my first fan fic - Page 2

lionheart29 · April 17th, 2006, 08:38 PM

Do both of you make RPs?

dark_dutchman · April 18th, 2006, 05:47 AM

RPs? Do you mean fanfics?

lionheart29 · April 18th, 2006, 03:35 PM

well yeah.

dark_dutchman · April 18th, 2006, 03:58 PM

then yes, we both make RPs. and i don't know when the next chapter will be out because of a stupid school

lionheart29 · April 18th, 2006, 04:01 PM

Well can you guys let me know when you make the next chapter?

Cloud_Unchained · April 18th, 2006, 04:14 PM

It's all too confusing. The colors are distracting and the storyline is a bit too choppy.

dark_dutchman · April 18th, 2006, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cloud_Unchained

It's all too confusing. The colors are distracting and the storyline is a bit too choppy.

i know the colour thing is't everybody's favorit so i'll let it out in the next chapter, but could you explain choppy a bit more?

and i'll PM you, Lionheart29 when the next chapter is done

Cloud_Unchained · April 18th, 2006, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dark_dutchman

i know the colour thing is't everybody's favorit so i'll let it out in the next chapter, but could you explain choppy a bit more?

Everything is happening too fast. The gummi ship comes out of nowhere, the keyhole in Traverse town just suddenly spits out heartless and the dialogue feels rush. I'm not really sensing any flow.

lionheart29 · April 18th, 2006, 05:12 PM

Thanx.

KH_Fan_4_eva · April 18th, 2006, 08:02 PM

Cant wait till the next chapter!

dark_dutchman · April 19th, 2006, 05:46 AM

it could be a long time before the next chapter is out, i got school and my parents say that i'm always on the computer, so i'm having a hard time to make progress

KH_Fan_4_eva · April 19th, 2006, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dark_dutchman

it could be a long time before the next chapter is out, i got school and my parents say that i'm always on the computer, so i'm having a hard time to make progress

same with me

dark_dutchman · April 20th, 2006, 06:21 AM

i noticed that my friends are farther then me so made a new chapter, i left the colours out his time to see if you like it. enjoy.

Chapter 4: The war

The threesome stepped out of the gummiship. The place looked deserted and the houses that were so colourful, are just ruins now.
“What happened here?” Sora asked.
“It looks awful .” Kairi said.
“Let’s just go to the Castle.” Riku said.
They walked to the Castle, looking around to see if they find someone.
A scream filled the air and a crushing sound followed.
The threesome drew their keys and ran to the direction of the sound.
When they got there, they saw a terrible sight.
The entrance of the Castle had become a battle field and the knights were fighting with heartless and strange creatures. The four strangers were also there and it seemed like they were enjoying themselves at the sight of the knights fighting an already lost battle.
“Let’s go!” Riku said and he jumped down with his key by his side while Sora and Kairi followed. They killed heartless with no effort. It looked like they were winning when suddenly a fireball was shot at Riku. He dodged it turned too his new opponent. It was one of those new creatures. It was a white creature with only one leg. It had two sword-like arms and the nobody symbol was flaming on his forehead.
Sora and Kairi were finished with the heartless and are now standing next to Riku, ready to fight again. The threesome were about to charge into the creature, but a giant hand rose from the earth and throwed them against a wall. Everything went dark.

KH_Fan_4_eva · April 20th, 2006, 06:27 PM

cool chapter!

dark_dutchman · April 20th, 2006, 06:32 PM

You really think so? i had my doubts on this one.