Lost Hearts

[Lycanthrope]

I read this earlier but didn't get a chance to comment...

Anyway, I enjoyed it. very interesting. The story kinda drew me into to wanting to read it more. 8/10, Good job.

[Shadowysights]

Originally Posted by Khlover001

Sorry I havent posted in a while I just got ur PM too. I thought it was a good chap. The whole fight needed to be longer with the giant heartless was it the darkside? Anyway i'm sorry it was really a great chap sincerly!

Well, because I'm telling the story, I couldent just tell you the name of it. But, yes..it is darkside.

[Skitty Cat]

Umm, I was wondering when the next chapter would be up...and I posted on Desert Shadows. *begins rocking back and forth*

[Shadowysights]

Chapter 5: Its a short chapter, but it will matter later.

Unexplained


The dark clothed man walked over and sat down on the top stairs in the ragged, dusty house. The stairs towered over the living room. There was a cough next to the bottom of the stair of the staircase. On the cough is a slouched over young woman, with crimson red hair, and a raven style cut, wearing dark black jeans and a big baggy jacket, and an overly tall man with short silver hair, he whore a white ragged dress shirt with blue jeans, sitting beside her.

“Hey, you! On the stairs. I’d suggest you stop wearing that or someone might mistake you for a organization member.”

Before he could speak, the silver headed man added to her statement. “She’s right, besides the baggy black jeans, and the black and white shoes, you’d look exactly like one.” The man was right, the man on the stairs, whore a organization jacket, but it had zipper that even when up to the top of the hood. He had it zipped all the way up, and to represent a face, he had a chalky smiley face over the front of the hood. The hood was skin tight.

At that moment a lanky, spikey haired man intruded the scene breaking most of the mood, spiting out. “Anybody, with a brain can see he’s not a member. Even THEIR smart enough to know not to zip a hood all the way up, so they can’t see.”

Finally, the man on stairs had endured enough and finally spoke out. “I can still see, idiot. But, can you see this!?” He waved his arm. At first and spiky haired man was confused, but then he fell back, hard, smashing against the wall, his body fatigued and he had no idea what had happened.

“Hey!....What…did…you….do?” He said to weak to yell.
“Something,…just know, you’re not going to be moving for while, but hey, you should of saw it, it was in your face.” The man on the stairs happily replied.

The girl on the couch snickered and blurted out “Finally! A way to tame him, how convenient.” She said almost crying because she held in so much laughter.

“You…always…wanted…this…didn’t…you?” He said getting weaker and weaker, until he fainted.

The other man on the couch finally tossed out “Some group we are, we don’t need enemies the take care of us."

The girl replied “What do you expect? We don’t have hearts.”

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Please comment.

[Khlover001]

Wow short but still great. Ohh what mystery a new group wonder who they are. Great chap!!

[Haku]

Wow that was one of your best chapters in the story so far it was short but I still loved it great job!

[Shadowysights]

I didn't think chap5 would do so good, seeing how short it is.

[Skitty Cat]

o.O? Okay, that was wierd...take your time with the next chapter! 8/10 (<- Your rate for the story. Is eight out of ten)

[SoraLuvsKairi]

Originally Posted by Haku

Your story really kept me on edge this time around I just wanted to read more, can't wait for the next chapter!

i agree..... your good at writing fighting sceens(i think i spell that wrong):thumbsup:

[SoraLuvsKairi]

Hey..... sorry i haven't commented in a while i was busy on most day's......it's coming along good.......all though the last chapter was short

[Shadowysights]

Originally Posted by SoraLuvsKairi

i agree..... your good at writing fighting sceens(i think i spell that wrong):thumbsup:

Scenes

Thanks SoraluvsKairi !

[Black Rose]

hey this is pretty good! a few grammar mistakes, but still good. keep it up!

[Shadowysights]

Originally Posted by Angelsinflight

hey this is pretty good! a few grammar mistakes, but still good. keep it up!

Can you point out the mistakes? I typed it on microsoft word and it says theres no grammer mistakes.

[Shadowysights]

Chapter 6: Sorry guys, my internet was messed up, but here it is. Hope you enjoy, things will be explained later on so don't worry.

The unexplained pt.2
We had wasted no leaving the islands, we were very excited about leaving…or at least…they were. I still wasn’t very up to the idea, and really, I had not really warmed up to idea of leaving home. Every thing had happened so fast and I still wasn’t over what happened. The ship drifted in space, very fast, but it seemed too boldly be going nowhere. I was quite and boring.

The first place we got to is a local like place. Traverse town, a bright town hosting everything a traveler could need, gummi ship parts, big hotels, things like that, but it also had houses in its suburban areas. I felt a need for exploration, to know was here. Fralin agreed and said she needed to talk to me, alone. I wonder what it could be about? Wanson went off and Fralin followed me like a helpless little robot.

We made our way pass the gigantic door that stood between a café and some sort of building, Wanson went back the other way. We are in the third district, he’s in the second. The district was mostly empty, it seem to be under construction, maybe for something big. She led me up a stair case that led across the baron wall. This district was truly empty, at the top of the stair case was a balcony. From the top of the towering balcony, it looked like they were cleaning and rebuilding than just plain building something, something happened here also, something big.

Fralin shifted over to me, put her arm around my shoulder that faced away from her and softly pulled me closer to her, with slightly worried face asking “What’s wrong?”

“The fact that my brother could be dead.”

“Well you seem to be worried about something else.” She replied as if she could read my mind. It is true though, my brother wasn’t my true concern, but I tried to change the subject.
“Um…well…Why are you still wearing my clothes? I thought you said you didn’t like them.” I asked desperately trying to change the subject by using the most obvious thing. But really, there was not a problem there.

“Because, I like them. Their comfy. But anyway…what are you trying to hide?”


