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| Ruler of Light Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Battling my inner demons....and winning thank you very much, sir. Age: 16 Posts: 554
Rep Power: 3 ![]() Level: EXP: | Hey yall! Well Ive been writing little stories for a while but I never finish them and I hoped that putting them on KHI would encourage me to finish it. Here's what its about well how it came about. I was thinking about kingdom hearts and how sora was a hero. And i decided im tired of hearing stories about the hero what about the villian? dont they have a reason too. So this story is told in the eyes of a villian. Its a combination of a love story and a fantasy. Enjoy. I know the title sucks but I had to have a title and it was rushed. Oh and I cuss alot but I had to edit it to put it on here so if some of the words sound stupid that's why. Prologue I dont think that Drea actually grasped how much I cared for her. That everytime I said I loved her I meant it with every ounce of my soul. I was completely in love with her and I believed - no i KNEW that we would get married and have children and a big family. I needed her and sometimes I actually became physically sick from not seeing her for too long. She didnt know. She never heard me throwing up. She had no freaking idea. Because if she knew, maybe she wouldn't have done what she did. And maybe I wouldn't have done all of the things I did. I was only eleven when I first laid eyes on her. She was eight, and I automatically labeled her a stupid little kid. She wasn't as much stupid back then as she had been annoying. She lived in the cottage next door to ours on the outskirts of the village that i grew up in: Melrose Corpse. Drea didnt go to school because where I lived little girls did not go to school. They were taught to keep a good house hold instead. Therefore whenever I got home from the village schoolhouse Drea would be on my doorstep always ready to play. " Go back to your cottage Drea, your mom's calling you." Id lie but she never believed me and I had to be nice to her because boys in the village were always kind to little girls like her so Id end up playing tag or some other stupid little game I hadn't enjoyed since I was eight. Around that age I was just starting to get interested in other things, mainly girls. Girls were interested in me back not only because of my charm and natural good looks but because I could get them free pastries and breads from my father's bakery. Then there was my older brother Gabriel. He was thirteen and way more handsome than I. He was also popular for participating in village sports with all the other boys. If there was one thing that I was not interested in it was sports. Girls loved his curly brown hair which was just a spot shinier than my stringy blond. I lost a few girls to my brother which I could be honest and say I was still bitter about. Anyways a day came and everything was different. I came home from school thinking my fourteen year old thoughts and eleven year old Drea was sitting on my doorstep waiting for me as always, but for a different reason. " Hi Cassidy." she said as usual except her voice was a little flirty. And I guess I had noticed her in that way as well because all of a sudden she wasn't a cute little girl she was beautiful. But she was only eleven. |
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| | #2 |
| You Swear To Listen Join Date: Apr 2007 Age: 17 Posts: 2,186
Rep Power: 5 ![]() Level: 22 EXP: | I suppose it's pretty good, divide into paragraphs though, even if you're not using dialogue |
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| | #3 |
| haruhi isn't amused Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 10,088
Rep Power: 13 ![]() Level: 24 EXP: | Great start so far, I could really see this one going very far from here. |
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| | #4 |
| Ruler of Light Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Battling my inner demons....and winning thank you very much, sir. Age: 16 Posts: 554
Rep Power: 3 ![]() Level: EXP: | Yeah about that, I had that little tidbit on a disk for the longest so I just copied and pasted it off like wordpad or something and it turned out like that cuz im lazy. But otherwise Im very confident in my grammar, spelling, puntuation, etc. |
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| | #5 |
| You Swear To Listen Join Date: Apr 2007 Age: 17 Posts: 2,186
Rep Power: 5 ![]() Level: 22 EXP: | hahahahahahahahahahaha, can't be lazy when writing a Fanfiction. but other than paragraphing, I thought it was pretty good (I use wordpad too) |
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| | #6 |
| A.K.A. Jemxas | Not a bad start. Let us see where this goes |
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| | #7 |
| Ruler of Light Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Battling my inner demons....and winning thank you very much, sir. Age: 16 Posts: 554
