| | #31 |
| I Believe In Harvey Dent Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: 1 Police Plaza, Major Case Squad Room Age: 15
Posts: 1,142
Rep Power: 4 ![]() | Wow. Herr H0g has been recommending this fan fic for a while, but I hadn't the time tor ead until tonight. I'm glad I took the time. This fan fiction is extremely well written. Just a couple of things that will send it the extra mile (in my mind at least. * Try and use more paragraphs. Since there is no tab function, just put an extra line in between each new paragraph. * Add a bit more length to the chapters. The story is amazing, but if you added some more details it would be extremely amazing. Hope you take no offense. Keep writing well so I won't take your soul! -Davy Jones |
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| | #32 |
| Enigmatic Soldier | yeah i hadnt figured out about the no tab thing until a few days ago. as far a lenth, i simply used two pages of microsoft word as a baseline, i thought that was long enough. however, things should get longer as we go along. and dont worry, i never take offense to helpful advice. EDIT: one more day and my finals are over (until january in any case). now, just because i havent been writing all week, dont think i havent been thinking at least. during this time, i have a pretty good idea how Prince of Shadows ends and how Part II (The Lost Two) begins. i need only to expand on them into full-fledged chapters. i estimate i will have the next chapter of Prince of Shadows up maybe late Friday night (i mean really late, like midnight), and (if i'm lucky) another chapter up be weekend's end (monday at the latest). and after that, we jump back to the present and watch the second part of this epic tale unfold... with all due respect, Merlin326 Last edited by Merlin326; 11/02/07 at 05:14 AM. Reason: new news |
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| | #33 |
| Enigmatic Soldier | at long last, a new chapter is up. now that my tests our over, i can get back to our little story. here is chapter nine... Chapter 9 Ignorant creation Xando did not tell Colette about what he had found, though she could tell by his face that he had found something disturbing. “Why wont you tell me?” she asked him. “Because…” he began but couldn’t find the answer. Why didn’t he want to tell her? He didn’t even know himself. “Get some sleep,” he said, and then walked out of the bedroom. Colette, off course, would not be able to sleep for a while, pondering just what Xando was hiding from her. “I’m going out,” he said to Max, “keep an eye on Colette.” “Where are you going?” “ARK.” Three letters that held so much meaning. ARK was the research facility where Project: ENDLESS had taken place, though a more accurate word was prison. Without another word, Xando walked out into the night. It was midnight by the time he got to the ruins of ARK. Nearly all of the facility had burned to the ground in the fire some years ago, but bits of the structure still held together. Xando wandered the ruin until he found what he was searching for. In what appeared to have once been a hallway, he found a sign that said; prisoner hold, left. He followed until he came to another hallway ruin, this one with gaps in the base of the wall that likely once held doors. Next to each archway was an inscription, most still readable. He walked down until he came to the archway with the number 5 on it. Searching on the ground, he found just what he had been hoping for, a small plaque with the name of the rooms occupant listed. There was one word, just one word, on the plaque. Zentra. “Just as I thought,” Xando muttered under his breath, “you were here once.” And suddenly a new voice spoke, “you figured it out, huh Xando?” Xando turned to see Zentra standing at the corner, sword in hand. His mask was missing, and his scarred face was visible. Looking into his eyes, Xando saw the telltale signs of madness. “Why did you burn it?” he asked, “why did you burn down ARK?” “BECAUSE THEY DID THIS TO ME!” Zentra screamed at the top of his lungs, gesturing to his face, “DURING ONE OF THEIR TESTS, THEY SCARRED MY FACE!” He then quickly regained his composure, and then spoke in a more level tone, “but let us not speak about the past, Xando. Besides, I’m sure you wouldn’t like what all I have to say.” “What do you mean?” Zentra pretended to ponder the question, “gee, I don’t know. I so hate spoilers. But haven’t you wondered, Xando? How did the empire find out where you were?” It suddenly dawned on Xando just how mad Zentra was, “you. You told them, didn’t you? You led the empire to the HQ of the Resistance.” “Bingo. I had hoped you would die right along with the rest of them. But I was mistaken, apparently. No matter, I won’t make