FFVII: Shadows

[inferno232]

Ok, this my first fanfic and I'm using my characters and FFVII characters only!
I'm also very bad at keeping a schedule so it may be weeks before the next post... These first two are on the house.

Chapter 1: The Anomaly
Somwhere in the Midgar Slums...

Two scientists walked up to a chamber in a run down, cluttered lab. Within the strange, green liquid that filled the chamber was their most recent find, a man with long, white hair that had been found preserved by crystal with a long sword.

“I’m not quite sure if we should restore him…”

“Nonsense! Think of the fame we would gain by restoring a fellow human being to life! All his vital organs are intact, and the green crystal we found him incased in preserved him perfectly! We could very well restore Shinra to fame and fortune!”

The first scientist looked around the cool, dark room, wondering what to do. A team of archeologists found this crystal man, preserved along with his weapon, in a remote region of a mountain range. They had brought the crystallized man to him and his colleague. His friend started a menagerie of experiments to bring the man to life. But he didn’t like the looks of it… He could swear that he recognized the man from somewhere… And that weapon looked so familiar.

Suddenly there was a heavy knock at the door. A gruff voice bellowed, “Open up! It’s the police!”

That’s when the room was filled with a strange light, the chamber started to shake. Both scientists staggered back, gaping in awe.

“I said open up! If you do not comply we will break down the door!”

A hand broke through the glass, and it was soon followed by a second hand, holding the weapon. The first scientist took a step back, but his accompliance stood frozen with fear, a look of sheer terror on his face.

“We'll give you to the count of three to open up! One…”

The whole figure broke out of the chamber! It turned to the second scientist, raising its sword. He let out one scream before he was struck down...

The policeman, ignoring the scream, continued his count, “Two…”

The man, if he could be called human, slowly turned towards the remaining scientist, who was quaking with fear. He knew who this man was. He knew the extent of what they had done. The creature raised his sword high, then laughed a horrible, evil laugh. He brought the blade down…

“THREE!” The policeman kicked down the door, only to be cut down by a creature as it made its way out the door.

The screams of the police could be heard for miles.
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Hope you liked it!

[inferno232]

Chapter Two: The Team

A man dressed in black with a flowing red cape walked down the old, lonely road, a gun on his right side and his metal arm to the left. It had been 6 years since he and his comrades had defeated Jenova and, since then, he had nothing to do but wander the world aimlessly.

Beside him walked what most people would have considered his loyal pet, a great red cat about the size of a large lion. He wore three feathers in his mane, and had the Roman numeral thirteen tattooed on his side. He always seemed to be deep in thought, and, unknown to many, he usually was.

“How much longer Vincent?” asked the great cat, “We’ve been walking for more than two days.”

“Around four more hours to go,” replied the man, “Why do you ask, Red?”

“Because if the rumors are true, we can’t afford to miss this,”

“We have plenty of time, after all, the big event is tomorrow,” the man remarked, “And our luck must be getting better, I believe I hear a bus coming…”

The cat wrinkled his snout up in frustration. He didn’t hear anything, but, as he turned around, he laughed under his breath. Sure enough, a bus was kicking up a cloud of dust several miles back. His friend had outdone him again.

A few minutes later, Red XIII and Vincent Valentine sat down on the bus headed towards Nibelheim.

A young girl with black hair and brown eyes by the name of Yuffie Kisaragi ran down a street in Rocket Town, clutching a materia in one of her hands. She had a giant shuriken strapped across her back and an arm guard covering her left arm. She wore a green shirt and a pair of khaki shorts.
A man soon came out of a shop shouting about a thief. Most bystanders put two and two together, but didn’t do anything. All except an old man with blonde hair and a cigarette in his mouth. The man stuck out his hand, grabbed Yuffie by the arm and the two disappeared down a dark alley.

“What the-” the girl began, only to be cut off by the angry man.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Ah, Cid, you know me! I was only shopping!” Yuffie answered with a sneaky smile.

“Yeah, I know you,” retorted Cid, “I know you all too well! Not too sneaky for a trained ninja, are you?”

Yuffie looked hurt by his words, “Why Cid, are you saying that I stole this materia? I’d never-“

“Again with the ‘I would- never-break-a-law-in-my-life-act’ huh?” said Cid angrily, “You know what you would miss if you got thrown into jail now, don’t you?”

Yuffie was confused. “No. Why? What would I miss?”

Cid raised one eyebrow. “Do you mean to say that you haven’t heard the rumors?”

