Crystal Fate

[Shadowysights]

How many chapters was it? I'm on my....23...and its 71 pages on word....how long is yours?

[Lectori Salutem]

Found it!

It has a nice start! If you do what Acein and Frozen Fate said, it would be even better. And don't worry, it's just for fun, you'll get better with every chapter!

[Haku]

Good start so far just become more aware of what your mistakes are and you'll do better next time.

[snowdog]

*agrees with FF*

Yeah, I spotted a few errors in grammar, and you shouldn't write in script style. ^.^

Otherwise, good work. Keep writing, mmkay? =D

<3

[Ultima Star]

Well thanks for the comments it's jut that well it was the first chapter and well I didn't really know how to start the story but chapter 2 is better than this one it doesn't look like a script, I'll post it later 'kay?

[Hikari713]

Hey fk srry i'm a bit late buddy but i really liked the chapter it was very sweet i can't wait for more.

[Ultima Star]

Oh thankies well here's chapter 2, I guess it's better I didn't use the 'script style' XD

CHAPTER 2

A CHILDHOOD CRUSH? / DEEP FEELINGS

When Zafiro entered his house it seemed really empty until he arrived at the dining room, his father was there stting at the sofa with an angry look at his face.

“Father!...how are you doing tonight? Is everything alright?” the boy asked and tried to act like if nothing was happening.

“Zafiro, stop acting like that, where have you been?” the old man stood up and touched his son’s shoulder “So?”

The kid looked down “I was..with Crystal” again his cheeks were starting to turn red. “We were at the flowerfield” he added.

The serious man pat Zafiro on the shoulder “Well that’s good my son, it’s so good that you have such a good relationship with the daughter of Lord Yue!”

The boy only stared at him for a minute “…you know, I don’t care why you and Lord Yue want me to be with her so badly, and I’m not interested in knowing either” the boy gently said and walked towards the stairs 2-the only thing I want is to be with her” and then he just went up the stairs and entered his room.

His father saw his attitude and only thought “This kid needs to learn some things…not all things are based on feelings” and he picked a book and started reading until he felt sleepy.

♥--------------------------------------------------♥-------------------------------------------------♥

Meanwhile Zafiro was at his room just sitting on his bed, and not playing like other childs did…all that was in his mind was her face, her sweet smile, he wanted to grow up just so that he could protect her with his very own life.

For him, teasing her and playing with her was his way to show her how deep his feelings were even though he was a kid. After a while he was lost in his thoughts like always, but something told him to go and apologized with her, he felt he had made her feel bad “I guess that…I’ll say that I’m sorry tomorrow” he thought and while laying on his bed and staring at his ceiling he just fell asleep.

♥--------------------------------------------------♥-------------------------------------------------♥

On Crystal’s house a similar situation was taking place, though she wasn’t embarrased of saying what she have been doing. “I was with Zafiro at the flowerfield mom” the little girl said with a smile on her lips.

Her mother looked at her and held her “Oh honey, that’s so sweet, I like that you spent you childhood with someone that cares about you so much”

The girl sighed “But he keeps winning against me…he’s way too fast!”

The woman just stared at her and then laughed “You’ll win some day honey!...now go t sleep okay?”
Crystal only nodded and went to her room.

While she was going up the stairs she heard the sound of the doors of her house opening “It must be dad” she said smiling, “But..I’m so sleepy” and she continued walking.

♥--------------------------------------------------♥-------------------------------------------------♥

Lord Yue entered his house and greet his wife, then the man stared at her and asked “Where’s Crystal?”

“In her room” the woman answered “she arrived a little late…says she was playing wih Zafiro, the son of Lord Onyx” she added.

“Well that is good” the man replied “Now our families are going to be one when Crystal and Zafiro get married” he said with a smile on his face.

“Marriage? Don’t you think they’re too young to think about it?” she said “My daughter is only 5 years old I’m not planning on forcing her to get married at that young age!”

“Oh dear” Yue said “I wasn’t saying to make them get married at this age..I meant when they grew up they can marry each other don’t you think is a good idea” he asked.