that mistake again.” Then he charged at Xando, a blood-curling scream on his lips. Xando easily dodged the attack and swung at Zentra’s back, but Zentra dived into a roll and dodged the attack. Using the momentum from his swing, Xando did a flip and landed right in front of Zentra, who was just getting to his feet. “Impressive,” he admitted before locking swords with Xando again, “I should have expected nothing less from you.” “What do you mean?” Xando asked while dislodging his sword from Zentra’s. “Merely this,” Zentra said, while avoiding another swing, “I am not the only surviving experiment of Project: ENDLESS.” He’s talking about Colette, Xando thought, but something in the back of his mind nudged at him. Some far off memory. Xando noticed that Zentra was staring straight at him, and guessed the horrible truth. “Me?” Zentra laughed, “yes, you, Xando. You are one of the byproducts of Project: ENDLESS, as am I. we’re practically brothers.” The notion of that sickened Xando to the stomach. “But, then everything I know, everything I am…” “All lies. Lies, lies, lies, LIES!” Zentra yelled, “You are just as real as I. But you are weak, brother. You are weak because of just what you really are. Because of what the basis for your creation was. You are a fake. But enough chat. It’s time to die. Good night, sham!” And with that, Zentra charged at Xando, his blade aimed at his head. Xando was in no condition to defend himself; the shock of the truth left him stupefied. Zentra charged in, nothing could stop his attack. He raised his weapon, and began to swing… And then a fireball hit him in the back of the head. It was weak, causing no real damage, but it was enough to distract him from his target. “WHO DARES?!” he screeched, and turned to face his new attacker. Some 30 feet away stood Colette, smoke emitting from her hands. “You!” breathed Zentra, “the other little toy.” Zentra smiled, and slowly walked towards the unarmed girl. Casting the spell had taken a lot out of her, and she could barely stand, let alone run away. Xando suddenly regained his senses and, seeing Zentra slowly moving towards Colette, flung a lightning spell at Zentra. The bolt, laced with fire as well, struck Zentra dead on. He turned and was about to say something, but Xando charged and, before Zentra could react, sheathed his sword into Zentra’s chest. Without a word, Zentra died. “I can’t believe it…” Colette muttered, “Zentra, all this time…” Xando said nothing. Zentra’s words still rung in his ears. Neither of them saw a third being entering the area via dark corridor. Smiling, always the sadist, Valzog pulled his hand back silently. ******* and now a word from the author: okay. with that done, Prince of Shadows nears its conclusion. however, this is just the begining of the tale. but i would like ideas to include for the future. point is: what other works would you all like me to include in the future as other worlds in KHD? it can be anything. Disney movies, popular video games, whatever. just post your suggestions for what "worlds" you want to see (i prefer not PM, as i rarely ever even notice i have any PM's). i will try to incorporate as many ideas as i can into actual worlds, though some that lack the appropriate plot (i mean movies or whatever that dont have struggle in it, no villain basicly) i wont be able to fit. likewise, things that take place over seveal years (Star Wars is the best example) probably wont be able to fit, though we'll see. anyways, give me what suggestions you want to see, and i will see what i can do about it. here are a few i have thought of so far: Great Mouse detective (Disney movie) Get Smart (TV show) Treasure Planet (Disney movie based off Treasure island book) Sword in the Stone (Disney movie) so let me know what you want to see appear... EDIT: add the following to that list Pirates of the Carribean two and three with all due respect, Merlin326 Last edited by Merlin326; 11/04/07 at 03:00 AM. Reason: new world idea |
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| | #34 |
| Enigmatic Soldier | freakin yes!!!!!!!!! do Treasure Planet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! |
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| | #35 |
| I Believe In Harvey Dent Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: 1 Police Plaza, Major Case Squad Room Age: 15
Posts: 1,142
Rep Power: 4 ![]() | Good Chapter, Merlin. One idea I had for a world would be perhaps a Fantasia-esque world that would be the home of Chernabog... you know who he is, I'm assuming. Anyway, powerful chapter. Hope you can continue soon! |
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| | #36 |
