.Hack//E.P.//vol. 1 legacy

[PKKzelfar]

well, i really like dot hack and this is my first fanfic.
Name-.Hack//E.P.//vol.1legacy

here's my opening song's link:
YouTube - Cueshe' - 24 Hours

the world is a place where many players gather to meet up with friends and battle with
fiends and join in tournaments to see who's the best!

EP. 1--Step in! chapter 1/3-sign up!
prologue:
In one area:
???(1)-what the heck is this?
???(2)-it looks like an an EPITAPH!!
???(1)-but how?are these new ones?!
"epitaph awakens"
???(2)-what the heck are they doing?!
"epitaph slashes them"
???(epitaph)-RAAAAA!!!!
???(1)-NOOOO!
???(2)-darn it! he hitted us with one blow!!!
???(1)-what is he doing now!?
"something opens in the epitaph's hand and aim's at ???(1)
???(1)-it's data drain!!!!
???(2)-watch out!
"???(2) takes the blow"
???(2)- uuurgh!
???(1)-NOOO!!!
"epitaph walks away and ???(1) cries on his PK'ed friend
???(1)-Damn you!!!!!


the story begins with Rika, real name:rika unitao, age 16
he was seperated from his brother and sister and lives with his father
one day, his brother, Betel e-mailed him saying that he should join the game
called as "the world", then suddenly his brother called at his place.
Betel: so how about it?, Huh?
Rika:what, i don't even have a headset!
Betel: yeah, yeah but did'nt you realized a package on your cabinet?
Rika:Yeah
Betel:Check it come on!
"Rika opens"
Rika: wow, a headset, is this from you Betel?
Betel:yeah, i played it once and when mom ,Mina, and I moved i left it there and i circled a date on our calendar so i can inform you about this game and be much a higher level than you.HEH,HEH!
Rika: Oh, yeah let's see
Betel:See me in Mac anu
Rika:what's Mac anu?
Betel: the place you start in, well goodbye i'm gonna log-in see ya!
"Rika puts down the phone"
Rika: well, let's sign-up in the world!

and the ending song link:
YouTube - Cueshe' - Back To Me

well, that's chapter 1 of ep. 1 i'm gonna continue it later
so whaddya think?

[PKKzelfar]

seems no one yet replied

Ep.1-step in! chapter 2/3 a PK?!!!

Rika:yeah my characters name will be of course-Rika!
oohh, jobs,hmmmm, i pick Blademaster well"wow this is kinda boring".
"site opens"
Rika:yeah, time to log-in!
Rika:woow,the world is much more cooler than i expected!Hey, where's Betel?
"Short message"-Hey, rika, if this is you and i know this is you,go to delta:Hidden forbidden holy ground on the area warp beside you!
Rika:Oookay, well here i go Delta:Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground
"Warps"
Rika: it looks like a church and what a cheesy music!let's go inside!
Betel the great:Hey, Rika!
Rika:Hey, Betel! why did you pick this place to meet up?(what a dorky name he picked!)
Betel :well,this is a great place to meet up!cause it's quiet
???(1):Heh, that harvest cleric was really easy to PK
???(2):Yeah,what a crybaby!
Betel the great:OH, no!
Rika:what?!
Betel the great:some PK's are coming this way!
Rika:what's a PK?
Betel the great:just hide
???(1):are you sure there are players here?
???(2):yeah!of course!
???(1):hey, i spot something that starts with "P"
???(2):what is it?...oh, i know players!
???(1):tiger blitz!!!
Rika:what's happening, he attacked me?
Betel the great:Rika!!!, why you!!
???(2):play with me!Hiyyah!!!]
"both Rika and Betel falled down"
Betel the greath,no i did'nt buy healing serum!
??? 1&2IE!!!!!
"something fast attacked them with one mighty blow!"
??? 1&2:WHAT THE!!!!
??? 1&2 fades away
????(hero):.....
Betel the great:hey, thanks
Rika:Yeah, thanks!
????(HERO):hmmmph(get's out of the area)
Rika: let's talk in Mac Anu, i don't like this place anymore!
Betel the great:Yeah let's go!

well chapter 3/3 is gonna be continued later

[N0thing]

Heh, kinda good. Just keep at it. i know you can do it

[PKKzelfar]

Originally Posted by N0thing

Heh, kinda good. Just keep at it. i know you can do it

hey, thanks NOthing, you're the first poster so far......

