When it all became too much

Gullwing Yunie · 01/16/07, 08:58 AM

Riku looked over at his friend Sora. Two months had passed since they defeated Xemnas together and returned to Destiny Islands. Then it seemed that they were closer than ever. But now…

When they came back to Destiny Islands, there was a big celebration party the day after. For Sora. Yes, Sora was the hero. But what about Riku?

As the days went by, Riku grew more and more jealous of Sora. He ended up having daydreams where he kills Sora! And as he looked over at Sora, just innocently standing there on the beach, he wished he had a knife. He wished he could kill him, right now…

“Snap out of it Riku!” he said to himself. He didn’t realize that he had said that out loud, and Sora was staring at him with a puzzled expression on his face.

“Riku, are you okay?” Sora asked?

“Uh, y-yeah, I’m fine,” Riku lied. He was scared for himself. Scared for Sora. Scared that this jealousy would overcome him and he’d do something stupid.

“Okay, whatever,” replied Sora. He didn’t quite believe Riku when he said he was fine. There was definitely something up. And Sora was going to find out what it was.

“Um, I have to go now,” Riku said after a long pause.

“Why?” Sora asked. Riku never had to leave early. Something was up. And it was scaring him.

Because I’m jealous of you and being near you messes with my head.

“I, uh, have something to do,” Riku tried to come up with a good excuse. But he wasn’t thinking straight and that was the best excuse he could think of.

Oh crap, now he’s gonna ask me ‘like what’ or something, isn’t he?

“Like what?” Sora asked. Just as Riku predicted.

“None of your business!” Riku snapped. And then he ran away before Sora could retaliate. Feeling the cool air rush past his face, he was fearful of Sora running after him. He didn’t want to talk to Sora. Not while he was like this.

As he kept running he didn’t notice that Kairi was walking in the opposite direction and he almost ran into her. Luckily she dodged him just in time.

“Hey, Riku, what’s up? Riku!” Kairi called out to him. But Riku didn’t respond. He kept on running. So Kairi ran after him.

Although Kairi was a fast runner, she was no match for Riku. He ignored her efforts to get his attention and kept on running. He didn’t want to talk to her because he knew that somehow he’d blurt out how he was feeling inside, and he knew that being around Kairi somehow made you reveal your deepest secrets. It’s not that he didn’t trust her; he just had to keep this secret to himself.

When he finally lost Kairi, he tried to think of what to do with himself. But the same thought kept on popping into his head.

Kill Sora.

That’s when he knew what he had to do.

He had to run away.

The decision was the easy part. He knew in his heart it’s what he had to do. If he didn’t, soon he’d be so overcome by jealousy that who knows what he would do? But doing it, actually doing it, was the hard part. Where would he go? And how would he leave? He’d need a gummi ship. But where to get one?

Then it hit him. All he had to do was get King Mickey to come to Destiny Islands! And then, when no one is looking, all he had to do was hijack it!

Not the best plan, Riku thought. But he was desperate!

This is my first fanfic, so please don't be too harsh. I will listen to criticism, as long as it's constructive. I'll try to update soon.

**snowdog** · 01/16/07, 10:49 PM

That's a great start! ^-^

It's sounding very original so far, and you're very fluent with your grammar and spellings.

Keep up the good work! <3

King Wolfe · 01/16/07, 10:57 PM

That is a very good start keep it up I look foward to updates

**Karate** · 01/19/07, 06:55 AM

It's good, but truth be told, it doesn't match the timeframe. I'm thinking if it was at the beginning of KH1, or even DURING, it would work better. You're a good writer, and this is a good fic, but it just doesn't match up with the time given. All feeling of haterd towards Sora were diminished as he watched Sora close the door from the other side. [How dramatic] Even if there is a feeling of jealousy left, it's not to the point of killing him

So anyway, please continue. 7/10

PS Thanks for the only review. Which is actually more than I can say for the rest of the "Friends" I have here.

giuocob · 01/19/07, 12:03 PM

^I can't quite agree with you there. True, he is kind of rewriting Riku's character quite a bit. But when you're a fanfiction writer, you can make the characters do whatever you want. So, my advice is, if you like your new character for Riku, STICK WITH IT. One of the most annoying things I see in fanfiction is characters who change completely overnight without explanation.

Other than that, it's good.

~RIKU~DaRk P0WeR · 02/15/07, 10:50 AM

Hmmm... that's pretty g00d. Waiting f0r updates=)

Gullwing Yunie · 02/16/07, 05:54 AM

OK I am so sorry I haven't posted in here for a while...I will try to post a new chapter soon ok?

**snowdog** · 02/16/07, 08:53 PM

^^ Okay!