“Nothing, I’m just-“I said as I backed out of her grasp.

She started back toward me, her eyes beginning to get watery, I didn’t know what had happened to her. “Why?” Fralin asked tears starting to drip down her face.

“What!?” I said not knowing what was wrong with her.

“Why can’t ever be open to anybody?”

“What are you-“ I tried to say but was cut off.

“You never tell me anything! I try to care, but never let me near you! Even thinking about you hurts me! How come you never accept me?” She asked her voice getting weaker, then she continued while pouring tears. “Why? Why? Don’t you even care about others!” She yelled, but then she ran, barely able to keep her self strait. I cased her, off the balcony, down the stairs and then I stopped.

“She needs time alone…maybe…hopefully.” I mumbled to myself. Honestly, it seems no-one really seems to care about me, so I don’t care about them. All except for her… The world isn’t nice, but she is, and is happy, maybe there is more to life than survival, but she has something to look forward to…she has…a family.

I watched her run off, tears ran off her face, and wondered what I had done. It all happened so fast, and then I started off wondering what I’d do without her.

Fralin ran thought the first district in tears, but then she slowly started to walk. She didn’t stand strait she, slumped around as if she were some notorious rogue, without direction. In the first district, she made her way into the heavily lighted bar, that stood next to the café.

In the café she looked around, there weren’t many there, and looked as if it was about to close down. She saw a boy in a very colorful attire; witch was made up a vest, dark cloth pants, and silver boots. His eyes were ocean blue, and his hair was a dark blonde. On his right was a girl with big long, awkward pigtails, they were blonde also. Her eyes were slightly darker, and she wore a black and goldenrod jump suit. Sitting across from then at the table they sat at was a man with a black and yellow vest on and cloth black pants on and also sporting black boots. He looked over and asked “What is it, little lady?” She thought about what she was doing for a second, then ran out, seemingly embarrassed.
She walked down the street and thought “What was I thinking? That’s not like me. I felt like picking a fight” And then she remembered what Roas (Wanson) had said before.
“When a key blade is tainted the taint can take over the user and there allied forces.” She reminisced. “Maybe that’s it…maybe that’s happening with Range too. That’s it! He was much nicer before. I have to help him.” She said as she started back to the 3rd district, hoping he’d still be there.

As she ran a brightly colored figure stepped out in front of her. Fralin in her new found hope accidentally crashed into it, sending her back a few steps until she fell back and on to the ground. The figure she had crashed into was a scarlet colored, raven haired girl. She had on a sleeveless dress shirt, and a long plaid, azure, skirt that went just below her knees. She also whore black and white converses. She was energetic, and really looked like she wanted to fight. That was odd.

I got up and before I could speak, she walked up and asked. “Hm, hm, hm, wanna spar?”

“What? Spar? I don’t even-“I tried to reply but was cut off as she ran up and leaped at me. I blocked using the sword I almost forgot was there, at my side. She launched another punch knocking it out of my hand, as if it was some insignificant, little toy. She had a boxer like stance, but her style was most definitely martial arts. But, that’s not important now. She sent a punch directly for my nose, I dodged to the side, and I felt the wind resistant against my face. While she was open I sent a punch to her stomach, but she was much faster than I thought. She deflected the shot with the same arm she launched the attack with and punched me with the other, sending me back a bit. I retaliated by launching a round house kick, trying to hit her in the face, bad idea. She ducked, and then grabbed my soaring leg.

“That’s it?” She asked with a disappointed look on her face, still holding my leg. Her voice was surprising soft.

“Yea…what are you-“I tried to ask but was cut off as she hurled me at a wall using the leg she held. I smashed the ground and was still rolling; as I started to come up a wall I noticed I could not stop my self. I was on a harsh collision course for the wall, I could have cried, and I thought I was going to die.

But, suddenly, I hit something, my heart dropped. It didn’t feel like a wall, and I wasn’t hurt. I looked up and it was Range, holding me! He really did care! I hugged him as much as I could. “You really do care!” I tossed to him, releasing tears of joy.

“Did I seem that mean?” He asked. I nodded yes.

The girl looked over at us sadly reminiscing on something else. Then another unknown figure entered the scene. He had crimson colored spiky hair, but the top part of his head had thick smooth hair that directed forward. The man had a big baggy cerulean outfit. A gigantic blue dress-shirt and jeans, with bright red shoes. He seemed to be upset.

“What are you doing, Lia?” He yelled to her

“Nothing…I was just-“

“What are you even doing here? Why did you-“He cut off then walked up to her grabbed her ear and dragged her along.

“Stop it, this hurts, what have I ever done to you?” She asked with a big silly grin on her face.

“That doesn’t matter, you shouldn’t be playing around.”

“But I was bored.”

“So was I.”

“But you’re enjoying this.”

“No I’m not.” He said, trying to hide a smirk.

“Liar…you’re mean.” She ended no seriousness in her voice.

Fralin was still holding me. “Fralin?” I started to ask but then she requested.

“Call me by my first name” She asked, her voice muffled because she was cringed into a ball within my arms.

“Okay…Lila? Um…I’m sorry, you ready to go?” I asked shyly, not knowing why.

“Okay” She responded as she started to get up and walk. “Where’s Roas?”

“That’s where were goin’, the second district. Were in it, but, it’s the biggest so…”

They started off, not knowing where they would end up, not knowing where Roas would be.

Roas walked up to the bell tower. He knew someone was there. Suddenly a dark figure leaped out at him. Bright lights shined out and the figure held two keyblades, Roas summoned his, and deflected the attack, not knowing what he’s in for.
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Hope you enjoyed, please comment.

[Khlover001]

Great chap! Bout time! (jk) I loved the romantic scene u seem good at those kind of parts. My fav chap so far i hope u keep writing the love scenes!