“I don’t know…” she answered “I don’t even know if they’re going to grow up…I have a feeling something bad is going to happen”

Yue had a concerned look on his face “Apocalypse is not near…we shouldn’t worry” he said trying to calm his wife “You’ll see we are going to see our girl grow up and getting married alright?” and he hugged her and both of them left the living room and walked up the stairs in direction to their room.

♥--------------------------------------------------♥-------------------------------------------------♥

The next morning Crystal and Zafiro met in front of the church, like they always did.

“Hey! You took your sweet time!” Crystal said and with a smile she kissed him on the cheek “But Good Morning anyway”

Zafiro laughed “You’re a really weird girl!” and kissed her in the hand “good morning too” and continued laughing.

She glared at him “Why do you like making fun of me?” the sweet girl said “Anyways are we going to the flowerfield again?” she asked.

The boy answered “I guess so, c’mon there are lots of things we haven’t seen there yet! I’ve even heard that there’s a lake near to it!” he took her hand “C’mon let’s get going!”

And both of them went to their beloved flowerfield, not knowing that, that day was going to be the last day they would see it.

When they arrived there Zafiro told Crystal that the lake was behind the hill where the big tree stood.

Both of them continue walking and when they went down the hill indeed there was a lake that looked if diamonds were inside of it, they both sat on the field.

Zafiro took Crystal’s hand and said “There’s…something that I have to tell you” not even looking at her and just staring at the sky “Crystal…I..”

♥--------------------------------------------------♥-------------------------------------------------♥

Well End of chapter! I hope it was better:unsure:
comments please^^

[SORA RULEZ!!!!]

Nice chap.! Sorry i'm late buddy! *punches self on the face* Its pretty nice. *nod* I'll be waiting for more!
XD

[Black Rose]

i love your story so far FK! it's soo cute!!

lol looking forward to the next update ^^

[Ultima Star]

Oh thanks guys ^^ yeah it starts in a 'cute' way but then...um let's wait a bit!

I'm just writng chapter 3 at my comp, I wrote it at school now it needs to be at the comp XD

[Lycanthrope]

8.5/10

Loved it. Descriptive, and interesting.

By the way, love those little hearts in between every few lines. Lol.

[Ultima Star]

YAY! it was better! ^.^
I'm just so happy :cry:
chapter 3 will be later tonight or tomorrow perhaps-

[Lectori Salutem]

I'll be waiting for it!
And yeah, you improved!

[Ultima Star]

Oh thankies Lectori ^^ well here's chapter 3

CHAPTER 3
THE LAST PEACEFUL DAY

The kid felt in a way he had never felt before…he wanted to tell her his feelings but his lack of confidence made him felt nervous, poor Zafiro being next to the girl he loved, wanting to confess her his feelings and not being able to speak because Crystal’s beauty made him felt speechless.

“Hey…um…what’s happening? Why are you so quiet?” the innocent girl asked “ you only said: Crystal…I, what’s next I wonder” she smiled at him.

“Um…uhh nothing Crystal…I just..” the boy replied “nothing you could understand anyway!” he said “Let’s stay here for a while okay?” he added.

Crystal looked at him “You’ve called me weird so many times but you’re the weird one!” she said while glaring at him.

Zafiro and Crystal spent hours just staring at the lake, they didn’t talk to each other for hours, Zafiro couldn’t stand it anymore so he stood up “Why have you been silent?!” he asked “You don’t want to talk to me?!”

“Hey! I’ve been waiting hours for you to say something and what! You haven’t said a word what do you want me to do?” the girl replied feeling annoyed.

“Nothing just that at least you say something!” the boy was angry, but it didn’t look like he was angry at Crystal, it seemed that he was angry at himself because of his lack of confidence and how he had almost missed the chance of telling Crystal his feelings.

“Zafiro? Why have you been acting in that way today?” Crystal said in a sweet way “you’ve never act like that before” she continued “what’s what you want to tell me?” she asked. She felt something was happening and wanted to know what was it, she was really inteligent for a girl of only five years, but on the other hand she was innocent too.

“Crystal…I…I want to tell you that—“ he wanted to continue but the sound of people screaming made him stop “Huh? What’s with all that shouting?” he asked.

“I don’t know…let’s go back to the village and see what’s happening.

♠-----------------------------------------------------♠-----------------------------------------------------♠

The once peaceful ‘Rising Sun’ was being destroyed by a terrible fire, flames where all over the village and it was like a strange force was attacking every person at the village, not even letting them escape from their houses.

