EMPTY

Xth · 04/04/08, 12:41 AM

This is a fanfic on a poem I wrote and I'd be welcome to receive some constructive criticism on the prologue and so on if there's more demanded.
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Prologue - The Prophecy

"Blood in his eyes"

"Gone his soul..."

From the dawn of time, they've existed, those I can have only known as the Old Ones. In their endless chambers covered around with their lonely darkness accompanied by the cold they spoke with. Five figures in darkness, the creators of all within and all without. They did this ritual, the prophecy. The Old Ones have said that He had existence before them. This person they served without deeper question. However, they proceeded with their ritual, the Call. The Call for the Gods to Assemble and show them the way to come to a Monster's Power.

"As Daybreak takes flight"

"Carry our wills to He of Found Sky"

"Bring the Chosen by the Master"

"With our blood, bring him..."

Each Old One cut their ten fingers for each individual and came together in the hushed darkness. The wind gathered with hell's might as their blood dripped upon the sanctuary. Their hopes rose, but fell upon the wind subsiding. However, they received more than they had from eons of this ritual. The Hellgate. The gray door rose sealed by the shackles carried by Kronos, the flesh-seared Titan. The shackles fell to the floor as the gate opened and bared to the Old Ones... Nothing. Nothing but the small light I have come to dread, what I fear to the my grave.

"He is to come..."

"The One of Lost Hearts is to breathe..."

"Prepare for his Divine Epiphany..."

The maiden's voice burned in their heads. The Old Ones were left alone with their wishes finally becoming reality. That day marks the day the world fell to chaos. The day everyone's gods had lost purpose... The day the people lost unrequited faith in themselves... The day the world went black... It dawned to me that this is a hell that no mortal can handle and yet gods cannot either, but so much better left to the Man Who Has Braved God. I am that man so EMPTY...

"Listen to the Braver's Words...

"Stay his blade more than speak He hasn't...

"His Words trifle with Me!!!..."

"You fear His Thoughts..."

"Then we disrupt the Prophecy..."

"The Old Ones are fools!! Trust their Prophecy and you'll lie with them like dogs in the depths of Hell!

"You don't speak highly of Me. I'll shatter their gods, take what they love, deprive them of their world. Are You satisfied?..."

"Then carry on with the Prophecy... But We have nothing to do with this, child!!!"

Chapter I - The Visitor

In the deep self pity I carry, I take my jumps across the city ruins. In the light they appear beautiful. In the darkness where they have a place, they are the foul things you'd expect. The desert is still vast, the Inferno its Mortal Name. I bore the white cloak of the angels now tathered and stained by blood. I can't recall if it's mine own or that of the people who have trifled with me...

"I see you're attending this meeting, Empty, eh?"

The bald ally of mines, Binatus. He was the Calculating Hammer of Indigo Eyes.

"I suppose I am. Has the Hellgate arrived, yet?"

"I'm afraid not. I always thought you of no feeling for others, no compassion nor love. You carry it for Alesia so highly."

"I have no emotion for her but I cannot let her compromise the Order. The Old Ones wouldn't allow this."

We grew tired of speaking in the scolding heat. Our journey stopped at the Colosseum of the Ancients. Binatus departed from me to sit in the stands at his throne high in the stands. My body faded into the air and rose on my own throne, very low compared to Binatus's. Beside me was another ally, Azuruke, the Calimity Shadow of Blue Eyes, my younger brother, one in higher rank than myself, a feeling I loathe so much in my mind.

"What troubles your eyes, brother?"

"Stay witin your own personal affairs or I'll throttle you upon mother's grave. Are we understood, Azu?"

Yes, brother, no more words..."

The Colosseum disappeared before our eyes leaving us to pick ourselves up from the ground. Another sandstorm was here. We preferred to call the inferno waves, the hellstorms. Without checking our strides, we sprinted off. The storm carried with it a wave of the Nephilims, the white-armored angels hunting for our Eyes. Upon noticing them, Azu fell, a clusmy child he's always been. I rose him from the sand and we stood waiting for the enemies.

Binatus, ready as always, grabbed the lances wielded by our sworn enemies. He tossed them and their fifty pound armor as if they were a child's playthings. His hammer, the weapong of Norse God, Thor entered his gloved hand. He slammed it into the sand holding the enemies back. Azu gained his ground and summoned his gauntlets. A half-breed cut his cheek prompting the boy to crush its skull. I stood there waiting for one to try its luck against me. They charged me full force and to counter were my dual katanas, floating and slicing with minds of their own. Binatus grabbed me by the collar and flung me into the fray. In mid-air, my blades spun to clip the wings I had been blinded by. By the last one, Azu crushed its head with his steel boots.

"Bastards!...

"Dust to dust... Ashes to ashes... Blood off my fingers..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comments?