| Enigmatic Soldier | Jones, i would love to do a Fantaisia world, but there is one problem that i need to overcome first. as you may remember, Chernabog appears in kh1 in The End of The World. to me at least, his appearance means he is a Heartless (as far as KH is concerned in any case). i need find a way to make it work before i can start a world on that. I will see what i can do... With all due respect, Merlin326 |
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| | #37 |
| Ruler of Light Join Date: Feb 2007 Age: 14
Posts: 619
Rep Power: 2 ![]() | Ive read your story and I have to say its great I like it. I WANT MOAR NAOW!!! >:[ xD |
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| | #38 |
| Enigmatic Soldier | ah, a new reader. dont worry Lonekyuubi, providing the unexpeced doesnt happen, another chapter should be up tomorrow or Monday. and on a side note, i wish to add that i am contemplating adding the 2nd and 3rd Pirates of the Carrabean movies to my list of worlds, but dont expect it to appear for some time, i trust my memory about as far as i can throw an elaphant (sp?). i dont plan on doing any planning for this world until the DVD comes out (im guessing its a X-mas release). by that time i expect Part Two will be finished/near finished, so it will fit in nicely after that. with all due respect, Merlin326 |
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| | #39 |
| Ruler of Light Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Cirque du Mort Age: 16
Posts: 545
Rep Power: 3 ![]() | Have you ever seen the Alien movies? Those might be interesting to use. |
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| | #40 |
| Enigmatic Soldier | ROad HOg, i am afraid i dont know what movies you are speaking of. also good news, the final chapter for Prince of Shadows is now availible. Epilogue False Wings Out of nowhere, a bolt of energy came and struck Colette right in the back, going right through her. Xando turned, hearing her gasp, and grabbed her as she fell. Out of sight, Valzog vanished in a dark corridor. Tears began to stream down Xando’s eyes unchecked. “No,” he whispered. He was no medical expert, but he knew the wound was fatal. Even his healing magic couldn’t help now. “Xan…do…” Colette muttered. “Colette, don’t die. Keep your eyes on me. Please. Wait for me. I can help…” Colette opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn’t find the breath. Her eyes closed one final time, and she died in Xando’s arms. “No…” By the time the bright morning light shone down on the ruins, Xando had finished digging the grave. Ironically, a sweet, blowing spring wind sang down the hills and valleys that morning. After burying Colette, Xando sat down in front of the gravestone, pulled out an ocarina from his pocket, and began to play a sad melody. It reflected just how he felt: being on the edge of hell itself. Once he finished, he got up and mourned, “Colette. I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t strong enough to save you. You’ve gone much farther now, Colette. Too far…” And with his tears still flowing unchecked, Xando slowly walked away, the sweet morning light growing brighter… ------------------- For the rest of the day, Xando sat in a chair at Max’s house, alone. After hours of silence, Max finally asked, “What will you do now?” He didn’t even speak in his usual accent. Xando looked up suddenly, as if he had forgotten Max was there. “I don’t know…” was all he said, and lowered his head again. “You know,” Max said, “Colette wouldn’t want you moping around all the time. She would have wanted you to do something with yourself now.” “You think…?” “Yeah.” Xando looked up and wiped the tears from his eyes. He hadn’t stopped crying since he buried Colette, and it was midnight now. “You may be right.” “So what’s the plan then?” A dark look suddenly crossed Xando’s face. Though Max was a tough man, the look gave even him willies. “Revenge.” Max didn’t say anything. He had never though that Xando was the type to go after revenge, on the other hand, neither he nor Xando had ever lost someone close to them. “You finished that time machine thing you’ve been working on yet?” Xando asked, getting to his feet and gripping his sword tightly. Max had been secretly working on a time traveling device over the past few years, hoping to learn a few of the unanswered mysteries of the ages. “Yeah, why?” “Set it for 25 years ago.” “That will take some time,” Max warned. A sinister smile crossed Xando’s face, “Don’t worry, I’ll take my time. And I’ll enjoy every minute of it!” And while Max started setting his time travel device, Xando made his way to the palace. And heaven help anyone who got in his way. ------------------- By the time Xando got to the palace gates, he had already killed maybe 100 guards that had gotten in his way. When he arrived, there