Yuffie shook her head.

“About a certain wedding?” hinted Cid.

Yuffie’s eyes opened wide. “You and Shera?”

“No! Think about it! Who might be getting married anytime soon?”

Yuffie’s eyes opened even wider than before. “You mean…”

Cid nodded. “Now you get it. Finally…”

Yuffie was really excited. “Where?”

“Where do you think?”

“Nibelheim?”

Cid nodded his head. “But you’d better hurry,” then in a whisper he added, “It’s tomorrow.”

“Woah! I’d better go hitch ride from a chocobo! Thanks Cid!” Yuffie started to run one direction, and then hurriedly turned around, “I forgot; it’s this way.”

Cid shook his head and then shouted, “Hey! Watch it!” as Yuffie bumped into him. “Kids these days… No regard for where they’re goin’.” He started to walk away but suddenly stopped and felt his pockets. He then started to run in the direction Yuffie had gone.
“My wallet… It’s gone! YUFFIE! Come back here ya little thief! When I catch you I’m gonna… damn it! I’m outta breath… GIVE… ME… Back.. my… wallet… you… THIEF!” Cid sat down on the curb to catch his breath. He should’ve known not to let his guard down around Yuffie. But it didn’t matter, he’d be able to get his money back at the wedding.

If the damn girl didn’t spend it all first.

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This is the first half of chapter two, second half coming up soon!
There... I added more detail and everything... And I changed Shinra to Jenova... Thanks Shadowblade!

P.S. Would everyone please do me a favor and alert me when you notice errors.
Thanks.

[shadowblade]

Interesting so far. I'd love for some longer chapters though, as reading each one took only a few minutes. Also, describe the settings a little more. In the first chapter you say that they're looking at a chamber, but where are they? I know its a house or something, but with a little more description you can make the setting come alive and add more content to the story.

“I’m not quite sure if we should restore him…” Said the first scientist.

You don't really need to tag action onto this statement or the one below it. Just having the dialogue is enough, as the characters are very minor and unimportant.

Also, I think you should show more reaction from the scientists to the fact that there is light coming from the chamber and then a hand.

That’s when the room was filled with a strange light, the chamber started to shake.
“I said open up! If you do not comply we will break down the door!”
A hand broke through the glass, and it was soon followed by a second hand, holding the weapon.
“We will give you to the count of three to open up! One…”

I don't know what you would want to put here, but I really think there needs to be reaction to the initial stirrings in the chamber. Did they gasp? Did their eyes widen at the sight? Or did they just stand there in shock? One of the best things to do as a writer is show what the characters are doing. Their reaction to everything, their idle movements. Everything. Gives the characters more depth and personality.

A man dressed in black and red walked down the street, two guns on either side of him.

The description here is a little bland. He could be wearing a black and red dress for all we know. You don't have to describe every aspect of his clothing, but you can show us what he's wearing in subtle descriptions, ie: the man walked down the street, his tattered red cloacked fluttering in the wind, etc."

Just apply that to every character, and describe your settings a little better, and I think you may be on to something here. I dont' normally take the time to write criticism, but I think this story has potential. With a little work, I'm sure everyone'll be reading it. I'll be looking for more.

[inferno232]

Thanks, I'm on it. I invision characters so clearly but forget to write description...

[Winged Mirage]

Hi, it's me!

Yeah, this is looking good so far, though, like shadowblade said, the description's a little bland. Heh, figures that Yuffie would run off with all of Cid's money XP.

Sounds like Sephiroth was revived at a rather inconvienant time. I'm guessing Tifa and Cloud are the ones getting married...but what if Aeris comes back too?

Glad to see an excellent critic in the forms. Welcome, shadowblade!

[yado]

hmm, i couldnt figure out if Cloud liked Tifa or not. hmmm keep righting it was good. by the wayyou might wanna add description, i couldnt figure out if the police were coming in or if seperioth was coming alive. o well

[inferno232]

Winged Mirage, I AM going to put Aeris in the story, but she's not coming back to life... I like the Cloud/Tifa pairing and Aeris's sacrifice might not be as meaningful if she were to be revived. (besides, she took a sword to the gut!) And sadly, in my story one of my favorite characters will die, but I'm not saying who. Thanks for the Compliments!

I'm going to be gone this weekend, so enjoy this new post!