[PKKzelfar]

here's chapter 3/3-

Ep. 1-step in! chapter 3/3-lost hope

Betel the great: we're here......
Rika: so whaddya wanna talk about anyway?
Betel the great:you remember Mina....right?
Rika: yeah of course, so what about it?
Betel the great:......something happened to her.
Rika: what do you mean?!!
Betel the great:well she fell comatose after being PK'ed
Rika: WHO THE HELL PK'ED HER!!!!!
Betel the great: well...
Rika:WHOOO!!!!
"Rika grabs Betel the great"
Betel the great: first thing,.....LET ME GO!
"Rika let's go"
Rika:sorry, i'm just worried
Betel the great: after she was PK'ed she kept saying "epitaph"
Rikapitaph? what's that?
Betel the great:i don't really much know about that thing too.
Rika:darn it!!!!
Betel the great:hey come on, we gotta get your level up and discuss that thing later because i believe she is gonna heal
Rika: easy for you to say!
Betel the great: yeah,lets just go!let's see Delta:Useless beginner's wrath
"warps to the area"
Rika:hmmm...
Betel the great: hey's there's some goblins let's beat them up!
"Battle start"
Betel the great:so have you read the manual?
Rika:nope.
Betel the greatookaay!!!you're a blade master right, just slash him continously and when you see a violet and red spiral use you're skill trigger to use Rengeki, got it?
Rika: nope.
Betel the greatkay, i'll demonstrate
"Betel the great attacks continously"
Betel the great:RENGEKI!!!Tiger blitz!!!
Rika:my turn!
"Rika attacks continously"
Rika:RENGEKI:X-slash!
Betel the great: nice, now let's travel untl we get to the beast statue and level up and a beast statue is a place where you get the prize in an area.
"Betel and rika travel through the area until they find the beast statue"
Betel the great: nice, you leveled up to level 5 and there's the beast statue, you open it
Rikakay....wow, a lv. 5 weapon
Betel the great:you can have it, now let's get out of this area, wait a minute what's that?
"something glowing comes their way"
Rika:............. it's changing form!
Betel the great:i think it's gonna attack!
Rika: that's one large blade!
"???(?) attacks Betel"
Rika:NOOO!
Betel:a one- hit attack!
"Betel fades"
"???(?) walks away"
Rika:what's your problem?!what the
"rika hears a whisper"

"Rika you are one of the chosen ones that will
bring darkness on "the world" "

Rika:.........(warps out)
I think i'm gonna log-out now....
Rika:Hello, mom?
Mom: oh, Rika!
Rika: did you know that something happened to Betel?did he fell comatose
Mom: yes........
Rika: i should'nt have...
Momon't blame yourself, he'll heal
Rika:..... maybe i'll call again mom
Mom:Wait, how's you and your dad doing
Rika:yeah, pretty good, well..bye mom
Mom:bye
"Rika puts down phone"
Rika:......


???(1):the no. 1 has finally seen his faith
???(2):it's gonna be restored again....heheheh!...........
..................
END OF ep.1
next ep.: ep. 2-secrets chapter 1/3-invitation

[N0thing]

Man that's awesome (in my point of view).:thumbsup:
Can't wait for the next one.

[TheLastKnight]

heh, only The Radiants Of The Abyss replies...hahahaha

anyways, You should probably get rid of the script style, people hate that, and it ruins your fic...

Other than that, it was really, really good, just work on length too

[N0thing]

Well i guess you may need to fix the script style but it's still a good story.

[PKKzelfar]

Kay, thanks to the reply guys i'm gonna fix the script for ep.2-chaos 8

[PKKzelfar]

here's ep. 2!hey,TLK and NOthing i putted our squad name here!and sorry if you're not the leader here TLK! sorry some of them are script style!

Ep.2-Fusion chapter 1/3-Invitation

next day,
Rika:Hmmm...nothing to do!maybe i'll log in back to "the world"
"site opens"
Rika walked around Mac Anu until he heard
???(1):Hey, did you heard about Haseo the terror of death!
???(2): Yeah, he has a terrifying power!
???(1):I heard this in the forums that those powers are called "Epitaphs"
Rikapitaphs!
Rika warps back to the area Delta:Hidden forbidden Holy Ground, he enters in the Hulle Granz Cathedral
then he spied a mysterious character
???(M): what are you doing here, Player?
Rika:I'm jus...!
4 other players came inside
???(1):Hey, boss "he" is here!
???(M):Okay,... what's your name?faces to Rika
Rika: my name is Rika
???(M):Rika, i know what happened to you here
Rika:Wait, i remember you're the one who saved us, right?
???(M):yes, and i want you to go to our @Home in Mac Anu here's an access pass
"Rika obtained Radiants of Abyss access pass"
???(M):goodbye....
Rika:Wait!, ???(M):Hmm?
Rika:What's your name?
Zelfar:my name is ....Zelfar and this are my clan members Orlax,Valsad,Alreit,and Naiz
Orlax: Hey!
Valsad: HI!
Alreit:Yoh!
Naiz: hiya!
Zelfar:we'll see you at our @home
the five warped away
Rika:let's go!
Rika warps away and goes to the @Home of Zelfar's clan
Rika:i'm feeling something bad is gonna happen
Rika walks to their meeting area of the @home
Zelfar:Welcome... To the Serpent of LORE!!............

now that's chapter 1/3, wait for the next one!
i'm gonna change the script style on 2/3 when i post it later

[PKKzelfar]

Ep.2-Fusion
Chapter 2/3- the secret

Rika came to the serpent of Lore that day..........