was an entire army of soldiers armed with machine guns all ready to greet him, weapons raised. “You’re in my way,” he said coldly, and as many ghost swords as he could mentally wield suddenly surrounded him. They spun around him, faster and faster, until they formed a deadly wall of steel. Xando moved towards the guards, who in return fired their weapons. However, not a bullet could get past the wall of steel that surrounded Xando, and he continued walking towards them. When he got just in front of the first row of guards, he waved his hand and flash froze the entire army. He then snapped his fingers and bolts of lightning struck the ice statues. He then hurled fireballs at the ice tombs until all that remained was puddles of water, blood, and ash. He then made his way into the foyer, where Valzog awaited. “I see you discovered it was me,” he said coldly, a smile escaping his lips. “Shut up,” Xando replied, and charged at Valzog. Valzog sidestepped Xando, but Xando changed the angle of his blade and knocked Valzog’s sword out of his hands. He then used his ghost swords and stabbed Valzog with every one of them. He then used them to raise Valzog high into the air. “I wish I could cause you all the pain you have caused me,” Xando said, “oh how I would love to do that. However, if I were to do so, I would be no better than you would. So this shall suffice.” He then lowered Valzog so that he was level to him, and stabbed him right through his black heart. He removed the sword, and left Valzog to die. --------------- By the time Xando returned, Max already had the device up and running. “It’s all set,” he said, “have fun?” “Be quiet,” Xando replied, “so everything’s ready?” “Yeah. But, Xando, you sure you want to do this? If you change history, you… you may no longer exist.” “Then so be it,” he said coldly, and walked through the portal without a word, stopping only to grab the disk on Project: ENDLESS. Max watched him go, and then, once he was sure Xando made it to the other side, began to destroy the machine. He would not allow Master Xehanort to interfere with his friend. ------------ Xando walked out of the Gate to see his hated enemy right in front of him, and quickly noted that Riku, Sora, and Kairi were behind him. “Who are you to defy the will of Master Xehanort?” Valzog demanded. “Call me Xando,” the youth said, “but these three will not be yours this day, Xehanort. I will not allow it! I will stop your tyranny here and now!” With that, he readied his weapon for combat. ********** and with that, Part I: Prince of Shadows, comes to an end. however, i have another gift for you all. a near completed "translation" of the data logs for Project: ENDLESS ****************** Data file: 3743866 Codename: Project: ENDLESS Log 1 The king has asked us to begin a curious project today. He wishes us to create a brand new being, one who has the powers and relatively the same heart as a [corrupt data]. The king wishes to create an army of these beings as a sort of “super soldier” project. With these creatures, he will be able to wipe out the resistance. This experiment may prove very interesting… Log 2 We have had our first successful creation today. It has been a fortnight since we started this project, without results. Because this seems like something that will take forever to complete, the staff have named our tests Project: ENDLESS. Nevertheless, today we have results. A young teenage boy, whom we have christened the name Zentra, was created. He appears completely ordinary in every way, but has much potential. He has developed a natural curiosity towards science and might even become an apprentice to one of our scientists once this project has ended. Log 3 We have created yet another being successfully today, a baby this time. This one we have named Xando. He will be our final creation for this particular phase of Project: ENDLESS. Now that we have enough information on creating beings, we shall begin phase two: exposing our test subjects to special darkness rays that will hopefully evolve them into greater things. They say a god created us humans. If that is true, then what are these things we have created? Moreover, what are we? Data Log 13 Today we have taken a young girl into our custody. Her mother, a member of the Resistance, was found dieing of a rare, incurable disease. We took her 8-year-old daughter to our labs and decided to make her one of our test subjects. She has a strong heart, and an indomitable will. However, our brainwashing headbands will keep her quiet. We have put her in room 10 for the time being. We will begin testing tomorrow. Data log 44 We have continued testing on Colette today. She still has not developed any results, positive and negative, from the beams of