Can't wait, I like the beginning of this. <3

princess namine · 03/27/07, 11:39 PM

Hey not bad, update soon!!!

sora_luver · 03/28/07, 04:08 AM

good chapter... nice beginning and very interesting ideas...for your first fanfic very good, I can't wait for your next chapter!

Deeman · 03/28/07, 04:12 AM

Hey, I enjoyed your fanfic. I'm interested to see what happens, so keep going ^^

I · 03/28/07, 04:19 AM

Lol, kill Sora! I found that part to be amusing, you know? I'm interested to see where this fic goes, so make sure you update soon, alright?

Eternal Snow · 03/28/07, 07:37 AM

coolio

^_^
Great story

You should keep writing.
Can't wait to see what happens next! ^^

I always knew Riku was insane.
Btw
If he harms a spikey hair on Sora's extermely spikey head I might just have to take your bat jump into the story and hurt/kill Riku myself.

LoL

Gullwing Yunie · 03/28/07, 08:47 AM

Ok to be honest I had given up on this...but if you all want me to continue it then I will!

Eternal Snow · 03/28/07, 08:57 AM

Hey if you need help Ill be more than glad to assist you!

Because as proven by my story (especially once you get to a few chapters I haven't posted) I have a very weird freaky mind.

Use it to your advantage.

01/16/07, 08:58 AM	#1
Gullwing Yunie perfectFIT// Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Australia Age: 16 Posts: 2,581 Rep Power: 5	When it all became too much Riku looked over at his friend Sora. Two months had passed since they defeated Xemnas together and returned to Destiny Islands. Then it seemed that they were closer than ever. But now… When they came back to Destiny Islands, there was a big celebration party the day after. For Sora. Yes, Sora was the hero. But what about Riku? As the days went by, Riku grew more and more jealous of Sora. He ended up having daydreams where he kills Sora! And as he looked over at Sora, just innocently standing there on the beach, he wished he had a knife. He wished he could kill him, right now… “Snap out of it Riku!” he said to himself. He didn’t realize that he had said that out loud, and Sora was staring at him with a puzzled expression on his face. “Riku, are you okay?” Sora asked? “Uh, y-yeah, I’m fine,” Riku lied. He was scared for himself. Scared for Sora. Scared that this jealousy would overcome him and he’d do something stupid. “Okay, whatever,” replied Sora. He didn’t quite believe Riku when he said he was fine. There was definitely something up. And Sora was going to find out what it was. “Um, I have to go now,” Riku said after a long pause. “Why?” Sora asked. Riku never had to leave early. Something was up. And it was scaring him. Because I’m jealous of you and being near you messes with my head. “I, uh, have something to do,” Riku tried to come up with a good excuse. But he wasn’t thinking straight and that was the best excuse he could think of. Oh crap, now he’s gonna ask me ‘like what’ or something, isn’t he? “Like what?” Sora asked. Just as Riku predicted. “None of your business!” Riku snapped. And then he ran away before Sora could retaliate. Feeling the cool air rush past his face, he was fearful of Sora running after him. He didn’t want to talk to Sora. Not while he was like this. As he kept running he didn’t notice that Kairi was walking in the opposite direction and he almost ran into her. Luckily she dodged him just in time. “Hey, Riku, what’s up? Riku!” Kairi called out to him. But Riku didn’t respond. He kept on running. So Kairi ran after him. Although Kairi was a fast runner, she was no match for Riku. He ignored her efforts to get his attention and kept on running. He didn’t want to talk to her because he knew that somehow he’d blurt out how he was feeling inside, and he knew that being around Kairi somehow made you reveal your deepest secrets. It’s not that he didn’t trust her; he just had to keep this secret to himself. When he finally lost Kairi, he tried to think of what to do with himself. But the same thought kept on popping into his head. Kill Sora. That’s when he knew what he had to do. He had to run away. The decision was the easy part. He knew in his heart it’s what he had to do. If he didn’t, soon he’d be so overcome by jealousy that who knows what he would do? But doing it, actually doing it, was the hard part. Where would he go? And how would he leave? He’d need a gummi ship. But where to get one? Then it hit him. All he had to do was get King Mickey to come to Destiny Islands! And then, when no one is looking, all he had to do was hijack it! Not the best plan, Riku thought. But he was desperate! This is my first fanfic, so please don't be too harsh. I will listen to criticism, as long as it's constructive. I'll try to update soon.