"The serpent of lore?"Rika asked.

"Let's talk about that later, the reason i invited you here because of the PK'ing of your brother,what was the look of the thing that PK'ed him?," Zelfar replied.

"The only thing that i remember was that big blade,"Zelfar said.
Zelfar remembered something that has a big blade too..."The numb.e.....," Zelfar said.
Suddenly Rika grabbed him."You know that thing!!!,"Rika shouted."That's one of the Chaos8 that will bring destruction of "the world" ,"Zefar said. Rika taked off his hand on Zelfar and just thinked quietly.

"There are 8 kind of those thing's if they gather up on the areaelta:Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground
and Heine the God of Zero will arise,"Zelfar said. Rika was standing there quietly,"I'm...i'm gonna KILL HIM!!!,"Rika shouted suddenly

"Before you do that you gotta level up!,"Orlax said. "Here are our Member ID's,"Valsad added.
"Oh, and yeah!We don't have time to party with right now invite us tomorrow," Alreit added.
"Well, see ya!," Naiz finished. The 4 logged out.Then Rika received a message on his inbox.

"Well Zelfar, goodbye...," Rika said.Rika logged out andchecked his Mail
"Who is this guy? He knows my brother, i'll see him tomorrow then"

(the letter):
" know all about your brother he was my classmate, and we always teamed up
but i heard he fell comatose so i have'nt seen him, if you wanna know more let's see each other at
Delta:Secretive beginner's blade"

back at the serpent of lore....
Zelfar:You are one of the chosen ones!... Hahahahah!

that's 2/3 and i know about the length and i'm not good at this kind of story style
so what do you think is better script or this style should i use?

[N0thing]

well, i think this one is better (in my point of view).

[PKKzelfar]

Well, okay i'm gonna continue this kind of story style wait for:
Ep.2-Fusion chapter 3/3-the meeting

[PKKzelfar]

no one ever reads/replies to my thread, huh?
well, i don't care i'm gonna continue this post no matter what!

Ep. 2-Fusion chapter 3/3-the meeting

Next day, after school, "Yeah, this is the last day of school!,"Rika shouted.
One of his friend Rona came and talked walked together on their way back home
"So Rika, what are you gonna do know, it's summer,"Rona asked.
"Me? i'm gonna continue playing the world!,"Rika said proudly.
Rona replied"Hmm?, why are you happy don't you remember that you're brother and sister are...".
"I'm just forgetting about that thing and i know they'll heal,"Rika answered.

"Well, i'm gonna log-in to the world and meet me in Mac Anu's Dome ,"Rona said.
"Okay,see ya there, Rona,"Rika Replied.

Rika entered his house and logged-in to "the world", The site opens
"Hey,Rika!!!,"??? said.
"Hmm? Who are you?,"Rika asked.
"R-o-n-a, got it!", Rona answered
"oh, yeah here's my member ID and invite me! and i'm a steam gunner-Lv.5," Rona added.
Rika opens the menu and invites Rona. "there,so what now?,"Rika asked.
"Let's go to an area and level up, i know Delta:Holy Beginner's meeting," Rona answered.
They used the portal and traveled to Delta:Holy Beginner's Meeting.
"Let's beat the boss in this area! ," Rona shouted
"But first,let's beat all the sorrounding monsters,"Rika added.
They battled through and beated the boss
"Whew,that was...,"Rika suddenly stopped the sentence.He sew the thing that attacked his brother
and suddenly he heared a whisper:

"You.........are...the....chosen....ONE!"

Dark round things came out of nowhere and then the thing that attacked his brother fused with him.
"EPITAPHHHH!!!,"Rika shouted. Rika changed form he looked like the thing that his brother and suddenly
the dark round things changed form too. Rika was forced by the "thing" that fused to him to attack
the two thing's slashed continously until the dark thing faded.Rika came back to his original state but his clothes changed it turned White to Black!, "What the....?,my clothes and stats went up?,"
"Woah, what was that?,"Rona asked
"I..i don't know ,"Rika answered.
Then someone suddenly appeared and he said, "That was an Epitaph....",

wait for ep.3!

[N0thing]

good job man good job. hey don't you think you should advertise a bit. you like how TLK, he puts his fanfic in his sig or something.