Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: A tale of four losers! - Page 2

Zero · November 20th, 2009, 11:10 PM

Good Chapter and ask other people to read your Fanfic to so you can get more posts.

Lanydx reborn · November 20th, 2009, 11:12 PM

Thanks I really need this.

Dawn Rebirth · November 21st, 2009, 10:53 PM

Um ... It's good but ... What is fuzzy supposed to be?

Lanydx reborn · November 22nd, 2009, 11:53 PM

A Moogle/ d=somting you don't want to know if he's wet,feed after 12PM or flashed.

Dawn Rebirth · November 23rd, 2009, 12:17 AM

right ............. Well good job and good luck on the next one.

Lanydx reborn · November 23rd, 2009, 12:45 AM

That won't be for until next Saturday.

Glos-Peach · November 23rd, 2009, 03:20 PM

I like this story; it's entertaining. And the chapter was good.

Lanydx reborn · November 23rd, 2009, 10:46 PM

Thanks I'll see about the next chapter.

Lanydx reborn · November 29th, 2009, 12:36 AM

Chapter 3.5
No One Expects the Moogle Subplot Inquisition!

"I'm hungry!" said Fuz as the caravaners made there way to a gate that was coming up ahead.
It was mid-morning amd the sun was shining bright. It was w arm out ioth a slight breeze nd the suns bright light reflected off of the shining gate that the travelers approached.
"Shut up, nerd! We didn't steal you from the chinese man with a japanese accent to complain about stuff. Now shut up and carry your chalice!" said Lee Roy
" You could at least say please!" said Madammina, annoyed with Lee Roy's behavior.
"Yeah I mean I a-"
"Did I give you permission to speak!!!!???," said Lee Roy interupting Fuz " Fine,...Fuz Could you please shut up and carry your chalice?"
"That still doesn't sound nice" Madammina retorted.
" Yeah! Why are you so mean to Fuz?" Lanydx asked. Lee Roy sighed.
" Fuz is our slave isn't he?" Lee roy said.
" Yes.." Maddamina and Lanydx said in unison.
" I am the richest one here, am I not?"
"Yes..." They said in unison.
" Which means I've had the most experience with servants. I know how they work."
"Ohhhhh!" They said "Tell us more, oh knowlegable slave driver!"
" Well, you have to show him who is alpha male so he doesn't walk all over you! We wouldn't want a rebbellion to start now would we?" At that moment Fuz sprang up with a Ring of Fire.
"REVOLT! REVOLT! BY FIRE BE PURGED OPPRESSOR OF THE CUTE AND FUZZY!" Fuz yelled. Lee Roy sparng into action and tackled fuz pinning him to the ground.
"SEE WHAT I MEAN! i STOP ABUSING HIM FOR ONE SECOND AND HE DECIDES TO BE A REGULAR GEORGE WASHINGTON." Lee Roy turned his attention to Fuz "YOU HEAR THAT, FREAK!? WE'RE NOT HAVING A REPEAT OF THE FRENCH REVOLUTION OR ANY REVOULUTIOPN FOR THAT MATTER! SO I'M GONNA TAKE SOME CAKE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR!-"
" Guys! Shut up we're finally here!" Zero yelled to the back of the caravan. Lee Roy got off of fuz.
"Are you ever going to try and rebel against his royal majesty, Lee Roy again?" Lee Roy asked.
" No my leige..."
"Ok then! Good boy...Now get back to shutting up and holding your chalice!" As lee Roy made his way to the front with Madammina, Lanydx looked at Fuz.
"Don't worry Fuz we'll have our day. Soon we sghall rise and kill his royal majesty Lee Roy and we will take our place as Emperors of the Caravan! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAH-"
"LANYDX AND FUZ! Stop creating a cliffhanger for a retarded subplot and get over here!" Zero yelled.
"Yes my leige..."

Glos-Peach · November 29th, 2009, 03:09 PM

Poor Fuz-chan D:
Heh heh... lol, good chapter. I like it :)
And noes! Lanydx and Fuz failed creating a cliffhanger XD

madammina · November 29th, 2009, 07:23 PM

ER.... this one needs work. You need to space out the sentences so what's written isn't all mushed together like that. Also, you need to add description and adjectives to help illustrate what is going on. You just have talking and a tackle.

Dawn Rebirth · November 29th, 2009, 09:01 PM

A few of these comments like, he's a regular George Washington do go a bit into how their acting. But watch what you say about someone or their natonality. All I can say about this chapter is it leaves a WTF in my general opinion. (enough said)

Lanydx reborn · November 29th, 2009, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dawn Rebirth

A few of these comments like, he's a regular George Washington do go a bit into how their acting. But watch what you say about someone or their natonality. All I can say about this chapter is it leaves a WTF in my general opinion. (enough said)

Thank you very much for the feedback but what do you mean by "watch what you say about someone or their natonality"? Just wondering. I just wanna make sure it doesn't happen again.

Dawn Rebirth · November 29th, 2009, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lanydx reborn

Thank you very much for the feedback but what do you mean by "watch what you say about someone or their natonality"? Just wondering. I just wanna make sure it doesn't happen again.

Well you're comparing 2 people to be acting the same way, (George Washington and Fuz) and if you don't know all the facts about something (Something in this case being the French Revolution) or do but give an insight that could be considered: Racist, False, or ect. (Now from Luxord's point of view) "You'll be carving a road that will only lead you to trouble."

Lanydx reborn · November 30th, 2009, 01:36 AM

I'm American and it's in Lee Roy's character He is a bigit, but I see your ponit.