 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 28th, 2007, 05:31 AM
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#31 | | Hopelessly Confused
Eternal Snow is offline
Registered: May 2006 Location: inan[eternalsnow]fall. Age: 17 Posts: 1,254 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret O.o
Uhhhh, I have to write my own fan fiction too ya know, so eventually Sammii must leave. . .
*quickly undoes lock and runs*
/stopsspamming
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| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 28th, 2007, 06:10 AM
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#32 | | perfectFIT//
Gullwing Yunie is offline
Registered: Nov 2006 Location: Australia Age: 17 Posts: 2,374 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret Nice chapter!
Short, but loved the descriptions. Grammar pretty good, although towards the end, when Stal was speaking, you should have capitalised the 't' in 'true'. I'm picky, I know.
Otherwise, awesome work! =D | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 28th, 2007, 06:16 AM
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#33 | | haruhi isn't amused
Haku is offline
Registered: Mar 2007 Posts: 8,291 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret The awesomeness of your chapters have no end.
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| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 28th, 2007, 10:50 AM
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#34 | | Enigmatic Soldier
Dragonstar1715 is offline
Registered: Apr 2007 Location: Having a jam session with Slash Age: 19 Posts: 925 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret Nice update eddie, sorry ive been away in Cairns, there was no internet where I was staying :( | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 28th, 2007, 11:36 AM
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#35 | | Speed lvl- snail
Sonja~Soulheart is offline
Registered: Feb 2007 Location: Where angels lose their way Age: 17 Posts: 1,624 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret awesome chappie!! :'D very nice descriptions and gullwing yunie's comment makes a teent weeny poin thouhg :3
but awesome all the way! :'D cantwaitforchaptertwo!!! XD
__________________ Thanks haku for the sig ^^ ~Regardless of warnings, the future doesn't scare me at all... nothing's like before~ ~Lenya~= awesomeness and is my bff .:+web related pages+:. Xenra~The Radical Dreamer | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 29th, 2007, 12:11 AM
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#36 | | Enigmatic Soldier
princess namine is offline
Registered: Dec 2006 Location: Ohio Age: 15 Posts: 929 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret Coolz Eddie, nice work with the grammar and stuff.
I feel spoiled because Eddie doesn't have a 360 and I have a 360, Wii, Playstation 1 & 2, 3 gameboys SP, 2 DS, 1 DS Lite, getting a PSP, Regular Xbox, Gamecube, and Saving Money for a PS3
__________________ So many, Bright lights they cast a shadow,
But can I speak? Well is it hard understanding,
I'm incomplete? A life that's so demanding,
I get so weak. A love that's so demanding,
I can't speak. I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone Tell me if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home. My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 29th, 2007, 12:30 AM
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#37 | | Retired
Lycanthrope is offline
Registered: Dec 2006 Posts: 6,193 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret Chapter 2
Stalgamin and Danielle walked down the dirt path. The crisp morning had grown into a foggy one, like a smoke machine had been set off in its highest setting. Condensation had made the air thicker as well. Luckily, the village was within sprinting distance.
Danielle looked at herself, realizing something. "Oh my God, I need to go to my house. I need to get my dress for the ceremony. Can you spare the time to come with me?" Danielle asked.
Stalgamin looked at the sky, as if trying to tell the time form the position of the barely visible sun. "I can wait. But hurry up."
They walked into Danielle's house, and Danielle ran up the stairs to her room. Stalgamin took the liberty of sitting down on the couch, and picked up the remote control. He turned it to his favorite channel, SportZone.
"In recent sports news, the Warriors lost Game 6 of the Blitzball Championship. The series is now tied 3-3, with Game 7 tonight. Will the Warriors blow it again to the Chocobos for the 7th straight year? Only tonight's game will tell."
"Damn! We lost again. We need to win tonight," Stalgamin said to himself. He has always been quite a big fan of Blitzball, mainly the Warriors.
Moments had passed as Danielle was getting ready, and Stalgamin was catching up on what happened in Sports last night. Suddenly, Stalgamin heard a noise from upsatirs. "Danielle! Dani! You alright?" No answer. "Crap!"
Stalgamin jolted upstairs, breathing heavily. He pulled out his blade, which he would get rid of in the ceremony later, and slammed the door open. To his surprise, everything was alright. Stalgamin hadn't even noticed what Danielle was wearing and how she looked. "You okay? I heard the shattering and..."
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just knocked over the vase," Danielle said.
Stalgamin tok a sigh of relief. He looked at Danielle's dress. It was beautiful. Pure white with golden jewels in the shape of flowers.Her shoes were high heeled, making her look a few inches taller than she actually was. It was strapless, as Dani hated straps on her shoulders, and low cut.