01/16/07, 10:49 PM	#2
snowdog is a girl Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: n. 1. a place of settlement, activity, or residence; 2. a place or situation occupied Age: 18 Posts: 6,252 Rep Power: 12	Re: When it all became too much That's a great start! ^-^ It's sounding very original so far, and you're very fluent with your grammar and spellings. Keep up the good work! <3

01/16/07, 10:57 PM	#3
King Wolfe Keyblade Novice Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Plotting revenge.... Age: 12 Posts: 85 Rep Power: 0	Re: When it all became too much That is a very good start keep it up I look foward to updates

01/19/07, 06:55 AM	#4
Karate They call me Mr. October Join Date: May 2005 Location: Bragging to Mr. August how he's less than average. Age: 21 Posts: 6,816 Rep Power: 14	Re: When it all became too much It's good, but truth be told, it doesn't match the timeframe. I'm thinking if it was at the beginning of KH1, or even DURING, it would work better. You're a good writer, and this is a good fic, but it just doesn't match up with the time given. All feeling of haterd towards Sora were diminished as he watched Sora close the door from the other side. [How dramatic] Even if there is a feeling of jealousy left, it's not to the point of killing him So anyway, please continue. 7/10 PS Thanks for the only review. Which is actually more than I can say for the rest of the "Friends" I have here.

01/19/07, 12:03 PM	#5
giuocob Keyblade Wielder Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Cincinnati, OH Age: 17 Posts: 348 Rep Power: 3	Re: When it all became too much ^I can't quite agree with you there. True, he is kind of rewriting Riku's character quite a bit. But when you're a fanfiction writer, you can make the characters do whatever you want. So, my advice is, if you like your new character for Riku, STICK WITH IT. One of the most annoying things I see in fanfiction is characters who change completely overnight without explanation. Other than that, it's good.

02/15/07, 10:50 AM	#6
~RIKU~DaRk P0WeR Ruler of Darkness Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: The Dark Realm Age: 15 Posts: 107 Rep Power: 2	Re: When it all became too much Hmmm... that's pretty g00d. Waiting f0r updates=)

02/16/07, 05:54 AM	#7
Gullwing Yunie perfectFIT// Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Australia Age: 16 Posts: 2,581 Rep Power: 5	Re: When it all became too much OK I am so sorry I haven't posted in here for a while...I will try to post a new chapter soon ok?

02/16/07, 08:53 PM	#8
snowdog is a girl Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: n. 1. a place of settlement, activity, or residence; 2. a place or situation occupied Age: 18 Posts: 6,252 Rep Power: 12	Re: When it all became too much ^^ Okay! Can't wait, I like the beginning of this. <3

03/27/07, 11:39 PM	#9
princess namine Twilight Knight Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Forks Age: 14 Posts: 940 Rep Power: 2	Re: When it all became too much Hey not bad, update soon!!!

03/28/07, 04:08 AM	#10
sora_luver Ruler of Light Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Some place I've never been... wait a sec... this seems familiar Posts: 643 Rep Power: 3	Re: When it all became too much good chapter... nice beginning and very interesting ideas...for your first fanfic very good, I can't wait for your next chapter!

03/28/07, 04:12 AM	#11
Deeman out of order Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Pierrefonds Age: 16 Posts: 3,810 Rep Power: 8	Re: When it all became too much Hey, I enjoyed your fanfic. I'm interested to see what happens, so keep going ^^

03/28/07, 04:19 AM	#12
I Not Dead Yet. Join Date: May 2006 Location: huggles L plushie Posts: 1,299 Rep Power: 4	Re: When it all became too much Lol, kill Sora! I found that part to be amusing, you know? I'm interested to see where this fic goes, so make sure you update soon, alright?

03/28/07, 07:37 AM	#13
Eternal Snow Hopelessly Confused Join Date: May 2006 Location: inan[eternalsnow]fall. Age: 15 Posts: 1,278 Rep Power: 4	Re: When it all became too much coolio ^_^ Great story You should keep writing. Can't wait to see what happens next! ^^ I always knew Riku was insane. Btw If he harms a spikey hair on Sora's extermely spikey head I might just have to take your bat jump into the story and hurt/kill Riku myself. LoL

03/28/07, 08:47 AM	#14
Gullwing Yunie perfectFIT// Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Australia Age: 16 Posts: 2,581 Rep Power: 5	Re: When it all became too much Ok to be honest I had given up on this...but if you all want me to continue it then I will!

03/28/07, 08:57 AM	#15
Eternal Snow Hopelessly Confused Join Date: May 2006 Location: inan[eternalsnow]fall. Age: 15 Posts: 1,278 Rep Power: 4	Re: When it all became too much Hey if you need help Ill be more than glad to assist you! Because as proven by my story (especially once you get to a few chapters I haven't posted) I have a very weird freaky mind. Use it to your advantage.

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