07/19/07, 12:06 AM
| #1 |
| Twilight Knight Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Traveling with Riku to help find eachothers purpose Age: 18
Posts: 772
Rep Power: 2    |  Spirit of a Full Moon um.. i made this storywhen i was 11, and as i developed a liking of square enix games i also developed a character named raye who is sephiroth's seventh child.... raye is also based on me! ^^ this is now a 6 yr story but i'll some it up ^^ lol this includes all final fantasy charcaters and kh characters aswell,a nd also some of my favorite rpg's i used for inspiration to make this story... for now just bare with me.. ^^ p.s i also created other characters.. also raye is my character (totally original dont ideas please)! Chapter one:The truth hidden underneath the cosmos Kairi: "i wish i knew more about this situation.." Looking at kairi i wish i could tell her exactly what happened.. why we were seperated all those years ago... why dad forced her to live with grandma.... but i was lost of words with her staring at mom's picture.. "It's complicated....." I wish i could tell her.. but somehow.. even being a sister wasnt enough.... not even being a feternal twin.... As kairi got up i saw the tears dripping from her cheeks on the picture.... "shes pretty...." Sora was busy chasing donald and goffy out his room Sora: Come on guys!!!1 i just cleaned up! You have ur own room.... Riku: They're your adopted family now sora nd your like a brother to them.. When i was walking up the stairs with Kairi i saw them arguing.. sora definitly seemed tougher.... despite his size standing next to Riku... "Maybe another time Kai.... " I told her. but a simple conversation could not wipe 14yrs of confusion away.. i had a lot of explaing to do..... well i would write more but my hand hurts.. lol i'll update! |
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07/19/07, 12:32 AM
| #2 |
| Keyblade Master Join Date: May 2005 Age: 16
Posts: 3,567
Rep Power: 7 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon besides the typos, it's too soon to tell whether I like or not but it definately is interesting! So far I like it but lets see how well you keep this up! It's a cliff hanger for me! I want to read more! please add description in too! |
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07/19/07, 12:50 AM
| #3 |
| Twilight Knight Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Traveling with Riku to help find eachothers purpose Age: 18
Posts: 772
Rep Power: 2 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon Alright. ok first... Sora is 16 so is kairi and raye.. theyre turning 17 this yr and riku will be 18 Kairi and raye were seperated along with other family members because they were sephiroth's kids.... he has 11 in total (same woman.. and he wasnt a pimp)lol Raye is an ancient, sephiroth wasnt one, but his wife was... hojo found out and had her killed... when they were 3... this is the family (also other final fantasy characters...) including some of the characters i made up... Santros- oldest son, looks like sephiroth age 27 Reina (oldest daughter 26, murdered) Tai( 2nd oldest son) age 24 Isis(married, murdered), and Raeki (3rd oldest son, murdered) ages 23 and 22 both murdered even Isis's kids) Yuna 17(3rd oldest sister turning 18), Rikku (cousin, 15turning 16,age based on family) Hayden (4th oldest brother) age 18 Raye and Kairi (16 turning 17 feternal twins) Tahj (youngest brother 15, turning 16) Hotaru (age 14, turning 15) youngest sister sorry guys i wont get into it cuz i dont want my whole imagination exposed.. is that ok? but this is the family A women named Sayoko was sephiroth's wife, she was a scientist that worked with hojo.... |
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07/19/07, 12:53 AM
| #4 |
| Forever Sacred Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Running somewhere new... Age: 17
Posts: 2,630
Rep Power: 5 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon it was a good start just make your chapters a little longer. other than that great job! this seems like a very interesting story ^^ |
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07/19/07, 01:07 AM
| #5 |
| Twilight Knight Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Traveling with Riku to help find eachothers purpose Age: 18
Posts: 772
Rep Power: 2 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon Sure thing!!! but my hand hurts *ow* tomorrow.... and tetraalmasy.... i just type really fast and dont really pay attention to waht im writing.. ^^; but yea i'll check from now on lol |
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07/19/07, 01:10 AM
| #6 |
| Forever Sacred Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Running somewhere new... Age: 17
Posts: 2,630
Rep Power: 5 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon lol take your time with it Riku; no ones rushing you ^^ |
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07/19/07, 02:04 AM
| #7 |
| Love Jejung <3 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In front of my comp XD Age: 17
Posts: 2,319
Rep Power: 7 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon WOW! I lreally like this story^^ I'm waiting for the next chapter o(^.^)o But take your time Riku o('^')o |
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07/19/07, 02:22 AM
| #8 |
| ホントの想いは笑顔の向こう側に Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Tokyo,Japan Age: 19
Posts: 10,032
Rep Power: 18  | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon Great start so far but I thought that it should have been much longer. |
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07/19/07, 11:22 AM
| #9 |
| Ruler of Light Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: If I throw a stick at you, will you leave? Age: 16
Posts: 717
Rep Power: 2 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon It's a nice start, but you really got to make the chapters longer. It's also better to read the chapter one more time before you post it, to get all te typo's out. |
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07/19/07, 03:21 PM
| #10 |
| Twilight Knight Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Traveling with Riku to help find eachothers purpose Age: 18
Posts: 772
Rep Power: 2 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon I was going to make it longer... but my hands were hurting *sobs* dont worry the chapter didnt end, i'll type more today.... but thanks for the comments guys!  |
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07/19/07, 05:10 PM
| #11 |
| Jabberwocky Join Date: May 2005 Location: Wonderland. We're all mad here! :D Age: 16
Posts: 3,491
Rep Power: 7  | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon ... well. I was so turned off by the intro {SUE-ALERT, PL0X} and the lack of proper grammar, I didn't actually read any of the fic. ... my bad. |
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07/19/07, 05:14 PM
| #12 |
| YARR Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: n. 1. a place of settlement, activity, or residence; 2. a place or situation occupied Age: 18
Posts: 6,242
Rep Power: 11 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon It's... hard to follow. It's very rushed, I'd suggest spending more time on it. And not using script style. I can help, if you like. <3 |
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07/19/07, 08:15 PM
| #13 |
| Twilight Knight Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Traveling with Riku to help find eachothers purpose Age: 18
Posts: 772
Rep Power: 2 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon ok... this sorta pisses me off.... first off: Krazy, its a FANFIC, meaning that all this crap is made up, and part of my imagination.. im not actually gonna sell it, and im sure im not the only one who created a FF/KH character.. yea some words i have problems with, and also just not realizing that i typed something wrong Ex: Goofy's name.... And yea snowdog i would love some help, i havent done a fanfic since middle school ^^; also its rushed cuz i dont want top give away my whole story line, raye is sorta a personal character but thanks for ur support guys... .. i dont know if i want to continue actually..... |
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07/19/07, 08:23 PM
| #14 |
| Love Jejung <3 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In front of my comp XD Age: 17
Posts: 2,319
Rep Power: 7 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon Lol to me sounds nice c'mon Riku! trust in yourself! don't let people turn you down! I know you can make a great fan fic! I'm sure of it! I support you^^ |
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07/19/07, 08:27 PM
| #15 |
| Twilight Knight Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Traveling with Riku to help find eachothers purpose Age: 18
Posts: 772
Rep Power: 2 | Re: Spirit of a Full Moon thanks foreverkingdom......... ^^ but i actually do feel kinda sad right now.. *sobs* |
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