The Last Story

[varsha]

PROLOUGE
(The story updates will take a wial so be patient)

"Blub.. blub... blub" whent the bubles inside the capsule, it was inside one of the missing peices of the organizations castle. The screen was showing the girls thoughts and the machine had gone berserk because she wanted to know about where she was, why did her freinds dissapere, how did she end up in a capsule and when was the last time she saw her freinds. Whith all these thoughts it all lead to one picture that had three people in it, Roxas, Axel and Demyx saying one thing "sorry", then the picture dissapered.

Meanwhile far off on an island were two boys and one girl sitting on a paupu fruit tree, all wondering when their next adventure will begin.







What you think about that?

[Angelic Symphony]

I'm interested. You could use better literacy. Use what I use when I need to know better words, Clicky.
Other than that, keep it going. Like I said, I'm interested, and I hope others are as well. When are you thinking of updating?

[varsha]

real soon

[Hikari]

seems interesting
would have made more of an impact if it were less ambiguous
the prologue could've been more rich in detail
other than that i'd like to find out why Demyx, Axel, and Roxas were all saying "Sorry"

[Angelic Symphony]

Kool. Can't wait. Is it your first go Varsha?

[varsha]

u will hav to wait a couple of chapters and yeah, on the fan fic type

[Angelic Symphony]

Awesome. On your first go, but a few chapters : (
I'm not a very patient person, and I to want to know why the three nobodies are sorry.

[varsha]

ok ill post it as soon as i can

[Angelic Symphony]

Like I said. Can't wait : D

[varsha]

CHAPTER ONE
(This won't tell you why the nobodies are sorry but i think its still interesting)

Crack...crack....SMASH!" Whent the capsule as it shattered on the ground. The girl awoke confused wondering what happend and where was she, atleast she was out of thet disgusting capsule. She studied the place carfully and look at her hands, she saw the fact that she was wearing black gloves, strang she did't remember having or buying black gloves. She picked up a large peice of glass to see if her face was not wrinkiled or anything like that. She was shocked when she saw her face, her eyes were blue like the sky instead of being brown like chocolates and instead her hair was brown like chocolates instead of blue like the sky. She also noticed that her face had a soft and kind hearted glow instead of a tough and rough face. She looked at her body and noticed she was wearing a long black cloak, black pants and black shoes. She thought it was a bit cool. She climbed through a window, since there was no door and looked around. It was strange, the building were tall, gloomy and shrouded in black, the ground looked like hardened black quick sand and there was a giant castle that had been shrouded in black and white. She picked up a small metal pole incase someone tryed to attack her and kept on walking. As she walked she was being followed by a dozen of white figures and a dozen of black figures. They were on the roof tops of the gloomy buildings. She noticed one white figure, then another, until more of them ended up behind her pared up with a black figure. She started running and didn't look back at the small army, She knew that she could't take on all of them.

Mean while in the castle she saw, there were ten people wearing the same uniform as the girl sitting down and three walking back and foward , they were waiting for some one. One of the people walking back and foward had blondish, spiked hair and was about the same size as the girl, another one had red hair that was spiked like a hegdhog and was taller than the girl, he also had black marks under his eyes, the last one was the same size as the guy with hegdhog hairbut had a mullet, plus he looked like a teenage rock star. "OY YOU AXEL, DEMYX ROXAS SIT DOWN, XEMNAS IS COMMING!!" yelled a guy with purplish hair. The three sat down dut the sad look ontheir faces didn't dissapere.

[Mikoto-Cat]

this sounds very interesting :D

[Angelic Symphony]

You could improve your gramma and details. For some reason, I feel like theres something missing in different parts, but I can't put my finger on it. But it's good for a first chapter, maybe try to make it a bit longer next time. I to suffer from this problem. It becomes very annoying.

I hope your looking for constructive criticism, I also hope I'm helping in the slightest way possible.

[varsha]

i'm not that good at making long chapters but i will try

[Angelic Symphony]

As long as you try your best thats all I can ask for really. I see that you have potential, and forcing yourself to write longer chapters can help you become more descriptive. But like I said before I really like it. : )

[varsha]

CHAPTER 2

As the rooms noise fell to a complete stop, every one looked up towards a inside balcony that had a large chair and a black hole behind it. Then a tall figure walked out with the same uniform as every one else but with his hood up. He took a seat on the chair and took his hood of. "Hello my trained assasines" he answered with a deep but soft voice. Every one just kept quiet and paid attention to him and stayed glued to their seats. "The new castle was a success, every thing is going as planed and the world we anilated is packed with dusks" he answered with please. "Something else is good too, the castle piece containing Rainer has landed, her nobody name shall now be Eva" every one gasped, they haden't seen her for ages, Roxas Axel and Demyx's eyes widened, their freind was alive, they couldn't wait to see her new look. "One last thing, she is getting attacked by dusk's and heartless, Roxas do you mind saving her so we can train her". Roxas immediatly got of his chair and ran for the door, he was followed by Axel and Demyx. "Xemnas is it true, she's alive?" A lady with two bits of hair that looked like antenna's asked. Xemnas just grunted.

As Eva ran, her heart was racing as the dusk's and heartless were catching up. She kept on running and she noticed the blocked roads along the way. The heartless were able to chase her into a dark alley with a dead end at the back. As soon as she noticed the dead end she was trapped. She fought of some of them but they kept on comming. She dropped the pole and feel down exhausted, she couldn't fight any more or she would sleep straight away. Then three figures jumped from the top of the roof top, one was holding something that she had never seen before, one was holding a guitar and the last figure was holding a large key. They fought every one one of the heartless and dusk's with ease. when it was over Eva was amaized, until she saw their faces. "TRAITORS" yelled Eva. "We have a lot of explaining to do" Axel answered displeased since he didn't get a thank you.