The Traveler

[ansemjafar]

This is an original story that I created. This is also my first story on this section. I welcome any and all comments positive or negative.

Chapter 1: Special Delivery

Every person asks themselves the same question at least once in their life. What do I have to live for? One person in particular has asked that question many times. I would like to introduce this young man to you. His name is James Honda.

James is twenty three years old. He stands at 6'3 and weighs 150 pounds. He has short black hair and brown eyes. James is very thin and has a semi muscular body. James believes that he isn't very attractive.

James lives in a one bedroom apartment. His mom died when he was three. His dad kicked him out of the house when he was sixteen. James never spoke to his dad again. He doesn't even know if he is alive or not. James is a cashier in a department store. He sells men's clothes all day long. James uses the money he makes to buy food, clothes, and pay the rent. James spends most of his time in his apartment because he doesn't have many friends.

It was a bright Friday morning. James walked off of the bus and into the store. He clocked in and straightened up the clothes in his department. It was a busy day so the time went by faster. He was just about to clock out for the day when he heard the store manager over the intercom. "James Honda please report to my office." James sighed as he walked to the office. I wonder what the manager wants with me?

James walked into the manager's office. The manager was sitting behind his desk. "Please sit down James." He nodded his head and sat down. "James, I have been looking over your performance records as of late." The manager sighed. "Your performance has been below company standards."
"What does this mean Sir?"
"I am sorry, but I have to let you go James." James had a sad look on his face as he stood from his chair. "Your last paycheck will be mailed to your home." He nodded his head as he made his way to the office door. "Oh and one last thing." James stopped and turned his head toward the manager. "I wish you luck in your future." This brought a smile to his face.
"Thank you Sir." James left the office, clocked out, and walked out of the store. He got on his bus and rode home.

James sighed as he walked into his home. He changed out of his work clothes. He put on a black T-shirt and black jeans. He then walked over to his favorite chair and relaxed in it. "I can't believe that I was fired again. Why can't I seem to hold a job?" James stood up and walked to his fridge. He took out a frozen dinner and placed it in the microwave. He ate the heated dinner and then walked to his sink. "Do I have any reasons to live anymore?"

James thought about the question for a few minutes. He sighed as he opened a drawer and removed a sharp knife. He slowly lifted the knife toward his throat. "This is the right decision. Nobody will miss me." James was about to slit his throat when he heard a knock at his door.

James placed the knife down on the counter. He walked toward the door. I wonder who it could be. He opened the door to see a delivery man.
"Are you James Honda?"
"Yes I am."
"I have two packages for you. Please sign your name next to the X." The man held up a clipboard with a paper on it. James signed his name and was given two different size boxes. "Thank you and have a good day." James closed the door as the man walked back to his truck.

He placed the two packages on his coffee table. One box was in the shape of a long rectangle. The bigger box was square shaped. James opened the longer box first. He slowly pulled out a long sword. He removed the sword from the sheathe and gazed at the blade. "This sword is awesome. The blade is so sharp." James sheathed the sword and placed it on his couch. He then opened the box. Inside was a game system box. The box said that the system was called Revolution X. It also said that included were hook up wires, a controller and a game. "Why would somebody send me these items?" James shrugged it off and decided to hook up the Revolution X.

It took him about thirty minutes to correctly hook everything up. He removed the game box and just stared at it. There were no pictures, title, or words on the box. James opened the box and was surprised to see that the game disc was also blank. "I hope that this isn't one big practical joke." He turned on the television and removed the game disc. He opened the part of the system, inserted the disc, and closed the system. He hit the power button and sat on the couch. He held the controller and the sword rested on his lap.

Suddenly the screen changed from black to white. Avery bright light was emitted from the television. It was so bright that it forced James to close his eyes. James' jaw dropped when he opened his eyes. He was no longer sitting in his apartment. He was standing in a destroyed city.

End Chapter

[Ayumi]

i actually like that O.O its good,you own me at writing ;-;

[Rose]

I loved that chapter. So mysterious how it ended. Please go on with the next chapter as soon as you can, my friend.

[Sabaku no Gaara]

YIPPEE! Now I have three fan fics plus my own to worry about... YIPPEE... I loved aj! U_b and AoD picked a good friend in you! You have as much talent in writing fan fics as them both Can't wait for chapter two! Well I can but you know... *Waits for chapter two trying to be calm*

[unknown_boy]

*singing* I love stories about videogames, they make me a happy U_B, Happy U_B!!! Hahahaa. So this is what you have been up to, eh Ansem? Well, no doubt that i am intrigued by what comes next. At first i thought it was gonna be like a drama story, but the ending surprised me. Excellent work. I wonder what other characters will be introduced?

[Xparky_Arkyp]

that was good. keep writing!

[Sabaku no Gaara]

Originally Posted by unknown_boy

*singing* I love stories about videogames, they make me a happy U_B, Happy U_B!!! Hahahaa. So this is what you have been up to, eh Ansem? Well, no doubt that i am intrigued by what comes next. At first i thought it was gonna be like a drama story, but the ending surprised me. Excellent work. I wonder what other characters will be introduced?

I didn't know you could be happy about something other than AoD bro... Oh well! Where's chapter two at aj?! *trys to wait patiently for chapter two but ends up ripping his hair out*

[ansemjafar]

Umm. I guess I could start writing chapter 2. It won't be for a while though. I need it to be good and not rushed. Plus I do have a busy life outside of this forum.

[Sabaku no Gaara]

ahhh oh well I can wait... (Not really!) I have my Fan-Fic to worry about! *begins typing his own Fan-Fic*

[ansemjafar]

Sorry for the inconvience my friend. I promise you to try my best with the chapter. I don't want to disappoint my readers. Let me know when your first chapter is complete. I will definitely read it and please be patient. All good things come in time and to those who wait.

[Sabaku no Gaara]

I was never good at waiting but since I'm waiting on u_b's Fan-Fic I guess I can wait on yours... I guess...

[Kaiku]

Intresting. i kinda liked it. ^^ Could have been a little longer though.

[Darkness Princess]

That chappy was awesome! I'm sooo glad you pm'd me with the link, the way you write is weird though but its cool.... So whens the next chappy???

[Jax-Oh1]

Cool story, pal! Don't forget the RPGs though.....

[Chariot of Fire]

OKay, here's the review I promised you Ansemjafar. First of all, it is very nicely written, it got me intrigued as soon as the boxes came in the mail. Your idea is great, and the character is interesting as well. However... as in all fanfics, none of them are perfect. IMO your writing is very... blunt, straightforward and to the point. Now this can be good, and if it is your style of writing, them I advise you to stick with it anyway, but I'm used to reading stuff with a little more emotion. That's just my opinion, but there it is. Other then that the character of Honda comes off to me as being a little... bored. He doesn't really express much emotion, especially when he's about to kill himeself, he doesn't seem very sad to me, he seems kinda bored. Anyway, I suggest maybe a few sentences building up to his attempt of an attempt of suicide before killing himself to make the reader more relieved when he doesn't (something like that).

Good things? Excellent story, excellent idea, excellent writing.

Things for improvement? Not so exciting dialogue, blunt writing, bored character.

All these things are IMO and you by no means have to act on them.

Happy fanficcing