proteira

[proteira]

im new here so if this is horrible pleas dont hate me.

prolouge

in radient garden a strange person was sitting on a bench.he had long brown hair and grey eyes.he was starring at the sky letting a cool breez blow threw his hair.he was wearing armor that a friend of his gave him.his friend was terra.

chapter 1

then while he was sitting there heartless started comming out of the ground.he looked down at them and just looked back up at the sky.then out of the cornere of his eye he saw three people running towards him.one held a keyblade and had brown spikey hair and blue eyes.the othere used a staff.and the thired weilded a sheild.a heartless was getting ready to attack him but the three people killed all of them.then the keyblader started ta swing at the armored man.he pulled out a keyblade and easily blocked the attack.then was getting ready to strike.then a mouse with a gold keyblade jumped down and and blocked the armored mans attack."king"said the armored man.so did the other three.then the king said ."sora,donald,goofey, this is proteira.i helped train him when i saw him with that keyblade fighting off some heartless."proteira helped pull sora up and opalagized for almost killing him.sora apologized for attacking him.he thought he was working with the heartless.sora asked what he called his keyblade.proteira just said"proteira"thats how he got his name.a person proteira beleived to be his father gave it to him.and saied he called that keyblade proteira.so he took that name to.he never new his father or name untill then.his father went to the dark and tried killing him when he was born.


thats the end of it.i know its short but thats because im just seeing if anyone thinks its worth continueing.anyways tell me how it is when your done.

[Nelo Angelo]

hmm...its not bad you know. it can become a good stroy. dont rush the story though, take it slow. build it up to certain moments and you might want to use more dialogue and speech marks, and watch the spelling. looks better that way. continue.

[Haku]

Yeah I agree with Nelo. Whenever you start a new sentence the first letter of the next word should be capitalized, plus you should try to break up the story into paragraphs it would be much easier to read and tell what's happening.

[Nelo Angelo]

yup that is true also. take these points on board and you'll improve slowly but surely.

[revarai20]

Sounds good, just need to work on gramma but overall, good job! Can't wait to see more though.

[iloveyou502]

seems like it could be interesting, we'll see where it goes.