just read it....

rockman · 11/18/07, 04:39 AM

Chapter 1
"what is zis thing?"

"Sora i think this is for you", said Riku while he handed over the letter to Sora. After the final battle, Sora and Riku ended in beach with much rock and so dark. After Sora read hte letter a light shining and form a door. "We'll go together", said Sora to Riku.

riku just nodding and he get up and try to walk then both of them pass the light door. After they pass the light door, they fall like a comet but Sora fall at a ship and Riku to the jungle. When Sora realize he's going to hit a ship he try to turn his leg to land first but he failed and he hit the ship with his head. "ARRR!WHAT IS ZIS THING?!" Ask an one eyed man to his crew but his crew didn't answer and the one eyed man got angry. "YOU!!" Point the one eyed man.

"Me?" Said the crew

"YES!YOU COME ERE SON!" The crew approach the one eyed man but when the crew step the ladder the one eyed man shoot him "ARRR!!" BANG!BANG!BANG! The crew is dead and the other crew is scared "WHO WANT TO BE LIKE IM?!WHO WANT UH?!" The crew just silence "NOW I WANT ZAT THING!!!TAKE IT ERE!!!" Then half of the crew jump to the sea and pull Sora out of the hole and the other try to pull Sora out from inside. "CAPTAIN!!IT STUCK!!WE CAN'T PULL IT OUT!!" Said a crew to the one eyed man.

"ARRRR!!!!" BANG!BANG!BANG! The crew dead and then all of the crew try to pull sora very hard. After a few hour they finally pulled out Sora. Then Sora taken to a room. then a crew Trhow a bucket with water but he not throw tthe water he throw the bucket "OUCH!" Sora wake up "uuuh where am i ?"

"ARR!IN MY DECK YOU LIL' ITCH!" Said the one eyed man

"uuuh you mean your ship?" SPLAT!The one eyed man slap Sora "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!I DON'T DO SOMETHING TO YO-" SPLAT! He slap sora again

"What th- "splat! "he-"splat! "hey!i'm innoce-"splat!splat!splat! he slap Sora many time untill he make a decision "MAKE IM WALK IN THE LANK!" said the one eyed man to his crew then the crew salute to him and left the room.

"you mean walk the in the plank?" SPLAT!

**Ban Mido** · 11/18/07, 04:44 AM

Uh, what? What's going on? what the heck?

Jopari · 11/18/07, 09:57 AM

Perhaps you should try making a clearly understandable plot. Then you can work on the other stuff that needs fixed.

11/18/07, 04:39 AM	#1
rockman Warrior of Darkness Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: somewhere everyone could not reach if he don't know it Posts: 105 Rep Power: 0	just read it.... Chapter 1 "what is zis thing?" "Sora i think this is for you", said Riku while he handed over the letter to Sora. After the final battle, Sora and Riku ended in beach with much rock and so dark. After Sora read hte letter a light shining and form a door. "We'll go together", said Sora to Riku. riku just nodding and he get up and try to walk then both of them pass the light door. After they pass the light door, they fall like a comet but Sora fall at a ship and Riku to the jungle. When Sora realize he's going to hit a ship he try to turn his leg to land first but he failed and he hit the ship with his head. "ARRR!WHAT IS ZIS THING?!" Ask an one eyed man to his crew but his crew didn't answer and the one eyed man got angry. "YOU!!" Point the one eyed man. "Me?" Said the crew "YES!YOU COME ERE SON!" The crew approach the one eyed man but when the crew step the ladder the one eyed man shoot him "ARRR!!" BANG!BANG!BANG! The crew is dead and the other crew is scared "WHO WANT TO BE LIKE IM?!WHO WANT UH?!" The crew just silence "NOW I WANT ZAT THING!!!TAKE IT ERE!!!" Then half of the crew jump to the sea and pull Sora out of the hole and the other try to pull Sora out from inside. "CAPTAIN!!IT STUCK!!WE CAN'T PULL IT OUT!!" Said a crew to the one eyed man. "ARRRR!!!!" BANG!BANG!BANG! The crew dead and then all of the crew try to pull sora very hard. After a few hour they finally pulled out Sora. Then Sora taken to a room. then a crew Trhow a bucket with water but he not throw tthe water he throw the bucket "OUCH!" Sora wake up "uuuh where am i ?" "ARR!IN MY DECK YOU LIL' ITCH!" Said the one eyed man "uuuh you mean your ship?" SPLAT!The one eyed man slap Sora "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!I DON'T DO SOMETHING TO YO-" SPLAT! He slap sora again "What th- "splat! "he-"splat! "hey!i'm innoce-"splat!splat!splat! he slap Sora many time untill he make a decision "MAKE IM WALK IN THE LANK!" said the one eyed man to his crew then the crew salute to him and left the room. "you mean walk the in the plank?" SPLAT!

11/18/07, 04:44 AM	#2
Ban Mido I Support President Elect Obama.* Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: *Don't Like it? Then SUCK IT!! Posts: 4,231 Rep Power: 12	Re: just read it.... Uh, what? What's going on? what the heck?

11/18/07, 09:57 AM	#3
Jopari Dual Wielder Join Date: May 2007 Location: Defying Authority blatantly and being awesome while I do Age: 17 Posts: 692 Rep Power: 2	Re: just read it.... Perhaps you should try making a clearly understandable plot. Then you can work on the other stuff that needs fixed.

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