Cait Sith rode his magically-brought to life Mog down the streets of Nibelheim in the early morning, laughing merrily. He had made a fortune in some small backwater town selling fortunes where he foretold the obvious. He had also eavesdropped on local gossip and made guesses from those. Unlike the last town he had tried this at, (The villagers there had found out that he was a fake and chased him out of town with torches and pitchforks!) it had actually worked. Maybe it had to do with fact that also unlike last time, he wasn’t planning on spending it on himself. Karma, isn’t that what they called it? Like after he sacrificed his artificial body so that the rest of the AVALANCHE Team could obtain the Black Materia. It seemed that, after that, he’d had a great run of good luck for the next few months.

The small, red-caped cat suddenly whipped out his trusty microphone and started to sing,

“Oh, What a wonderful morning!
Oh, it’s such a beautiful day!
Look at all the children sing and play,
It going to be a wonderful, a beautiful, a Magnificent day!
Is said it going to be a-“

It was about that moment that an old boot flew out a window and hit Cait square in the head, thrown by an ornery old man still wearing his nightcap and pajamas.

“Do you mind? It’s six in the morning and some of us are trying to sleep!”
Several voices soon joined the old man’s, shouting things such as, “Yeah, be quiet!”, “Shut the hell up!”, and one particularly gruff and grumpy-sounding voice, “Damn singing cats…”

Cait shook his head in dismay, “People nowadays, just no respect for good music! What a shame… What a shame…”

As Cait started off towards the Jewelers Shop, the gruff voice repeated, “Singing cats? Wait a minute…”

A spikey-haired blonde man opened his window and stretched with a loud yawn, his glowing greenish eyes squinting because of the morning sun. He took his morning shower and then got dressed, putting a pair of blue pants and a black short sleeved shirt. After pulling on his new brown leather boots. He went downstairs for breakfast.

At the stove a beautiful brown-eyed woman with flowing black hair was cooking bacon and eggs. She had on a white shirt and a black skirt, and many men found her very attractive.

But she was promised.

The man sat down at the table. “Did you sleep well last night Tifa?”

“Well, yes, but I’m a little nervous…,” the woman replied. “How did you sleep, Cloud?”

“I was tired, so I slept like a rock,” said the man, whose name was Cloud Strife.

He and the woman, Tifa Lockheart, opened this inn, named Seventh Heaven after the one that was destroyed when the Sector 7 Slums were destroy after the plate above came crashing down on it, 3 years after Sephiroth and Jenova were destroyed.

Three whole years… Had it really been that long? Cloud couldn’t believe it. The first year after the final battle AVALANCHE had helped repair the damage done by Sephiroth and ShinRa, an evil corporation who had been sucking Mako energy, the lifeblood of the planet, to provide the world with energy.

But that was only one of the wrongs committed by ShinRa…

About that moment a large, muscular black man in his thirties burst through the door, followed by a little girl in a pink dress. He wore a sleeveless, battle-worn vest along with green pants and brown leather boots. One of his arms had a multi-barreled gun grafted where the hand should be.

“Yo!” he yelled, “You better get ready for company! Guess what I heard this morning…”

[yado]

ummm cait sith....you do relize that wasnt meant to come back i thought. o well its good.

[Winged Mirage]

Well, he WAS just remote-controlled, so I imagine it'd be easy to rebuild him.

Still looking good, though it's a bit dull right now. I know that many beginnings start out that way, though, so I won't get after you about it.

Wonder what ol' Barret plans to tell them?

[inferno232]

I was afraid of this... I knew he was artificial, but not that he didn't come back! (I'm stuck at Wutai in the game! Stupid RAPPS...) But yeah, he was rebuilt... Let's just go with that! (:
There's a clue early on in the story about what Barret found out... Try and find it!
Yeah... It's dull right now, but I'm introducing characters. The action is coming up soon, I promise. I'm introducing my character first, though...

Tell me if I got any of the character's personalities wrong! Some of them are hard to peg.

[yado]

Wait, u stuck in wuatui? thats a side quest, not required, o well write more

[shadowblade]

The re-edited chapters were better. Way better. The latest chapter is good too. Could use some work, but nothing that reading and editing won't take care of. Good job.

[Winged Mirage]

Oh, Wuatui? Try around thr bell. It's hard to see, but you can access it. Ring the bell, and Yuffie will fall out.

That's where I was stuck for a while, anyway.

[Every Heart]

ehhh, keep writing

[inferno232]

Sorry It's taken me so long guys, I hit writers block! Try to wait a little longer! thanks!