Rep Power: 3 ![]() Level: EXP: | Hey people. Here goes a new chapter I think. ( You know im going to have a whole paragraph for what I have to say. ) I didnt copy and paste this time so the paragraphs and stuff should be correct however it is a little difficult typing with the color and bold codes on the end of everything so it may not be completely perfect. Oh and sorry for any fantasy mongers. Its going to be a little lovey-dovey in the beginning but Im getting there. Trying to break free from straight love stories. Anyways... These arent labeled in chapters cuz I dont really like chapters. how about parts? Yeah: _____________________________________________________________________________________ Part One I sighed. " What is it today Drea? Cards, tag..." " Lunch." I scratched my head. " What?" " Lunch," she repeated. " I want you to take me out to lunch." " Oh. " I pivoted a bit. " Well I'm a bit short of goles right now..." Goles was the currency the people of Melrose Corpse used. That was how remote and detached it was from the rest of the world. I hated Melrose Corpse. And I was constantly looking for a way to get out of there. " Come on," she coaxed. " I know you sweep the floors at your father's bakery sometimes, Cassidy. Take me somewhere cheap and dirty." I laughed despite myself. She was acting so desperate. I relented. " Fine." She clapped her hands like a child. Oh she was a child. I must have forgotten by the way she was coming onto me. I grabbed her arm." Come on I know a little pub on the other side of town where no one will see us." " Ooh a secret romance! You're going to be my boyfriend now right Cassidy? " " Umm Drea, you're kind of--" " Where are you two going? " I looked up to see my brother Gabriel approaching. Beside him my most recent ex, Sylvia Tansley. She was flipping her long brown hair around like she always was. Stupid girl. " Into the forest to play!" Drea sounded eight years old again. Was she suffering from some type of multiple personality disorder I didn't know about? One moment she was mature, the next she was a baby. Was she always like this or was I blind? " The forest is no place for a little girl like you to play is it Drea? " he said in a sweet voice. She gripped my arm tighter if that was even possible. " Cassidy'll protect me. " " Hmph he better or Mrs. Cutler'll have his behind. " Mrs. Cutler was Drea's mom. He turned to me. " Are mother and father home? " " No." I replied. " Hmm, good." He glanced at Sylvia suggestively and the couple headed into the house. I became angry at the thought of what they'd do. Or was I angry because I wasn't doing it. Hard to tell. But little did Gabe know mom was indeed very much home. He was in trouble today. And Mr. Tansley would most definitely be notified. I chucked and started walking with Drea. She seemed in no rush to actually get to the pub. She was more interested however in grilling me about my life which she was never interested in before. " So do you want to become a baker like your father? Maybe even take his place at the bakery?" " I don't know I haven't thought about it much. " But I had thought about it. I didn't wanna stay in stupid village that was named after some dead guy. Let alone be a stupid baker. I wanted to BE somebody. " Oh, " she gazed up at me. how do you think Drea Rose sounds? " Rose was my last name. I loathed it, and I don't even know how she found it out because i surely didn't tell her. " You know, Cassidy, I can't wait to get married and have kids. I think I've found the one too. You." I didn't know what to say. " You know what these last three years have been about Cassidy? Us falling in love. Destiny brought us together to eventually be man and wife." She didn't say anything else and I didnt either. In love. All I knew about this little girl was that she was a nasty hide-and-go-seeker. In love? Was she insane? But I had to admit, she was looking very pretty that day.... _____________________________________________________________________________________ So there it is. Sorry if it's long but once I get to writing it's hard to stop. Also I know not much happend but I get really into dialogue. Let me know what you think. Be honest too I can take it. |
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| | #8 |
| You Swear To Listen Join Date: Apr 2007 Age: 17 Posts: 2,186
Rep Power: 5 ![]() Level: 22 EXP: | It was pretty nice, it was a little short though |
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| | #9 |
| Ruler of Light Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Battling my inner demons....and winning thank you very much, sir. Age: 16 Posts: 554
Rep Power: 3 ![]() Level: EXP: | Strange for you to say that I thought it was long. Or maybe it just took long to type.... |
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| | #10 |
| A.K.A. Jemxas | Very interesting. I liked how he lied to his brother about his parents being home. I shall continue to read this. By the way would be interested in readin the works that I have done on this site? |
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| | #11 |
| haruhi isn't amused Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 10,088
Rep Power: 13 ![]() Level: 24 EXP: | Great chapter, I didn't think that it was short at all because I got into it really fast. |
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| | #12 |
