Fallen Hero

aldrain · 07/10/08, 01:30 AM

Ok so before I begin (again) I would like to say that now it is a full story instead of three parts so who ever is picky about that it will be fixed and sorry if i misspell anything

The room was erily silent. The only sound was Xemnes recruting the fourteenth member. This was Organization xiii not Organization xiiii. I looked over at Roxas and I could have swore he thought what I had. But that was just me. I didnt trust her any more than anybody else for that matter. For some reason she seemed to have a heart like Roxas did. But I cant tell him that or else he may quit the Organization. But that chick was here to take him away from us. I could not let that happen. "We have a new member her name is-" Just then Namine ran in the room. "We are under attack by heartless, Master Xemnes!" "WHAT! Every body prepare to defend the castle!" "Roxas, lets fry them like marsh mallows"

Axel and I Ran out of the throne room and rushed throught the hall of empty melidies were we got slammed down by fat bodies. "What the heck is goin on Roxas?" Axel yelled to me. "I dont know, but lets get these over grown ballons out of here!" I summoned Oathkeeper and Oblivion. "NOW!" Axel yelled and we rushed them. Axel shot balls of fire from his blades while I jumped behind the fat body on the left and hacked at his exposed back. And of course it dissapered and I grabbed the heart taht flew out of it and hid it in my cloac and rushed off to get Axel. I nodded at him and he finished of the other fat body and we ran to Twilights Veiw. The whole place was covered with Neo shadows and Dusks fighting eachother. Then we saw number fourteen fighting agaisnt the Dusks. "What are you doing?" I shouted "Taking you back Ven" Then my head went blank and I had a pain in my head that made me pass out. The only thing I remembered was a voice in my head that sounded familiar. "You will never be like them, you have a heart".

I looked over at Axel, he looked so P.O'd. I tried to run to Ven but Axel cut me off. "WHO ARE YOU!" he growled in my face. "Aqua, my name is Aqua. And this Roxas, his real name is Ven" "So you know he has a heart as well" Axel said dumbfounded. He eyed me to make sure I wasnt messing with him. He relaxed. A little. I ran to Vens side and checked for his scar on his hand. No scar on his hand. He really had turned into a nobody. "You know that is not the real Ven. The real Ven is inside Sora's heart. That is why Roxas looks exactly like Ven" Axel explained. I looked down at Ven and said "You will leave this world in 151 days. Remember that. See you in the next life. I created a spear of darkness and stabbed through my heart. That was the end of me and my mission. To find Ven and make sure he was still alive.

I woke up and looked around I was no longer in my cloac. I was in street clothes. I looked around this strange room "You have six days left" Axel walked over to me and whispered "Your true name is Ven. And you are inside a computer. All this is simulated. Now I am not supposed to mess with you, but what if the Organization wants you back I have to retrive you. So I am gonna mess with your head. He touched my head and I passed out.

So what do you guys think better or worse enjoy

-Arcana-X- · 07/10/08, 02:40 AM

Very varied. You're not staying on one idea and the story moves along quickly without understanding what did happen.

Spelling, punctuation etc is needed.

View Poll Results: Which is your favorite character mentioned?
Roxas/Ven	1	50.00%
Aqua	0	0%
Axel	1	50.00%
Voters: 2. You may not vote on this poll

07/10/08, 01:30 AM	#1
aldrain Organization Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Talking to Iridium Age: 13 Posts: 393 Rep Power: 1	Fallen Hero Ok so before I begin (again) I would like to say that now it is a full story instead of three parts so who ever is picky about that it will be fixed and sorry if i misspell anything The room was erily silent. The only sound was Xemnes recruting the fourteenth member. This was Organization xiii not Organization xiiii. I looked over at Roxas and I could have swore he thought what I had. But that was just me. I didnt trust her any more than anybody else for that matter. For some reason she seemed to have a heart like Roxas did. But I cant tell him that or else he may quit the Organization. But that chick was here to take him away from us. I could not let that happen. "We have a new member her name is-" Just then Namine ran in the room. "We are under attack by heartless, Master Xemnes!" "WHAT! Every body prepare to defend the castle!" "Roxas, lets fry them like marsh mallows" Axel and I Ran out of the throne room and rushed throught the hall of empty melidies were we got slammed down by fat bodies. "What the heck is goin on Roxas?" Axel yelled to me. "I dont know, but lets get these over grown ballons out of here!" I summoned Oathkeeper and Oblivion. "NOW!" Axel yelled and we rushed them. Axel shot balls of fire from his blades while I jumped behind the fat body on the left and hacked at his exposed back. And of course it dissapered and I grabbed the heart taht flew out of it and hid it in my cloac and rushed off to get Axel. I nodded at him and he finished of the other fat body and we ran to Twilights Veiw. The whole place was covered with Neo shadows and Dusks fighting eachother. Then we saw number fourteen fighting agaisnt the Dusks. "What are you doing?" I shouted "Taking you back Ven" Then my head went blank and I had a pain in my head that made me pass out. The only thing I remembered was a voice in my head that sounded familiar. "You will never be like them, you have a heart". I looked over at Axel, he looked so P.O'd. I tried to run to Ven but Axel cut me off. "WHO ARE YOU!" he growled in my face. "Aqua, my name is Aqua. And this Roxas, his real name is Ven" "So you know he has a heart as well" Axel said dumbfounded. He eyed me to make sure I wasnt messing with him. He relaxed. A little. I ran to Vens side and checked for his scar on his hand. No scar on his hand. He really had turned into a nobody. "You know that is not the real Ven. The real Ven is inside Sora's heart. That is why Roxas looks exactly like Ven" Axel explained. I looked down at Ven and said "You will leave this world in 151 days. Remember that. See you in the next life. I created a spear of darkness and stabbed through my heart. That was the end of me and my mission. To find Ven and make sure he was still alive. I woke up and looked around I was no longer in my cloac. I was in street clothes. I looked around this strange room "You have six days left" Axel walked over to me and whispered "Your true name is Ven. And you are inside a computer. All this is simulated. Now I am not supposed to mess with you, but what if the Organization wants you back I have to retrive you. So I am gonna mess with your head. He touched my head and I passed out. So what do you guys think better or worse enjoy

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

07/10/08, 02:40 AM	#2
-Arcana-X- Twilight Knight Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Croagunk! Do poison sting on the poison sting! Posts: 801 Rep Power: 1	Very varied. You're not staying on one idea and the story moves along quickly without understanding what did happen. Spelling, punctuation etc is needed.