Genesis

[Xugoh]

Hi everybody! I've been trying to get enough resolution to begin my own fan fic, and since today it's raining and i got nothing better to do... Here i go!
This may also be the smallest fan fic ever since i'm not very comited. But i hope you apreciate my effort.

This idea came to me some time ago when i started to get hoocked on the KH Never Ending Story thread in the game's section. The story developed into something of a fan fic itself, however anyone can join in. The thing is i've become pretty attached to my character and figured it deserved to have it's own story.
As the title says this is the begining.


Vol. 1



Mornings are made for sleeping, however he was wide awake, having to clean up after others isn't exactly a morning well spent, even if there is good money to be earned. The floor wasn't geting any cleaner, and the awful stench of vomit would not disapear. There were still tables knocked over from the last night and even some broken chairs. At the other end of the room a young girl had stoped her scrubing too, but that was because she was already finished, the floor at her half was spotless, he could see her reflection right under her, now his was a whole other thing.

Kairi: Sorry for making you do this. Your shift ended this moning, you should be sleeping after a hard nights work.

Hugo: Naaah... don't mention it. If i had steped in sooner those guys wouldn't have trashed half the stuff they did.

Last night's was truly the worst performance in all his years as a bouncer, they were only two, but they managed to escalate their fight into something of a world war, soon the bar was filled by angry people fulled by alcohol.
His head still hurted from all those bottles he took to the head and those chairs to the back, he ended up worst than anyone else in the fight.

Kairi: Ok! That's about it! We're done!

Hugo: About time!!!

He tossed the old rag behind the counter and walked towardsthe door. He stoped right at the exit after hearing a soft cough.

Kairi: What are you doing today?

Hugo: Not sure... I'm thinking about resting up on the hill.

Kairi: You've been spending a lot of time there lately...

Hugo: You think so? Well it really isn't none of your business.

Kairi: Relax... I'm just saying... Any news from...

Hugo: None!

He grabed his coat ant walked out. The air outside was cold, but what would you expect when your several miles up in the sky on an island floating in the air under the blue moon?
The pier was deserted except for his air-raft, with this wind he would have no problems flying back home, no need for the engine today.

Kairi: Hey! Any chance you can give me a ride?

Hugo: Why do you ask? I always do don't i?

The boat was just enough for two people, they sited in front of each other and soon they were crossing the skies and arriving at the town of Esperanza.
When at the harbor he tied the raft tightly and ran up to the main gates leaving Kairi behind.
When he arrived home he fell on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

Hugo: No letters today either...






( Kairi belongsto square-enix, skies of Arcadia setting copywrite bla bla bla... you play videogames so you know )

[Nelo Angelo]

hmm....its alright xugoh. neeeds a little work but this fic can be good. put some wrok into it.
some spelling mistakes and grammatical errors but if you sort that out and have longer chaps this could be a good fic. i know your a good rper and storyteller, we've had some good fights hehehe...
keep goin.

[Jopari]

It seems like a good start. I'd suggest changing it out of script dialog though. It looks lazy if you put it in script form. The only other thing is to proof-read and go over your writing after you're done. There were a few grammar and spelling mistakes, but if you fix those two things it looks like a good fan fiction.

[Dealer_Camel]

I agree with taking out the script format, but everything else is good.

Everyone has troubles with spelling and grammar. So.

Great job so far!