| Banned | Not bad, you're pretty good with romance stories, but I can't wait for this to evolve into the whole 'villan' story. ^^ Nice job! |
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| | #13 |
| Why I like you Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In front of my comp XD Age: 18 Posts: 2,317
Rep Power: 6 ![]() Level: 30 EXP: | it's just so beautiful I'm a romantic girl sorry..*sniif sniff*Great story I'm gonna keep reading this^^..i like when she says 'us falling in love' it's just so romantic ![]() |
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| | #14 |
| Ruler of Light Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Battling my inner demons....and winning thank you very much, sir. Age: 16 Posts: 554
Rep Power: 3 ![]() Level: EXP: | Here's Part Two. _____________________________________________________________________________________ Part Two After Drea and I got back from the pub, I went home sure that Gabriel would be furious with me. It didn't help that we had to share a room. I was gonna get it as soon as I walked through the door. Our cottage was pretty small. You walked into the foyer, to the left was an archway that opened to the living room and kitchen. The two bedrooms were to the right and the bathroom was in the back. Very simple. When I walked into my room Gabe was lying on his bed throwing a ball into the air. I started to change out of my school clothes. For a few moments it seemed like he wasn't going to say anything, but I never did have much luck. " That was a foul thing you did today. I'm grounded now. " he said calmly. " Well it was foul of you to steal Sylvia away from me." He sat up and tossed the ball to the floor. " Are you seriously still mad about that? Don't go ruining my life because your game sucks. Why don't you get a spine and they might stay a little longer. Oh and I read your little journal talking about how she might be the one. Please. She's the village slut in case you didn't know." " It doesn't matter what she was I liked her. And who told you you could read my journal? What kind of brother are you anyways? You never consider my feelings!" We were in each other's faces now. " Feelings? Feelings? How does a ten year old make you feel Cass? " " She's eleven! " He laughed. " Just admit it Cassidy you're pathetic. Girls your age don't want you so your gonna go and take advantage of a damn little kid. You think I haven't seen how you've been stringing her along all of these years? " " I never-- " " Yeah you have. You've just been sweet talking her so you can--" " SHUT UP!" He'd pushed me to my boiling point. I shoved him into the bed, and we started fighting. The altercation lasted about 5 whole minutes until I finally broke free from his grip. Still angry with cuts stinging all over my face, I grabbed my notebook and pen and headed for the door. " That's right," taunted Gabe, " Gather your little diary and go sit by your pond. " " Leave me alone. " I mumbled angrily. The front door was the first to feel my anger. I nearly knocked it off of it's hinges bursting into the fresh air. The sun was just starting to go down and everthing had an orange glow. I decided that one day Gabe would pay for all the times he'd teased me. Something way worse than getting caught bringing a village girl into the house. My secret pond was the only place I could truly write. No matter how angry I was the still water always calmed me. I opened my journal to an empty page. Dear Journal, Before now I was afraid of the word hate. But now with no hesitation I can say it: I hate Gabriel. He ruins my life-- Suddenly I heard some rustling in the bushes. It had gotten almost completely dark. The pond was fairly deep in the forest and most townspeople were afraid to even go near it, so it was a surprise that someone else could be there with me. " Who's there? " I shouted. No reply just more rustling. Then a dark figure suddenly emerged from the shadows of the trees. At first I couldn't tell what it was, but as it drew nearer I realized that it was a rather short person hobbling towards me on a cane. They were completely invisible in the black cloak they were wearing. Even the hand gripping the cane was gloved. " Who are you? Tell me now! " I demanded. The person kept coming towards me and finally spoke. " Be not afraid of me child. I've only come to help you." It was and old woman's voice. " Who are you? " I repeated, frozen where I was. But she didn't seem to hear me. " Let us work together, Cassidy. It's time the world be rid of evil." " No! Get away from me!" The power to move returned to my legs, and I ran,ran as fast as they could take me. I didn't stop until I got home. _____________________________________________________________________________________ |
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| | #15 |
| Organization Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Hiding. Who ever finds me first gets a cookie! Age: 17 Posts: 381
Rep Power: 3 ![]() Level: EXP: | This is good i really like it i'm a romantic at heart so i can't wait to see where this will go!! Oh and at the beginning you said dumthing about the title sucked i don't think so the title is what interested me!!! |
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