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| Love Jejung <3 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In front of my comp XD Age: 17
Posts: 2,327
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | Well this is the first time that I'm writing a fanfic..and well I hope you like it =D It's like a love story, but it also has action and sometimes comedy =D Some of the events are going to be based on some scenes of the FF games 'kay? Ok this the prologue: PROLOGUE Legend says that there’s a place where a special race of humans live, this ‘humans’ have the power to protect the world when it faces a state of emergency or when is near to what they call ‘Apocalypse’ or even have the power to destroy it if they misuse that power. This special race of humans are called ‘Cadiz’ and they have always lived in a peaceful village called ‘The Rising Sun’, there were thousands of Cadiz until a fire destroyed their village. No one knows what originated it the only thing we know is that throught the blazing fire the figure of a woman was standing seeing how every single of the Cadiz die. Though she never knew that two kids of this special race managed to survive the fire and escape from their village. 5 years have passed and these two kids .now almost teenagers, have frogotten about the fire that killed their families and that made them be where they are now, an orphanage. Last edited by Ultima Star; 09/19/07 at 06:07 PM. |
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| | #2 |
| Screw that action Join Date: May 2006 Location: In a movie theater no where near you Age: 15
Posts: 2,100
Rep Power: 5 ![]() | Interesting.....short, but interesting. Please make the next chapter soon. |
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| | #3 |
| Organization Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Hiding. Who ever finds me first gets a cookie! Age: 16
Posts: 381
Rep Power: 2 ![]() | YAY!!!! FK'S MAKING A FAN FIC!!!! I'm so happy buddy!!! this sounds awesome can't wait for more |
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| | #4 |
| Screw that action Join Date: May 2006 Location: In a movie theater no where near you Age: 15
Posts: 2,100
Rep Power: 5 ![]() | .... ^Very supportive buddy. I can't yell out loud like that for my buddies, lol |
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| | #5 |
| is a girl Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: n. 1. a place of settlement, activity, or residence; 2. a place or situation occupied Age: 18
Posts: 6,252
Rep Power: 12 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | Uhm, so is this a fanfiction, or is it original? If it's original, then it seems far too close to the FF you based it off. =/ Sorry to sound so mean... Will it be more original in your chapters? <3 <3 |
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| | #6 |
| Love Jejung <3 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In front of my comp XD Age: 17
Posts: 2,327
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | people actually read it I'm impressed XDWell yeah some things are kinda like FF but the storie is not going to have a happy ending ^^; Um sorry that I put in in that way I was in a hurry and Just copied and pasted it XD Ok but here's chapter 1 CHAPTER 1 HOW IT ALL BEGAN At the once peaceful “Rising Sun” village hundreads of Cadiz lived. Everyone was cheerful and they seemed not to have any problems. Yes, their lives were perfect. They live peacefully just waiting for something bad to happen and show up to protect the world. There were lots of familes there but one of the most important ones was the ‘Yue’ family and the other important one was the ‘Onyx’ family. The Yue Family had a daughter named Crystal, she was a really beautiful girl…her long black hair that when the light of sun touched it changed from black to golden, her peaceful green eyes, and her sweet smile that can make even the most cold of hearts to warm and stop acting in an indiferent way, her parents were proud to have such a beautiful daughter, her beauty was something incredible for a girl of only 5 years old. On the other hand the Onyx Family had a son, a 6 year old boy called ‘Zafiro’ whose silver long hair was just as wonderful as silver itself, his viloet eyes were the reason of his very own name, him and Crystal were friends though they liked each other in a more than friends way, something that seemed good to their parents because both leaders of these different families had a crystal. A crystal is something that for them was important because it meant that their children were meant to be the chosen ones..the ones that would have to step forward when the world was about to reach the so called ‘emergency status’. Though these kids don’t know yet what destiny wants for them. They spend their childhood days playing at the flowerfields of their village. Crystal: hey wait! Why do you run so fast?! Zafiro: It’s not that I run fast, accept it! You’re too slow. Crystal:What?! How dare you! Zafiro have always liked to tease her and make fun of her even thouh his feelings for her were deep and inside in his heart he knew that he would tell her about them one day. Zafiro:” Hey..um..” Crystal: ”what