I might post something new by this weekend depending on how much work I have to do. <3

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