"Damn, you look gorgeous," Stalgamin said in a jaw dropping manner.
"Thanks, now come on. Yu were the one who didn't want to be late, remember?" she giggled.
They walked outside. The fog seemed to have died down a bit, and the air wasn't as thick or humid, thankfully. Within about 15 minutes, they had reached the castle gates. generally, this was to be a televised event, as they didn't want party crashers or intruders. A guard, however, stopped them. He looked at Danielle. "What are you doing here? You should know no intruders are allowed."
"I...I... well," she stuttered.
Stalgamin looked at the guard eye to eye. "Hey Jorge. Don't worry about Danielle, I invited her to the ceremony. She's with me."
"If you say, Prince."
"Thanks, Stalgamin.," she whispered in his ear. "I was so embarrassed."
"Don't mention it. Maybe someday you'll save my butt in something," Stalgamin said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stalgamin was walking down the red carpet in the throne room. Danielle was actually permitted to be alongside him, which lifted a lot of pressure and nerves off Stalgamin's back. Stalgamin was still dressed in his gold armor, as a sign of wisdom and strength, but dashingly managed to slip on a bow tie around his neck.
Stalgamin's father, King SVS of Light, stood up and got off his throne. He took two steps down. He was dressed in a Tuxedo with a crown on his head, as a sign of leadership.
Stalgamin and his father were face to face. Stalgamin took a bow and held his head down. Danielle side stepped, showing that she was not part of the ceremony.
"My son, do you solemnly vow to do everything in your will and power to protect the world from the darkness and its evils, and sheltering it with Light and its purities?"
"Yes, father, I do."
"Will you take the title of the King of Light?"
"Yes, father, I do."
"Will you take this Blade as a sign of your title?"
"Yes, father, I shall."
"Then, son, by the power invested in me, I hereby dub thy, King Stalgamin Vinco Shea, the King of Light. May the feast BEGIN!" | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 29th, 2007, 12:35 AM
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#38 | | Kissing the skies.
Ban Mido is offline
Registered: Aug 2007 Location: the Honkey Tonk. Posts: 4,765 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret It's pretty cool. You sure have a lot of fans. well deserved, I might add.
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My Roxas fan fic, The B of D can be found here!
My LoZ fic,The Legend of Link can be found here!(updated!) | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 29th, 2007, 12:46 AM
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#39 | | Retired
Lycanthrope is offline
Registered: Dec 2006 Posts: 6,193 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret Thanks Allstargamer, for your kind comments.
I think for once I'm not getting that lazy on a fanfic. | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 29th, 2007, 01:09 AM
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#40 | | Enigmatic Soldier
princess namine is offline
Registered: Dec 2006 Location: Ohio Age: 15 Posts: 929 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret I'm always lazy =(
Had a math test today, too. So me not in a good mood.
__________________ So many, Bright lights they cast a shadow,
But can I speak? Well is it hard understanding,
I'm incomplete? A life that's so demanding,
I get so weak. A love that's so demanding,
I can't speak. I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone Tell me if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home. My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 29th, 2007, 01:12 AM
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#41 | | haruhi isn't amused
Haku is offline
Registered: Mar 2007 Posts: 8,291 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret Great new addition, I'm looking forward into reading the next ones to come.
__________________ By:Xidon | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 29th, 2007, 02:15 AM
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#42 | | Retired
Lycanthrope is offline
Registered: Dec 2006 Posts: 6,193 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret Thanks. I am trying to ween you all into the storyline and plot, as a get to know the character type thing. | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 29th, 2007, 02:45 AM
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#43 | | perfectFIT//
Gullwing Yunie is offline
Registered: Nov 2006 Location: Australia Age: 17 Posts: 2,374 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret Awesome chapter!
Descriptions good as usual. Grammar was fine. I have nothing to say against it. No pickyness from me today! =D | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 29th, 2007, 02:47 AM
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#44 | | Retired
Lycanthrope is offline
Registered: Dec 2006 Posts: 6,193 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret Npo pickiness from the Masteress Melli? Rejoice! | |
| |  | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret |  |
September 29th, 2007, 02:58 AM
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#45 | | Your Mom's Mom's Daughter
Samber is offline
Registered: Feb 2007 Location: Orlando Florida Age: 17 Posts: 1,322 | Re: Hearts of Twilight: Shattered Regret Oh my god Eddie! It's so good! I can't wait for the next one!!!
Your desriptions are the best, I also liked the part with the sports on the TV, it made everything seem so natural.
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