is it?” Zafiro:”uhhh…see that tree over there?” Crystal: “yeah..what’s with it?” Zafiro: “I want you to come with me there it’s a race!” he said as he run towards the tree. Crystal: “what? Hey wait!” she yelled as she tried to catch him. Both kids arrived there, Zafiro feeling like the winner and Crystal feeling ashamed because he had won against her once more. Crystal: “ok, so what is what you want?” she crossed her arms and waited for an answer. Zafiro: “um..well…why don’t we write our names here?” the silver-haired kid said with a nervously voice and his face was turning bright red; just seeing her made him feel that way. Crystal: “…I guess I have nothing against that!” she sweetly said and walked towards him putting her arms around him and being almost near his face she whispered at his ear “ so do you have a knife or something?” Zafiro only nodded, he was feeling way too nervous to say anything, then he started to look for the knife until he found it on his pocket. “ok here it is Crystal who starts?”. Crystal quit her arms off him and said “I guess that you” she walked towards the tree and sat next to it “Come on! I’m waitng!” Zafiro only laughed “you’re so impatient!” he said as he was writing his name on the wood, when he was done he sat on the field “your turn Crystal” he said as he was giving her the knife. The little girl stood up and said “Ok let me see” she started to write her name next to Zafiro’s name when she was done she thought that something was missing “hey! Don’t you think that an ‘and’ is missing?” Zafiro blushed at her comment and said “Hey we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend we can’t do that” Crystal just started to laugh and sat next to him “It was only a joke! Can’t believe you took me so seriously!” Zafiro’s cheeks were even more red than before, but now it was due to embarrasment. He angrily stood up and said “Im going home, good night Crystal” before the girl could say anything he ran off and left her alone. Crystal felt bad for joking at him in that way so she followed him home, not because she wanted to continue their talk but because she didn’t know how to return alone. When they reached the city, each of them on their own, she finally entered her house, Zafiro heard the sound of the doors opening and saw Crystal entering her house, he only thought “Today…was good” he smiled and continued his way home. ♥--------------------------------------------------♥-------------------------------------------------♥ Well that's the end of the chapter..weird..it seemed long XD but it isn't XD |
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| | #7 |
| Screw that action Join Date: May 2006 Location: In a movie theater no where near you Age: 15
Posts: 2,100
Rep Power: 5 ![]() | Pretty good....just slow down while you're writing it. |
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| | #8 |
| Orville Redenbacher WOO | I loved it, Foreverkingdom. But, one thing. Do not write in script for as a substitue for dialogue. Example: Instead of: Bob; Hey man whats up?" Use: "Hey man, whats up?" Bob inquired. Just a bit of advice. Great work, htough. |
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| | #9 |
| Love Jejung <3 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In front of my comp XD Age: 17
Posts: 2,327
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | Oh ok I see, it was the firs chapter so I didn't really know how to write ^^; hehe um...what's 'to slow down'?..I just don't get it sorry ![]() |
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| | #10 |
| Screw that action Join Date: May 2006 Location: In a movie theater no where near you Age: 15
Posts: 2,100
Rep Power: 5 ![]() | There is a couple common mistakes and some things a smuged together. And a few paragraphs that can be together aren't, they're sperated. |
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| | #11 |
| Love Jejung <3 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In front of my comp XD Age: 17
Posts: 2,327
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | Ok I get it next time I'm not gonna do that o('^')o Or perhaps should I edit it? |
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| | #12 |
| Orville Redenbacher WOO | Also, a helpful tip; don't you dare rush yourself while writing. You do this FOR FUN, not for a profession or anything. You have no deadlines, due dates, etc. Just relax, brainstorm, and write what you can. <3 |
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| | #13 |
| Love Jejung <3 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In front of my comp XD Age: 17
Posts: 2,327
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | Um..ok thanks for the tip =D |
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| | #14 |
| Screw that action Join Date: May 2006 Location: In a movie theater no where near you Age: 15
Posts: 2,100
Rep Power: 5 ![]() | Yeah....hows your fic going Fate? edit: I'm sick of this! |
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| | #15 |
| Orville Redenbacher WOO | You're welcome. =D=D=D Acein: Meh, its going alright. On one of the final chapters, including a bad ass fight. XD |
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