darkness. However, I have noticed something odd today. It has been 7 years since we started testing on her; we found her about two months after beginning Project: ENDLESS. And yet, something strange has happened in that time, or rather not happened. Legally, she should be about 15 years old, and yet biologically, she is still eight. Could this be some strange side effect of the beams? My colleagues do not think so, but they aren’t giving an alternate explanation. I ran a few tests in secret, and the results proved my theory true. The beams have slowed her aging process so much that she is effectively immortal. She is permanently 8 years old. I dare not present this discovery to the other scientists, lest I be hanged for unauthorized research. It is only safe for me to put my records here, where nobody will look until after the completion of this project. Log 86 The situation has not improved much. Many of our test subjects are either die from the exposure to the beams of darkness or manifest mutations that lead to their deaths; test subject 792 grew gills and lost the function of his lungs. However, a few subjects have generated beneficial side effects. One of our subjects, codenamed Xando, has developed faster reflexes and fast thinking, making him a useful soldier in battle. Then there is Zentra, who has developed a great strategic mind, making him a good tactician. Then there is that other test subject, the one that we found at that old lab. He has developed unbelievable powers from our beams. He practically eats them for lunch now. Just what is he? Clearly, he is not human. And then there is the girl in room 10, Colette. She has survived quite some time, for unknown reasons. Such a feisty little soul. However, our brainwashing helmets have made her a quite and harmless as a kitten, such a contrast to her previous state. The only interesting thing about her is that, in all this time, she does not appear to have aged a day. She is still the same age as when we kidnapped her. That’s interesting… Data log 97 The last straw has been broken. The young man in room 5 showed me some of the more disturbing tests they were running at this facility. Such horrible things. I dare not even put write them down in this log, they are so vile. I have decided I cannot abide it any longer. I have arranged for two of the test subjects, Colette and the young man in room 5, to escape tonight. In an act of mercy, I erased the terrible events that happened to Colette during her stay in this lab. Because she hasn’t aged, she will hopefully not notice the gap. I pray those two get away safely, not matter what price I must pay. How ironic, a scientists growing attached to two of his test subjects, one of them just a copy… Data Log 98 Thing’s did not go according to plan. Colette and the young man in room 5 escaped unnoticed, but for some reason, the man in room 5 returned this morning; nobody knew he was gone. When they asked about Colette, I told the staff that she had fallen ill and died last night and I had disposed of her. However, when I tried to ask the man in room 5 why he did not escape, he would walk away from me quickly. He is avoiding me, that much I know for sure. What could have made him come back? Today, he asked some staff member for gardening supplies; it was then that I noticed something different about him. It was in the eyes, a strange twinkle in his eyes. Perhaps a sign of madness… Log 99 Final Entry We are doomed. Zentra has seen to it that none of us leave here alive. He has somehow turned that fertilizer and gardening supplies we gave him into Ketchup Gas and Nitroglycerin, and the whole complex is now ablaze. Nearly everyone is already dead, from either the explosion or the gas. The only ones I know have survived are, of course, the girl in room 10, the man in room 5, and Xando, as well as a few of the scientists. For sure this project is terminated, there is just too much research lost. Xando, of course, is at the palace; Master Xehanort decided to raise him as a son. Where the others have gone, I know not. My time is running short. As I type this report, my life’s flame is going out. This entry serves not only as the final log for Project: ENDLESS, but also my last will and testament. All I can say is this: perhaps our journey of science meant nothing after all. Is this really the answer we’ve been looking for? Ha, what irony. Something so simple, something so natural. Kingdom Hearts. It is… never mind. I no longer have the strength to type. I will finish this sentence, and the eyes shall close… farewell, Xehanort, you are a fool… [END OF LINE] ******************* Finally, i wish to inform you that Part II will be called The Lost Two. i will let you speculate as to the meaning of this. the prologue will be up around Tuesday or Wednesday. finally, i will say this: Project: ENDLESS has more meaning to the story then has been revealed. With all due respect, Merlin326 |
