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my first fanfic
Old June 3rd, 2009, 04:46 PM   #1
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Default my first fanfic

I already submitted this to fanfiction.net and It appeals to both genders any way (Yaoi and yuri in one story) And ps: The paragraphs are written in the point of view of the characters...


Chapter 1: Arrival
“We’re lucky to be here.” I thought to myself “If I hadn’t obtained that scholarship, I wouldn’t be here with my girlfriend Mandy.” I moved toward the door and my girlfriend called to me: “Hey Renny-boy.” “Oh god, why did you have to say that Mandy.” “I had three things with me: My electric guitar, my amp, and my backpack that held my clothes, my PS2 and 2 one-liter bottles, one of root beer and the other Dr Pepper. I still had my TV and shelves in the trunk of my Dad’s truck and Mandy was busy moving her stuff to her room. While I was moving my stuff up the stairs when I saw a brunette with a long braid, she stepped on a banana peel and slipped right toward me. She fell right on me and lucky for me the flight of stairs was short. “Oh, so sorry want me to help you up?” She said. “No thanks I’m fine.” I said as I got up. “Oh, I forgot my name is Yuna.” “Nice meeting you. I’m Renn. Do you know where dorm 403 is?” “Just up these stairs and the last dorm on the left. You can’t miss it.” “Thanks Yuna.”
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Re: my first fanfic
Old June 3rd, 2009, 06:21 PM   #2
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Default Re: my first fanfic

Um, please create a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks, it makes it easier for the reader to read and not get confused or lost. More description would be nice too, because writing isn't all dialouge.
That's all.
I'm eager to see where this will go. Just remember what I said and you'll be fine.
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Re: my first fanfic
Old June 5th, 2009, 06:51 AM   #3
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Default Re: my first fanfic

Nice
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Re: my first fanfic
Old June 5th, 2009, 09:38 AM   #4
Now comes with 50% more bullshit
 
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Default Re: my first fanfic

Wait... what is this supposed to be a fanfic of? Final Fantasy?
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