Darkness Princess · 04/04/08, 05:36 PM

The story is interesting and I love the ideas behind it but I found your style of writing confusing to understand. Not sure if anyone else did or if its just me... ^^;;

Xth · 04/04/08, 07:18 PM

If you mean the colors, then they represent who's speaking:
Red for Empty
Silver for The Master
Indigo for Binatus
LightBlue for Azuruke

04/04/08, 12:41 AM	#1
Xth Warrior of Darkness Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Somewhere covered in black blood Age: 15 Posts: 116 Rep Power: 1	EMPTY This is a fanfic on a poem I wrote and I'd be welcome to receive some constructive criticism on the prologue and so on if there's more demanded. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue - The Prophecy "Blood in his eyes" "Gone his soul..." From the dawn of time, they've existed, those I can have only known as the Old Ones. In their endless chambers covered around with their lonely darkness accompanied by the cold they spoke with. Five figures in darkness, the creators of all within and all without. They did this ritual, the prophecy. The Old Ones have said that He had existence before them. This person they served without deeper question. However, they proceeded with their ritual, the Call. The Call for the Gods to Assemble and show them the way to come to a Monster's Power. "As Daybreak takes flight" "Carry our wills to He of Found Sky" "Bring the Chosen by the Master" "With our blood, bring him..." Each Old One cut their ten fingers for each individual and came together in the hushed darkness. The wind gathered with hell's might as their blood dripped upon the sanctuary. Their hopes rose, but fell upon the wind subsiding. However, they received more than they had from eons of this ritual. The Hellgate. The gray door rose sealed by the shackles carried by Kronos, the flesh-seared Titan. The shackles fell to the floor as the gate opened and bared to the Old Ones... Nothing. Nothing but the small light I have come to dread, what I fear to the my grave. "He is to come..." "The One of Lost Hearts is to breathe..." "Prepare for his Divine Epiphany..." The maiden's voice burned in their heads. The Old Ones were left alone with their wishes finally becoming reality. That day marks the day the world fell to chaos. The day everyone's gods had lost purpose... The day the people lost unrequited faith in themselves... The day the world went black... It dawned to me that this is a hell that no mortal can handle and yet gods cannot either, but so much better left to the Man Who Has Braved God. I am that man so EMPTY... *"Listen to the Braver's Words...* "Stay his blade more than speak He hasn't... *"His Words trifle with Me!!!..."* "You fear His Thoughts..." "Then we disrupt the Prophecy..." *"The Old Ones are fools!! Trust their Prophecy and you'll lie with them like dogs in the depths of Hell!* "You don't speak highly of Me. I'll shatter their gods, take what they love, deprive them of their world. Are You satisfied?..." *"Then carry on with the Prophecy... But We have nothing to do with this, child!!!"* Chapter I - The Visitor In the deep self pity I carry, I take my jumps across the city ruins. In the light they appear beautiful. In the darkness where they have a place, they are the foul things you'd expect. The desert is still vast, the Inferno its Mortal Name. I bore the white cloak of the angels now tathered and stained by blood. I can't recall if it's mine own or that of the people who have trifled with me... "I see you're attending this meeting, Empty, eh?" The bald ally of mines, Binatus. He was the Calculating Hammer of Indigo Eyes. "I suppose I am. Has the Hellgate arrived, yet?" "I'm afraid not. I always thought you of no feeling for others, no compassion nor love. You carry it for Alesia so highly." "I have no emotion for her but I cannot let her compromise the Order. The Old Ones wouldn't allow this." We grew tired of speaking in the scolding heat. Our journey stopped at the Colosseum of the Ancients. Binatus departed from me to sit in the stands at his throne high in the stands. My body faded into the air and rose on my own throne, very low compared to Binatus's. Beside me was another ally, Azuruke, the Calimity Shadow of Blue Eyes, my younger brother, one in higher rank than myself, a feeling I loathe so much in my mind. "What troubles your eyes, brother?" "Stay witin your own personal affairs or I'll throttle you upon mother's grave. Are we understood, Azu?" Yes, brother, no more words..." The Colosseum disappeared before our eyes leaving us to pick ourselves up from the ground. Another sandstorm was here. We preferred to call the inferno waves, the hellstorms. Without checking our strides, we sprinted off. The storm carried with it a wave of the Nephilims, the white-armored angels hunting for our Eyes. Upon noticing them, Azu fell, a clusmy child he's always been. I rose him from the sand and we stood waiting for the enemies. Binatus, ready as always, grabbed the lances wielded by our sworn enemies. He tossed them and their fifty pound armor as if they were a child's playthings. His hammer, the weapong of Norse God, Thor entered his gloved hand. He slammed it into the sand holding the enemies back. Azu gained his ground and summoned his gauntlets. A half-breed cut his cheek prompting the boy to crush its skull. I stood there waiting for one to try its luck against me. They charged me full force and to counter were my dual katanas, floating and slicing with minds of their own. Binatus grabbed me by the collar and flung me into the fray. In mid-air, my blades spun to clip the wings I had been blinded by. By the last one, Azu crushed its head with his steel boots. "Bastards!... "Dust to dust... Ashes to ashes... Blood off my fingers..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Comments?

04/04/08, 05:36 PM	#2
Darkness Princess Daydreamer Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: In a bag of pickle chips. Age: 18 Posts: 2,882 Rep Power: 7	Re: EMPTY The story is interesting and I love the ideas behind it but I found your style of writing confusing to understand. Not sure if anyone else did or if its just me... ^^;;

04/04/08, 07:18 PM	#3
Xth Warrior of Darkness Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Somewhere covered in black blood Age: 15 Posts: 116 Rep Power: 1	Re: EMPTY If you mean the colors, then they represent who's speaking: Red for Empty Silver for The Master Indigo for Binatus LightBlue for Azuruke

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