Axel Love Story!!!

[orgo-member-XV]

thoughts
"talking"
'whispering'
(noises)
~Dream~
A flash of red hair, the swish of a cloak. Bright green eyes, full of confidence. Who is he? I feel like I know him, but no name comes to mind.
~End Dream~
I jolted up from my ebony covers. W-who is he? he seems so familiar I covered my face with my hand, sorely trying to remember. I soon gave up and hooked up my PS2. I was playing Kingdom Hearts 2. I was where Roxas pretended to remember Axel. He looked familiar but I pushed it to the back of my mind. I had beat this game so many times, of course Axel would look familiar. But I always cried when he faded away, so I always left the room left at that time. Then I beat the bosses beat the game and started all over again. I never found it boring. I stopped and went outside, because I was getting restless.
~Somewhere Else~
"Where is he?!" muttered a guy with shoulder length pink hair.
"Stop complaining Marluxia," said a guy with HUMONGOUS sideburns.
"Hey guys, sorry I'm late," a cloaked figure came from a cloud of black and dark purple swirling mist. He pulled the hood off and a head of firey red hair was shown.
~Back with Me~
I wiped the sweat off my brow, and sheathed my sword. I was in my fighting outfit, I was surrounded by shreds of dummies. I sighed. No one here was strong enough of a challenge here so I used dummies. I went inside and changed and put my sword on the couch. I went to the bathroom to take a shower. When I got out, the doorbell rang. I quickly got dressed and answered the door.
"Hello?" I said opening the door. I saw a guy in a black cloak and with the hood covering his face. I thought Organization XIII but then thought I need to cut back on Kingdom Hearts. I moved to close the door, but the figure stopped me.
"May I help you?" I asked, annoyed.
"...."
"Hello!" I waved the hand that wasn't on the door in front of his face.
"What?" said a slightly annoyed voice that sounded kind of like Axel from KH. I mentally slapped myself, there is NO such thing as Axel. I sighed, I knew I had a major crush on the Pyro.
"What," Said the Axel sound-alike to me, he heard me sigh.
"Can I help you?" I said again pretending I didn't know what he was talking about.
"Yeah, you can come with me," He said knocking me out. Before my vision disappeared, I saw flaming red hair and bright green eyes.

[Disc Jockey]

this looks extremely weird. creative. but weird.
your grammar is off by a little bit. you need to know where to put periods.
but otherwise it's really not as bad as others i've seen.

just a question: is this 1st-person POV supposed to be you, or a girl?

[orgo-member-XV]

Thanks for the comment and its supposed to be a girl i put it on here to see if anyone noticed it and i forgot the periods and i know it's werid i tried something diffrent from the regular stuff that i usaully write i have other stories i can put on her and thnks for the comment again

[Dawn Rebirth]

the point of view that the girl has is a little too fast, more like a dream then reality to her. Like Disc Jokey said, extremely weird but, interesting. (the part he didn't say) If this is all then, I am disappointed after all, creativity shouldn't end too soon keep at if you can.

[orgo-member-XV]

No thats not all there's more i just wanted this too sit here till someone read it and i have more i cut it up in 14 or 15 pieces i dont remember and this is just the beginginh