Fristia: The Legend of the Master Crystal

[tidusora]

It was a rumour that had been going on for centuries, now. No one was sure of whether it was real or not. There was a crystal, that held the souls of 10 legendary warriors. Warrior of purity, sincerity, darkness, light, braveness, love, power, warmth, demon, and angel. They all banned together to seal the monsters of demon and angel and themselves into the crystal. There, they would forcefully, place their location in an unknown, undiscovered place. Ever since this rumour has gone on, many people plan on getting the crystal, because it is rumored that whoever gains the crystal, will be overwhelmed by a power, more then of their own. More clues and discovery have led to the crystal's location. It is rumoured that in order to get the crystal, you must go through 10 obstacles, each representing one of the warriors' souls. The only one that has ever been crossed is the Lake of Purity, where many have died, due to harsh weather, acid-spitting animals, and water, that if a human being touched the water, their body would be cremated.

So many people are out for it, joining ships of gangs and groups. Groups that are looking for this treasure, range from pirates, ninjas, knights, etcedera. There's so many diverse groups.

"But these are just rumours, who would believe these rumours anyway. This whole story is made out of rumours," stated an old man in a pub drinking beer.

A semi-skinny kid, approached the old man. The kid looked about seventeen years old, had long black hair, tied in a pony tail, diverse eyes, one blue, and the other covered with an eye patch, his straight small nose, dry chapped pink lips, and a crumple in his chin. He, also, had a scar right across his nose, diagonally, from the upper right part of his forehead to the middle of his nose, and wore a black bandana. "Old Man, are you sure that these are just rumours? My father, before he died, dropped his journal in the ocean. It was found later that he crossed the Lake of Purity, but was bound to die. It was amazing that only one of his crew members came back, and he had his arm burned off, with scars all over his face. He had claimed that the Lake of Purty looked beautiful as you entered in, but as you go through, it's like the hell before hell. I felt discouraged as to wanting to make my own crew. I lost that discourage and decided to make a group of my own!" shouted the kid.

"Kid, what's your name. You seem to be a little cuckoo for your own age," said the old man.

"My name's Takuchi M. I won't tell you what the M. stands for, as you'll be a little overwhelmed about what my last name is," said Takuchi.

"Let me guess, it's Minori," said the old man.

Takuchi dropped his mouth wide open in amazement, as the old man had guessed his last name right. "How....did...you know?" asked Takuchi.

"Your the son of that idiot, who went into a boat cruise, wrote some fairytails, chopped a guy's arm off, cut up the same guy's face, and got himself killed, along with the rest of the passengers on the boat cruise," said the old man.

"My father didn't do that, and you know that damn well! I'll tell you off! The master crystal actually exists. I don't give a damn about what you said, because I know it's not true. Now, I'm leaving!" shouted Takuchi, as he stepped out of the pub, with many of the older man staring at him.

"That old man doesn't know anything. He assumes that everything's a fairytale, because he's just OLD!" shouted Takuchi in anger.

1st person:
"By the way, my name is Takuchi Minori. I live in a small town, that I don't even know what country it is. It's called Maysville. My dad was a chaser after the crystal, and had a small crew. Until, three years ago, he died, and I was inspired to avenge his death, and to create my own crew and retrieve the crystal that he couldn't. It's the only way that I'll feel I did something for my father."

3rd person:

As Takuchi was walking across the shopping district, he pondered the idea. "Why do I keep saying that I'm going to create a crew for the past three years, but I haven't yet? It's time that I go, and get the ship, dad built for me, before he left. It's not small. It took him half his life to build it, and it wasn't even intended for me. First it was for mom, until she died, but he decided to hand it down to me, "said Takuchi, as he ran towards his home, which was right next to a fish shop in the shopping district. He grabbed all of his money, and all the food that he could, and jumped on his ship.

The Ship was very large, and if it were to crash into the town, one-thirds of the town would be destroyed. The Ship stood in a sea nearby, quietly. Takuchi, jumped on top of the ship, from a giant rock. He almost fell down, but luckily landed on the ship. He organized the kitchen, where he put at least a month's supply worth of food. He posted up banners in the side and the front of his ship, saying: GATHERING CREWMATES, PIRATES, NINJAS! ANYONE!
He had a smile on his face, as he finished gathering and organizing everything. He had a sword on his sheath, that was in his pants. Sticking out.

"Tomorrow's going to be a wonderful day!" shouted Takuchi as his ship was now in sail.

What is in store for Takuchi? Read the next chapter of Fristia: The Legend of the Master Crystal.

[Cloud_Unchained]

The POV is confusing sometimes because you switch from first person, to third person, to third person narrative. You have too many commas making the sentences a bit difficult to understand and there are some spelling and grammatical errors as well. The storyline is a bit odd and the character dialogue just seems kinda...

It's like reading a dubbed anime script.

BTW, braveness is not a word. Courage fits a lot better.