The Cadiz were dying, every single one of them. When both kids arrived there, they saw how their home was on fire and how all their friends and family die, they continued walking and started searching for their parents, though…they felt like they would never see their parents again.

Crystal saw her parents on the ground, bleeding and almost dead “Mom! Dad!” she screamed and ran up to them “Crystal…leave this place please…you must survive!” Lord Yue said “there’s no end to this, at least I want to know that a memember of my family is going to be alive after I’m dead” he said.

“You can’t be saying that! Dad!” she cried, then she heard someone coming “Zafiro?”

Zafiro was crying “Crystal…my parents are dead…” he said “but they told me to protect you and to give you this” he said while he was showing her a flower made of crystal “Mom said that your mother had given it to her so that—“ he couldn’t say anything more.

“That’s from my mom! Oh thanks Zafiro..but my parents” she looked at the floor, “I can’t leave them!” she shouted but when she turned to see her parents they didn’t move…they have already died “NO!!” she fell on her knees and cried like she had never done before “this can’t be…” she said then fainted.

“Crystal! Hey wake up! We have to get out of here quick!” Zafiro keep shouting but there wasn’t a respose.

“Crystal no! you can’t do this to me!” the boy yelled, tears were running down his cheeks, a feeling of pain stroke his heart. His parents, his friends, everyone in the village had perished and his beloved Crystal was unconcious.

Just then the figure of a woman appeaed in fron of the kids “The last two survivors of the Cadiz, two kids…now should I kill you?” she said with a threatening voice.

“You! Are you the one who did this?!” the boy inquired “Show yourself!” he demanded.

The woman nodded “Kid, you shouldn’t act like that” she replied “Don’t you see that I can kill you and that girl over there if I wanted to?” she added and started to walk towards Zafiro.

The boy was confused, annoyed and enraged; he had never felt that way before, only thing he did was to hug Crystal tight as a sign he wanted to protect her at all cost. He looked at the woman and asked “What is what you want?!”

The woman stopped walking and remained in the shadows so that the boy couldn’t see her face “The crystals that you and that girl have” she answered and with a smirk on her face she said “So that I can take over the world that those reckless humans live in and…to force it to reach their Apocalypse sooner than it should be!”

The kid was speechless, he didn’t know why someone would want to use the power of their crystals in the wrong way. He only stared at the figure of the woman.

The womans was tire of waiting for the kid to say something “So? Are you giving me your crystals?” she asked.

Zafiro stood up “Not even if you kill me!” he answered “I’ll portect them, they’re the only thing that’s left from my family. I’ll protect Crystal with my life as well!” he shouted, although he knew he didn’t stand a chance against the woman, he charged towards her.

The woman laughed and evaded the little kid “I must say…that you got guts Zafiro” she said as she appeared behing the kid “I’ll let you and Crystal live, perhaps in some years both of you are going to have incredible powers that might be helpful” those were her last words before dissapearing.

Zafiro couldn’t managed to see her face “work for her? Not even if I’m tortuted!” he yelled.

Just then he heard that Crystal was awaking “Crystal!” he shouted and ran up to her “Are you alright?” he asked.

Crystal hugged him and started crying “I’m…alright…I just don’t want to be here anymore!” the desperated girl said “Let’s get out of here, please Zafiro please!” she couldn’t stand to be in that place for longer. Her peaceful childhood days in her home were over, her village wa destroyed it was almost impossible to stay there a minute more.

Zafiro hugged her tight “Don’t worry Crystal…we won’t stay here” the boy sweetly said “I’m with you…I’ll protect you from now on…I’m never going to leave you…that…I promise that to you” he promised that to her and he knew he was never going to break that promise.

Both kids looked around trying to find a way out of the village, they searched and searched until they found a way to get out of that place full of memories. The ‘exit’ lead to a forest, it looked so dark and deep. The children only stared at each other, they didn’t have a choice but to spent the night under that cold and sad sky.

♠-----------------------------------------------------♠-----------------------------------------------------♠

End of Chapter!

I hope that you guys are liking the story so far hehe ^^;

[RikuDestiny]

it really interesting! ^^ good job!