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| | #41 |
| Member | WoooooooooW...Soooo Cool! ^_^ I have to admit, I really like this fan fiction! It's so interesting and you're doing such a good job. |
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| | #42 |
| ハレ晴レユカイ Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Tokyo, Japan Age: 19
Posts: 10,178
Rep Power: 18 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | Great chapter, I really should check up on this often. |
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| | #43 |
| I Believe In Harvey Dent Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: 1 Police Plaza, Major Case Squad Room Age: 15
Posts: 1,142
Rep Power: 4 ![]() | Very nicely done, Merlin. The story becomes more and more intriguing... |
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| | #44 |
| Enigmatic Soldier | thank you everyone. a bit of triva on the epilogue: while writing this, i was listening to the song Fake Wings constantly (it is now forever stuck in my head, lol). In my opinion (for what it's worth in my own fanfic) this chapter is much more powerful if one listens to the song while reading it. when i reread it while listening to the song, i honestly felt like crying. and on that note, i shall ramble about Xando. our young prince is quite the interesting character, in my opinion (again, my two cents may not matter much in my fanfic). he goes from beings a cold, almost unfriendly character (think Cloud or Squall/Leon from their respective games) to being more open (from meeting Colette) to being (though we have not witnessed it much yet) almost emotionless. after the events of Prince of Shadows, he decideds to never again make a friend, to never again open himself up to people, so that he may be spared the pain of his suffering (i KNOW this is unconsiously based off of some character from a movie or something, but i cant think of it at the moment) also, i wish to point out the scene where he "storms" the castle and defeats an army of machine gun armed guards. i have based this scene off of the only scene that the public has availible for the game Final Fantasy Versus XIII (watch the trailer and you may notice the similarities). one final note, about the title of this fanfic (Kingdom Hearts Destati) that you may or maynot be aware of. as i am sure you may know, Destati is the name of one of the songs that appears in KH (from the tutorial in both games). the word, Destati, is Italian (like the song), and can be translated into either Awakened, Awaken, or Awakening; i cannot remember which at the moment. this will have significance as we progress. well i have wasted enough of your time (and this sites space) with my rambling, so until tomorrow... EDIT: ... or not. i have an urge to ramble a bit more, lol. I wish to tell you that there are going to be a number of subplots and alternate stories going on within and around the main story. first of all, part II (the prologue of which will be up sometime tomorrow for sure, all i need to do is do a grammer/spell check as well as a few tweaks and its done) will not be focusing on Xando (i may have mentioned that before, but i cant remember). however, one of the substories that will be told will focus on our Prince of Shadows. our young tragic hero (for i have decided that he will be the tragic hero of KHD) has a few more secrets that i havent spilled yet, a few more tradigites (sp?) to befall him. but then, i could write an entire chapter two pages of Microsoft Word in length (at minimum) on Xando himself (idea...) on a side note, i have given Xando an "official" theme. it is the song known as To The Stars. anyone know it? we will also see what some of the other major forces are up to (like Xehanort) and the events that will lead up to the soon to be coming war. Cloud has been dedicated his own string of these sort of tales in his fights against Sephiroth these substories will appear as, what i call, Fragmented Tales. with all due respect, Merlin326 Last edited by Merlin326; 11/06/07 at 06:38 AM. Reason: urge to ramble again |
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| | #45 |
| Member | Holy snap!~ You're quite the rambler, aren't ch'ya? lol~ I think your two cents are worth something. .-. You've give me stuff to think about with this fan fic. Yes, yes! Some interesting. lol~ Well, I've said it before, but I'll say it again. GOOD JOB!!!~ ^_^ |
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| not true =>, steve's story is better |
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